Chapter 36 ~ Liam

“Damn it, Darcy!” I cry out loud when the screen goes black. It’s not late so I don’t wake anyone up, but still, the curtain of my bunk opens immediately and I meet worried expressions.

“What happened?” Harry asks as I close my own laptop with a loud thump and leave my bed, angry for my argument with Darcy and because she hung up on me, but so worried at the same time.

This is what I was scared of the most, of she not handling this properly, of she needing me by her side when I can’t be there for her. I hate that she is having a hard time, that she is suffering and I can’t be there to help her. I can’t even offer her comfort! She is so damn far away.

These past few months have been really hard with her away, I miss her all the time and even though we talk almost every day, it is not the same. If she were in London, it wouldn’t be that hard while we’re on tour, because I’d know she is at home, that she’d be there, waiting for me when I have to come back. Now I know that when I come back, she won’t be there. She’ll be far, far away. In another continent. Suffering.

I wish I could solve everything for her, fix all her problems and brush away that sadness in her chocolate eyes. I can’t take it when I see her like that, when she cries and all I want to do is to hug her tight in my arms, but she’s not here with me.

I could bear all this if, at least, I knew she is happy there, but she is not! She is in pain, she is miserable and we still have to be separated. It’s not only temporal; it’s not just a tour. No… she went to Chile to live there, with the plan of staying there forever with her family. But she hates being there.

“I had a fight with Darcy,” I explain to Harry walking past him towards the kitchen. I need water.

“’Bout what?” Zayn asks me next. I can hear them following me in the bus. We’re heading to our next destination in our tour in America. As soon as we get there, we have the sound-check and later the gig.

“About how she should tell her mum that she doesn’t like living in Chile, that she is not happy there. But she says she can’t do that to her mum and Lizzie, because they are happy,” I explain, feeling even angrier.

I know that’s Darcy, she is selfless, Lizzie is always the most important person in her world and that she would never do something that could hurt her little sister, but it just infuriates me that she can sacrifice her own happiness for other’s. That can’t be fair, no matter what. She deserves to be happy too and I hate that she can’t see that.

“But doesn’t that mean she is unhappy then?” Louis wonders and I sigh deeply as I open the fridge to take a bottle of water.

“And that’s why we fought. I told her the same,” I carry on taking the first sip of cold water, hoping it will cool down my temper a little bit. “I told her that it’s not fair that she is sacrificing her own wellbeing, but she doesn’t listen! I know she is selfless and everything, but she needs to think of herself a little bit, too!” I cry out and the lads look at me with worry in their eyes.

I think what makes me angrier is that I can’t be there to talk to her, to try to put some sense in her head so she does the right thing. Keeping all this bottle up inside will only make things worse for her. I’m not saying she should tell her mother she wants to go back to London because she doesn’t like Concepción or anything like that, I’m just saying that she should, at least, tell her mother how hard things are for her.

“I’m sorry, mate,” Niall comforts me patting my shoulder. “But maybe when we go to Chile you can talk to her and she’ll understand.”

“But until then she will be miserable, crying at night because she hates living there. How am I suppose to be at ease when I know she is not okay?” I question out loud and all the lads look at each other, trying to find the answer with teamwork. “I can’t, that’s your answer. I can’t be fine if I know she is not.”

I groan and put the bottle down on the table as I run my hands through my hair in a frantic intent to calm down, but it doesn’t work. The dates of this world tour will take us to Chile in July and we are in March. I can’t calm down when I know I have to wait so much to see her again and that she will be like this unhappy all this time without me being able to do something about it.

I don’t wait for the lads to say something else. Right now, all this looks hopeless and I don’t need them to tell me that, nor I need their pity because my girlfriend lives in another country and that makes her unhappy and I can’t do anything to help her. I have myself to remind me of that.

* * *

A few days later, when I get the chance to talk to Darcy again, she tells me that her mum knows now about how she feels, and that puts me at ease immediately. At least, a little bit. She tells me that they are trying to figure out how to fix it, and that’s good, at least she is doing something about it and I can see in her eyes that the weight of her feelings is not that heavy anymore since she shared them with her mum. Though she hasn’t said a word about it to Lizzie, hoping she can fix it before her little sister has to know.

After that, things are a bit easier between us. I know she is trying to fix it, but it is still frustrating that I can’t do anything about it but hear her out when she tells me how things are going. I feel like the worst boyfriend ever because I can’t help her when she needs me. That’s why I’m counting down the days until I see her again, hoping this tour can go by faster so the day I’ll be with her again will come sooner and I’ll be able, at least, to give her a hug as she tells me everything. It is never the same through Skype.

That way, when July comes I can’t wait to head to South America. It was hard, but I convinced management to let us stay in Chile, specifically in Concepción, for three days instead of only one. The lads have noticed my change of mood as I know I’m getting closer to Darcy, that soon I’ll be able to have her in my arms again.

And she looks happier, too. Her smile is always brighter when I tell her that soon we’ll see each other again. And as that day gets closer and closer, I realise how much I’ve missed her. It physically hurts to be separated from her for so many months. It has been six months without her. Six whole months. Half a year, without her, yet my feelings haven’t lessened in the slightest. On the contrary! I feel like now that I know I can’t have her with me all the time, that I know how hard it is when the other person is away, I love her even more.

