Sister,

Sis,

You and I have a bond like no other. We're different from the other siblings and we know it. We literally had a two hours,  objective, concise conversation on which order would we rank all the exo members as our lovers and we didn't even talk about looks once. It was all about personalities and we are different in a simialr way. People won't understand us but we do and that's enough. I love you to the point where it might be considered incest but I actually thought about it and I realized it isn't incest but something very passionate and similar. You know that I love you and I know that you love me but we don't repeat the words or it will lose its meaning. We have key words. We have a language which only we can understand and nine of the words are fixed - that's how close we are. It is almost like telepathy. But you're in college in another city and I am in school,  faraway. And it gets hard - the distance. We used to pretend at first that we were fine without each other but somewhere along with being separated for three years, we started valuing every moment we spend together instead. Like we had the conversation that night about the exo members, I told you that probably when I will be nineteen,  my views would be different. You summed it up and said, 'It is okay. You think that thirteen is not mature enough to make permanent choices. I get that.'

Now that I think about it,  when time will change,  we could change too. We could be on different sides instead of the same ones. We could be someone completely different because we are young and we are crazy and we have space to grow. So there's no saying that our 'us' would be us forever. We have changed from Doraemon to Grey's Anatomy to Miley Cyrus to One Direction to Lana Deal Rey to Shawn Mendes to EXO. We have changed from 5 and a half and 1 to 19 and 13. We have changed. And we will change more. There's no point in making concise future decisions now because we could change in a second. Every second we grow and every second we think - we are changing.

Nothing stays the same forever.

I don't know who was my first live,  whether it was grandpa who died when I started remembering things when I was four or if it was you. I realize first love and last live doesn't matter. It doesn't matter as long as we live. It doesn't matter how long we love for. It just matters if we love. It is not about loved and will love.

We have grown so much. Even if I were to fail in my life,  I love you so much that I will smile when you succeed. If I am asked to give my everything to you,  I don't see how would I refuse. If I am to choose between you and I,  I don't know how would I chose you because our relationship makes me haply when you are happy and that is how I know it's serious.

You are mortal. You can die. You can lose your memory. I could lose mine. Things can be over for us. I may grow up, read this  and think,  'Man,  my thirteen year old self was so cheesy.' My feelings might be completely different. I may see you in August or in November or I might never see you. Probably,  one day I won't want to see you.

But I will honour the love we share today. I will love you now. I will not save any of it. I love you and I live you now. I can't say for the future but the present is precious. Our life, our live may be history in the future but in thus present, in this point,  I love you. I won't tell you we'll be together forever. I don't believe it but at the moment that I am writing this,  you were loved by your sister more than anyone else.

Our life is meant to end. In the end, I will remember the people, not the degrees and money and I hope that I have you on my list of people that I have loved. So,  even if the future is black and the past disappears from our minds, time will know, love will know. In the bond of tine, if you could ever flip back to this moment, you would know that you were lived deeply and it hurt me in a way that I wanted it to hurt me. It us an endless loop of desire, passion, greed. An endless loop of useless, complicated feelings.

But this made me smile. Because I was with you in this moment and in that moment we lived each other and we were happy to be with each other. And we loved. We learned to love. And I love you as of now. It is a relative term but it has never ached more. Love,  something that can't be seen but something I can't live without - like air. I hope that even if you don't have my love in the future,  you have somebody else's love surrounding you like air.

I love you.