Chapter 23 ~ Darcy

As soon as Liam leaves the room with the nurse pushing him in the wheel chair I approach Mrs Payne and take her hand softly, trying to give some comfort to a woman who is clearly in pain. "It's oaky, Mrs Payne. Liam will be fine," I tell her hoping he will be okay. 

Fear of losing him didn't let me sleep last night and then Mrs Payne got here and as she didn't want to wake Liam, we started to talk. She told me everything about Liam's condition and what he had to go through when he was just a kid. I still can't believe he didn't tell me anything and yes, it hurts me that he didn't. I feel like he doesn't trust me enough to share with me those things. Now I know it's not like that, but it still feels that way. 

"I just can't believe we have to go through this again. I thought it was over, I though he was finally fine," she blurts out, her voice breaking at the end of the sentence. I squeeze her hand gently not knowing exactly what to say in a situation like that. "I- he's a good kid, he doesn't deserve this. I've always blamed myself for this but if I did something wrong, he shouldn't pay for my mistakes!" 

"It's nobody's fault, don't say that. Things like this always happen and no one deserves to suffer, but we can't help it and blaming ourselves doesn't solve anything either. The best we can do is to be strong and fight our hardest," I tell her hoping my words will get to her somehow. 

She raises her sight and her eyes meet mine. Hers are big and warm, sweet and kind, like Liam's eyes and even though her smile is weak, I know it is honest. "Thank you, Darcy. I'm really happy Liam has you now. You're a good girl," she replies taking my hand between both of hers. 

"I really care about him," I say softly feeling my cheeks burning. "I'm sorry we had to meet like this," I add next with a shy smile. Truth be told, I never expected to meet Liam's mum in the hospital. 

"Things don't go as planned all the time, do they?" She says and I nod with a sad smile. That couldn't be more truthful. "Maybe you should go home now, your own mother must be worried sick. I'll call you if something happens, okay?" 

I'm reluctant to go, not until I know everything is under control with Liam and he's back from the exams, but Mrs Payne is right, Mum must be really worried. I called her last night letting know that Liam was hospitalised and that I was staying with him. She is leaving tonight and I should at least spend this last day with her, but Liam needs me as well. 

Ugh, talking about being torn. 

"Uh... I'll wait till he's back and then I'll go home. The lads must be on their way, I guess, so soon it will be too crowded." 

"And loud, don't forget that. Those boys truly don't know how to be quiet. They leave a mess wherever they go," Mrs Payne jokes with a light laughter and I can only smile back at her. She's right, all of them are quite loud. "But they are excellent boys and it makes me happy that Liam has such a good friends." 

"They are like brothers," I state and she nods agreeing with me. "I'm gonna go for coffee. Do you want some?" I ask her as I see her so tired, dark bags under her eyes already. 

"Please," is all what she answers and I nod before letting go of her hand and walking out of the room, looking for a vending machine. 

My chest still feels tight and my heartbeats are heavy. I can't get rid of the uneasiness that is choking me. Saying that I'm worried is an understatement; I'm way beyond that. I don't know much about kidney failure, I don't know what to do in these situations, how to help Liam. 

I keep walking distractedly, my mind only focused on this problem we have in our hands right now; I don't even know then moment I stop walking standing there in the hall like a lonely soul crying in sorrow. I feel powerless and ignorant, I wish I could do more than just being here and I hate feeling like this. 

My phone buzzes in my back pocket breaking through my thoughts and I hurry to take it in my hands as I see my mother's picture on the screen. "Hello?" I answer and even I notice how low and depressed my voice sounds. 

"Darcy, how are you? How's Liam? Any good news?" She asks in hurry and I sigh deeply, realising I'm just standing in the middle of the hall, hampering like an idiot. So I move aside, resting my back on the wall. 

"I'm fine and Liam is awake, a lot better. Now the doctors are running some tests to see how everything is with him. Mum... is a kidney failure," I tell her and I hear her catching her breath and I close my eyes, wishing I could solve this in a blink. Help him. 

"I'm so sorry to hear that. It's terrible indeed. Your grandma had it so I know how hard it is. I'm so sorry he has to go through this being so young," she tells me and I remember Grandma. 

Grandma died when I was five and now I remember it was for this problem with her kidney. 

Suddenly, I feel like hyperventilating. 

"Mum... Liam was born with this condition," I add my voice shaking, terror consuming me. 

