Han Yeeun's point of view

.......

I put down my pen and leaned back against the chair while sighed.

What should I do... I am very nervous right now..

I sighed again and stood up from my seat. I walked towards the door and hold the door's knob. I took a quick glance at the letter that I left on the desk.

I will be right back then I will write bunch of happy things that happen after Ive clear the misunderstanding with him..

I grabbed my winter jacket and a paper bag that contain Jisoo's gift in it. Then, I walked out from my room.

I went downstairs with a smile as I am nervous yet very excited to meet Jisoo.

Yes, Hong Jisoo. My bestfriend. The one and only boy that I'm in love with, secretly for many years.

"Mom! I'm going!", I shouted for mom when I arrived in the living room.

"Honey, wait!", Mom ran out from the kitchen and stopped me.

I turned around and gave her a confused look, "Why, mom?"

Mom looked at me worriedly then said, "Yeeun-ah, cant you just meet Jisoo tomorrow? Its already late right now."

I turned my head up and looked at the clock that being put on the wall. Its already 9.25pm. I looked back at mom and gave her an ease smile.

"Mom, its okay. His house is not too far from here tho.", I replied while touched her hand to ease her feeling.

Mom still gave me the worried look then sighed when she heard my words.

"O-Okay then. Just, be careful.", Mom said and gave me a warm smile.

I nodded my head happily and thanked her. Then, I walked towards the front door and grabbed my black sneakers.

"Wish me good luck, mom.", I said when I'm done putting on my sneakers.

"Ey, dont worry. I know that he actually feel the same way as you, honey.", Mom replied and her words make me blushed.

I just chuckled then bid her a goodbye.

I told mom about everything. About my feeling towards Jisoo. About the letters. About everything. Fortunately, shes being cool with it and plus, she even supported me a lot.

I walked out from my house and walked along the road while humming a song that I dont even know what song it is. I am very excited to see Jisoo right now and how I wanted to tell him how much I miss him for all this months.

I looked at the paper bag that I brought along with me. I took a peek at Jisoo's gift; which is the red scarf that I wanted to give it to him on his birthday.

But.. he rejected it.

A sad smile plastered on my face. I sighed then looked up again.

"Aish, Han Yeeun. Come on, cheer up. Everything is going to be fine.", I cheered myself up and force a smile.

As time goes by, I finally reached Jisoo's house. I watched the familiar house from afar with a smile.

I quickly walked ahead; towards Jisoo's house. I tighten the grip on the paper bag that I hold in my right hand.

I arrived exactly infront of the house's big gate. I let out a sigh then mastered myself to ring the bell. So, I carefully rang the bell twice.

My eyebrows met together when theres no answer from the inside of the house. I tried again and this time, theres an answer came out from the intercom.

"Who is it?", the voice said from the intercom.

"Han Yeeun.", I answered while leaned forward to the intercom.

I backed away when I heard the gate opened slowly. Excited to see Jisoo's face, automatically a bright smile plastered on my face.

I rubbed my hands together as I felt very cold standing outside of his house.

I looked up and automatically my bright smile earlier disappeared from my face as I saw a familiar figure, not Jisoo, that came out from the house.

The person saw me and suddenly a smirk formed on her face. She walked towards me while crossed her arms on her chest.

"What are you doing here?", Sojin, Jisoo's girlfriend, asked when she arrived exactly infront of me.

I silently sighed then looked up at her again.

"None of your bussiness.", I replied then wanted to walk pass her but failed when she suddenly grabbed my arm harshly and pushed me to facing her again.

What the heck?!

"What do you think you're doing?!", I scolded her and tugged my arm from her grip.

I glared at her when I saw she still smirking like an evil right infront of me.

"This place is not for you to just come in like that.", Sojin scoffed while still crossing her arms on her chest.

I groaned then just ignored her damn nonsense. I walked passed her and continue to walking towards the door.

But again, she pulled me and pushed me away from the house.

"Hey, you listen here carefully! I am Jisoo's girlfriend! And I wont let any bitch like you get near to him!", Sojin shouted madly while pushed my shoulders variously wih her index finger.

My eyes widen when I saw her rude actions. I quickly step forward and faced her properly.

"Dont be rude.", I said and gave her a dead glare.

I sighed then slowly backed away from her.

"Sojin-ssi, listen. I dont want to make any fuss infront of someone else house, so please. Just let me go.", I tried to calmed myself down and spoke in a careful tone.

