Ilang oras kong pinag-isipang mabuti kung tatawagan ko ba si Gian o hindi. Mom saved his number on my phone and even placed it in the speed dial. I don't know where I should start if I call him now. Should I tell him that he can come back here already? Or that I'm finally okay with him helping me out? Or should I tell him that I'm sorry for treating him like crap? Would he even accept my apology kapag nagsabi ako sa kanya?

Oh, God. Ngayon lang ako nagkaganito. I was never like this! I never asked for help from anyone. Mas lalong hindi rin ako humihingi ng sorry dahil I don't usually treat people like this din naman. As much as possible, umiiwas ako sa gulo and I don't let my bitchy side take over me and my judgments.

Kaso ewan ko ba. Laging nag-iinit ang ulo ko kay Gian when my parents introduced him to me. Pakiramdam ko kasi, they were treating him like the son that they never got to have. Ni hindi nga ganyan ang trato nila noon kay William e! Kung hindi nga lang siguro mayaman ang pamilya nina William, baka the first time that he stepped foot inside our house, naplayas na agad siya. What more pag nalaman pa nina mommy yung nangyari sa aming dalawa, 'di ba? For sure, they would throw a fit and they might really send me away para lang mailayo sa kanya.

Why do people always get dumb when it comes to love? Kung alam ko lang na magkakaganito pala kaming dalawa, e 'di sana I would have protected my heart quite well. Nagmahal lang naman ako but look where it got me?

"Ay butiki!" napasigaw ako sa gulat nang biglang mag-ring ang phone ko. And when I heard Siri say that it was Gian who's calling, naghalo na naman ang kaba at guilt sa sistema ko. Damn it. I shouldn't be acting like this!

I tried to compose and calm myself down before answering the call. But after a few seconds, wala pa ring nagsasalita sa kabilang linya. What the hell? Prank call ba 'to?

"Hello?" I said with a small voice. Kahit na anong pagpapakalma ang gawin ko, kinakabahan talaga ako. Paano kung bigla na lang akong awayin nitong kumag na 'to? Wala man lang akong laban. I don't know anything about him for crying out loud!

"Shit." I heard from the other line tapos parang may bumagsak na ewan sa background. What on earth is happening? Bakit biglang gano'n?

"Hello?" pag-uulit ko. Ilang segundo rin ang lumipas na wala akong ibang naririnig sa background maliban sa tunog ng parang electric fan or something. After a while, someone cleared his throat on the other line. Of course I don't need to guess kung sino ba 'yon. Siya lang naman ang kilala kong mahilig mag-clear ng throat.

"Uhh, Aisleen? Si Gian 'to." He sounded unsure while he was talking. Sa hindi ko malamang dahilan, I started to bitch around. Again.

"Alam ko. Ano bang kailangan mo?" I straightforwardly asked him, totally forgetting about my asking for forgiveness speech.

"Ikaw."

"WHAT?!"

"Shit. That's not what I meant. I mean I need you pero hindi sa gano'ng way. Ah, shit talaga. This is going the wrong way. Forget everything that I just said, okay? Shit." Langya. Ilang mura ba ang nasabi niya in a span of a minute? He's like a machine spouting cusses with every chance he gets! Akala ko ba, mabait 'to?

"Okay? So why did you call again and in what way do you need me?"

"Damn it. Stop teasing me, woman." And that's another mura na naman from him. Hindi naman sa nagmamalinis ako. I curse din naman pero not as often as this ah!

But to be honest, it seems like it's fun teasing him like this. Ipagpatuloy ko kaya 'to? Would he be pissed off if I did? It looked like a nice idea but we're not that close for me to do so so never mind.

"I was just asking! Stop cursing me, you idiot. Ano ba kasing kailangan mo ha?" Pagtataray ko sa kanya while trying my best not to tease him again. I then heard him sigh on the other line. Tingnan mo 'to. Siya 'tong naunang magsabi ng kung ano tapos siya pa may ganang bumuntong-hininga. Labo.

"Tita called me a while ago..."

"O tapos?"

"She said you've finally agreed?" Napataas na ang kilay ko sa paraan ng pagsasalita nitong lalaking 'to. Bakit ba parang guessing game or dugtungan ang trip niya sa buhay? Can't he complete his statements in one go? Where was the guy na kulang na lang, sermonan ako ng ilang oras kanina?

"Saan?"

"I didn't peg you as a girl with few words." He suddenly changed the topic which made me smirk. Wala na. Hindi ko na talaga mapipigilan ang pagka-bitchesa ko ngayon.

"I didn't know you were this judgmental, Mr. Madrigal," I said in a teasing tone. Nagpakawala na naman ng mura si Gian sa kabilang linya which made chuckle. Pikon ang walang hiya. Wala pala 'to e. Weak.

"Tingnan mo 'to. Kanina mo pa ako minumura. Grabe ka na ah! Baka mamaya, nagmamahal ka na pala," pang-aasar ko lalo sa kanya.

Ilang minutong nawala sa linya si Gian. I actually thought he dropped the call dahil sa pinagsasasabi ko but when I heard some rumblings in the background, I finally confirmed that he's still there. The heck. Pinaggagagawa nito? Don't tell me kinilig siya roon?

