I've actually hoped that my parents would listen to me this time around. Sure, Gian sounded like a good person kahit na 'Hi, Aisleen' lang ang sinabi niya the last time he came here pero I still can't bring myself to accept him. Parang ang laking insulto lang kasi na kailangan pang umabot kami sa ganitong point just to make me feel "normal".

For the past three days, there have been no traces of Gian inside our house. I didn't hear his voice nor did I smell his perfume. Not that I was looking for him kasi hello? I'm actually thankful pa nga na hindi na siya bumalik. It seems like he knows how to get the point naman pala.

And so, I went back to my "normal" routine. I study and roam around the house through the help of Manang Edith. Sometimes, I still cook pero hindi na kasing-dalas like before. It's kind of difficult din kasi to tell if tama pa ba yung naluluto ko o hindi. Fortunately, okay naman yung mga niluto ko nitong nakaraan.

"Manang, pakiabot naman po nung sibuyas," utos ko kay Manang Edith. I wanted to cook aglio e olio today just because I'm craving for it. Nang maiabot sa akin ni manang 'yong sibuyas, I started peeling it agad. Everything was going well but the moment I sliced it, doon na nagkagulo ang lahat.

"Aw!" napasigaw ako nang hindi ko sinasadyang mahiwa ang daliri ko. Damn it. Okay naman ako sa paggamit ng kutsilyo nitong mga nakaraan ah?

"Ano ka bang bata ka!" sigaw naman ni Manang Edith pagkakita niya sa nangyari sa akin. She was about to leave me to get the first aid kit nung biglang may sumingit sa usapan naming dalawa.

"Manang, ako na po ang kukuha. Saan po ba nakalagay?" Gian asked. Before I could answer sarcastically, itinuro na ni manang yung location ng first aid kit namin. I was silent the whole time but manang, on the other hand, kept on spouting nonsense things. Kesyo lagot daw ako kina mommy kasi ganito ang nangyari. Lagot din daw siya kasi hinayaan niya pa akong magluto. But what's worse is the fact na sinabi niyang ang gwapo at ang bait daw talaga ni Gian. Napailing agad ako because of that.

I mean, sure, he can really be handsome for all I know and care. Hindi ko naman kasi siya makita kaya di ko talaga kayang magbigay ng judgment on that aspect. Pero yung mabait? They've got to be kidding me. Kung mabait talaga si Gian like what they are all saying, he should have respected my decision. Hindi porket yung mga magulang ko ang magpapasahod sa kanya, sa kanila na lang siya makikinig. Ako naman yung pinaka-involved sa fucked up situation na 'to, ah?

"Ikaw naman kasing bata ka, dapat ako na lang ang pinaghihiwa mo. Napa'no ka pa tuloy," pagpapangaral sa akin ni manang. Napanguso naman ako dahil doon tapos narinig ko ang mahinang pagtawa niya.

"Manang naman e. Wag niyo na po akong pagalitan at pagtawanan. Alam niyo namang ito na lang ang napagkakaabalahan ko," sagot ko naman sa kanya. Saglit pa kaming nag-usap ni manang at natigil lang kami when Gian cleared his throat.

Bakit ba ang epal nito? tanong ko sa sarili ko. I swear I would have rolled my eyes already kung hindi lang awkward dahil di ko rin naman alam kung anong itsura ko if I did that.

"Maiwan ko muna kayo. Iho, ikaw na ang bahala rito sa alaga ko ha?" pagpapaalam ni manang. I was about to protest but no words came out from my mouth. And before I knew it, Gian was already holding my hand and he was guiding me to God knows where.

"Umupo ka muna," Gian instructed and I reluctantly followed him. Pagkaupo ko, doon ko lang na-realize na nasa may living room na pala kami. He then held my hand again and I almost swatted it away from him kung hindi lang talaga kailangang linisin 'tong bwisit na sugat ko.

"Bakit ba kasi naghihiwa ka pa?" tanong ni Gian sa akin. Wow. The audacity of this guy. As far as I can remember, hindi naman kami close para tanungin niya ako ng ganito. Ang kapal din naman niya, ano?

"E ikaw? Bakit bumalik ka pa rito? Di ba ang sabi ko, wag ka nang babalik?" sagot ko pabalik sa kanya. I'm really trying my best to control my temper but to no avail. Masyado akong naiirita sa presensya nitong bwisit na 'to kahit na gaano pa kabango yung perfume na gamit niya at kahit na ang lambot pa ng kamay niya.

No. Never. Hindi na siya dapat bumalik dito!

