𝚕𝚎𝚝𝚝𝚎𝚛𝚜 𝚏𝚘𝚛 𝚜𝚞𝚗𝚊
| 10 |

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Suna, your parents invited us to your funeral. At first I didn't want to go because I'll only leave once I get there. I couldn't bear to see you not alive.

But I still did with the help of Kita, Atsumu, and Osamu. They were there to help me through it, so I also did the same for them. Aran was kind enough to let me cry on him. I made his shirt wet, but he said he didn't mind. Can you see how kind your teammates were, Suna? We're that kind enough to help you out.

As the team manager, I feel really distant from my position. I failed to help you, I failed to tend to your needs, I failed you.

My mom also hit me before I left. She was becoming alcoholic again after hearing my dad cheated on her. She let it out on me, saying that I was the reason our family was broken.

Did you know, Suna? When I was a child I met you once? But I just realized it was you at the funeral a week ago when I saw your child photo propped up on a table near your coffin.

That must've been why I feel so attracted to you.

Ah, sorry. Felt, attracted to you.

I remembered couldn't get your name that time since my dad came home stressed from work. He was angry because I forgot to make him dinner. So when I was sleeping, he took advantage of me and hurt me. It was always like that every night, when my mom fell asleep after dad had put smashed sleeping pills in her wine. Disgusting, right?

Ever since then I try my hardest to hide my traumatic past. I wasn't depressed, I think. Or I just didn't realize since I've never been allowed to have theraphy and take medications. I've gone through your pain once and almost killed myself. But my friend before helped me get through the pain slowly. I didn't try anything life threatening ever since then. But I still did cut my thighs, not wanting anyone to see.

See what I mean, Suna? A friend could've helped you. We could've.

I feel really tired after coming home from your funeral that time. So tired, that I fell to depression's arms again. My mom always come home with random guys. They were really noisy at night, too. And every morning, she'll pour boiling hot water on me when I was still sleeping. And when I refused to go to school, she just ignored me, but ripped all my books apart. 'You don't want to go, right? Might as well remove these things.' She said to me.

Not to mention, when I got home from a store because my mom told me to buy alcohol for her, I almost got raped. I smashed the alcohol on their heads and knocked them out, I think I possibly killed them.

I couldn't care less at this point, honestly. I'd rather be at jail doing nothing than pushing myself to do a lot of mom's chores at home. Even if my body was filled with inhuman weights, I willed myself–or else I'll get cut by my mom again.

So I went to another store farther and bought another set of alcohol. My allowance didn't last long unfortunately, so I walked a lot of miles to get home. Good thing no one tried to do something to me that time.

I was late when I got home, so when I entered the house my mom slapped me hard. She grabbed her cigarette from her mouth and pressed it on my cheek. It burned like hell.

So when she told me to go prepare dinner, I secretly sneaked poison in her alcohol. She didn't noticed, which I was thankful for.

Ah, this must've been the longest letter I've written. I'll go now and see if my mom finally died, and after that I'll go to your grave.

Y/n's POV

I smiled as I finished the last letter, putting some designs and flowers before piling all of them. I tied them together with a brown knot, and an idea came to my mind.

Knot..

Grabbing a few things, I left the house with the gas stove on purposely. Inside my bag there rested the 10 letters and a long noose.

I got off the bus and walked a long way to your grave, I saw the Miyas just in time–they were leaving.

My eyes widened when they saw me frozen, away from Suna's grave. I awkwardly approached them.

"...Hey," I muttered as I faced Suna's grave.

"What's up? You look dead," Atsumu weakly joked. He must've been crying for days, his eyes were red and so was his nose, there were dark bags under his eyes, and his hair was disshelved and messy. Osamu was blank and looking down, but I could tell he had gone through the same thing with his brother.

"I plan to be," I quietly said, thankful that they didn't hear it.

"I loved him," I started with a weak voice. I painfully smiled, "It wasn't obvious, but I did. So much."

By this time, my eyes turned to faucets. I weakly turned to the twins as I found them looking at me with shocked expressions, then they also let tears stream down.

"D-Don't cry, dammit," Osamu muttered as he wiped his eyes with his sleeve. He winced, so did Atsumu when he did the same.

Don't tell me..?

"Both of you hadn't been cutting, right?" I slowly asked, they froze.

"Right??" I repeated a little louder at them.

Atsumu pulled me in a hug, he sobbed hard on my shoulder and I can't help but cry more. I looked at Osamu over his shoulder, he was looking away and trying hard to stop more tears that threatened to fall.

"Hey, 'Samu," I weakly called up to him, gesturing for him to join the hug.

He immediately joined, and the three of us cried harder than ever. Atsumu was the only one sobbing, Osamu and I were suppressing the pain.

Suna.....we miss you.

I was careful not to make contact with their wrists when we pulled out from the hug together. I sighed and approached his grave. Taking out the letters, I crouched down and set it there. I smiled sadly as I ran my hands through his carved name.

Such a beautiful name, for a beautiful broken soul.

I bit my lip and stood up, the twins were comforting each other silently. You'd expect them to fight about who cries weaker, but right now they're really vulnerable. So they lean to each others' shoulder and share mutual comfort.

"I think I need to go now. Bye, my favorite twins," I weakly smiled at them. They offered to drive me home, but I quickly refused and shifted my bag.

Before I left, I saw them share a look. But I didn't pay attention, I just walked and walked. Away from them.

Suna...?

My eyes widened as my lips vulnerably trembled. I saw Suna standing a few distance away with his back at me.

"S-Suna..," I stumbled and ran to him. He didn't glance at me, but walked instead.

He was really fast and I forced all of my strength to chase him. I kept running and running, desperate to see his face again. Desperate for his rare touch again. Desperate for his presence.

I found myself infront of the school, so I confusedly followed Suna. Until he reached the tree that he used to rest at.

Finally, he turned to me.

I got sad because his face was blurry, but his body was clear. I rubbed my eyes, but I still couldn't see him clearly.

"Die for me."

A blurred smile made its way on his mouth as he pointed to one of the tree branches. It was strong enough to handle my weight.

I immediately nodded, succumbing to his spell. I threw the rope over the other side of the branch, and pulled the knot so it can be strong enough.

He turned his back at me and I frowned, "Suna...please look at me. I want to see you again."

"Jump and you'll see me again."

I smiled and happily jumped, immediately getting my head stuck on the noose. I smiled and cried at the same time as I choked, losing air.

He finally turned to me and smiled with his arms out, "I'll see you soon, Y/n."

Before death consumed me, I saw the twins rushing to my almost limp body.

It was blurry and hazy, my vision was turning dark. I felt my other organs disconnect themselves from my heart. Finally, it was dark.

I felt someone carry my limp body and the other one standing on a abandoned chair to untie the knot, but I already shut myself down.

I'm on my way to you, Suna Rintarou. I'll love you harder when I get to be with you again.

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