You are the constant flow
spilling into my soul
mystifying
like drops of rain
you fall into me
so I fall right back to you.

-Perry poetry

___________________________

Dead inside

Sadhvi’s POV

“Good morning” I wished Avrudh at once entering the gym that we had in our home.

Avrudh was stretching the back of his thigh muscles, his one leg resting on the seat of the chair and other standing on the ground, his body leaning forward touching his toes.

He smiled at me wishing me back, “Morning” before changing his leg

I stood to the other corner of the room like usual.

Take a deep breath in from your nose and out from your mouth. Keep this up untill you feel better, Sadhvi.

You will be fine. You see this everyday.

Get used to it.

Every morning after building enough courage I walk inside the gym room but the strength always falters as soon as it comes into the vision of this gorgeous specimen.

It has been two months and ten days of us being married now and I was still shy in front of him. Shy like it was just yesterday he held my hand for the first time.

We celebrated many occasions together the rituals and happiness brought my feelings to a conclusion.

A conclusion I was excited to shout out loud to him.

With Avrudh the air surrounding me was like a feeling, where I was dreading for the sun to rise, I was so engrossed in the night holding his hand looking at the moon and the stars that the thought of them leaving and the sun rising was like a threat.

The thought was scary but Avrudh held my hand even in the sunlight.

I prayed and wished to have a bond like this and I have something to brag about now, an intense and deep emotion within because of which I was smiling more now.

Gulping my anxiety in I started to stretch my legs too getting prepared for a jog on the trend mil.
After stretching my front thighs I bent sideways, stretching my body sides evenly. I needed to stretch my stomach and sides because I was one of those who feel cramps in abdominal muscles after running, thighs were always late participants.

I looked at Avrudh who was now doing bench presses looking at me. Our eyes met and we both said nothing, he was counting numbers and I was counting my heartbeats, I was too shy to respond.

I was getting tired of these continuous stares and checking out things. I needed him to lose the bet.

If I was a competitor so was he. I didn’t want to lose.

Setting the timer and speed on the machine I started with my exercise. It was Saturday today we were both on off.

After the exercise part I was to do laundry today, tomorrow is Maha Shivratri and since Avrudh had a figurine of both Lord Shiva and goddess Parvati at home, we offer prayers everyday and specially were to do tomorrow.

“I have a client coming by 11 today” Avrudh informed me while doing his squats

Oh that fine piece of ass. Round and sculpted as if to please the eye.

I blinked shutting the horny Sadhvi off, “Absolutely, I will be doing laundry anyways today”

“Take Monica with you, don’t over work yourself” he said as a matter of factly not paying attention to me

“I know how to take care of myself, Avi Baba” I said with an eye roll meanwhile increasing the speed a little.

The care for me in Avrudh’s eyes was visible, shining these days. I was happy because my feelings were reciprocated with equal intensity.

“I don’t trust you when it comes to taking care of yourself” he said huffing and squatting once again the muscles of his ass taut. Gosh!

I made a face without looking at him, “Okay”

The window showed clouds forming in the sky outside hiding the sun for a while, it wasn’t going to rain but the weather was nice today.

It's definitely going to rain tomorrow, it mostly does on Maha Shivratri.

I looked outside only, the figure of clouds looked funny, the blue cotton candy floating high above the sky hiding the most powerful source of energy, temporarily. Because this is how the sun works.

My eyes rested on the shape of sun, half out half hidden but shining nonetheless. I smiled, I always fancied sun.

Once my timer tinged, slowly my jogging cooled down and I turned to find Avrudh doing push-ups, I wiped the sweat off my neck and face.

The tights I was wearing helped me hiding most of the sweaty region of my body. I was filthy but wasn’t stinking yet.

I was panting by the time I was done.

I sighed and sat on the floor beside him. Avrudh turned to look at me once but resumed breathing and counting. The erotic sound it was.

Something clenched in my body.

I had something in my mind I wanted him to know, he was always ready to help and I was too proud to accept. Deciding against telling him I lay myself down beside his exercising figure.

He paused mid swing for a second looking at me before resuming, he was on his 64th count. Avrudh continued looking at me and doing what he was doing.

I licked my lips when his eyes lingered there.
It was just a bet dear husband let go of it now.

“I was thinking…” I trailed “...I was thinking, what if for Meheka’s and Avesh’s wedding we propose the idea of booking a farm house.”

Avrudh nodded urging me to continue

“I am both, her sister and his Bhabhi you see, too many duties on my shoulders so it will be easier that way. What say?”

Avrudh considered the idea for a while before nodding,
“We can talk to our parents about that”

I grinned at him pinching his cheek,
“You are the best”

He gave me an amused look when I laughed,
“I was talking to my mother last night and she wanted me to be there with her and three days ago I talked to your mother too and she wanted me to be there with her too”

A laughing breath escaped Avrudh’s mouth when he shaking his head smiled at me.

“You know this way most of my tension will be sorted” I said looking at the ceiling interlacing my fingers together keeping them on my stomach.

