Chapter 34 ~ Liam

“She is leaving?!” Harry exclaims louder than any other sound in the dressing room.

Lou smacks him on the nape and he complains, but his eyes are still on me, demanding for an answer though I don’t feel like saying anything else. I barely told them about Darcy’s mum’s new job and how that means her and Lizzie are leaving to Chile. I know this is for the best, that Darcy is leaving with her family is the right thing to do, but still… it hurts. I know we’re going to make it work, I’ve convinced myself and I trust in what we have. I know she loves me, too, and I feel that’s all what we need, but still.

What if she meets someone there? Someone who can be with her all the time?

What if she can’t come back to visit ever again?

What if we can’t book more then one gig in Chile and that’s all what I’ll get of her each year? How can we manage a relationship if we can only see each other once a year? It scares the hell out of me that distance may be more than what we can manage.

But it’s her family, she belong with them. I will never be more important than Lizzie for her. No one will ever be and I know there is this selfish part of me that wishes I could be more important for Darcy than Lizzie, but if I want to deserve my girlfriend, I can’t be this selfish.

God, why is Chile so far away? Why couldn’t be, I don’t know, America? We go there all the time, but Chile? Only if we have a world tour. Since we started the band, we’ve been only once there and it’s not even sure we will go back.

“Yes. After New Year’s,” I answer with a deep sigh not bothering with raising my head to meet his eyes. Jen, our other make-up artist, is working on my hair and make-up for this photoshoot, and I don’t want to end up with a brush in my eye.

“But–– But… What about you?” Harry asks and I close my eyelids tightly, chanting in my mind ‘we’re gonna be fine, we’re gonna be fine.’

“We’re gonna try this all long-distance relationship.” I don’t sound excited about it, it’s like I’m not even trying to hide my feelings about this.

“And you think that will work? Where is she living?” Niall asks and he doesn’t mean any harm with his words, but still, I feel like he is slapping me.

“I hope it will work, Niall. And she is leaving to Chile, in South America.” So, so, so far away. I’m not even good with Spanish! I can’t go around saying una sacapuntas all the time.

“I’m sorry, mate,” Zayn tells me and I look at him this time, seeing the pity and empathy in his eyes.

“Yeah, I’m sorry too,” I mumbled looking down again.

“I won’t see Lizzie again!” Harry cries out, surprising us all.

For a second I look at him surprised but then a humourlessly chuckle escapes my lips. Sometimes I forget how emotionally attached he is to the little girl. I’m sure Brit will also miss Lizzie and Darcy terribly and I’m afraid she’ll fall in depression. Paul told me once that Labradors were too sensitive and they could fall in depression. He saw it happen.

“You won’t,” I confirm and he really looks devastated. “I’m sorry.”

“We better do a whole tour in that country!” He states making Niall laugh. He is the only one; I can only smile. “I’m not joking.”

“Sure, Hazza,” I tell him though I’d love we could actually do that. Any excuse just to see her more after she is gone. I’d do anything just to see her.

* * *

Time flies, it is running through my fingers like water or sand and I can’t do anything to change it nor stop it. I try to spend every single free moment I have with Darcy, but we’re already in Christmas and in a week she is leaving to Chile and I don’t know when I’ll see her again. I wanted to spend these holidays with her, but I couldn’t just ignore my family, not after what happened with my kidney. I even invited Darcy to go to Wolverhampton with me, but she refused, telling me that holidays were days to spend with the family.

I feel panic building up in my chest every time I see the date in the calendar, knowing that our time together is running out and that the hardest part in our relationship is just coming. Compared to this, all the hatred that we received when I was with Danielle and the occasional events with some fans when I go out with Darcy are nothing.

What if while she is in Chile she meets one fan that doesn’t like her? I’m not going to be there to protect her. They are nice towards her on a daily basis, but there are always some exceptions. I know I promised her that I would put all the fans’ reactions behind us, but now that she is going to be away, I can’t help but worry about her and how Chileans fans will treat her there.

She knows I’m nervous about it, several times she has taken my hand, squeezed it gently and told me “We’ll be fine. I will be fine, don’t worry bout me, Liam. You just keep doing your job and we’ll see each other as soon as possible. Plus, technology nowadays makes everything easier.” She never loses her smile, she is being stronger than I thought she could be. Probably, even stronger than I am.

Lizzie is sad but happy at the same time. She says that she will miss us, she even made Harry to shed some tears, but that she is excited now that she will have her whole family again. No one will be away and they will be happy. Darcy smiles at her but there is something in her eyes, something she hasn’t told me and even when I asked her what happened, she said it was nothing, she was just nervous.

Sometimes I wonder how she will handle the cultural shock. I know she is a strong girl, but still. I won’t be with her to help her to go through that, I can’t even relate to what she will experience. I hate feeling this powerless, I want to do more for the girl I’m in love with.