Sojin laughed and replied, "Heh, you think I dont know that you actually have feeling for my boyfriend? But.. ottokaji? Cuz the person that YOU love so much is in love with ME! Poor you, girl. Shame on you. Know where your place are. No, I dont want you to meet with my boyfriend. Just go away!"

I'm shocked when I heard Sojin's words.

H-How did she know-

Sojin suddenly pushed me again and this time, I didnt just stay quiet. I pushed her hands away, hard.

"What the hell is wrong with you actually?? Do you have a problem with me?!", I said in a loud tone then gave her a frustated look.

Sojin scoffed then chuckled.

"Yes. I do have a problem with you!", She replied then glared at me.

I sighed then I shook my head in disbelief.

I dont even know her very well but she said she has a problem with me? What a crazy nonsense.

"I just want to meet Jisoo. I dont have any time to waste right now.", I said in a low tone as I am very tired right now cuz I am not in a good condition today.

I ignored Sojin and wanted to walk away but immediately stopped when I heard Sojin's cruel words.

"Hm, as expected from a unwanted child. They dont even love you! They just a bunch of adults that adored money than their own child. Idiots. Hahaha yah, your parents didnt even care about you! You didnt get enough attention from your parents and here you are... begging from someone else boyfriend's love. Shameful.", Sojin said with a smirked then looked at me with her evil look.

I clenched my teeth as I felt an anger feeling exploded in me. I quickly turned around and walked towards her.

When I arrived infront of her, within a seconds, my hand arrived exactly on her cheek. I slapped her hard on her face.

"DONT YOU! EVER! DARE TALKING LIKE THAT ABOUT MY PARENTS!", I yelled at her with eyes wide opened, glaring at her.

She held her cheek that I slapped earlier and looked at me with her unbelieveble look as she was shocked with my sudden action.

"Hahaha. What? Isnt it true?", She said then chuckled after she put her hand down and looked at me.

I stared at her with my anger eyes as I just wanted to cook her until burn then throw it into a smelly dirty dump where is very suit with her shit personality.

I never thought that she is this kind of person.. ugh

I quickly held her wrist tightly as I wanted to scared her a bit.

But she end up laughed again like an insane girl she is and said, "Your parents should just die. With that, you wouldnt be born into this world huh."

I clenched my fist tightly until it already became red but I dont even care about that as my head was exploded the moment she said that.

"YOU-", My hand already swung in the air and wanted to slap her face again but failed when SUDDENLY, theres someone stopped me by holding my wrist from slapping Sojin's face.

Both of me and Sojin turned around and saw..

... H-Hong Jisoo.

Jisoo gave me a stern look as he stood between me and Sojin.

Jisoo's grip on my wrist was too strong until I whined hurted.

He noticed that, then he quickly let me go- no, he quickly pushed my hand hard and stood infront me to covered Sojin from me like I am some kind of murderer that going to kill her girlfriend.

Jisoo-ah..

"What do you think you are doing?", Jisoo asked me in a cold tone as he looked down at me.

I flinched with Jisoo's sudden action and question, so I took a step backward.

"I-I.. I just-"

When I was about to explain the real situation, suddenly Sojin middling with our conversation and created more misunderstanding situation.

"Joshua~ This girl here suddenly slapped me when I did nothing wrong. I dont even know why she did that to me.. I-I.. I just wanted to make friends with her tho.. I didnt expected that she actually didnt like me.. My cheek hurts..", Sojin attempted bunch of lies to Jisoo like how she did at the party months ago.

W-What the..

"N-No! Ani, Jisoo. Listen to me! Shes lyin-", I wanted to tell him the truth but he suddenly cut my words.

"Shut up! Yah Han Yeeun, cant you just grow up already?! Youre already a high-schooler! You should already learn to accept strangers! Till when you want me or the others to help you survive your days?? Till when you want me to babysit you?! Till when Han Yeeun?! Please, Yeeun-ah. I am very tired of your childish behavior like this. I am sick of it! Just grow up already! We're not kids anymore!", Jisoo suddenly scolded me loudly and gave me very cold look that I never see before.

And with that harsh words from him,.. my heart crashed. I felt a sharp pain in my chest like I was being stabbed by a sharp knife for million times.

"J-Jisoo-ah.. Its not like what you think-", I braved myself to answer him and tried grabbing his arm but again, I got second heartbreak when Jisoo suddenly smacked my hand away.

"Dont touch me! I am so done with you.", Jisoo said in a dissappointed tone and look.

N-No.. this is all wrong..

Jisoo suddenly hold Sojin's hand and pulled her away from me. Sojin gave me a win look. They both walked passed me.