Sighing leaving his exercise incomplete Avrudh collapsed on his back with our arms touching, beside me. He too looked at the ceiling,
“That way we wouldn’t be separate either”

My breath hitched at the proposal, I looked at him to find him already looking at me.

His eyes showing me a dream so pure where I was wrapped under him looking in his brown eyes, there I spent my whole day, no worry of world, I was sated.

Avrudh’s hand moved to pick mine from my stomach, he touched the side of our palms together but not interlacing them,
“I don’t think I can live without you now, even if for a minute. Office hours are the most torture my heart can take, Sadhvi”

I looked at him and then at our touching fingers and palm saying nothing.

There was an incomplete sentence in my heart which was inching to come out, at the tip of my tongue it was lingering to get completed. Only Avrudh had the answer.

The little things he does for me everyday stole my heart from me a long time ago. Sometimes I think I willingly gave it to him.

When I failed to utter any coherent word Avrudh interlaced our fingers together bringing to his lips saying,
“Tell me you feel the same, Sadhvi”

I inhaled from my mouth but forgot to exhale looking into his eyes, our faces just a breath apart. A breathless Avrudh stared at me waiting.

I looked away from him, not meeting his eyes I looked up at the ceiling and closed my eye lids. Too shy to respond.

I wasn’t feeling well suddenly I needed his arms around me, maybe then I would be able to speak again.

This wasn’t a story I thought of when I was dreaming a happy life for myself but this was much better than that ideology.

I smiled with my lids closed because I was aware of his eyes on my face. Avrudh’ body turned with our fingers interlaced still he cupped the side of my face using his other hand.

Brushing the skin of mine with his calloused thumb,
“Will it scare you if I say, I love you”

Just then I exhaled smiling even bigger but not opening my eyes. I felt his face closer to mine then.

“But I promise I will not kiss unless you ask me to” my eyes shot open and I pushed him off me

I glared but blushed with the same intensity, “You are sick!”

He laughed, “Hey that’s my line”

“And I would never ask you to” I spat calming my beating heart who just witnessed him confessing his love to me

He laughed even harder,
“You will and soon”

.

.

I was in the backyard of our house hanging clothes to dry. Monica was there helping me while her mother was in the kitchen cleaning.

The blush on my cheeks was hard to hide, the memories of us in the morning came rushing back every now and then.

He just confessed his love to me, the words were too pure for me to ignore.

I picked up the last cloth from the basket and moved towards the rack. It was his t-shirt in my hand when I straightened the creased of it spreading it on the line.

I was dying to reply back to him but decided to respond in my way only.

I smiled at Monica who was gauging at my face since the moment she stepped inside the house.

Sighing and keeping the basket inside the laundry room I started making my way inside the house when she couldn’t hold back her curiosity.

“Bhabhi are you running a fever?”

I looked at her pausing at the living room door frame, “No. Why?”   

“Your cheeks look red.” She said pointing it out

My eyes almost bulge out when I cupped my cheeks, “No… I am absolutely fine”

She looked concerned, “I will ask mom to brew you some coffee”

The young lady walked back inside the house with a blushing me trailing behind.

If only you knew Monica.

It was that obvious Avrudh’s confession left a deep impression on my heart, I was sometimes smiling or sometimes blushing for no reason today. I was on cloud nine. Clearly.

The image of him in my mind ranked even high, I wanted nothing but to sit with him and have a heart to heart talk. Where I will confess and he will smile.

There are words, long sentences and good paragraphs prepared in my mind to tell him, to spill mt hearts content. From the moment I met him to the moment we laid beside sharing his heart to me.

“Namaste Bhabhi” someone said when I stood near the first step of the staircase to our bedroom

I looked at both the men coming out of the room, one was my husband wearing his grey sweatpants and black t-shirt and the other man was someone in formals.

I smiled walking upto them joining both of my hands greeting him, “Namaste”

Avrudh walked upto me standing holding my back, “Sadhvi, this is Vishal and Vishal this is my wife Sadhvi”

“Nice to meet you, Vishal” I said smiling at him.

Hand of Avrudh resting on my back was welcomed usually but this time I wanted it to be interlaced with mine.

“We were just talking about his wife, she is pregnant and wanted to join your Lamaz classes”

“Oh… no worries give me your number and I’ll register your wife’s name. How far is she?”

“Four months” He replied fishing his phone out of his pocket

I nodded, “Give me the details then I will take care of the rest when I will meet her”

“I gave them to Mr.Dhillon already”

“Oh that is also okay” I said looking over my head to meet my husband’s eyes

We nodded and the guy left soon after and Avrudh went back to his study to complete his work.

But not before giving me a lingering gaze.

God the butterflies I felt then and there.
.

.

“Rajveen you talked with him?”

“Just five minutes ago, he said 2.25 crores or else vacate the building”
I rubbed my forehead

“That’s not even the market price”

“I know that but he said we make a lot of money, it shouldn’t be that tough for us to arrange the amount”

I sighed angrily, “The guy has gone crazy, I can’t believe he could be the son of such a great man. Even his negotiations are not making any sense.”