"Huy, buhay ka pa ba?" I finally asked nang hindi na ako makapaghintay pa. Nasasayang na ang oras ko kahihintay sa kanya and I value my time so much! Ang dami ko pang pwedeng gawin instead of waiting for someone like him. Sino ba siya sa akala niya ha?

"If you're going to keep on spouting nonsense or if you will keep me hanging lang, just drop the call. You're wasting my time here," sabi ko at doon lang ulit nagsalita si Gian. I rolled my eyes in annoyance dahil doon. Kainis talaga!

"Wait!" Gian finally said. Halos pasigaw na nga ang pagkakasabi niya na parang hinahabol pa niya yung hininga niya or something. What on earth was happening na ba talaga? Damn it. This is why I hate talking over the phone! Hindi ko alam kung ano ba talaga ang nangyayari sa kabilang linya. Ang daming tumatakbo sa utak ko and I don't like any of it.

"What?!" sigaw ko pabalik sa kanya. Napabuntong-hininga na naman si Gian dahil doon and it's starting to annoy the hell out of me. Can't he do something aside from clearing his throat or letting out a sigh? Damn it talaga!

"Pwede na ba talaga akong pumunta ulit diyan bukas?" Gian shyly asked. There was something in his voice na mahahalatang nahihiya siya sa naging tanong niya. Gone was the confident and annoying dude na nakasalamuha ko nitong nakaraan.

And so it was finally my turn to sigh. I guess hindi na talaga ako makatatakas. I really have to apologize to him now.

"Look, I'm sorry for acting the way I did. Every reason that I might say might seem like a lousy excuse so I won't be enumerating them now. Like I really went ahead and listed them inside my head but I don't think it's worth saying them naman. Kasi baka you won't believe me if I told you about it. As if naman you're willing to listen to my rants, 'di ba? Saka hello? Hindi nga tayo close tapos magkukwento pa ako? I'm not feeling close naman e. Saka hindi pa nga tayo nagkakasundo talaga tapos gano'n agad? Do I sound weird na ba? Tell me lang ha! Minsan kasi, I can't stop—"

"Wait. Stop!" pagpuputol sa akin ni Gian. Oh my God. Is he rejecting my apology?

"Are you aware that you're babbling right now?" tanong niya sa akin at parang doon lang ako natauhan. Para akong binuhusan ng malamig na tubig tapos binato bigla ng snow. It was the bitch slap that I needed to bring me back to my senses. Shit talaga. I didn't know I was talking and talking na pala!

"Oh, God. I'm so sorry talaga! I'm not usually like this kaso—" Gian's laugh caught me off-guard. Napatigil ako sa possible case of babbling na naman dahil doon. Ewan ko ba but right now, I like hearing him laugh. As much as I hate to admit it, it was kind of comforting.

"Stop laughing nga! Kainis 'to," sabi ko sa kanya but instead of following me, mas lalo lang siyang tumawa. Bwisit! Bawiin ko na lang kaya yung sorry ko? Kainis talaga.

"Hoy! Tawa nang tawa, gusto nang mag-asawa?" sabi ko sa kanya and that made him stop. Ha. Finally! Silence!

"What? Saan mo natutunan 'yan?" tanong niya sa akin at napataas na naman ang kilay ko dahil doon. Bakit ba iniiba na naman nito yung topic?

"I just heard it somewhere. Bakit ba? Saka teka nga. Wag ka ngang change topic! Nakitang nagso-sorry na ako rito tapos pinagtawanan mo lang ako. Huwag ka na lang kayang bumalik dito?" pagbabanta ko sa kanya and just like what I have expected, nagseryoso na nga si Gian. He apologized for his behavior earlier and we have finally agreed to act like civilized people. Yes, we didn't agree to be friends yet kahit na mukha na kaming best friends sa paraan ng pag-uusap namin kanina.

And when we're about to end the call, doon ko na-realize na delikado palang papasukin sa buhay ko ang isang tulad niya.

"Good night, Aisleen. See you tomorrow." Those were just simple words but why did it make me feel different right now?

Hush now, heart. Hindi na pwede. I need to protect you from now on.

***

I woke up early the next day. Nagpaalalay agad ako kay Manang Edith para sa pag-aayos ko at pati na rin sa pagbaba ko. Wala pa kami sa pinakababa when I heard noises. Parang mga kinikilig na naman na ewan ang mga boses ng mga helper namin. That's when I knew that Gian was already here.

Bakit ang aga nito rito? I thought to myself.

When we've finally reached the last step in the staircase, biglang may ibang humawak sa kamay ko. And damn me for feeling weird about it. Kahit na hindi ko makita kung sino ang humawak sa kamay ko, alam na alam ko na agad base sa amoy ng pabango nito.

"Bakit ang aga mo? Makikikain ka lang yata e," pang-aasar ko agad sa kanya. Narinig ko ang mahinang pagtawa ni Manang Edith sa gilid ko dahil doon.

