Things started getting worse
In late 2019 as my antidepressants
Stopped working
But as 2020 got underway
My anxiety reared its ugly head

As time progressed
As I lost people, our dog, fought a battle
Had to take a medical leave from school
I actually got off all antidepressants
Though I have MDD; been dealing with it
Without any medication whatsoever

However, anxiety has become worse
Then it ever was; after losing my grandfather
Getting Covid, having an ME setback
It's been anxiety that's keeping me stuck

Well isn't that backwards?
My hobbies have all but fallen away
I still can't return to school
I've lost so much weight, it's scary
I can't eat properly

All of this and more because of anxiety that's
Gone so far beyond the norm
I've gathered information to put together
A living will
Not presumptuous at all
But unlike when I was bedridden
I need to be prepared this time

Life is uncertain
Unpredictable
I mean look at what happened to
My grandfather and the how
If I leave this world for whatever reason
Before them
My parents should know my wishes
For my vessel, my body

Everything is backwards
So I should have some semblance of control
Over at least that
I still struggle even when I feel like giving up
Or I give up in my head
But neither does any good
For I'm neither here nor there