Dear Readers,

When I was in elementary school my mom couldn't always pick me up from school because she had to work. Instead my aunt or my  grandma (or Nana cause she thinks grandma is for old people) would pick me up, we would get some food, and I would go to their house and watch whatever crap was on tv.

One day, my aunt picked me up from school and she took me to get some curry chicken and rice and peas. All of my West Indian readers (if i have any) know what I'm talking about. Dat good good. After we got our food my aunt and I went outside to wait for a *dollar van. At the bus stop we waited at, someone, who probably came out of the West Indian restaurant we were in, had dropped an entire container of rice on the ground. Pigeons were pecking at the rice and I was mesmerized. I had seen pigeons eat sandwiches, pizza, and twinkies but never before had I seen pigeons eat rice. And because I was clearly astounded by the fact that pigeons were eating rice, my aunt decided tell me a lie that would change my life forever.

"You know all those pigeons will die," she said.

"Why?" (god i was so innocent)

"While the pigeons eat rice, it will slowly start to expand in their stomachs until they can't eat anymore. By the time they finish eating their stomachs will be so big that they will barely be able to breathe. Then, when try to fly back back to their families, they will explode because the rice will have expanded so much that their little pigeon bodies won't be able to hold all of it."

I was horrified. Why did someone leave their rice here if they knew that it could kill pigeons? How come I have never seen a pigeon explode? Why haven't I learned about exploding pigeons at school when this pigeon rice issue is clearly serious?

I don't think my aunt realized what the impact of her telling me this lie would have on me. I had nightmares about exploding pigeons. I did research on exploding pigeons (I didn't find anything obviously). I told everyone I knew about exploding pigeons. I believed in exploding pigeons until I was 12.

Even now, I low key still believe in exploding pigeons. Somewhere in the world I'm sure a pigeon is exploding right now. And if rice isn't making pigeons explode, maybe it is turning them all types of crazy colors like pink or black and yellow. Or maybe that is just pollution.

🤔

-Epoh

*A dollar van is van that makes round trips back and forth down a major road or street. They used to white vans (kinda like the ones our parents warned us to watch out for as children) but now they look more like Access-A-Rides with the logo striped off. People usually wait for dollar vans by bus stops so they don't seem suspicious and they just wave at a dollar van when they see one approaching so the driver knows to pull over. Dollar vans are pretty popular in certain parts of New Jersey, downtown Florida, New York and San Francisco. They emerged in the 1900s as a way for people who cannot afford bus/train/taxi fares or can't depend on infrequent bus services to get to work and other places. They are an illegal mode of transport. If you get caught in a dollar van you will be fined and so will the driver. Oh, and just in case you were wondering, no dollar vans do not cost a dollar. They used to but now it's about three dollars now.