"At good morning naman sa'yo," sagot niya sa akin. Napailing naman ako sa sinabi niya. Inalalayan na ako ni Gian papunta sa I supposed ay dining area dahil naririnig ko na ang pagkukumahog ng mga katulong habang papalapit kami roon. Besides, I could already smell the food. Parang nagugutom na tuloy ako bigla and as if on cue, kumalam na nga ang sikmura ko.

"Shit," I muttered under my breath. I was hoping really really hard na hindi narinig ni Gian 'yon but based from the muffled laughs beside me, alam ko na ang kapalaran ko.

Agad kong binitawan ang kamay ni Gian at hinampas ko agad siya based on my gut feel kung nasaan man ang braso niya. I was expecting him to wince in pain dahil nilakasan ko talaga ang pagkakahampas ko kaso bakit parang ako pa ang nasaktan? Fuck shit. Tambay ba 'to sa gym?

I mentally slapped myself dahil sa kalokohang naiisip ko. Now is not the right time para isipin ko kung bakit ang tigas ng muscles niya at kung lagi nga ba siyang nasa gym. May kasalanan pa sa akin 'tong feeling close na 'to and I must redeem my pride. Hindi pwedeng pinagtatawanan niya ang isang katulad ko.

"Shut up, Gian. Makatitikim ka talaga sa akin pag di ka tumigil," pagbabanta ko sa kanya but I made sure that my parents wouldn't hear it. Narinig ko na naman ang mahinang pagtawa ni Gian sa tabi ko. Oh, God. Mukhang may kalokohan na namang tumatakbo sa utak nito.

"I'm looking forward to that. For now, let's feed those snakes inside your tummy," sagot niya sa akin at inalayayan na niya ako palapit sa dining table. Wala na akong nagawa kung hindi ang sumunod sa kanya. Fucking shit. Did he just cast a spell on me or something para mapasunod niya ako?

I think I'll be in serious trouble from now on. Ubusan ng pasensya na ito. So help me, God!

"Mukhang nagkakasundo naman na kayong dalawa," puna sa amin ni mommy habang kumakain kami ng almusal. I didn't bother to give an answer. I didn't want to confirm nor deny whatever she had said. Someone might twist it the wrong way kasi at baka makasakit na naman ako ng tao nito. My patience is running thin already kahit kasisimula pa lang ng araw. Kung bakit ba naman kasi ang agang mambulabog nitong bwisit na 'to e.

"Hindi pa naman po, tita. But I'll try to get to know Aisleen po as the days pass by so that I could assess whatever help she needs," masiglang sagot ni Gian. Just by listening to his voice, I could tell that he's smiling from ear to ear right now. I just couldn't picture out kung ano ba ang itsura niya at kung gwapo nga ba talaga siya just like what our helpers have said.

Oh, well. Mas okay na rin siguro na ganito. At least, I won't get distracted. I mean, I just came out from a very bad break-up naman. Not that I'm considering Gian as a potential boyfriend. Kasi hello? I don't think we'll ever agree on something. Palagi lang kaming mag-aaway. That's definitely not a good thing in any kind of relationship.

"Oh, that's good to hear, hijo. Thank you for agreeing to help us out with Aisleen. Tell your father our gratitude as well."

"Sure po, tita. By the way, if I may suggest po. There's this institution that my sister goes to. Alam niyo naman po ang sitwasyon niya. May pangangailangan din po siya pero kapag pumupunta po siya roon sa institution, palagi po siyang masaya at malaki rin po ang naging improvement niya. Baka po gusto niyong i-try dalhin doon si Aisleen?"

"Oh, is that so? Tell me more about it, hijo." Naibagsak ko ang hawak kong kutsara't tinidor pagkarinig na pagkarinig ko sa usapan nina mommy at Gian. Tangina naman. Why did he have to bring something like that up? I don't need any kind of institution! I'm fine without their help. Bakit ba ang pakialamero niya?

"Aisleen." There was a certain tone in my dad's voice na para bang binabantaan ako dahil sa naging pagdarabog ko. But no. I won't let them win this time. Pumayag na nga akong papasukin sa buhay ko 'yang pesteng Gian na 'yan tapos ngayon, they want me to go to that institution? Over my dead body. Hinding hindi ako pupunta ro'n!

"No, dad. I won't go that fuckin' institution and no one, not even you, can force me to do so." Dali-dali akong tumayo mula sa pagkakaupo ko at tinawag ko ang kahit na sinong katulong para dalhin ako sa kwarto ko. My dad kept on calling me to return pero hindi ko siya pinansin.

By the time I reached the bottom of the staircase, I felt someone's hand on my wrist. Based on the perfume that I smelled, I'm sure it was Gian. And so without even thinking twice, I imagined his position and gave him a slap on his face. The sound rang around the living room at napasinghap ang katulong sa tabi ko dahil doon.

"What on earth is your problem?!"

"Aisleen, listen—"

"No, you listen. Hindi porket pumayag na akong tulungan mo ako, itotodo mo na ang pangingialam sa buhay ko. Know your damn place, Gian. Please lang," pakiusap ko sa kanya and before my tears could fall, tumalikod na ako sa kanya at pinilit patatagin ang sarili ko hanggang sa makapasok na ako sa kwarto ko.