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26 | i promise you

When you really think about it, you realise how funny life actually is as a concept. All of us living our own versions of life but how many of us actually want to be here, how many of us have an actual purpose to keep on living?

Jax did. Jax wanted to be here. Jax had a purpose to keep going on every single day. He was a good son, a great brother, an amazing lover, and the best friend anyone could've hoped for. Yet, out of everyone, his death had been written first.

Kylie struggled to come to terms with the fact that her older brother, her inspiration and her only remaining hope had left her. What hurts the most was perhaps the fact that she was the cause. One poor decision she'd made had cost her brother his life and she'd have to live with that mere fact for the rest of her own pathetic life. Except, now there was no reason for her to keep going on, was there?

Elijah was riddled with guilt too. Hours before the funeral had taken place, Kylie had disclosed the shocking events that had occurred before Jax's premature death. He'd been shaken to the core when he'd realise that indeed he had as much blood on his hands as Leon had. As Kylie had.

Jess found herself internally battling with her own thoughts as she sat in that dreaded funeral parlour. She found herself huddling her flat tummy, the thoughts of her miscarriage haunting her. She tried to feel empathy, find the right words to say to Kylie and Valerie but all she could do was bathe in self-pity at the thought of her own lost child.

Somehow it seemed fitting for all three of them to be sitting in a church mourning a death only over a week before Elijah and Jess's wedding was to take place.

The funeral came and went, the day passing in a rapid blur. Valerie and Kylie had thought something simple would be best for the premature death – although it may have been their breaking hearts that had shaped this decision instead.


Only the day before the funeral they'd heard from the police that Leon had been charged with vehicular manslaughter. Two years in prison had been the consequence.

To Kylie's surprise, Leon had mostly kept Kylie's name out of his confession, keeping her secret as Jax once had.

He had admitted that he himself in a jealous craze had been negligent in his driving abilities and this had been the main cause behind Jax's premature death.

Valerie struggled with each passing day to comprehend what had actually happened and Kylie's silence didn't help in piecing the mysterious puzzle back together. Kylie silently dreaded the day her mother would decide that enough was enough and for Kylie to come clean and finally speak the truth.

But so far, Valerie had been nothing but the doting mother to Kylie, keeping her only remaining child as close to her as possible. This was new to Kylie but she relished in the affection that she'd longed to receive as a child, she only wished that Jax would've been on the receiving end rather than her.

Meanwhile, Jess stayed away from Kylie as much as was physically possible. Kylie couldn't understand why – her friend hadn't once come to visit her except during the funeral, and even then she had not uttered a single word of condolence to her friend personally.

---------------

"Mum, it feels weird to be going ahead with this." Jess murmured, lying comfortably on the couch. A tea tree mud mask applied with precision over her slender face by the beautician who was pampering both mother and daughter in preparation for her wedding which was now only six days away.

"Jessica honey, there's always going to be some reason to delay the wedding. Always. But what everyone needs now is some good news, it's what you need. You've been through a terrible ordeal", she spoke tactfully glancing over at her daughters' tummy for a brief second, "hell, you've been through more than just one. Jax's death at your own engagement party, it wasn't only difficult for Kylie and Val, it was difficult for you. You need to start putting yourself first."

Jess sighed heavily, "I guess you're right, mum."

"Of course I am. I'm your mother after all, aren't I? Mothers always know what's best for their kids." Pattie slumped back onto the couch, content with herself.

Elijah who had previously been sitting silently on the black rug placed on the floor suddenly cleared his throat before gingerly speaking, "When are you thinking of visiting Kylie and Valerie? I was thinking maybe we could go together later tonight...if you want?"

Pattie rolled her eyes, "we only just saw them at the funeral two days ago. What's the need to see them again?"

"She's your best friend Jess and she's lost her brother. We really should go and –"

"I can't. I just can't, okay?" Jess blurted out in a rather loud outburst. "Every time I remember Jax, I just...I just think about our baby. And it feels like I'm losing him or her all over again so I can't." Jess felt short of breath suddenly as though she'd run a marathon.

