Tw: Cuts from self harm, mention of past suicide attempt, mention of not eating, self harm, start of panic attack

Virgil woke up, pain in his thighs from his cuts rubbing up against his pajamas. Virgil groaned. He really regretted yesterday. He had been clean for a while. Virgil furrowed his eyebrows, he didn't know exactly how long. Virgil pulled out his phone's calendar, the last time he self harmed was his attempt which was on December 23. Meaning yesterday he had been 84 days clean. Virgil sighed. He had been doing so good. Why had he even done it? There was really no trigger. Just a strong urge. Maybe starving himself had taken some of the urge to self harm away but he hadn't starved himself in a while so none of the urge was taken away. Patton opened the door and smiled at him, "Breakfast is ready, Angel." Virgil nodded and got out bed. Virgil gave Patton a peck to his lips and the two headed downstairs to eat.

"How are you feeling?" Patton asked during the meal.

"Tired," Virgil said truthfully. He knew Patton was asking for if he felt he would self harm again today but he had no clue. He did really regret it but he also knew that if he got an urge yesterday he could have another today.

Patton hummed, "Make sure to rest while I'm gone." Patton glanced at the clock and stood up, "I'm going to be late if I don't go now." He kissed the top of Virgil's head, "I'll see you later, Love. Stay safe!" With that Patton was gone.

One of the puppies barked at Virgil. He looked down at the black and white, fluffy pup and smiled. She was honestly his favorite out of the four. Her fur made her look like a bear in puppy form, hence her name, Bear. "What's up Bear?" She barked at him again. "What, you wanna play?" Her tail wagged excitedly. Virgil got down onto the floor and petted her. She barked and ran away. Virgil frowned when she left but she came back with a blue ball. She placed it down and barked again. Virgil lightly tossed it away and she quickly retrieved it. He continued to throw the ball for the pup. Eventually her siblings joined in on the fun and it was so adorable to see the fluffy puppies chase after the ball.

After awhile the puppies got tired and they fell asleep. Three of them fell asleep in a pile but not Bear, she decided Virgil was her bed. He petted her on the kitchen floor. His legs began to hurt from sitting on the floor for so long. He gently picked her up, she stirred and possible woke but she made no attempt to leave. He carried her to the couch where he laid down and she continued to sleep on his stomach. He lazily pet her and scrolled through social media.

He scrolled and an image came up. It was a picture of self harm. Virgil immediately shut off the phone but the image was burned into his mind. He felt the familiar urge to cut open his skin. Virgil took in a deep breath to try and calm the urge down. Virgil scratched his arm and felt how he really needed to trim his nails. He kept scratching though. He stopped before he could draw blood. Bear looked at him. She was woken by how anxious he was becoming. Virgil cuddled her closer as his anxiety grew. Sometimes he went emotionless when cutting or about to and other times he'd have a panic attack if he didn't harm himself. Bear gained a concern look on her puppy face. She softly barked at him. Virgil just tried to distract himself with petting the puppy but it wasn't working. Patton wasn't on his lunch break for another two hours. Virgil knew by that time he would have gotten pass the urge or he would've self harmed already. Virgil began to shake and cry. He didn't want to have a panic attack by himself. He needed to stop it.

Virgil stood up and left Bear on the couch. He grabbed a knife out of the drawer and thought about where to cut. His thighs were already covered so there was no room there. Patton would be suspicious if he left and Virgil was wearing short sleeve but came back and Virgil was wearing a long sleeve. Plus he was already warm and he didn't want to be any warmer so long sleeves were out of the question. Virgil lifted his shirt, there were scars there too. He took the knife to the skin and made cuts after cuts. When he was done he sighed. If he continued like this he'd run out of space. He'd also never be clean.

Patton came home at the time he did every day. They hugged, kissed, ate dinner talked and at the end of the day they cuddled. Patton had his hand on Virgil's stomach. He felt little bumps. Virgil tried to not make it known that he now had cuts on his stomach. He stayed perfectly still, but it was too still. Patton moved his hand and felt more bumps through the thin shirt. "What's on your belly, Baby?" Patton asked.

"Scars," Virgil replied, knowing full well that Patton felt the new cuts.

Patton hummed, "I didn't feel them last time I touched your belly." Virgil shrugged and tried to not panic. Patton frowned. He knew that if Virgil were to lie he would be more comfortable with lies of omission rather than commission. "Did you hurt yourself today?"

Virgil didn't speak for a second, "I played with the puppies."

"You didn't answer my question."

"I didn't," Virgil agreed with Patton on his last statement.

Patton hummed, he was still suspicious, "Was that agreeing with me or answering my question?"

"Agreeing with you."

"So did you?"

"Did I what?"

"Virgil," Patton said sternly. He let go of Virgil and sat up. Virgil looked up at him and frowned. He had a completely serious expression on his face.

"Okay," Virgil sighed, "I did."

Patton's expression softened, "Love."

"I'm sorry."

Patton hugged him, "It's okay, but why did you do it?"

The emo shrugged, "I don't know. I didn't want to but I was starting to have a panic attack and that was the only way to stop it."

Patton hugged him tighter, "There are better ways to deal with a panic attack. Please stay clean tomorrow. If you get another strong urge text me everything you want to do and then try and distract yourself until i'm able to respond. I love you and I don't want to see you hurt."

Virgil nodded, "I'll try, I love you too."