For the moment, I felt like.. I'm lost. For the moment, I felt like.. dying.

This is killing me.. please.. dont leave me, Hong Jisoo.. not again..

I quickly turned around and ran towards them.

"J-Jisoo, wait-", I wanted to stop Jisoo from walking away from me but suddenly, Sojin fell on the ground.

Both of me and Jisoo was shocked.

"Lee Sojin! Sojin-ah! Baby, whats wrong?!", Jisoo quickly bent down infront of Sojin that already fell on the ground.

Automatically, a pain expression plastered on my face when I heard the nickname that Jisoo give to Sojin. Baby.

"M-My wrist.. its bleeding..", Sojin said and showed her bleeding wrist towards Jisoo.

Its like.. her wrist got cut. But with what?

Jisoo's eyes widen and he panicked.

"W-What.. what happened?! When did this happened?!", Jisoo shakingly asked as he looks very panicked when he saw his girlfriend was hurted.

Sojin suddenly turned her head and looked at me. She suddenly pointed her finger at me and said, "She did it. She did it earlier when she was grabbing my hand after she slapped me."

W-WHAT EVEN..

Suddenly, I saw a small knife that has blood on it was there beside her other hand. Sojin saw where my eyes on to, then she quickly grabbed the small knife and keep it in her pocket.

What the.. why is she freakin doing this??

I looked at Jisoo and he already looked at me angrily. He stood up and walked towards me.

"N-No, wait Jisoo. I didnt do it.. She was lying. I didnt-"

Suddenly, a loud pang heard.

....

....

Jisoo slapped me for the first time ever in my life, after he arrived infront of me without even.. listening to my explanation.

"J-Jisoo...", I said while held my already red cheek.

I looked up back at him with my teary eyes. Automatically, the paper bag that contain his gift that I really wanted to give it to him, fell down on the ground like how my heart fell and crashed into pieces right now.

For the first time, he did that to me. And for the first time ever too.. I dont really know or even recognize, the Hong Jisoo that stand infront of me right now..

"You are too much, Yeeun. Too much. Now, go away. Go away!", Jisoo yelled at me and pushed me away like I'm some kind of stray cat.

Its hurted. Its hurted as hell. I dont know why... but.. I felt the pain in my heart is more hurtful than the slap that Jisoo just gave me.

W-Why.. Hong Jisoo.. w-why did you..

"J-Jisoo-ah.. I didnt do it.. You've misunderstood. I didnt-", I begged him as I held his arm that I wanted to hold so much after hes gone for months.

"SHUT UP! JUST GO! GO AWAY! DISAPPEAR FROM MY LIFE! I DONT WANT TO SEE YOU EVER AGAIN!", Jisoo shouted at me loudly with his cold glare and stern look.

And with that... I stepped backward; step by step.

Automatically, a tear escaped my eyes and flow down on my cheeks.

"J-Jisoo-ah.. believe me.. I didnt do it..", I mumbled softly while tearing up and backed away slowly from the boy that I loved for many years. That I adored for years.

But now.. he hated me. He dont want to see me anymore. To him, I just an old bestfriend and not more. And now to him.. I am just a sort of.. dumped garbage.

Jisoo gave me a hater glare for the last time then he walked back towards Sojin and pick her up.

Sojin wrapped her arms around Jisoo's waist and sticked close to Jisoo.

Sojin took a glance back at me then she smirked and gave me a win smile while still hugging his waist.

I didnt even care about her cuz my eyes still are on Jisoo's back figure, hoping that he will turn back and say that he didnt mean his words earlier.

But.. haha.. he wouldnt. He didnt even care about me at all, not even a bit.

My tears fell again when Jisoo just left me hanging all alone with his cruel words.

Hong Jisoo... p-please.. dont go..

The words that I really wanted to shout out at him so much but I just could said it in my mind.

"I-I'm sorry..", I said while staring at Jisoo's back while crying silently.

Jisoo heard me then he stopped on his track. He just stopped but he still didnt turn his back to look at me.

I smiled painfully as I stared at his back then said while tears flow down on my cheeks,..

"Jisoo-ah.. I.. I-I miss you.. I miss you.."

Finally, the words that Ive been wanted to say out loud, at last.. it came out from my own mouth. Infront of Jisoo.

I saw Jisoo flinched a bit when he heard my words. Then, he looked back at me slowly while still holding Sojin's beside him.

I looked up at Jisoo and finally, our eyes met. A painful smile plastered on my face when our eyes met.

