I don't want hope, stars and you.
It's all lie

The night sky was sinister smile of ebony, totally opposite of the street which was noisy with people producing sound like group of cicadas, photographers stand unwillingly behind the yellow barrier representing 'do not cross' patrolled by police, the reporter speak in different languages with their cameraman along with snaked device ready to spit venom. The heavy smoke forming in air with their breathing indicating the temperature of night have gone lower than expected.

The wind howled across me as if it was angry wolf, I kept my eyes down analyzing the situation I'm into. The van of paparazzies is standing few meter away from building. They are cleaning their camera lenses with gloved hands when the fog made a layer on it. The clicking sound increased again when head inspector started giving his speech the one he must be preparing to satisfied the eager audience like giving a toddler answer of question which they never understand yet willingly to hear.

Don't you think life is funny, just when you thought you got figured out everything, just when you think everything is smooth, cool and you begin to think it's simple, get excited about it and like you know in which direction you are heading to and suddenly the path change, the direction change, the wind start blowing other way. North become south and south become east and you again, just get lost in chaos.

Have ever thought of what will happen after death, crossed your mind, a pink and white bridge decorated with ethereal flowers waiting for pure souls while fire ignited hall along with hell lord wanted to turn your body into ashes must be looking for you but no there wasn't anything like that. It was like you are frozen in the moment, like everything was moving except me.

Yes, I'm lost person who was standing in the thirty-eight floor from where when I look down the ground invited me to jump and I did, like one jumping in pool of cool water in dazzling summer to get relief to their aching body and mind, I jumped to find my lost soul. I attempt a successful suicide an hours ago.

My dead body was taken by my bestfriend to the place call hospital, the one he thinks would able to save me from the distress I'm felling that I still have few breath remaining so he could ask me why I did it and scold me like he always do. Mom, that's what I call him cause my real mom simply never cared.

Because when people cares about you they make effort not excuses, I'm like the toy, makes other happy, they uses me as they please and when the toy is broken they threw it out like it's emotions wasn't important. The one who cares can hear you when you are quite but nobody listened to me even when I screamed at them, asked them to love me.

Love, what's that, maybe if my parents told me bedtime stories of princess fall in love with their prince charming, maybe they answered my question when I asked them do they love me. Only if I ever felt that stupid emotion once for someone then I would have know what is it but like the small boat stuck in between big waves in the middle of ocean and there is no use of anchor, for me that's useless to know what is love anymore.

I wish I did though.

The dam was broken, tear rushed down my face, fear paralyzed my every being. That's not what I wanted, I wanted to die and end my suffering forget everything like after you do taking morphine in your system but here I'm seeing people mourning over me like they cared, like they ever understood me. I don't wanna feel the guilt which was tightening my throat, wrapping a spiny necklace around it every passing second.

I wanna disappear like the worst memory person could ever had cause I'm one. I'm nothing but a second choice, a failure, a clown who mask happy emotions behind the white powder and awful red nose only get it stained and run across my cheeks like white river. I tried jumping again but nothing happened, I was back at the same skyscraper with blue glass window, where everyone was enjoying new year eve few hours ago. I ruined it.

I just wish, I never get found again not my soul neither body.

_________

Guys, I took me so much courage to make this book, I'm trying to improve writing, am I doing good? The one who have read my previous book can make the difference, tell me please.

And yeah what do you think about prologue?

Guys vote please, it give me motivation to write and if you can't vote tell me I'll help you with dragging your fingers toward star at corner if your screen.

But without darkness we can't see the stars and without you there isn't any me.