Dear Olivia,

I haven't written one of these since December.

Why is that?

It's been a year since you left, since Mom left, and all of a sudden I feel like I'm back at square one all over again.

You know how life seems like there for a while, everything is going really great, and then without warning it all comes crumbling down again?

Yeah.

That's my life right now.

I had it great. Emma and Luke were awesome friends, but then someone spread a rumor and now neither of them, or any of their other friends, will talk to me. I was on the math team, but now that's ended. I'm back to spending all my time at home after school.

Why am I such a screwup? I can't even keep online friends anymore, because somehow I manage to piss them all off.

I'm sorry. I just get tired of being the only one who cares, only to find out that I don't really care about anything anymore myself.

I'm so tired, tired of dealing with all of it, and sometimes I still wish we'd ended up with our places switched. You should be in seventh grade, back in Annapolis, and I should be the one six feet under. I shouldn't be here in Cali, shouldn't still be around when you and Mom are both gone.

You were the only one who ever really needed me, Olive, and look where that got you.