Instead of answering my question, narinig ko ang mahinang pagtawa ni Gian. And God damn it. Why do I feel like I wanted to listen to it over and over again? No. This shouldn't be! Galit dapat ako sa kanya. I shouldn't trust other people anymore. I should close my doors and put up a wall to protect myself from a potential source of heartbreak and danger.

"Anong tinatawa-tawa mo there? Just because I couldn't see a thing doesn't mean that you could laugh at whatever it is that's happening around me," pagrereklamo ko and Gian cleared his throat again because of that.

"May sakit ka ba ha? Kanina ka pa ehem nang ehem diyan. My God. I'd rather be alone than be with someone na kukunin na pala ni Lord dahil sa malubhang sakit. Manang Edith can clean my wound naman e!" pagpupumilit ko and I heard him tsked. Right now, I'm imagining him to even be shaking his head dahil sa mga pinagsasasabi ko kanina pa. But I can't help it! I need to drive him away by all means. Kung kailangan kong magpaka-petty just to do that, I will gladly do it.

"Can we just focus on your wound right now?" pag-iiba ni Gian ng topic. Kung maayos lang talaga ang lagay ko ngayon, kanina ko pa sinamaan ng tingin 'tong bwisit na 'to!

"Stop acting like you care, okay? Hindi tayo close and I don't need you. Ano ba ang hindi mo maintindihan doon? Bakit ba bumalik ka pa? I'm living in peace already! Wala kang puwang dito pati na rin sa buhay ko."

"Look, I'm just trying to he—"

"News flash: I don't need your help and I've never asked for your help. So can you please leave after putting some band aid on my wound and don't you ever come back again? Hindi ka marunong makaintindi ha? Do I need to spell it out for you para lang ma-gets mo yung sinasabi ko?" I know I was getting out of line but do I care? No. Wala na akong pakialam kung sobra sobra na yung pinagsasasabi ko. I need to drill my point in Gian's mind para hindi na siya bumalik dito. Nakasasawa na yung paulit-ulit e.

Nanahimik si Gian after what I've said. Narinig ko rin ang pagbuntong-hininga niya pero hindi ko na lang pinansin. I actually thought na saglit na lang kaming magkasama at aalis na rin siya agad but to my surprise, bigla siyang may iniligay sa sugat ko which caused me to burst into anger. Again.

"Ano ba?! Hindi porket hindi ko nakikita 'yang ginagawa mo, mananakit ka na ha!" sigaw ko sa kanya and I heard laughter not far from us. Tsk. Mukhang yung mga helper na naman namin 'to na baka parang mga uod na binuhusan ng asin kung kiligin dahil kay Gian.

"Ganyan ka ba talaga ha?"

"E-excuse me?"

"You always decline help from others. You put up a front para hindi ka magustuhan ng mga tao sa paligid mo. You act as if you're cold pero ang totoo, hindi naman. Tell me. What do you even get from that?" tanong ni Gian and I had to scoff because of that. Ano bang alam niya? Isang beses niya pa lang namang akong nakita prior to this encounter. Who is he to judge me so easily like that?

"Wala kang alam, Gian. You don't know my struggles and what I've been through para umabot ako sa ganitong point. You don't have the right to judge me just because of what I've said this past few encounters that we had." Natawa ako nang mapakla as I tried to filter out the words that would be coming out from my mouth. God knows kung gaano ko na kagustong sumabog na lang at ilabas ng hinanakit ko sa mundo. Kung gaano ako naiinis kasi ang unfair unfair ng nangyayari sa buhay ko. But just because I still have some respect left in my body, I'm trying so hard to control my thoughts and emotions.

"In case you forgot, hindi tayo magkakilala. You don't me well enough for you to be able to judge me just like that."

"I know enough, Aisleen. Your dad has—"

"Really, Gian? You're really going to believe everything that my dad has said? He doesn't even know me that well. Wala silang alam at mas lalong wala kang alam kaya huwag ka nang makisawsaw and know your damn place. And that place isn't here or any place near me. So just go and leave me alone," sagot ko sa kanya. Instead of following me though, diniinan niya lang lalo ang pagkakadikit ng bulak sa sugat ko. Tangina naman talaga nitong lalaking 'to o!

"Shit ka talaga! I hate you!" sigaw ko then I did my best to kick and punch the hell out of him kahit na hindi ko siya nakikita. My God! Ang sakit sakit nung ginawa niya! Akala ko ba okay 'to? Bakit nananakit siya bigla?

Damn it. Mukhang sa harap lang nina daddy 'to mabait. Isa na naman pala 'tong case ng plasticity. Oh, what people would do for the sake of money nga naman o.

