From all those times that I thought that what matters most is how I feel; for all those times I thought no one was there for me; for all those times I thought that I've been hurt so bad, I was wrong. I just thought it all by myself. But what happened while I was away, is the reason why I lost almost all of my loved ones. But yeah, I lost one of the closest person to my heart.

Masakit ang naging ending naming dalawa. Nang dahil sa inggit at popularity, nawaglit ang lahat. Hindi ko inakalang ganoong kababaw ang rason nya. Hindi ko pa din lubos maisip na, nagawa nya yun sakin. It's been 4 years but I'm still carrying the same pain. Nasaktan ako ng dahil kay Chan. Pero mas nasaktan ako sa ginawa ni Cindy sa akin. I resent her for that whole 4 years. Kung may sobrang galit man akong ipapakita, kay Cindy iyon at hindi kay Chan. Though, sobrang sakit din nung ginawa nya. Hyunjin told me everything. But not the part na, malala na si Chan. I never knew that he was almost dying.

But on top of that, I lived in 4 years of night mare. Every night, I woke up from the same dream. Paulit ulit na pag iwan at pananakit sakin. Not physically, cause if it were about physically, my body can move on. But it was, emotionally. It was like I'm living but I'm dead. Di ako nakarecover ng 4 years. Sabi nga ni Austin, nabato na ako.

My heart ached after all those memoirs. I finally decided to move on and live my own life. I decided to take a good path. No bitterness and pain along the way.

Nagpakurap kurap ako sa harapan ng babasagin na salaming cabinet na ito. All those people who lost their loved ones are here. Burned in fire, turned into dust and now placed in a very lonely and fragile jar. I wonder what she had been through all those times? And oo nga ano? Walang may pake kay Wendy sa storya na to! Serves her right anyway 😏

Rinig ko ang kuskos ng sapatos ko sa marmol na sahig ng memorial park na ito. I hang her favorite flower on the glass and stared at the picture frames beside her jar. There was a picture of us inside. My tears fell at halos malunod ako sa sakit ng bawat tibok ng puso ko. I felt it again. The pain that I want to forget. But this pain was different from the pain from anger and bitterness. It's the pain from loving someone. I loved Cindy. She's more than just a best friend for me. I don't know why she took her own life just for Chan to have her heart. I want to know everything she has for me. Not just her jealousy from everything I've never wanted to have.

"Cindy... paano mo nagawa yan? Yung mga plano natin sa buhay. Yung group of companies natin! Yung magiging ninang ako ng anak mo, hindi na matutuloy. Yung dream wedding na gusto mo, di na mangyayari! Nakakainis ka talaga!" bulong ko at di na napigilan pang umiyak. Nakakairita! Lahat ng plano naming magbest friend, parang tinangay na ng hangin. Nawala lahat!

"Syd...ney?" nilingon ko yung tumawag sakin at nagpunas ng luha. "Kuya Danik." tawag ko at humarap sa kanya. I plastered a smile to greet him. Napatungo sya at ngumisi. Para ba syang nahihiya na ewan sa akin. Hawak nya rin yung bouquet ng paboritong bulaklak ni Cindy. He's wearing an all black outfit. Parang ako lang din. "I should've known. Sana hindi nya nagawa ito." sabi ko, pilit na pinapatatag ang sarili. "Actually.." panimula ni Kuya Daniel at naglakad papalapit sa glass cabinet na kinalalagyan ng jar ni Cindy at nung iba pang tao. "Nagpakamatay sya dahil sayo." nilingon ko sya. My heart stopped for a second.

"Paanong dahil sakin Kuya?" my heart is racing. Hindi ako mapakali. Tapos ganun lang si Kuya Daniel, hinahaplos yung glass nung chamber ni Cindy. "Nagpakamatay sya dahil sa lungkot at pagsisisi, Syd. She's guilty about everything. Nadepress to be exact. You are the only real friend she had. Pero sinaktan ka nya. Kwinento nya sakin lahat. Believe me, nagalit din ako sa ginawa nya sayo. You were a really good friend to her. Wala akong masabing negative sayo kasi you're so good. Kaya wala syang choice. I was away nung gawin nya. Nasa out of town ako noon dahil sa trabaho ko tapos tumawag na lang yung land lady namin. Naglaslas na sya, nagbigti pa sya. She did everything just to contact you. Pero wala. Hindi ka nya mareach." paliwanag nya. I can't stand further. Parang naging jelly ace ang tuhod ko at bigla na lang akong napaupo sa sahig. Agad akong inalalayan ni Kuya Danik. I looked at her chamber at hindi na napigilang umiyak.

