||Jamilla Tate|| First Person ||

        "So," Mr. Dun hums around a forkful of salad, his gaze flickering up from his plate of food to where I sit across the table from him. With his eyes focused directly on me, I feel my heart practically stop. "How did you two meet again?" He asks curiously, his eyes narrowing slightly as he studies me. I swallow a gulp of water immediately, hating how dry my throat has become. I turn in my seat to look over at Josh.

        After spending what was left of the afternoon talking with Momma Dun(as Josh keeps telling me to call her) in the kitchen, she had sent me upstairs so I could freshen up for dinner. Of course, I wasn't necessarily hungry for dinner at that point after she practically forced a plate of cookies down my throat, but what with all the effort that she put into creating a lovely homecoming meal for both me and Josh, I decided I would eat as much as I could. She was just too kind and loving-- she was the mother figure that I never had.

        I hadn't seen Josh all afternoon when I was with Mrs. Dun, which was strange considering the house wasn't so large that we would miss out on seeing one another. But Josh had went down to the basement with his dad after spending some time with his siblings(more specifically Jordan and Abby-- Ashley was holed up in her bedroom). Finally seeing him now, shedding the winter clothes that I'd grown so used to and instead dressed in a regular t-shirt and jeans combination, I feel much better.

        Almost like I'm finally at peace.

        "You crashed into me on the first day." I tell him as he sets his glass back on the table, the cup lightly clinking against his plate. Josh looks over at me with incredulity, bewildered by my omission of truth. I can't help but smile widely at that, pulling my bottom lip into my mouth and biting down on it.

        "No way," he protests. "That doesn't count."

        "You can't say that!" I reply.

        "Of course I can," Josh laughs easily, and no matter how annoyed that I should pretend to be with him, I can't help but blush over that stupid grin on his face. "It was when we were in the elevator together, Jam."

         "I beg to differ," I say.

         "Permission to differ denied," Josh fires back. From the corner of my eyes, I can see a non-discreet Mrs. Dun shooting her husband a pointed look, the older woman smirking around a mouthful of rice. Josh gives his mom a look, one that only makes her chuckle easily as she sips at her glass of wine.

          "Josh," Abigail tilts her head to the side, a smirk too devious for a ten year old curling her lips upwards. Josh turns to look at her with a hint of warning in his gaze. "Is this the girl you're going to marry? Because I like her. She puts you in check." To that, practically everyone around the table chokes on their food. Momma Dun is covering her mouth as she looks over at Abby, preparing to scold the girl despite obviously agreeing. Mr. Dun is refusing to make eye contact with anyone while Jordan looks like he'd rather bash his face into his plate. Ashley--the sixteen year old-- looks ready to leave the table at any moment with the way that she's set her napkin down.

        Josh visibly pales.

         "No, Abby, Jamilla and I aren't getting married." Josh declares without flinching. I, on the other hand, do, but not because of anything Abby has said.

         "What about ten years from now?" Abby presses with a mischievous grin. Josh rolls his eyes and groans.

         "No, Abigail, not even ten years from now." Josh responds, not even sparing a glance my way. "We're just friends. Marriage... is for people who love each other. Now shush and finish your food." Josh narrows his eyes at his little sister, annoyed but not necessarily showing it. The ten year old, obviously satisfied with what transpired between her and her older brother. She sits back in her chair and goes back to picking at her food, a smile on her youthful face. My face, which is burning with embarrassment and discomfort, is probably cycling through sixty different shades of red.

        Dinner can't be over fast enough.

        Jordan, Abby, and Ashley head out of the room after following their parents' orders and emptying their plates out. Mr. Dun decides that he's going to take the trash out back, but before Mrs. Dun can volunteer herself to the dishes, I interject. "It's okay, Mrs. Dun, I'll wash the dishes." Smiling gratefully at me, she wraps me up in another hug before retiring from the kitchen.

        Josh stays seated as I turn the tap on, testing the temperature of the water before I start searching for the sponge. When I finally find the dish scrub, I douse it in soap before I begin to scrub the first plate clean. It's absolutely silent between us as Josh sits quietly at the temple, glancing between me and his phone every now and then.

         He only speaks when I've gotten to setting the third plate on the counter. "Jamilla, are you okay?"

        My answer is immediate and rehearsed. "All good."

        "Why don't I believe you?"

        I set the next clean plate on top of the growing pile of clean dishes that I will have to dry all by myself. I don't turn to look back at Josh, instead taking a step back and gripping the counter in my sudsy hands. In seconds though, Josh is at my side and taking it upon himself to search for a dish towel from one of the drawers. When he finally finds it, he starts to dry the plates next to me. I try not to smile gratefully. "Not a lot of people do, I think." I finally say in response.

         "It's not sincere enough, that's why." Josh tells me. "It's too rehearsed."

        "That's because I tell myself that, every night in front of the mirror." I say to him. He frowns then, his eyebrows furrowing as he dries off the next plate. "So, Josh," he glances over at me then, eyes curious. "Not even in ten years?"I tilt my head to the side.

        He breaks then, bursting out into laughter as he tosses the dish rag at me. I just barely catch it, shrieking slightly because it's damp with water. Josh laughs, "Come on, Jami, she's ten!"