But time keeps going by and I know I should be happy with my family, we’re all fine, I’m doing great with my kidney and I finally got used again to this new routine, but I can’t. I know that once I go back to London I’ll have to say goodbye to my girlfriend and I dread that day.

But I can’t do anything to freeze time. I barely notice when the dreadful day has come and I find myself hugging her with all I have, not wanting to ever let her go. I wish I could have her like this, in my arms forever, where nothing can step between us, where we are everything that matters.

“Do I have to let you go?” I ask in a whisper and I hear her soft giggles. When is going to be the next time that I’ll hear her giggle like this?

“I have a plane ticket and my luggage is already in… so I think you have to. Now, I’m not saying I agree with that,” she answers with her arms holding me tighter. I have the feeling she doesn’t want to part either.

We’ve been holding like this for, maybe, fifteen minutes already, but I’m not ready yet. Never ready to let her go so far away.

Harry is also with us in the airport, saying goodbye to Lizzie, playing for the last time until we get to see them again… God knows when.

“What if I kidnap you?” I ponder and she giggles again. I rather this, making her laugh because if I see her crying, I’ll start crying again and I don’t want this for us right now.

“I see that hard, Liam. There are always paparazzi nearby and they would find out you kidnapped me. Plus, the airport is quite crowded,” she replies with an amused tone. I hug her even tighter as I think I won’t hear her like this in person for a long time, I won’t hug her like this.

“I had to try.” I pull back just a tiny bit to look her in the eyes. Hers are teary and I know she is fighting hard not to cry. This may be even harder for her, she is the one leaving her life behind, about to start a new one in a far away country, with a different country where she knows no one.

“You need to share her,” I hear another male voice and I want to ignore him, but I can’t do that. Carter is, after all, Darcy’s best friend. He has the right to be here and demand a bit of her time.

Darcy giggles as we pull apart and soon Carter is hugging her tightly while I can only look. He hides his face in her hair and she grabs his hoodie at his back for dear life as she whispers, “I’m gonna miss you so much. I’ll call you all the time, okay? In this time is only three hours difference.”

Carter nods. Maybe his throat is as dry and closed up as mine.

“Be careful, okay? Everything will be fine and if you need me, I’ll be always here for you,” he promises and now Darcy is the one who nods.

I know she is about to say something but we all hear the call of her flight departing in thirty minutes, which means we have to say goodbye because we can’t go with her beyond this point. Carter hugs her tighter and whispers his goodbye before releasing her and she throws herself at my arms. I’ll catch her immediately, not wanting to let her go, not ready. Not ready! How can I be ready to let go the girl I love with all my heart? I can’t!

“I’m gonna miss you so much! Promise me you’re gonna let me know the exact moment you are there safe and sound, okay?” I beg and she nods with her face hidden in my chest. “I’ll see you soon, somehow I’ll manage to see you soon and we’ll be fine. You have to believe that.”

“I know… it’s just so hard not knowing when it’s going to be the next time.” Oh, I know how this uncertainty hurts, but I have to be strong. I can’t break now in front of her.

“I love you,” I tell her pulling back just enough to cup her face in my hand. “We’ll make it work. This is the right thing to do.”

“I love you too, Liam,” Darcy answers and soon she is on her tiptoes and her lips are over mine.

I kiss her back immediately, ignoring the rest of the world around us. This is the last kiss we’ll share in a long, long time. I may as well make it last. I hug her with all my strengths and kiss her with all I have, praying I can freeze this moment forever.

But I can’t do that.

“Time to go, Darcy,” her mum calls and reluctantly, we pull apart, still holding each other though. “Goodbye, Liam. Thanks for taking care of my girls, too.” She tells me and I nod, but I don’t move away from her daughter. Not until Lizzie comes running towards me.

“I’m going to miss you, Lilipooh!” She cries and I can’t believe Niall got her to call me that. “Tell Brit I’ll miss her, too. Okay? If Mum lets me have a dog, they can be friends later!” I kneel and hug the little girl.

“We’ll miss you, too. You’re her favourite person,” I confess and that makes her light up with joy. “Bye, Lizzie. Have a save flight.”

“Bye, Liam.” She kisses my cheek and I rise to my feet, seeing Harry and Darcy saying goodbye.

I walk towards my girlfriend to give her the last kiss until she can’t stay any longer in my arms and walks away with her mother and sister. She looks at me one more time over her shoulder and I swear I can see the first tear falling down, just as mine slowly start to fall as well. In a matter of two minutes, she is completely gone. I can’t see her any longer and it hurts, it hurts more than I ever thought it would hurt.

I miss her already.

-:-:-:-

Shout out for the birhday girls! Specially my little siters, Em! @funnybunny96, @christi1Dlove, @Tomlinson_gal, @xxSummerLoves13xx and @1directiondemi! Happy Birthday!

Bel, xx