"I know." Elijah spoke softly, leaning up towards her slightly, "I know how difficult it is, because...I think about it too sometimes, I think about the future we could've had, what could've been and I'll never forgive myself for not being there for you that night, and protecting you...both." He gently placed a finger against her cheek and she beamed up at him as he spoke, "...But, I think Kylie might need someone right about now...she's been through a lot too." He said gently, a pained expression coating his usual facial features as he finished his sentence.

He'd been trying his best to keep his distance from Kylie, only sending brief text messages to her asking her how she was coping, most of which he received no replies for. He had struggled to hide his concern from Jess and had asked nearly every day if they'd go to visit her and Valerie at some point. He didn't want to risk going on his own because he knew there was the chance of ending up in a compromising situation with Kylie.

Jess's face fell, "why do you care so much? Why is it that you seem so much more upset about Kylie than you ever did for our baby? I don't get it, I really just don't understand..." She all but yelled.

He jerked back, slightly baffled by her response, "That's not true Jess. Of course, I was hurting for our baby, how can you think I wasn't? I was just trying to be strong for you...you were so broken at the time and I was trying my best to be there for you." It was true, Elijah had hurt for their baby alone, in his own way. He'd wept for the life that had been lost, but he couldn't deny that he'd wept more for Jax's life, and for the future that he could've had.

"Elijah, I think it's best you leave. You clearly need some time to reflect." Pattie replied sternly, the threat imminent in each word.

Elijah chuckled emotionlessly, "You know when I proposed to you, Jess? I should've made sure Pattie was there since this is clearly not just a two-way partnership. I didn't realise I was fucking marrying your mother too."

Jess reeled at the blow, inhaling deeply before standing up and grabbing the box of tissues on the table and hurling them at Elijah's forehead. They wouldn't do him any physical harm, she knew that. "How dare you? How fucking dare you. Since this is all because you're so worried about Kylie, why don't you just go and see her on your own huh? And while you're there, why don't you go and fucking propose to her instead?!" She blared out the last few words, not realising the impact of the words she'd said.

Silence ensued as the words settled in the air.

The beautician who had remained silent the whole time, watching the drama unfold in front of her silently decided to take her own silent leave. And Pattie gazed from Jess to Elijah and back again as the words repeatedly rang in her ears.

"Maybe I will," Elijah replied silently before grabbing his coat, and although the words fell on deaf ears for Jess, Pattie had heard them and couldn't stop hearing them thereafter.

The silence came to an end as the door slammed shut behind Elijah.

And the sound resembling a whaling cat emerged from Jess's lips and rang in the air around them, "What have I done?" She whimpered, glancing up at her mother for answers.

"Nothing baby, nothing. You just said something silly, that's all." Her mother enveloped her overbearing arms around her daughter, "I'll fix it, I'll fix everything, don't worry."

"I asked him. I asked him to be friends with her. I begged him to be. And that's all he did. So why did I react like that?" Jess sobbed mercilessly, an act that had quickly become habitual to her over the passing few weeks.

"It's okay Jessica, please stop crying okay? You're getting married soon, everything will work itself out, I promise you."

"Before...the accident. Jax...he told me that he thought Elijah was cheating on me." She whispered, staring right at her mother.

"What? No, that's not true." Pattie answered confidently, trying to hide the fact that her breath had caught in her throat at the unexpected words.

"Isn't it?"

"No, it isn't. Elijah loves you, I can see that. And in six days, you two will be getting married, nothing will stop this wedding from happening. Nothing. Nothing."

As her daughter sobbed into her arms, she repeated the word 'nothing' as though it were a prayer.

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AN: So guys I'm back! I've nearly finished my first year of University and I'm planning on finishing Lethal Lust by the end of July, hopefully. I'll be updating 2x a week from now on and just to orientate you guys, there's about 8-10 chapters left, depending on if I can fit the remainder of the story into that many chapters but it'll probably have no more than 35 chapters and maybe an epilogue.

This book will also be undergoing a heavy edit after it's finished in which I'll be adding a few new chapters to some earlier parts of the book, including a few flashbacks and more development of the relationship between Elijah and Kylie as I've received some really great feedback and I'm looking to make this book much better.

If you have any feedback on anything that's happened in this book so far, please leave it in the comments, I read all criticism and will consider it when editing the book!

Thank you to everyone who's stayed all this time and I hope you'll remain to see how the story wraps up in the end!

Please vote and comment as this is what encourages me to keep on writing! Love you all x

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