Tw: Some lyrics from songs about eating disorders, talk of past when Virgil felt worthless and ugly when he ate, eating disorders in the past, vague thought of skipping meals, two descriptions of how Virgil used to look while unhealthily thin, no relapses though

Virgil was working on commissions while listening to all of his music on shuffle. It was peaceful until the song changed to one that he hadn't listened to since December.

"My best friend Ana whispered in my ear. The words I wanted to hear my dear. Just shut your mouth, stand tall, don't let it break you. Her smile grew as she said, 'once on your hips is forever on your hips.'," The girl in the song sang.

Virgil paused as he considered skipping the song. He knew it would only trigger old thoughts and his eating disorder as it was a song that he'd always listen to when he starved himself in the past. But something compelled him to keep listening. Virgil picked up his phone that he was listening from and looked through his playlists until he came across it. A playlist labeled "ED". Virgil clicked on it and once the current song ended he pressed shuffle.

As Virgil continued to draw he mumbled some of the lyrics to the songs he had listened to so much that he now had them memorized. "But he's not eating again, he's not eating again, he's not eating again, he's not eating again," Virgil sang along, changing the pronouns in the song to his own.

Virgil was getting hungry as he finished up a drawing so once he was done Virgil got up to make lunch. You could just- Virgil cut off the thought before it could even finish and paused the current song, knowing that he couldn't get himself to eat while it was playing. Virgil made and ate some food, knowing that even if he needed to eat no matter how he felt. 

He did some stretches for hands, not wanting to hurt himself by continuing to draw and not resting. He had heard a story of an artist who didn't rest themselves and stretch their hands who ended up with problems that made it hard to draw and Virgil did not want that. After his stretches Virgil pressed play on his music and started a new drawing.

When Patton came home he heard some music and when he payed attention to the lyrics he became concerned. "I got to fold cause these hands are too shaky to hold. Hunger hurts, but starving work, when it costs too much to love." Patton heard a woman singing and a second male voice softly singing along to it.

Patton walked into the living room and saw that it was Virgil softly singing and listening to music. When Virgil heard Patton walk in and Bear's excited jumping at Patton being home he paused his music and smiled up at Patton. "Virgil what was that song?" Patton asked, worry clear in his voice.

"Oh well a song came on shuffle and then I changed playlists and so that song came on," Virgil barely explained.

"Did you eat lunch today?" Patton questioned and Virgil nodded. "Well that's good. Are you thinking bad about your body?"

"I wasn't even thinking of my body," Virgil told Patton.

"How are you feeling?" Patton asked.

To that Virgil shrugged and the answer was more complicated, "I'm fine but also not. Hearing songs that I used to listen to reminded me of how I used to feel." Patton frowned and sat next to Virgil on the couch, taking one of his boyfriend's hands into his own. "I still can't believe how ugly and worthless I used to feel when I'd eat. But it also reminded me of how far I've come. Sometimes when I look at body it just sometimes seems that I've made no progress and that I'm failing but now that I'm thinking of the past I can see how far I've actually come. I eat when I'm hungry, you can't see my ribs anymore, my face is filling out and isn't as concave anymore, my mental health is better. Just- everything is better." Virgil turned his head and smiled at Patton. "I'm really happy that I'm recovering and I'm also happy that I looked back to see how far I've gotten. I couldn't have done any of this without you."

"You did this all yourself," Patton corrected. "You had to be willing to recover to even get started and continue."

"But you always encouraged me. You were the one to get me to even consider recovering. You've supported me this entire time. You made me see a reason to live. You've done so much for me and I could never thank you enough."

"You being happy and alive is enough thanks for me."

Virgil smiled wider and more genuine. He rested his head against Patton's shoulders. "I love you so much," Virgil whispered.

"I love you too," Patton responded.