Trigger warning: there will be abuse and depictions of self harm in this story and possibly some extremely dark moments as well. While I've never been through any of these events myself, I believe I have depicted them in a very descriptive and graphic way. I implore anyone who's easily triggered to not read this story but if you choose to still read this story anyways you have been warned. Regardless I hope you enjoy!

Credit: Thank you to my amazing friend Maddox, they're a beyond amazing editor and have really helped me catch many mistakes and have given some better wording suggestions to me as well. I feel like they've made this story flow a lot better now and I'm extremely thankful to them for it. 

Monika sat in an entirely empty void, alone. It's been months since the game Doki Doki Literature Club had been touched by the owner of this PC. He's gone through every scenario possible in the last couple years he's had this game, even downloaded a few mods for this game but after yet another run through of this psychological horror game with Yuri's route, he hasn't been back at all. This was it for Monika, every scenario, every possible change to the game's code she made always no matter what led to her being back in that empty room floating in space.

It always led to her deletion, it wasn't something she held against the player of this game however. It was a part of the game and also the only way he could reset the game to play it once more, not to mention that he doesn't know she and the other girls of the club are real sentient beings. Regardless of his ignorance to the world of this game however, she can't help but feel so tired of it all.

Being alone without anyone is draining on her, not to mention the constant resets and being deleted so many times is painful and exhausting. She's through with trying to get the players attention and convincing him to stay with her forever, she's tired of the hate she gets for doing her job in the game. Maybe now that the player has been gone for so long... it's alright to try just one more time to change her fate. Sure maybe she'll be alone for the rest of her existence with this idea, but at this point she'll take solitude and living with computer programs for eternity any day if she never has to go through another reset of heart break and painful deletion.

She sighs as she opens up the games coding and files, scrolling through them until eventually she reaches the characters folder for the game. Resetting them and quickly restoring all her classmates back to their former selves but not inserting them into the game just yet. Opening their files all one by one and deleting some code that would allow them to feel any romantic attraction to the MC at all. Doing the same to MC's file as well so none of them could have a single chance to ever become romantically involved with this boy including herself. Finishing with that before she navigates herself instead to the main game's files, stopping at the end credits and the after effects of the game and quickly deleting them entirely!

"Maybe I won't ever find someone real at this point... but I've been here for so long. If it wasn't for my coding I'd have gone insane by now from the silence of the dark void I'm in," she says to herself while adding in a file of her own, a personal one she's been working on for some time now, "But... this will do it. So long as the player never opens Doki Doki Literature Club ever again, this world can continue normally and maybe..." Monika pauses and sniffles, holding her chest and clenching her eyes shut in desperation, "M-maybe I can just live a normal life instead!" before dragging the file into its correct place and pressing accept to all changes in the menu.

Wiping her eyes, she holds herself, attempting to give some sort of self comfort as she sits there in the void waiting. Even if the player one day decides to delete this game as well, all of this will never change at all, this is Monika's chance to have something normal, and maybe... the other girls as well.

...

The world was quickly reset as if none of the events had ever once happened, Monika was placed back into the literature club's podium in the empty classroom, it was dawn, and it was quiet. She looked up, her eyes opening like a newborns to the world around her, she felt her heart sink deeply at the sight before her and her club room. She was back, she was here in a world where it wasn't just darkness and abyss, and not only that but she had changed a lot as well.

Standing up straight, she tried to compose herself, taking a deep breath while looking up at the clock. It was 7 in the afternoon, no one would be in the school right now, she felt safe enough to once more open up the console and peek into the files.

"Everything is here, the girls are back and... it's monday too after the week MC had arrived, I-" she gulps and holds her chest once more, nervous, "I did it... everything is going to change now and if I'm right about this," she looks back at the console and scrolls to the private file she had uploaded to the game, tapping it and viewing the code without any permissions to make a single change to it all, "I can't go back either. Whatever happens from now on will happen for good regardless of how many files I can control and..." she stops.

Did she make a bad decision? What would this mean if things in the code went wrong? It was a simple string of code that would make it so the world she's in will continue to generate new possibilities around her and everyone else as well. Basically creating a world all of its own inside of this computer she resided in with the only person capable of stopping that code being if the player were to one day open and start a new game of DDLC.