I missed drowning in your stares, Jisoo.. I miss you..

"I-I'm sorry.. I'm sorry, Hong Jisoo.. I-I'm sorry..", I said in a low tone while smiled sadly and sniffed because of too much crying.

Jisoo just blankly stared at me. He just looked at me without reply anything.

I clenched my fist as I could feel that I will literally end up crying out loud infront of him anytime soon.

"Baby, lets just go.", Sojin said while pulled Jisoo's arm and gave me a glare.

Jisoo looked at Sojin then looked back at me. Then, he gave Sojin a nod.

Sojin smiled then she pulled him away, into the house.

I saw Jisoo gave me a quick glance then I could saw that he sighed, disappointed. He turned his head away slowly.

And with that, he went into the house along with Sojin. Leaving me all alone.. at the outside.. in the cold weather.

The loud sound after they both closed the door, snapped it out of me and back into reality.

I let out a sigh and looked down at my shoes. Shivering because of the cold weather but my face felt warm because of the sad tears that still didnt stop from flowing down on my cheeks.

I wiped my tears softly while looked down. I sniffed then mumbled the never end words, "I'm sorry, Jisoo-ah.. I'm sorry.."

I sighed again then looked up. I laid my eyes on the empty door, still expecting for Jisoo to make a sudden appear.

But.. I know. This is the end..

I slowly turned around and walked away.

I forced myself to walked along the street eventho my steps are getting weakier and heavier.

The cold snows that fell on me still couldnt gets my attention as my mind were flooded with the memories of me and Jisoo when we were still kids.

A tear escaped my eyes again when the wonderful memories flooded out in my mind making my heart break into million pieces.

I bent down beside the empty road and covered my face that already wet because the tears.

"W-Why.. why is this happening! Why me! w-why me.. why..", I mumbled while crying loudly.

I screamed my heart out.

This pain is too much for me.. I never expect that it will be this hurtful.. I cant..

"We.. w-we were okay before.. we were okay.. we were..", I sniffed then shut my eyes closed as I felt the sharp pain again in my chest.

I slowly stood up and wiped my tears.

I walked again, dragging my heartbroken along with me.

*****

"Mom.. I'm home.."

I walked into my house while took off my sneakers. I weakly looked up and saw mom was running towards me.

"So! How was it?! Are you guys finally an item now? Official??", Mom asked with a wide grin plastered on her face.

I walked in and gave her a weak smile.

"We are okay, mom..", I answered with a low tone then gave her an ease smile.

She furrowed her eyebrows towards me. I just smiled and walked away.

"Honey, wait. Are you.. okay?", Mom asked while grabbed my arm smoothly.

She gave me a worried look.

I gave her a weak smile then said, "I'm okay, mom.. Dont worry. I'm just a little bit tired."

Mom slowly let me go and I gave her a last smile before I went upstairs towards my room.

I opened my room's door then walked towards my bed. I didnt switch on the light as I really wanted to stay in the dark, all alone tonight.

I plopped on my bed then stared at my feet blankly.

This is all my fault..

I deserved all of this..

Its my fault..

I dont even know why I kept blaming myself because of what just happened but I really couldnt help it.

Suddenly, I remembered about the last letter that I left on the desk.

I looked up and stared at the letter that still there on the desk.

I slowly stood up and weakly walked towards the desk. When I arrived, I quickly switch on the light that being put on the desk.

I slowly pulled out the chair and sat on it. Then, I grabbed the black pen near the letter.

I stared at the letter with pen in my hand.

Suddenly, a drop of crimson color fell on my letter.

My eyes widen. I quickly wiped my nose and I saw... bloods on my hand.

W-What..

I blinked thrice as the blood still didnt stop dripping on my letter. Then, I quickly removed the letter and searched for a box of tissues.

When I found it, I quickly wiped my nose while held my head up. I leaned back onto the chair while sighed.

Its back.. My old sickness.. is back..

I leaned back forward and grabbed the pen earlier. I searched for a new paper but I couldnt find it.

With tears in my eyes and a painful smile on my face, I slowly grabbed the letter back and put it infront of me, on the desk.

Accompanied by the dim light that I switch on earlier and a painful heart, I slowly continue my writing on the letter that I left hanging earlier....

____________________________________________

05 November 2015

Hong Jisoo... I'm sorry... and.. I love you.. so much.. :') ~Han Yeeun

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this is too long for god sake ㅋㅋ what am i even doingg geez.. anyway, we know that our jisoo is very gentlemen in real life right :3