"Oh no, I'm so sorry, Darcy. But don't worry, he will be fine. I'm sure of that, he's a strong lad." I know she's trying to put me at ease, but I'm scared. I know it's a very delicate condition and Liam is indeed young and not very careful with his own life. 

"Mum, I'm scared. I don't want anything to happen to him!" I cried out and some people stop to stare at me. 

"Nothing will happen to Liam, Darcy. Relax, he will be fine. Breathe in and relax, everything will be fine. You have to trust the doctors," she reminds me but it's so hard to fight back the fear that is eating me from the inside. 

"I guess you're right. I have to go and see if he's back. I'll go home later, okay? See you soon, Mum." 

"See you soon, darling. Tell Liam Lizzie and I send love. 

"Will do," I answer and hang up putting my mobile back in my pocket and sighing deeply. 

After that I really look for a vending machine and buy two coffees. By when I go back to the room, Mrs Payne is talking to the doctor and Liam is in his bed again. I hurry and go next to him hating the tired expression as much as I hate the regret in his eyes. I leave both cups of coffeeson the nightstand next to his bed and take his hand and he looks at me immediately, his stare darker with shame. 

"How are you feeling?" I ask and he sighs before replying. 

"I've been better. Things don't look good though," he whispers and I turn to look at the doctor and Mrs Payne. She looks miserable. "My kidney is not working at all, so again I have only one functional kidney and I'll have to be extra careful this time unless I want to lose the other one too," his voice breaks at the and of that sentence and he looks away, but I see the pain in his eyes before he avoids my own glance. I see the hatred burning in his irises. 

"I'm so sorry," I whisper and he looks at me with a funny expression. 

"Always apologising. You never change, do you?" I chuckle humourlessly. "I guess I should be grateful I got to know how is to have two functional kidneys. Nothing lasts forever." 

He sounds so defeated and lost and that makes my chest ache for him. I hate seeing him like that, with all that life that always shines in his eyes completely gone, with all that spirit and strength nowhere to be seen. 

Not knowing exactly what I'm doing and not caring that his mum and the doctor are in the room as well, I take his face in my hands making him look me in the eyes again and before he can say something, I bean down and press my lips against his, kissing him softly. He kisses me back immediately and I'd love to stay like this forever, but I'm conscious of where we are and with whom, so I pull back but never look away. 

"You'll be fine," I tell him with certainty, even if I'm scared myself. "Yes, you'll have to be extra careful and it's okay, we all have to make our own sacrifices sometimes. We can't have all what we want in the way we want, but that doesn't mean we have to give up. Life has its obstacles but those are meant to make us stronger. All we can do is to keep fighting," I blurt out and he breathes in sharply, his eyes intense on me. "I may not know much about this problem itself, but I know you and you're a fighter, you don't give up." 

"I don't," he agrees and I allow myself to smile, stroking his cheeks with my thumbs. "You're right, I can't let this bring me down now. I have so many other blessings and I can't forget that," he carries on and I smile wider, so proud of him in this moment. 

I kiss him again, a short and ephemeral kiss but beautiful nonetheless. 

"We have to focus on the positive things, right?" He nods at my question. 

"Thank you, Darcy. I'm so happy to have you here with me. Thank you for not letting me forget what it really matters." 

"I'm here for you, babe. No matter what." I know that sounds like a big promise and maybe it's too soon to say something like this, but I feel it, in my heart I feel it is right to say it out loud because I'll be there for him, no matter what life throws at us. I won't walk away from him when he needs me. 

He raises his hands and put them over mine closing his eyes as if the touch of our hands together was all what he needs. I pull my hands away from his face and entwine our fingers together and he still doesn't open his eyes. I think he fell asleep. 

"Liam," I say softly and he only hums as a response. "I gotta go now. I'll be back later, okay?" 

He opens his eyes now and looks at me with understanding in his eyes but also reluctance. "Do you have to?" 

I giggle at his question and tone. "Yes. Mum is worried and I need a shower. She and Lizzie send love, by the way. Probably Lizzie will want to see you as well." 

"Bring her if you want." He smiles and I squeeze his hand gently. 

"I'll probably bring her. Now sleep and get rest, I'll see you soon." 

"Soon," he echoes and I smile, bending down to kiss his lips one more time before leaving, promising Mrs Payne I'll be back soon and asking her to call me if anything happens. 

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Dedication to @MelissaHaworth for her belated birthday! I hope you had a lovely day.

Bel, xx