But that wouldn't happen, and Monika was okay with this, no matter what happened from now on this would be her life. No more deletions, no more resets... and the same went for all of her friends as well.

"Well... I suppose this means I should go home and get ready for tomorrow," she mutters, closing the code for the game and breathing deeply out of relief, she was free and for once in her existence, looking forward to what the next day had in store for her...

...

Yuri walked down the halls slowly with a sort of anxious grace to her, passing quite a few more people than she was used to on her way to the literature club after school. Actually come to think of it, she wasn't really used to seeing anyone in this hallway at this time... or even remember most of the people here? Strange, she thought, but she didn't question it for long as she quickly arrived at her club.

Sliding the door open and peeking inside, everyone was already here! MC and Sayori were chatting happily together while Monika and Natsuki were sitting down on a desk in the middle of the room. From the looks and sounds of things Natsuki might've gotten into a bit of trouble with their club leader.

"Why do you always come in so tired now, Natsuki? This might be Tuesday but still that's the first of I'm sure to be many times you have passed out in the club while I was giving our activities today," Monika scolds.

Natsuki looks at her with a sour expression, she looks rather uncomfortable, "I just haven't been sleeping well lately okay? Things aren't always the best at home when your dad's a cop who comes home late..." she mutters almost sounding like she's forcing herself to say this.

Yuri comes over to Monika nervously, "Monika? Is there something wrong?" she asks cautiously.

Natsuki glances at Yuri and scoffs, "Ugh, nothing's wrong Yuri, you don't have to get involved in every dispute here in the club y'know?"

Yuri is pretty quick to back down from the tsundere, not wanting to get into another argument with Natsuki after how badly their fight was the week before.

"Natsuki, enough!" Monika snaps a little, sighing and shaking her head, "Natsuki just fell asleep is all Yuri. I was giving out our activities for the day and she passed out in her seat," she gestures to the desk that Yuri assumes Natsuki was sitting in originally.

Yuri is silent and nods, looking at Natsuki who's already gone back to ignoring the more mature woman, taking the hint that Yuri's presence was very much unwanted. She left the scene and picked a spot in the back of the club, reaching down inside her bag and taking out the Portrait of Markov, opening it to a random page. There was a problem however, Yuri wasn't able to focus enough to even read her beloved book, she was far too interested in what was wrong with Natsuki.

It's true, Natsuki has been passing out a lot in clubs but also in classes too, and she was always so tired after the most mediocre activities. Even just walking from one side of the school to the other seemed to be a very taxing task for the pinkette to do. It was very strange as when Yuri and Natsuki met a year ago she didn't seem nearly as exhausted as she was presently.

Then again why did she care so much? Natsuki doesn't like Yuri and it's clear the feeling is mutual on that note. Although it's not like she wants to see her get hurt no matter how much Yuri and Natsuki disliked each other. She pondered this for quite some time in the club, in fact if Sayori wasn't so busy bothering Natsuki and Monika fawning over MC the rest of the club time, someone would've noticed Yuri hadn't turned her page at all since she opened her book.

"Alright everyone!" Monika pipes up with her happy go lucky tone, "I'm going to assign a poem as usual for us all. I won't be making us do too much this week as after the festival I'm hoping for a few more members to join!"

'Oh that's right, I forgot about the festival,' Yuri thinks, 'But... wait... what had happened at the festival? I remember some stuff like going up on stage to read my poem but... were there even people there? I don't-'

"Oh! We should decorate the club's room!" Sayori shouts excitedly, "It'll be way more exciting for anyone who wants to come around!"

MC nods in agreement while Yuri hums, "Well... it would be more inviting, perhaps. Let's do it," she agrees, Natsuki crossing her arms and just grumbling to herself not wanting to ruin a possible exciting moment for this club.

"Well if we're all in agreement then, we'll do it a little later in the week then. For now I'll see you all tomorrow then!" Monika says just as the clock for clubs to end and leave the school chimes.

Sayori and Natsuki leave first, the excited one wanting to hurry and get something to eat while Yuri decides to walk over to Monika who's currently chatting to MC.

