to evangeline,

       dad has been planning to admit mom into a mental institution. when he said it to me, i blew up on him. it was the first time i had ever expressed my feelings in front of my father. of course he beat me the fuck up because of it but i didn't care at the moment. i was so upset that i stormed out of the house, forgetting to cover my bruises, and ended up on bethany's doorsteps. stupid and cliche isn't it? bethany almost fainted when she saw my face and her mother threatened to call the police, but i told them i only got jumped. her mom believed my story slightly before letting it go while bethany called bullshit talk. she literally sees right through me.

        she brought me up to her room and i immediately broke down on her. i told her about my mom having alzheimer's and about my depression and also about my father abusing me for years. she held me while i cried and even cried with me. when i read books, it's always the guys holding the girls when they cried, and in that moment i wanted that stereotype to make its way to hell. it felt good to cry. it felt good to cry in her arms. i know i'll lose my mom, i know. i just can't let her go. not yet. i know that others have it much worse than me, but i cannot help to feel worthless and sad. i wish i could do something, anything, to save her.

yours truly, 

hayden.