I've had this written since chapter 4 😎 Tw: Self harm(descriptive), self harm scars,

After being told how it was okay to reveal his arms Virgil had gotten used to wearing short sleeves. It was nice after not doing it for so long. So for the last two weeks he had been happy and free in his short sleeves. Well up until now. He didn't know why but he just felt depressed. It wasn't stopping him from doing the dishes though as they needed to be done badly.

Virgil looked at the knife drawer. Patton was at work. He could easily self harm again. Virgil looked down at his scar covered wrists. Patton would expect him to keep his hoodie off since he had kept it off recently and if he kept it on Patton would convince him to take it off somehow. Then Virgil's focus changed from his wrists to his thighs. He had self harmed there before and it's not like Patton would force him to take off his pants. He was momentarily distracted by the sixty day old puppies growling and play with each other. He refocused on his thoughts Virgil looked between the drawer and his legs. The urge was so strong. Too strong for Virgil. The rest was a dream like state. He walked slowly over to the drawer and opened it. Virgil pulled out a small silver knife. Virgil looked to the time. It was 12:44 pm. Patton wouldn't be home until three. Virgil turned his attention back to the knife in his hands. He undid his skinny jeans and pulled them down a bit. Virgil looked at the many scars on his thighs from the past. He slowly took the knife to his skin and pulled it across. Little beads of blood pushed towards the surface. Virgil made cuts after cuts. None of them deep enough to do any damage, but they would leave scars. He kept on going and before he knew it all of his thighs were covered in red lines. Virgil looked to the clock and saw that it was now 12:53. He looked back to the knife which now had blood on it. Virgil washed the blade and then put it back into the drawer. Virgil looked to his legs once more. None of the cuts were deep at all so they had all now stopped bleeding. Virgil pulled his pants back up and continued on with the dishes liked nothing happened.

It did feel like nothing happened.

Sure he felt the sting of the new cuts but on the inside he felt numb. He didn't feel any regret. He didn't feel any sadness. He didn't feel guilty. He felt nothing.

As always Patton came home at three o'clock. Patton greeted Virgil with a smile and a hug. Virgil returned the hug but felt nothing still. Which was slightly concerning. It was movie night and so they started to watch Inside Out. At the sad part Patton curled into Virgil as he cried. Patton looked up to Virgil's face and saw that it held no emotions. Patton furrowed his eyebrows and wiped his tears. Virgil usually would show some emotion to his boyfriend curling into him and crying, but tonight there was nothing. Patton sat up and placed a hand on Virgil's right thigh. Virgil noticeably winced in pain. Patton tilted his head and paused the movie, "Are you okay?"

Virgil turned to him and nodded slightly, "Yeah I'm fine."

"A-are you sure? I haven't seen you express any emotion all day and you winced when I touched your leg." Patton stared into Virgil's dark brown eyes with worry filling his own hazel eyes.

"I'm just a little tired and I tripped earlier," Virgil explained.

Patton took Virgil's hand, "Let me check out your leg. If it still hurts I want to make sure that it isn't hurt too bad."

Virgil showed the first emotion that Patton had seen since he got home, fear, "Oh it's fine, just a little bruise."

Patton stared into Virgil's eyes, as if he was searching for something. Patton frowned, "It seemed like it hurt more than a little bruise. Virgil, you can tell me anything. It would be extremely hard to trip and have your thigh get bruised in this house. So what actually happened?"

Virgil pulled his knees up to his chest and hugged his legs. He looked away from Patton and there were some tears in his eyes, "While you were g- gone I..." Virgil buried his head into his knees.

Patton rubbed circles into his boyfriend's back, "Hey it's okay. Take your time. I'm here for you."

Virgil leaned into Patton and sniffled, "I self harmed." Virgil's voice was at whisper level but Patton still heard. He was taken aback. He thought Virgil was doing better. What had happened while he was gone? It was quiet for a while, for Virgil it was for too long, "You probably hate me now."

"What no! I was just processing it and think of the best way to respond! I still love you Virgil. I understand that these things take time and you can't flip a switch and be fine. But I want to know what happened that made you have the urge?"

Virgil shrugged as best he could while curled into Patton, "I don't know. Nothing really happened, I was just doing the dishes and then I got a really strong urge. I'm sorry."

Patton hugged Virgil and kissed his forehead, "It's okay, we can find something that will make it so that when you have an urge you won't do it." Virgil nodded and wrapped his arms around Patton's waist.

"Can we do that later?" Virgil requested.

"Of course," Patton replied, "anything to make you comfortable."