WARNING
Just a warning this is a story who is suffering from depression, cutting, any self harm, suicide, suicide attempts and suicidal thoughts. Please don't read if you are triggered by those.
END OF WARNING

I'm lost as we lay in bed at the hotel together. I haven't slept a wink and she barely has. Her nightmares have been really bad tonight. To the point where I almost told her that we needed to go home.

All I can do is lay here and hold her until she falls asleep again for a few minutes. Today we are talking to her father and then Tyler. Tyler is last.

I don't know how she is going to do it but regardless I will be by her side. She is terrified about today and the only reason I can tell is because her spark is gone.

The spark that slowly came back to her over the time of her healing slowly. It has faded in a day. She has that distant look to her face and she stated out at nothingness.

She pretends to act like I don't see it and it breaks me everytime that she looks into my eyes. I can tell she is struggling but for the first time in our relationship I don't know what to do.

Living with depression and helping someone through it are two completely different things. Helping someone through it is like waking up every day in a different room, a different house, a different mind set. You never know what you are truly going to get.

Some days she wakes up and she is smiling. She is soft and wants to snuggle on the couch or go down to our favorite cafe and people watch.

Other days she won't leave our house. Then there are the scary days. The days she locks herself in our spare room with nothing but herself and her thoughts. Those days scare me the most. She keeps away from the world and I'm always afraid the day is going to come when I don't have her by my side anymore.

As I collected my thoughts I gave her one more smile while she was still sleeping. I kissed her on the forehead and slid out from underneath her and glanced at the clock on the nightstand. It read 530 AM. We were supposed to get up at 7AM anyway so I might as well get up.

I turn on the shower and let the hot water hit me and as it runs through my hair I hear the shower curtain open. I look over my shoulder to see my girl standing there with a towel on her. I outstretch my arms as she drops her towel and I pull her close.

The water drips down the both of us as I hold her tight. I don't want this moment to end. I want to hold her forever and keep her away from anyone who has harmed her.

Eventually we start to shower before the shower turns cold. Our breakfast downstairs was short and we spent the meal playing footsy under the table and making cute comments back and forth.

This morning was a good morning. I knew today as a whole wouldn't be but I hold on to these moments where I see her smile or her crows feet by her eyes crinkle when she snorts at something funny I say or do.

The trip to her parents house was short. Her nerves were getting to her as I watched her bounce her knee up and down as we pull up in their driveway. I squeeze her knee and give her the best reassuring smile I possibly can. She gives me a small smile back and we exit the car and walk up to the door hand in hand.

As I raise my hand to knock on the door it opens to reveal her mom.

"Hey mama." Willow said smiling at her mom.

"Hey sweetheart. Hey Michael. After you talk to Tyler this afternoon may I speak to you two alone?" She asked cautiously. She constantly kept looking up at the staircase and kept her voice low.

"Of course." We both answered at the same time.

As we took off our jackets we looked over at the kitchen we saw Ryan sitting at the kitchen island with their mom. Two cups of coffee at at the table in front of them. She sighed and stared at her brother.

"Good morning Minnow." He whispered.

She didn't respond she only nodded. I grabbed her hand and kissed her knuckles.

"Ready Wills?" I asked her as she diverted her attention to me.

"Mama. Where is Dad?" Willow asked softly. I watched her ask her mom. She was starting to shake again and I squeezed her hand making sure she knew I was here.

"Up in his office. Be careful please." Her mother stated to both of us.

She nodded and looked over at me. We walked up the stairs together as we got closer to the office door.

Willow knocked and a gruff answer came as we opened the door. Her father sat behind his desk writing something down on some paperwork. The man was never not working.

"Willow. Michael." He muttered as we sat down in front of his desk.

This whole office was a control thing for him. The people who needed him and to sit before his "throne" which was a mahogany desk and old leather bound swivel chair.

His laptop was on and sat diagonal from him as paperwork was placed in front of him.

"Dad. I wanted to talk to you about some things and possibly find some answers." Willow started.

Her father swished around the amber liquid that was in his drink and he sighed.

"Always with the dramatics Willow. But yes I will humor you and this boy here." He said venomously.

She squeezed my hand when he said the word boy as I slowly let myself breathe. I wasn't here to bash his face in like I wanted.

I was here for my girl. My woman.

"Ok Dad. I wanted to start off with what has happened in the past. With Tyler. Did you know everything that has happened?" She asked keeping her voice even.

"I know about how they picked on you but things turned serious when you started a relationship with Tyler. Then when you lost your virginity you claimed rape. Like only a whore would." Her father stated. He slurred his words.

Her body tensed and mine boiled.

"Claimed rape? Because it was the truth?" She asked.

"Just because you didn't like your first time and who you lost to too doesn't mean you can claim rape. No wonder this world has such a corrupt system. Because of sluts like you that don't want to be considered sluts anymore. Stop fucking sleeping around Willow. Get it into your fucking skull that Tyler and you had sex." Her father's voiced raised higher and higher.

"I can see this is going nowhere." She whispered softly. Her voice breaking. Her hard exterior was breaking by the second.

"That's right. Fucking run away from all the problems you have caused this family. You are a fucking whore and no one will ever fucking love you." Her father started screaming.

I didn't hold back this time. I couldn't. I flung myself forward and over her father's desk. My fist met his face twice before I realized Willow was crying and screaming at me to stop.

I got up and straightened my shirt.

"Fuck you. Your daughter is the best thing this world has and you treat her like shit. We have enough evidence between these past couple of days and her past to make you and this entire family stay in jail until you fucking rot." I spat.

I turned to see her arms wrapped around herself as she sobbed.

"I'm sorry love. Come here." I whispered grabbing her in my arms and taking her down stairs.

Her brother and mom stood at the bottom of the stairs staring up at us.

"I'm going to assume it didn't go as planned." Her mom whispered. I shook my head as her mom took Willow from me and they walked in the kitchen.

"He knows what part he played in this. He won't retaliate." Her brother said. I just stared at him.

"When you guys leave, I'm leaving too. I'm going to be moving out of state. Maybe out of the country. I'm not sure yet. Not that I'm running away from the problems I caused but because I can't be around this anymore. I thought I knew what was going on. But I was blinded by the love I thought I was getting from my father and the friendship I thought I had with Tyler." He explained.

I nodded. "That's why I think Willow went so far away." I said softly.

He nodded in return. "I will never be able to apologize enough but I think with time and therapy I can get some sort of relationship with her and mom even if it's just a Christmas card during the holidays." He said.

"She will be safe with me." I said confidently.

"I don't doubt that. She loves you and she trusts you. I have never seen her not scared around a man before. I'm to blame for that. Just keep her happy. She deserves that and so much more." He said.

"I will for as long as she will let me." I said honestly. He nodded and walked out the back french doors leasing to the back balcony area.

I turned to the kitchen and caught sight of my girl sitting at the island with her mom. A hot cup of tea in her hands and her mom stood with her back leaning up against the sink.

"Love." I said softly not wanting to scare her.

She lifted her head and smiled at me. "Hey love." She whispered back.

In that moment I prayed it would all be ok. That we would be ok as separate people and as a couple. She deserved that and so much more.