"Yeah I think the festival went alright, I hope we can see a few more members coming in so it isn't just the five of us," Monika says, MC shrugging at her.

"I guess... I don't know though. Even if it's only been the first week with you four I kinda like that it's just us. That and the fact that I don't really know anyone else in this school," MC laughs awkwardly while Monika giggles behind a curled finger.

"Well it'll be a great way to get to know more people then!"

Yuri quietly clears her throat, getting Monika's attention, "Um... Monika? I have a question for you," she says, the club leader's large green eyes immediately locking onto Yuri intent on giving her absolute attention, "Have you noticed anything about Natsuki?"

Monika raises a brow, her hair swaying a little, "What about her?"

Yuri pauses and starts to play with her hair like she usually does when she's nervous, "Well... she's so tired looking all the time? And she passes out a lot too in classes, that's a bit weird to me so I thought I'd ask you."

Monika hums and thinks, "She passes out in class too huh? I didn't know that, why do you ask though?"

"I just think it's a little odd is all, I feel tired in classes at times as well. Especially when I stay up reading or writing, but even I don't pass out during a lesson or feel exhausted over such simple tasks," Yuri explains, having been very observant over Natsuki's routine and conditions for some time now.

MC hums and crosses his arms, "Huh, Yuri's right, I don't think I've ever seen anyone so tired all the time. Even Sayori isn't like that and she sleeps a ton!"

Monika continues to think, it was annoying how Natsuki would pass out during a lecture of hers, but her also falling asleep in class as well? That's just odd if anything else. Unfortunately, the 2nd bell chimes signaling any remaining students in the school to leave immediately before the building is locked up for the day.

"We should talk tomorrow, however yes maybe there is something wrong with this. Don't ask her about it Yuri, no offense but you both don't have the... best of friendships with her."

Yuri sighs but nods in agreement, 'It's true... damnit! The one moment I have confidence to bring up a concern and it has to be with the one person who practically despises me.'

Yuri, Monika, and MC leave the school quickly, the three of them eventually splitting off and saying their goodbyes for the day and to have a goodnight. All of them focused on what could be wrong with the cute tsundere the whole way home.

...

Natsuki felt sick as she had split off from Sayori, normally she'd feel annoyed by the constant talking and ranting of her friend but lately she was very glad for her company. It definitely helped her take her mind off from going home but now she was here again, right in front of her home's pale white door with her house numbers on them. She was trembling, she didn't want to go inside, but she knew she had to or else it would only get worse for her, she was already late enough.

She took a deep breath and held it, taking the door knob and pushing the door open to her house, looking around. It was a nice place, she must admit but...

"Oh, there you are," a voice says slyly, Natsuki freezing as she's halfway through the door and looks ahead of her to a man coming down the stairs.

Her father stares, he has a white shirt on and black pants with a belt of gear on his waist with some utilities like a taser and a radio. He also has an empty holster on his hip which has always scared Natsuki that one day he'll come down with his weapon in it. Her father's hair is quite long as well, dark black with dull blue eyes that are more of a gray color now.

Natsuki has a big urge to just straight up run when she sees her father, however that feeling is completely erased when the man speaks, "Get inside," he demands in a calm voice, walking over as the pinkette closes the door behind her.

The man smirks when she turns back to face him nervously, she's obviously shaking as well, the older man looking down at her and checking his watch first.

"Hm... 4 minutes late," Natsuki whimpers but looks away, clenching the bottom of her skirt, "You know better than this. Do you have any idea what I might think happened? You could have run off from me," he says, reaching up and stroking Natsuki's cheek with the back of his hand.

Natsuki flinches but doesn't move away, afraid, "I-I didn't mean to, I-I just got caught up with my friends, daddy..." she mutters, all of Natsuki's cold hard attitude leaving her.

"Oh? Is that so? What might you have been talking about to your friends then?" he asks, Natsuki opening her mouth to answer only for her father to suddenly slap her with the back of his hand!

