sometimes...

sometimes you just snap, you know?

something inside you pings.

and you think, that's enough.

even if it's a tiny thing.

the tiniest things can be just enough to push you over the edge.

and you may not show it.

no, you may seem perfectly normal...

at a first glance.

but soon

people realise

that something's not quite right.

or maybe they won't.

it depends how good you are at hiding.

i've hidden for so long.

i've tried being open, but people don't like that. they don't like my unhappiness.

but instead of accepting it, trying to make me happier...

they force me.

i tell them my unhappiness, and they only retort with more unhappiness.

they force me to put on a mask of happiness, make me walk around acting as if everything's okay.

there are so many people i have lied to.

so many people i have told 'nothing's wrong'.

so many people who have caught onto my unhappiness, but i've woven tales of lies and deceit to get them to forget the issue.

i don't tell them.

i don't tell a single soul.

.

..

...

i don't fear death.

if i were sitting in a bus

with a gun pressed against my forehead

and a rough, dirty finger holding the trigger

i wouldn't fear it.

sure, i'd shake

scream

beg for mercy

but in all honestly

i wouldn't be too scared.

often i wish someone would come who would be able to read my mind, and even though they might hate what's in there, stay with me.

but that'll never happen.

so until then

i'd keep on dreaming.