"Can't you just give this a chance? Paano ka matututong mag-adjust at makababalik sa normal kung yung gusto mo lang lagi ang ipipilit mo? Don't be selfish, Aisleen. Hindi lang sa'yo umiikot ang mundo. Mas marami pang nangangailangan ng tulong para mamuhay nang normal pero ikaw, maswerte ka kasi handang gawin ng magulang mo ang lahat para sa ikabubuti mo. Bakit ba hindi mo makita 'yon? Sa sitwasyon mo, hindi lang ikaw ang nasasaktan. Pati sila at ang mga tao sa paligid mo, apektado. Paningin mo lang ang dumilim, Aisleen. Huwag mong idamay pati yung puso't isipan mo."

"Just shut it, Gian. Okay? Kahit na anong sabihin mo, my decision won't change. I don't need you nor your help," sagot ko sa kanya at agad akong nagpahatid kay manang sa kwarto ko kahit na hindi pa tapos linisin yung sugat ko. And the moment I was alone in my room, tears started to roll down my face. I shouldn't be affected pero bakit ganito ang nararamdaman ko?

***

Hindi ko na namalayang nakatulog na pala ako sa pagod sa kaiiyak. When I woke up, naramdaman kong nakaupo na si mommy sa tabi ko and she was gently smoothing out my hair. I then slowly opened up my eyes and once again welcomed the darkness that has started to fill my life.

"I heard what happened earlier," panimula ni mommy. I immediately got nervous because of that. What exactly did she hear about? Sino ang nagsumbong sa kanya? Siniraan ba ako ni Gian? Ang dami na namang tumatakbo sa utak ko but I decided to face my fears once and for all. Wala naman akong mapapala kung magpapanggap na lang akong walang pakialam palagi.

"Si Gian po ba ang nagsabi?" lakas loob kong tanong. Napabuntong-hininga muna si mommy before she stopped caressing my hair.

"Manang Edith told me na nahiwa raw ang daliri mo habang naghihiwa ka ng sibuyas. I know you love to cook but couldn't you be more careful?" Upon hearing mom's words, para akong na-shock bigla. Actually, I think shock was even an understatement to express how I really feel. So Gian did not tattle about the incident earlier?

"Sorry po. I didn't expect it to happen naman. I've been cooking for the past few days and wala naman pong nangyaring ganito. I'll be careful na po talaga, promise," sagot ko kay mommy and then she pulled me close to her. I could smell her perfume so well not that we're this close to each other. I've always loved this perfume of hers. Ito lang kasi ang naibigay ko sa kanya before na nagustuhan niya talaga and until now, she uses it.

"Okay, apology accepted. But about Gian..." mommy started and I immediately groaned upon hearing his name. Just when I thought na susukuan na nila ang tungkol sa kanya, ito na naman pala.

"What about him?" I asked as I tried my best to hide the growing annoyance in my voice. This is mainly the reason why I hate him and his guts. Masyado na siyang malapit sa mga magulang ko and they are trusting him way too much. Ni hindi ko nga alam where on earth did they find him e. What if he's just a scammer or a criminal? Wala man lang akong laban pag nagkataon dahil hindi ko siya makita.

"Ayaw mo ba talagang subukan man lang? We've known his family for quite some time now that's why we're sure that he would take care of you."

"So this isn't about money at all?"

"What? Of course not! Look, hindi man galing sa mayamang mayamang pamilya sina Gian, they have worked hard for whatever it is that they have right now."

"How did you even get to know them? Ayaw mo naman sa mga ganyang klase ng tao before ah?" I can't help but ask. Totoo naman kasi. Minsan, I even thought that mom was allergic to poor people. Ayaw na ayaw niya kasing may makalalapit sa kanya na gano'n.

"Okay, I'll tell you all about them. Gian's father was actually my friend when I was younger. He's the son of our family driver before. When your dad and I got married, we eventually lost communication. Bukod kasi sa seloso 'yang daddy mo, I got too busy with our family and our business," mommy talked about her past and about the family of Gian as well. Little by little, nagbabago na rin ang tingin ko sa kanya. But I don't know. I still couldn't bring myself to fully trust him. Siguro dahil na rin sa nangyari sa akin before with William where I gave my all but I ended with nothing. I guess It's kind of traumatizing on my part? Not that they could blame me naman for that.

"So now that you know more about him, can you finally give him a chance to help you out? Aisleen, Gian knows what he's doing. Just have a little faith in him, okay?" mom asked and I don't know why but I just found myself giving her a little nod.

Sana lang tama ang desisyon kong 'to. Hay.