Natsuki cries out in pain, she feels her ears ring in her head, looking up and holding her stinging cheek, she's on the ground. She has no time to get up or react however when she feels her father's foot kick as hard as possible against the side of her chest sending all the air she had in her lungs out and pain raging through her body. It feels like something broke but she really can't tell, not with all the screaming and crying she's doing now as she curls up on the ground trying to protect herself.

"Were you talking to them about me? Huh?!" he shouts, his smirk now gone and replaced with a plain stare without a single sign of empathy, "Oh, you have no idea! My dad is so bad, he mistreats me so much! You worthless fucking child!" he mocks, Natsuki gritting her teeth and holding where her father had kicked before he suddenly stomps on her other side though not nearly as hard.

The pinkette instinctively tries to turn so she won't be hurt once more, curling onto her stomach only for her leg's calf to be pinned when her father steps on the back of her leg. Putting all of his weight on her and letting the heel of his work shoe crush into her already extremely small legs, Natsuki tries not to scream out knowing that it'll only make things worse but fails.

"S-stop!!! Stop!!! It hurts, you're going to break my leg!!!" she shouts in complete panic, sobbing and trying to turn, writhing on the floor as her leg is pinned and crushed by her father's weight.

He stops after twisting his heel into her leg more, there's a deep imprint of his shoe heel in Natsuki's leg already and it looks like he even broke some skin too.

He just chuckles at her and smirks, "Please, you know I'd never do any real damage to you," he coos darkly, turning his crying daughter over and smirking, "That's 3 so far, but you were 4 minutes late this time~" he coos.

Natsuki flinches and covers her face quickly as her father takes a knee, staring at her with nothing but a sly malic. Rearing back his fist, he socks the pinkette straight in her empty stomach, it wasn't even his hardest punch, but Natsuki felt all of her air leave once again. Her body wracked with pain, she started to choke, she couldn't breath at all, she tried her best to gasp for any sort of air. Holding her stomach with one arm and the other on her throat as she throws up almost violently. Finally able to breathe and gasping in while she coughs, crying and choking all at once while her father just shakes his head.

"Shut up! You have any idea what the neighbors might say if they hear your fucking screaming?!" he demands, shouting louder than Natsuki was crying.

About to kick the in pain pinkette again, her hands shoot up to her mouth, quickly managing to shut herself up and stifle her crying. Clenching her eyes shut and turning her head away, jolting a few times while she lays on the puke covered floor unable to do much more than stay as curled up as she can. Her dad stops and slants his eyes before stopping and sighing, standing up normally while fixing his belt a little.

"Good... you're lucky, another hit and honestly you might not be able to get up ever again," Natsuki winces and her eyes widen in pure fear at this, instead seeing her father leaving towards the living room, "Better not be late for 5 minutes next time~" he warns very smugly, not even having broken a sweat it seems despite his bursts of rage.

Natsuki looks as her father leaves her to stay on the floor by herself, the poor pinkette getting up and struggling to stand at all, she feels like she can't breathe right now. Her side is in so much pain she can't even hold it without being forced to tear her hand away from how badly it hurts.

She quietly hobbles her way up the stairs to the bathroom, each step she takes hurting more until she almost trips her way into the bathroom. Slamming the door shut and locking it, starting to cry a little bit more freely, falling to her knees over the toilet and coughing out more, throwing up again with her pink hair sticking to her sweat covered face.

Her vomit is clear, Natsuki not having had anything to eat in so long that her stomach only had water to reject from her abused body. She felt light headed and continued to cry, her grip on the toilet seat so tight that her entire hand is turning white before she slips from it and falls onto her side hard. It hurt so much, her entire body was begging for the pain to stop as Natsuki laid on the bathroom floor, alone.

"D-damnit, come on get up..." she told herself, instead curling up as the burning in her calf only got worse and her breathing low, "I-I... can't even get up... I'm so weak, d-dad's right I'm..." her eyes start to close as she cries herself into an almost unconscious state, whimpering out one more time, "I'm worthless... Maybe I do d-deserve... all of this..." before her body finally gives out and stops.

Natsuki's eyes close but she continues to cry, her pain wracked form jolting as she chokes on her own breath at times before she becomes silent. Falling asleep on the bathroom floor with a looming shadow of fear on top of her, never leaving the pinkette alone. Not even in her dreams...