TUESDAY

Hongjoong taps his car panel, types a in key, shutting off the car. He exhales loudly, bringing his right hand up to his left shoulder, massaging its tense, firm muscles.

He's back from another exhausting day of work, and as much as it's tiring, he's been enjoying it lately, since it's a way to get his mind away from home, or life in general.

He makes his way to the door that leads to the house, and as soon as he grabs the door knob he hears something.

What's going on?

As his ears adjust themselves to the muffled sound coming from the inside, its rhythmic melody tells him it's a song.

That's unusual... He thinks to himself before leaning in a little closer, enough to get a better listen to it, then he recognizes the familiar tune.

It's their song.

His and Mingi's.

Hongjoong feels his heart drop and retreats his hand, noticing it's starting to shake as he presses it to his chest, as if keeping it fixed to something would make it stop.

He feels the urge to swallow, noticing his throat has suddenly become dry, and he does so with some difficulty. He, then, lets out a long heavy sigh, releasing the air he had unintentionally held in his lungs.

Oh no, please... Don't tell me...

Reaching with his shaky hand for his phone, Hongjoong grabs onto it firmly and its screen lits up with one double-touch of his fingertip, showing the date and time. He had been so busy he didn't even check his phone all day.

Shit! Did he remember? Hongjoong cursed at himself and brought one hand up to ruffle his hair aggressively.

He felt like his own karma was going to torture him to death, little by little, every day.

He looked at the screen again, praying to any and every god that his suspicions weren't true.

September 3rd, this song, of course he remembers. His grip on the delicate object strengthened, as his legs weakened. He crouched down, arms crossed on his knees as he hid his face.

Too afraid of what was waiting for him inside. He didn't want to feel anything right now, even after a long day of work, away from all this, he could feel in the air that this time there was no escaping it.

I'm tired... Make it stop... He cried mentally, while his eyes felt drier than ever, and his mouth tasted bitter for some reason. He was pretty sure that was the taste of his anxiety.

The door suddenly opened from the inside and a deep voice called out. "Hongjoong?"

Hongjoong looked up and couldn't stop the startled whimper from coming out of his mouth at the view of the brunette's tall and handsome figure in front of him. You can do this, you're fine.

"Oh, baby, there you are! I heard the car, what took you so long to come in?" The sweet and excited voice sent chills down his spine and he started to feel heavily sick to his stomach.

Things were not getting better as he expected them to. He cursed his entire body and soul for rejecting his lover with all their might, screaming into his ears silently, in their own language, messing up all of his senses and natural responses, triggering all these reactions, when all he wanted to do was to get used to all of this once and for all. He just couldn't bring himself to do anything about it. Not anymore.

He did try before, but it was harder than he thought it would be. Ending this. Letting him go. He just couldn't. He needed Mingi. He had promised to never let him go.

He prayed that eventually he would get used to it, it could be just a phase. Right, he just needed time. More time.

As he tried to brainwash himself into thinking he was okay with everything, he soon snapped out of it as he felt his body tense up and resist as a pair of large hands tried pulling him up from his crouching position. Once, and then twice. On the second try he got up, but he could still feel his muscles stiffening, as he was pulled to move forward, and resisting again.

He didn't know what to expect, and his limbs kept freezing in place, not thrilled to find out what's waiting for him inside either.

"Are you okay?" Hongjoong hummed dismissively. So the taller's long arms pulled him into a warm embrace, glueing both of their bodies together as he guided Hongjoong forwards into the house. He was sure he wouldn't be able to go in with his own stubborn legs, but he wouldn't say he was exactly thankful for the help.

Stubborn legs that right away tried to give up on him once again as soon as his eyes took a long look around the living room, and his nose smelled something delicious in the air.

Faint memories flooded his mind, messing up all his senses in such a way he couldn't describe.

He had never felt anything like this before. Something this overwhelming and painful, where the beautiful decorations hanging and sitting delicately everywhere didn't bring him any joy, and the delicious smell only made him nauseous. He felt light headed and sick. I can't do this...

The same song kept playing, their song. The same romantic decorations spread all over, the same smell of their favorite food, cooked by Mingi.

He would compare this feeling to a cursed dejavu, except all this has happened before. Exactly a year ago. Before everything. A time when he was truly happy, and would never have guessed all this was going to happen in the future.

"Surprise! Happy anniversary, my love, do you like it?" Hongjoong feels a hand brush a strand of his hair back, tucking it behind his ear, and the plumpness of a pair of lips kiss his head.

The sweet gesture only added to his miserable discomfort.