Rajveen made a click sound from behind the line

“What are we going to do now?”

I closed my eyes, “I don’t know yet but I am not giving up this building, this place is my dream, our dream, and I am not going to pay him eighty five lacs over the market price”

“For crying out loud we are taking a huge loan and we are not even sure if we will be able to pay it all ever”

I almost wanting to cry like a baby today, I looked out of the glass of my bedroom.

“Have you talked to Uncle yet?”

“I haven’t and I don’t want to. I stopped stressing him up for such futile things a long time ago”

“Sadhvi this is not good, you need to suck up your pride and talk to uncle, he will take care of the guy”

I buried my face in my hand considering the idea but I was too proud to accept the positive aspects. I got the news just a week back.

“Avrudh knows about this?”

“I haven’t told him either”

“You kidding me Sadhvi? Have you gone mad?! He needs to know what is going in your life. You will be losing your dream if things doesn’t go well”

“I won’t let that happen” I spat “You get me?  And I don’t need his money I will take a loan and pay it like everybody does”

“Sadhvi we don’t make enough to pay two crores with interest”

“I will think of an option Rajveen, I promise but I am not taking Avrudh’s money and definitely not going to ask my father to help unless life and death.”

“Sadhvi that’s my dream clinic too and if anything happens I don’t think I will be able to forgive you ever. I’ve worked hard to gain this and because of your stupid self or ego whatever it is, I am not letting this happen”

“Rajveen, please give me two more days at the least, I will talk to that Bhati myself, please.”

“I am giving you 24 hours Sadhvi tell your father and your husband or I am going to take actions in my hands” she hung up on me saying the last words

I find myself running a hand through my hair messing them up, lying down on the bed I stared at the ceiling and watched the golden lights. I wanted to cry but I was numb too from inside.

I was seeing my dream getting snatched away from my hands.

If I tell my father he will surely be worried but he will ask someone from his team to scare the guy off a bit maybe then that bastard will come in line. Papa ji deosn’t have this huge amount either, but he sure can use some strength.

And if I tell this to Avrudh, who definitely need to know that I am to take a huge amount of loan for that matter, he will help me financially and emotionally too.

Sighing I got up from bed and went down the stairs to found him sitting on his chair reading his files. I was back to my dream land once again.

The thought of telling him something very important went out of the window within instant.

Avrudh was drinking, beside his file kept a small glass of what looked like whiskey, rested and I wanted nothing else but to be that glass. Who was at his mercy, blessed with the touch of my husband’s lips.

I cleared my throat gaining his attention and walked inside his study which looked like law school library.

I leaned against one of the book shelves and stared at him with a smile on my lips. It wasn’t in me to worry this beautiful man.

He was my escape from the mean world I needed him to share my smiles.

Avrudh rested his head on his knuckles and stared at me too, when I said nothing for more than a minute he stood up from his chair and closed the distance between us.

“If you keep looking at me like that then I might end up doing something bold” he warned keeping both of his hand in his pockets

I smirked resting my hands against my back, “Maybe I want to see what bold stands for in your dictionary”

His eyes darkened, “Don’t test me Sadhvi, unless you are ready, this is where I am drawing a line.”

I gave him a challenging stare when he came to know I was ready since from the start.

Avrudh walked close to me, caging me against the shelf and himself.

“Just say the words and I will stop” he whispered in my ears, hot his breath smelled a little spicy mingled with whiskey.

I visibly shuddered.

His one hand snaked around my waist joined our hips together and I gasped, suddenly I was aware he was a hot blooded male in flesh. I looked up at him with big eyes.

I was feeling funny.

I knew he isn’t going to hide away or act shy because he wasn’t like someone to. He in fact held my stare with blank eyes, reading me, opting for my reaction.

I gave him nothing. Two can play the game.

I was his to handle and he knew better.

His eyes gauging my reaction, waiting and when he realized I wasn’t on the giving end he smiled, accepting my challenge.

The proximity increased and I held my breath when my chest came in contact with his, flesh to flesh I knew I needed to stop breathing or else I will be crossing the forbidden borders.

He sensed that, the husband he was, “Breath Sadhvi, breathe because I will bite tonight”

Just then I smiled keeping my hands on his chest. A pause.
”What are you? Werewolf?”

I said with a face holding laughter

Avrudh’s face changed it’s expression right in front of me and soon he pushed himself off me with an embarrassed look,
“You are sick!”

I laughed clutching my stomach,
“I got my title back”

I jumped messing his hair and walked out of the study room to see Grace aunty and Monica has heard me teasing my husband and the smile on their face said I did a good job.

I was right he was my escape from this mean world. I was to make him smile with my smile.

I promised to steal all his sorrows and keep that smile intact on his lips.

_____________________

She has always been the favourite mess
to decorate my
house with.
____________________________

Oh god I love how this is going.
Tell me dear readers
that you feel the same.

How was your reading?
And share this story with all your friends because I know how it feels to share that goofy grin. Trust me.

With love,
Ankita 🐿️