Tonight I messaged my friend and told her bad news.

I told her that it didn't work out with the person I had allowed to help me. When you and I first met and made our deal I told her I would try to let someone in and help me.

Tonight I finally accept the reality that it didn't work out. For the past week I kept hoping you would message with some great excuse but I think the situation is beyond excuses at this point. It didn't work out, it's okay. I just hate that I got her hopes up about it.

She's the one always saying I help others too much, that I need to take care of myself, and that I deserve to have someone take care of me as well. It's sweet of her to say that but she's wrong. I don't deserve it, I always knew it but you've shown me that I was right. I hate to disappoint her but I had to tell someone the truth.

I've been lying to all my friends and saying I'm fine over and over but in reality I'm not all that fine. I'm hurt.

It's been a little over a week and the pain is starting to subside but it still hurts. It hurts more when I see your face. It hurts a lot actually. But that's okay. You've moved on and I've learned my lesson.