Tw: Skipping meals, weight gain, purging(vomiting), insecure about body, eating disorders

They had just been cuddling like they had been doing so much for the last ten days that they'd been dating. Today was different though. One thing was that Virgil had been feeling insecure about his body today, well he did everyday but today it was more than normal. It didn't help that Patton was rubbing his side which made him focus on his stomach that he so hated right now. He knew that yeah this was healthier than before and Patton was just trying to be sweet but he still felt so uncomfortable.

Patton on the other hand didn't know that Virgil was feeling insecure. He was just enjoying being with his boyfriend and was also happy that Virgil had gained some weight. He wanted the darkly dressed man to be healthy. Patton finally stopped rubbing Virgil's side and just held Virgil close instead. Patton kissed the back of Virgil's neck and shut his eyes. The two men fell asleep cuddled up next to each other.

Virgil felt like he had failed Patton. He didn't eat while his boyfriend was at work. He just couldn't get himself to. He wanted to call Patton while he would be on his lunch break but Virgil didn't want to bother him. Patton would have probably told him that he could call him anytime and that the emo could never bother him but Virgil was just too anxious to do it. When Patton got home Virgil didn't tell him how he didn't eat. At dinner he knew he had to eat so that Patton wouldn't worry. So he did, it was difficult and he wanted to give up but he didn't. Afterwards he felt gross and awful. He felt like he didn't deserve anything.

When they went to sleep Virgil didn't cuddle into Patton like he usually did. He really wanted to but he didn't feel worthy of Patton's cuddles and he also didn't want Patton to be able to see how much weight he was gaining. Patton respected the fact that Virgil wasn't cuddling into him, he was a little sad by it but he assumed that maybe Virgil just wasn't feeling like cuddles.

Virgil tried again the next day to maybe eat but he didn't end up doing that. He didn't eat until Patton made him dinner. Again he felt gross for eating. Patton noticed that they were getting low on the milk for the puppies so he left Virgil to do the dishes while he got the milk. While Patton was gone Virgil was left alone with his thoughts. You should purge, Virgil thought to himself. He shook his head and said aloud to himself, "No, I need to keep down this food for Patton."

Within a few minutes Virgil was leaning over the toilet bowl and heaving. You dumb bitch, couldn't just listen to reason. The front door opened and he barely heard Patton call something out. If Virgil could have he would've stopped his noises but he was already vomiting again. Patton opened the unlocked door the rest of the way and sat beside Virgil. He rubbed circle's into Virgil's back, "Did you accidently eat too much again?"

A few tears slipped down his face, his throat burned so much and he didn't want to lie to Patton but he also didn't want to tell his boyfriend that he did this on purpose. "No," Virgil whispered and his voice cracked.

Patton furrowed his eyebrows, "Are you feeling sick?"

Virgil sniffled, "No."

"Then what happened Baby?"

"I-I," Virgil tried to tell Patton what happened but it was so hard to admit it.

Patton noticed his struggle and frowned, "Did you do this on purpose?" Another tear slipped down Virgil's face and he nodded. "Oh Love," Patton whispered as he pulled Virgil into a hug.

"I'm sorry," There was a crack in Virgil's voice and the tears began to pour faster.

Patton rubbed Virgil's arm, "Please don't do this again. It just does even more damage to your body."

"I-I don't know if I can stop," Virgil sobbed, "I don't trust myself enough to. I didn't eat lunch or breakfast today and yesterday. All I ever do is damage myself and hurt everyone around me."

Patton hugged Virgil tighter, "It's alright, you can't be perfect. I know that you can be trusted again and hey, you haven't ever hurt me."

Virgil wiped away some tears, "I haven't? But I tried to kill myself and I keep failing at recovering."

"I never expected you to be perfect," Patton told him, "Recovery isn't linear."

Virgil sighed, "I wish it was so that I could be better already for you."

Patton kissed the top of his head, "You'll get there one day. Now let's get the puppies milk together and get some water in you." Virgil nodded and went along.