With Danielle, I was the one who had to go away always knowing she would be home, waiting for me. But with Darcy… she left and she won’t be home waiting for me. Maybe, one day, she’ll come back home, but that’s not even certain. And that makes me appreciate her even more.

When we’re finally in the plane to Concepción after the first show in Santiago, I’m practically bouncing on my seat. The fact that we’re doing two shows in Chile caused a lot of controversy, many were wondering why and, furthermore, why in Concepción and not the two of them in Santiago. Chilean directioners were the happiest, but they also wondered what made us do this, and as they are better than the FBI, they found out about Darcy living in Concepción now. Surprisingly, Chilean fans now are really, really protective over Darcy being in their country. They really stood up for her when fans from other countries got mad because they only had one gig.

Darcy has told me that all the fans she has met so far are incredibly nice to her and that they always tell her to not listen to other jealous ones and that they are really happy to have her in Chile. They have showed her the city and helped her with her Spanish, but she still has a hard time with it. Still, she is better than me.

Needless to say that when we land, I am the first to leave the plane, almost running through the exit, about to say “screw you, luggage!” I just need to see her, feeling my heart beating like crazy in my chest as adrenaline and excitement fill my veins. I can feel it, I know she is near, I just need to find her.

Thank goodness it is a small airport.

When I see her, I swear and I don’t care how cheesy and girly this sounds, but I feel my heart stopping as the rest of the world goes out of focus and only Darcy is there, standing in front of me with a big smile, her short hair under a wool hat, a grey coat hugging her figure and a white scarf hanging from her neck. For a few minutes, none of us moves, I can only stare at her, so happy that she is there, in front of me. And then I wake up and run –yes, literally run, it is not a metaphor this time– towards her, throwing my backpack to the floor as she start to run towards me, jumping to my arms where I catch her tightly.

She is with me. After six months, she is with me again and I don’t think I can ever let her go again. Before I can say anything, I kiss her how I’ve wanted to do for so long, crushing my lips against hers in a hungry and rough kiss, not minding anyone else around us. In that moment, we are the only ones that exist on this planet.

I’ve missed her so much, I’ve missed the way she feels in my arms, her body pressed to mine, her lips moving in sync with mine, the taste of her kiss, the way she holds on to me, her perfume. Everything about her, I’ve missed everything. I can’t believe that we’ve been separated for so long, but as I kiss her, it feels like nothing has changed, but it has. Now I appreciate her more, what we have and the little time we can share.

I let put her down but I don’t leave her lips, I can’t do that yet. However, I cup her face tenderly and I kiss her lips repeatedly before I can finally yet reluctantly pull away from her. I look her in the eyes with the most foolish grin playing on my lips, still cupping her face, stroking her cheeks with my thumbs as she grabs my hoodie in her fists, keeping me close.

“God, I’ve missed you so much you have no idea,” I tell her stealing another kiss.

“I think I have a pretty good idea of how much, considering that I’ve missed you like that, too,” she answers with that beautiful smile that I love so much.

Is it possible that she is even more beautiful now?

I kiss her again, deeply and passionately and I don’t pull back until I hear someone cough repeatedly, evidently trying to call out attention. “Can you cut the PDA, please?” I hear Louis saying and only then I break the kiss, but I keep Darcy close, my arm tightly around her waist. “Hello, Darcy,” he adds next with a cheeky grin and I look at my girlfriend to confirm how blushed she is.

She giggles nervously before Louis steal her from my arms to hug her as well, and I can’t protest because after that comes Harry, and Zayn and Niall, all of them wanting to greet her after so long as well. But as soon as everyone has their turn hugging her, I claim her presence next to me again.

“It’s so good to see you all, again,” she says and her voice sounds different. She sounds more alive this time. “I’ve really missed you.”

“And we missed you!” Harry replies with a big smile. “How’s Lizzie? You didn’t bring her, did you?” Darcy shakes her head with an apologetic smile and Harry sighs. He has really missed the little girl.

“But once you’re in the hotel I’ll take her there and to the gig as well, so you’ll see her there,” Darcy replies and the smile comes back to Harry’s lips, his eyes sparkling with excitement.

“Great! Let’s go then. Are there some fans out there?” Harry asks and Darcy nods. “Then let’s go say hi and head to the hotel!”

We all nod and only there I remember my backpack, but Paul is next to me with a amused expression, handing me back my luggage. After he greets Darcy, I take her hand and together we leave the airport, feeling happy and whole again since she left England. Until this moment, I didn’t realise how much I need her in my life to feel complete. I don’t think I’ll be able to handle saying goodbye again and not seeing her for so long. I honestly don’t know how I’m going to do this again.

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Well, i hope you liked the early update! Thanks for those 1k votes int he previous chapter and all the comments. I'm sorry I haven't replied, I'm sick so I don't spend much time on the computer now 'cos my head hurts.

It's official, LYF has 42 chapters (I wrote the ending already) and it will have an epilogue, so I need you to tell me what do you prefer.

Shout out for the birthday girls: @FallingForYou21 and @ululedin  

Bel, xx