MONDAY

Hongjoong wakes up with a startled gasp coming out of his own mouth. As his body forces him to regain consciousness, he notices his wet skin, heart being fast and heavy breathing.

He blinks a few times letting his eyes adjust to the darkness surrounding him as he's able to recognize his bedroom, which for a second didn't feel familiar at all.

The sun hasn't risen yet. He sighs and feels his body calming down as it senses nothing to be alarmed for anymore. Another nightmare, Hongjoong says in his head, feeling his temples pulse painfully as another morning headache makes itself present. He honestly can't really tell if he'd rather face the nightmare in his dreams, or in real life.

The irony of it all is that his dreams were perfect. They consisted of the most precious, beautiful and joyful memories of his past, their past. A time before everything went wrong in his life, a time when he felt happy, loved, complete. With Mingi, his boyfriend.

But those moments were all in the past now, though he missed them so much - him, so much - he was afraid of admitting things would never be the same.

It felt unreal to Hongjoong, that they were so perfect, but not meant to last. They weren't meant to be together forever, and instead of accepting that reality, Hongjoong only made it worse, opening up doors that would lead him straight to hell on earth. He did it to himself.

But he had sworn to his life that he'd never let him go, that he'd do anything to have him in his life, forever. He had tried so hard to make that happen, but the reality was starting to sink in, - all his efforts only made the lovely memories of their past together trigger pain. Whether he was wide awake, or asleep, it all became a nightmare.

A single tear rolled from his left eye, into his hairline, and he notices it followed a trail easily, he probably had cried in his sleep as well. He sobs lightly at his own misery, but soon lets out another startled gasp as the silence is finally broken by a deep voice coming from somewhere next to him.

"You're up early, baby, are you ok?" The familiar voice asks, but Hongjoong brings both hands up to cover his eyes and shuts his lids tight under them, instead of answering back he only sobs harder. "Joongie baby... Look at me, come on" Hongjoong feels a weight next to him, as a warm body pressed itself to his side and a large hand pushes his bangs away from his sweaty forehead.

Hongjoong opens his eyes slowly and mouth and comands to nothing - "Dim lights". As the lights in the room smoothly go from dark, to dim, his tired eyes adjust themselves and takes in the appearance of the one leaning onto him.

"It's nothing, it was just... another nightmare." He feels his muscles automatically relax as he looks at his boyfriend's figure right in front of him, looking so unbelievably perfect. As perfect as Mingi could get.

"I'm right here baby, I'm not going anywhere, you know that." Hongjoong's sure he's happy somewhere deep inside while hearing that, but a burning sensation is growing in his chest and eating his whole heart up, and he has to fight not to make any sound at how much those words now hurt. Because he knows they're not true.

He loves Mingi so much, he misses him so much. His heart clenches in pain, even though his muscles had just relaxed, and he finds himself having mixed feelings once again. His body for some reason feels attracted to Mingi's handsome figure right beside him, but rejects his presence at the same time, sensing something felt off.

And he knew why.

This wasn't the same Mingi from his dreams.

Hongjoong turns slightly to the side, to face his boyfriend. Mingi's eyes were always so full of life and sparkly. He moves his arms up to hold onto the tall man's neck, and starts caressing the skin and hair there. It feels just like it always had.

Fuck. Hongjoong curses himself in his mind as he feels his cheeks heat up, blood rushing all over, specially down his lower stomach.

A shiver snaps him out of his thoughts as a large hand holds onto his waist and presses onto it. He opens his mouth to hiss slightly, he needs to feel more of this. It's been a long time... maybe I could...

"I'm feeling a little tense right now... there's still time before work, and..." he hates himself for hesitating, he never got used to requesting this kind of thing. He's also not sure if it will work this time, but how much worse can things get? Might as well try one more time.

His body at the moment, definitely wants to try it again.

"Can you... Can you make me feel good?"

"Sure baby, how would you like me to do you?" Hongjoong flinches slightly when he feels the same hand push him forward, moving him to precisely glue their bodies together. The familiar warmth pressed to his body sends shivers down his spine, and he's sure his face looks cherry red right now.

As he notices something else starting to press him under the sheets, more specifically on his lower abdomen, his body is quick to respond to the simulation, as he feels his member hardening, rubbing itself on the one pressing it, sending pleasure at every growing inch, encouraging it to grow an inch more, until it hits its full length.

"You already know how I like it..." Hongjoong hates himself for this. It's dirty, disgusting, but he can't go back now, he misses this so much.

An invisible flame starts inside of him, and sends waves of a painful pleasure all over his body as his lover touches, rubs and kisses him in all his favorite places, - in all the ways he loves.

Hongjoong moans quietly and arches his back, one hand clenched around the dark locks on his boyfriend's head, whose lips were now skilfully licking and sucking onto his hard member. He is aroused, yet he feels dirty at this wicked desire growing on him, making him feel good, but sick to his stomach.

As time went by, the more he felt good, the more he wanted to just disappear from the world. He loved, but hated this at the same time. He just couldn't stop, and that disgusted him. It felt all too familiar, it felt like it always had. Mingi always felt so good.

"H-harder... Do it... a little... harder..." Hongjoong guides the taller's thrusts now, between his heavy breathing, as he feels his release building up in him. The taller does exactly as he's told, and the precise thrusts hits Hongjoong's prostate harder and continuously. He lets out an elongated cry and comes, painting both his and the brunette's stomach with his seed.

The sex was perfect, better than ever before. But it felt way too perfect, and not the way it used to be - messy, clumsy, real.

Reality hits him once again as the pleasure dies down, and only a churning sensation on his stomach is present now. Not this again... Hongjoong starts to feel extremely nauseous, so he gets up and runs straight to the bathroom.

Leaning on the toilet, he starts gagging non-stop, but nothing comes out. He hates how good he felt a while back, how his body reacted to it. It disgusted him to a point where it triggered his gag reflex, but every once in a while his body would ask for it. Maybe someday everything would feel exactly like it did before.

As his stomach finally stops contracting, he goes silent once again. Not even tears left to cry at the moment. He shakes his right hand once and looks at a thin black bracelet wrapped around it glow up and tell him the time. Shit, I have to get ready.

Hongjoong stands up from the bathroom floor and goes straight into the shower, he has to be at work in an hour, so he tries to make it quick. Once his body - and thoughts -, were all seemingly washed clean, while the soothing smell from his soap calmed his nerves. A moment of peace in the middle of hell.

As he finishes, he walks back into the bedroom and eyes Mingi seated at the corner of the bed, staring into nothing outside the window. He looked exactly the same as Hongjoong had left him after sex. Completely unbothered by the events, and the mess on himself. And that bothered Hongjoong.

"Hey... Go clean yourself, I'm getting ready for work" Hongjoong watches the handsome brunette smile slightly at him, giving him goosebumps, and disappearing into the bathroom. Forcing himself to ignore his boyfriend's behavior, he enters his closet and focuses on finding decent clothes to put on.

He must get ready and head out to work, fast. Before grows suffocated again, he needs to get out of there, even if it's only for the few hours of his shift at work.

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I changed this into a short story, because this is starting to get really long for a oneshot as I previously planned it to be! Hope you don't mind it, and let me know what you think!