"Cindy! Cindy I'm sorry! I'm sorry..." hindi ko na napigilang humagulhol. Nag echo ang iyak ko sa buong lugar pero wala akong pakealam. Mas mahalaga sa akin ang buhay ng best friend kong nawala. She treated me fair and square. Nabulag lang talaga sya sa label nanpilit nyang inaabot. Niyakap na ako ni Kuya Daniel. He was crying too. "I'm sorry.." paulit ulit ko iyong sinasabi habang nakakulong sa bisig ni Kuya. "Tama na, Syd. Nagawa nya lang yon dahil sa sobrang pagsisi at kunsensya nya. Hindi nya na napigilan. Nagsabay sabay din kasi yung problema namin at sinisisi nya yung sarili nya. Kung iniisip mo man ngayon na kasalanan mo, hindi. Wala kang kasalanan. Ako pa dapat ang humingi ng dispensa sayo. Patawarin mo sana ang kapatid ko, Sydney. On behalf of her, I'm so sorry. I'm really sorry." sambit nya habang hinahaplos ang buhok ko. Tumango lang ako dahil hindi ko na kayang magsalita.

I released myself from his hug at tumayo para harapin ang abo nya. "Madaya ka! Di mo manlang ako binigyan ng time para magsorry sayo! Ang daya daya mo! Kahit ano namang gawin mo, tatanggapin pa kita eh! You should've doubled your efforts! I'm sorry! I'm so so sorry! I promise you, I will make all our dreams come true. I'll make ALL of it, come true! Pupuntaha kita dito madalas! I promise you! Okay?!" i shouted. Umaasa na aabot sa langit ang mga sinabi ko.

Pinaandar ko ang makina ng sasakyan at nilingon si Kuya Daniel na nakaabang sa labas. "Sigurado ka Kuya di ka na sasabay?" umiling sya tapos ngumit bilang sagot. "May dadaanan pa ako dito sa may Shop. Mauna ka na kung saan ka man pupunta." sabi nya sabay kaway. "Okay, sabi mo eh. Babye!!" sagot ko at umandar na. I feel so sorry for Kuya Daniel. Si Cindy lang ang kapatid nya. Yung mga magulang nila, nasa ibang bansa pa. Dadalawin ko na lang sya pag may time ako.

Tinawagan ko ang kapatid kong magaling pero di sya sumasagot. Nakatatlong tawag din ako pero hindi talaga sya sumasagot. "nasaan na naman tong batang to? Pag ito nakikipagdate na naman, hihilahin ko talaga puhunan non!" simpat ko habang nakadungaw sa daan. After kong magrant, mga ilang minuto, may tumawag sakin. Nung una, nag aalinlangan pa akong sagutin dahil number lang, pero yung ending, ayun sinagot ko.

I did not talk. Yun kasi yung bilin ni Papa. Pag unknown number daw, wag agad sasagutin. Tapos pag sinagot mo, hintayin mong sila muna yung magsalita.

"hello?"

"sino to?"

"future mo"

"kung wala kang sasabihin, ibababa ko na to"

"sungit naman ng baby ko"

"chan? why do you sound different on the phone?"

"baby lang sinabi ko, alam mo naagad kung sino"

Di ako nakapagsalita. Di pa kami ganoong kaayos na dalawa. Pabebe muna ako. Minsan lang naman to eh HAHAHAHAHA

"what's wrong?"

"wala"

"ayaw mo na ba sakin?"

"it's not that"

"eh ano pala?"

"naninibago lang ako chan."

"narinig mo na ba yung youngblood ng 5sos?"

"not yet. bago nila?"

"oo. may linya kasi doon na tinamaan ako."

"alin don?"

"yung part na, you used to call me baby but now you're calling me by name HAHAHA"

"chan.."

"okay I was kidding. may gagawin ka ba? where are you now?"

"nasa national road ako ngayon, nagdadrive. bakit?"

"wow, using the phone while driving"

"i'm using my bluetooth"

"ay okay, i want us to meet"

"....."

"it's fine if you don't want to."

"no, i'll go. saan ba?"

"sa lugar kung saan kita unang nakita ng malapitan."

"at.. saan naman iyon?"

"milkmatch. near our school. the first time i saw you blushed."

"nangbubwisit ka ba?"

"no! sinasabi ko lang yung totoo. wag ka ng magalit oh?"

He's still the same old Chan, I've loved. Takot na magalit ako. Tsss 😍

Tignan ko nga kung anong gagawin nya pag ginawa ko ito..

"bahala ka dyan, magmilkmatch ka mag-isa mo!"

- end call-

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHA LET ME SEE WHAT YOU CAN DO AGAIN CHAN. I MISSED YOU SO MUCH."

⁝⁞⁝⁞ʕु•̫͡•ʔु☂⁝⁞⁝⁝

last chapter next! ❤❤ thank you for reading letters to chan! MARAMING MARAMING SALAMAT SA INYONG LAHAT!!