His body froze in place and he suddenly couldn't move at all, nor could he take his eyes off of the view in front of him, or even turn to look at the man standing beside him.

All his body did was shake nervously, as he did his best to hold in the tears welling up in his eyes.

"W-what..." he clears his throat before continuing, "What's all t-this... Our anniversary... last year..." he could barely sort out his thoughts, he had so many questions to ask, he needed so many answers, he was definitely surprised, but not in a good way.

He feels the need to embrace his own torso, trying to maintain his posture from all the anxious shaking he had going on.

"Yes! You loved the surprise last year, didn't you? So, I had to do another one this year as well!" Hongjoong feels a set of hands press both sides of his body, then turn him to the side, his hazel eyes, wide open in surprise, locked themselves to beautiful deep dark brown ones, only a few inches away from him. "So, what do you think?"

"It- It's the same as last year... E-exactly the same... How could you-" his voice breaks and cuts him off mid sentence. He swallows down the lump on his throat, trying not to snap and just scream in despair. He felt angry and violated in a way, but most of all, deeply hurt and offended. "How could do this exactly the same?"

Mingi smiles at him softly. "Well, I went through all pictures of our small anniversary celebration from last year, and even found the recipes from all the food I cooked for you that day on my history browser. It's perfect isn't it?" His voice sounded so full of conviction on his genius plan. But that was not what Hongjoong was asking. He wanted to know how he could ruin one of their best memories together like this.

"That's not how it works!" He then snaps and yells at the younger, pushing the tall brunette away from him. His blood rushes to his face, as his frustration and anger burst out.

All his efforts to make this work were going to drive him insane at some point. All the pain he had tried so hard to ignore for so long, agitated his whole body and suffocated him.

"Surprises are not supposed to be the same, they... They should be different, new, they... How could you? You're ruining everything!" Hongjoong finished off in a high pitched scream, and now he can't hold back his tears any longer, he doesn't want to anymore.

All he wanted was to continue his life, as it was before, with the love of his life. He didn't want to start over, and he didn't want to relive anything. But everything now seemed either new or old, never the same, no continuity.

He was starting to lose hope, and deep inside he knew he was the one to blame for his own misery, that killed him a little more every second, every day.

A few minutes later, a large hand places itself on his back, rubbing it softly. "Joong," Hongjoong then pauses, - even his cries - and cringes as he hears his own nickname. "Are you sad? This is not how it was supposed to go, I did this because you said you loved it last year, I'm so sorry." He looks up at his boyfriend's soft apologetic expression, and he feels creeped out for some reason. He knows he had liked it, and that he had said it, but everything feels so different now, it was like the other shouldn't know about any of this, like it was a secret from their past, and it belonged to their past selves, and no one else.

"I did like it then, but this is not... Don't do this again."

"I'm really sorry Joong, tell me, what did you want me to do instead? I'll do it for sure next time."

The question sounded so genuine, but it angered him as much as it hurt him. He just wanted the pain from all the memories to stop.

"I- I don't know! What do you want to do? Say something! Do something!" Hongjoong pleaded, this wasn't the first time he found himself in that desperate state, but things had gone too far this time around. Things would never be the same, and he was starting to fear the other would never satisfy his need, and he would never get used to this.

"I don't know what you want me to do. Should I try looking back at the stuff we did on the one previous to last year? I think I might be able to do that." The seriousness on the taller's voice set him off, a not-so-friendly reminder of what he was stuck with for life now.

"No! Fuck, no! Oh God, I can't do this..." Hongjoong pinched the bridge of his nose with a shaky hand, and bit his lower lip to try and think about what he could do now, he couldn't stay here for a minute longer, but he didn't know what to do either.

"I see that you're stressed right now. If you don't like this part of the surprise, should I move on to the next one?" Hongjoong's jaw opened, and his stomach contracted as another memory pop up on his head. He can't be talking about that, right? He wouldn't know, right? His eyes fired up displaying a deathly glare as he looked back up at the other.

"It'll make you feel good. I don't know exactly how it was last year, but if you still remember it, you can guide me this time too." The brunette finished off with a soft smile, and Hongjoong could only gasp in disbelief. That was it. He has to get out, right now.

"You. Listen up. I don't want to hear another word about this, or what this was." He paused trying not to let his voice crack as tears of anger threatened to come out. "I'm not sleeping here tonight, and I want all of this gone when I come back." Hongjoong gives his final word and leaves the house.

Driving off to nowhere by himself.

For a second he contemplated never coming back to his own house ever again.

But he would, eventually. He knew the only way was to get him out of there.

And he couldn't do that.

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