I'm not ok.

I'm not even close to being ok.

Yesterday everything I had been fighting against came crashing down.

All of my feelings, my thoughts, my demons, everything.

I can't fight it anymore.

I can't keep doing this to Michael.

He deserves so much better.

I look around the hotel room and nothing is in sight that can help me ease this hurt. To push these demons back for another day.

My nails are bit down to to the point where they are almost bleeding again.

I don't even know where Michael is. He said he would be back soon but I don't know how much longer I can take it. I don't know how much longer I can hold on. Maybe seeing him will help, or it may do the opposite.

I pull my hair hard to give me some feeling because I feel nothing but pain inside.

My mind screams for something to help, something to save me.

Or do I even want to be saved?

This isn't the first time I had had this thought. It probably won't be the last.

As I walk around the room in a bewildered state I don't hear the front door open.

I don't know how long he stands there or how long I even register that he's even there.

"Willow?" He asks softly and calmly.

I look up to him as my sight is blurred from the tears.

"Willow...I'm here babe. I need you to put down the knife." He said calmly.

I look down in my hands and see the knife from breakfast in my left hand. I'm just twirling it around.

When did I pick it up?

Fuck, I don't even remember.

I look up at Michael and drop the knife like it's burned my hand.

He grabs me and pulls me close. I don't want to be touched but his hands are the only thing keeping me from doing something that would hurt myself.

I look up at him as he just rubs his hands up and down my back and whispers sweet nothings.

"I'm here love. I'm right here. You have me. I'm right here by your side. I'm not going anywhere." He whispered over and over.

I don't know what time it was or when I finally calmed but my body was entirely drained of everything. I was exhausted.

Michael put me in the shower and helped me wash. His hands just cleansed me of all my bad thoughts and all my demons fell down one by one.

When I laid down with him I looked over at him. He was only staring at the ceiling, probably thinking of how to get out of this.

"Michael?" I asked softly.

He hummed in return.

"I'm sorry. I'm not stronger like you think I am. When we get home you can drop me off at the forms or a hotel and we can separate everything later." I whispered. I couldn't even look at him.

"Is that what you want? You want to leave me?" He asked.

"I'm giving you an out." I said sadly.

He sighed in return and turned on his side so he was looking right at me.

"Being with you had taught me a lot of things. But I will never want an out. You are it for me. There is no on else. We all have issues. None of us are perfect. You calm my anger and can tame me with just a touch. I'm here for you through your depression and your demons. I will never want an out. I will always want you." He said softly yet with force to let me know that he was serious.

I nodded my head softly as he pulled me in to him and I fell asleep on his chest.

Who knew what tomorrow would bring?