It is hurting my wife that I do this too... But as I said,at this moment in time I cannot leave this place. I have to continue to live a life that holds me down. My life continues on auto pilot

I will follow your advice and write about me.

Which honestly scares me...

It is the biggest fear, trust me. But like any fear, the fear itself is bigger in the imagining than in reality. You have a family. You don't need to physically leave a 'place' to leave a place. It's more a shift in focus. Find the inner bravery - trust me it's there, otherwise you wouldn't be having this conversation. And I wouldn't be investing time - me being honest here - unless I knew this time would be invested to return some joy, or at least some hope in another. If you do not yet trust yourself, trust me, this stranger who was once you. You want me to proof-read/edit your words. I'll do that too. That's who I am. I don't write for stars or followers or in the hope of being published. I have a comfortable life (now) but there was a time when father mother two sons and myself found ourselves homeless, with just the clothes on our back... I've been some bad places. I've been a bad person. I've done some shitty things. But here I am, proof that the human spirit can overcome everything. And this me is now giving back.

I'm lost for words. Thank you.

To think someone who knows nothing of me; knows nothing of my writing having more faith in me than I have in myself, is unreal. To write my own memoir.. I have no idea where to begin. That is the difficult part in this.

I'll also add this. You mentioned helping me by editing my work. I've come to this site for one reason only, to better my writing. I never imagined that in order to do that, I would need to better myself. If I were to have you turn my words into the beautiful words that you use, I would not grow to that stage.

You see, I do wish to become a published author. But my reasons defer from others. I want to be able to tell my son to follow his dreams. I cannot do that without at least attempting to follow mine. I really think meeting you was supposed to happen. I've never felt so connected to someone through their words. You do have a gift.

Told you, everything is connected. Re editing, I would never touch your words, merely highlight areas where there would be issues for you to fix? That's what I usually do, I don't re-write work, I just read and say well that needs to be a new paragraph or that word is not right, that kind of thing... Your voice is your own. It needs to be your own. 

If you want to pursue writing as a career, then you're going to have to shift focus, hunker down and get serious with it. Starting with your memoir. Just find some alone time and write anything down. Notice mine is not linear, just memories popping into my head and one leading to another at random... Admirable that you want to set an example for your son, this then should be your focus, pretend you are writing to him. That's what Kevin is doing, he 'lost' his son due to his issues and now is trying to reconnect with him by telling him the story of his life and how he ended up losing him???

Just start. Commit to writing everyday, push all other thoughts away. You will be surprised, once you set a routine (Something I used to hate btw, both commitment and routine)...