        "You're ruining her ship, Josh." I tell him.

        "I'm not gonna fuel it," Josh says between a laugh. "It's the truth! We're not gonna get married," he's still laughing even though I've stopped at this point, scrubbing furiously at the next plate. He doesn't realize that what he had said after that was what bothered me.

        "You said that marriage is for people who are in love." I say slowly, refusing to look over at him as I squeeze the sponge of its excess water. 

         "Jami..."

         "No, I get it." I say, cupping my hands underneath the oncoming jet of water. "You were telling the truth, Josh." I pour the water over the sink, washing down the drain the dirty soap water that has clung to the walls of it. "What we have... it's not love."

         "Jamilla," Josh says clearly. "she's ten."

         "I broke up with Garrett today." I say through a tired breath. "And God, that was so hard." Josh doesn't say anything else, as if he's waiting for me to continue talking. "He was there for me, and he made a mistake. But that mistake made me think, shit, do I actually like this guy? Or is that just me projecting my feelings again?" The water shuts off then. I stare at the sink dumbfoundedly, not even realizing that it had been Josh who twisted the tap off. 

        "Jamilla," Josh says carefully, setting the dish rag onto the counter and crossing his arms over his chest. My mom always used to say that crossing your arms was a sign of defensiveness-- it's the complete opposite of being open with someone. She always told me not to cross my arms over my chest because it was rude and disrespectful. "You're tired. I'll tell Tyler to just come over tomorrow." I shake my head.

        "I wasn't going to leave Garrett because it was so much easier being with him-- he was nice and sweet and awkward and it was one time." Josh shakes his head in disbelief, but he doesn't say anything. He allows me to unload my grief on him. "I wasn't going to, but you asked me to, Josh. You said that..." I lean against the counter then, rubbing my face with my damp hand.

        "You need to clear your head, Jami." Josh says softly, reaching out for me and taking my trembling hand into his. "I'll show you your room--"

        "No, Josh." I say clearly. "I'm all good."

        I know he won't ever believe me. I don't even believe myself.

        He nods, though.

        "Josh--"

        "Honey, I'm hooome!" Josh visibly winces at that, turning away from me as a snow-caked Tyler Joseph trudges into the kitchen. His brown hair along with the shoulders of his black winter jacket are dusted with snowflakes, his nose a bright shade of red. He smiles, though. 

        Josh grins then-- seeing Tyler shakes the tension from our conversation off. He just has this aura around him that alleviates the angst clouding in the air around us. His entrance couldn't be better timed.

        Tyler, after getting out of his jacket, helps the both of us finish cleaning up after dinner. The two boys debate what we'll do for the night as they help pick up after the Dun family, and I continue to wash the rest of the dishes(including Momma Dun's baking tray) before drying off the counters afterwards. The boys tell me that they'll be down in the basement for the night, so I nod and smile like I should and wait for them to leave before I take a seat at the island table again. 

         Burying my face into my arms, I sigh tiredly and close my eyes. Today was a long day for me.

        "Don't listen to my brother." 

        I look up suddenly, my eyes wide as Abigail Dun walks into the kitchen. She moves slyly around the island table, bringing her pointer finger up to her lips as she grabs the cookie jar off of the counter. She carries the jar over to the island, pulling out a stool across from me before getting comfortable. "Abby, right?" I say, because I'm not sure what else to say.

        "You already knew that." She waves her hand dismissively. The ten year old pulls a cookie out of the tub, taking a large bite. "Anyways," she says around a mouthful of the treat, "my brother is stupid sometimes."

        "Sometimes?" I laugh, and she grins at me then.

        "Wasn't sure if you'd agree with me." She says. "Now I know that I like you." 

        "Thanks?" I shrug.

        "Anyways, he's an absolute idiot and he was embarrassed." She continues. "Plus, I'm ten. He wouldn't tell me the truth, now would he?"

        "I assume not?" I guess.

        "You assume right." Abby finishes the first cookie off, grabbing for a second one. "I'm calling it right now-- ten years and you'll be married." I scoff at that, chuckling easily afterwards. This little girl was too much for the both of us to handle. Josh wasn't kidding.

        "No, Abby, he's made it fairly clear that only people in love do the whole marriage thing." I tell her. 

        "Ten years is a long time, Jamilla." Abby smirks. The young girl jumps down from the stool then, clutching her cookie in her hands as she walks around me towards the exit. "I call Maid of Honour!" she shouts after her as she leaves the kitchen. I shake my head in disbelief.

        "Kids these days," I huff out, resting my head back onto my arms. A yawn escapes me as I get comfortable, but I fight it. "I'm not tired." I tell myself. "Not tired." I repeat. "I'm..."

        I fall asleep before I can finish my sentence. 

        I'm not sure how long I stay there, my cheek pressed into the fabric of my sweater and my arms pressed firmly against the marble island. My legs fall asleep as well, but I'm so asleep that I don't really seem to notice that my circulation is getting cut off because of how I'm sitting. 

        "I'm telling you, Mom, you wore her out." I hear someone laughing lightly. 

        "Poor girl, she's so tired." I hear Momma Dun's voice next, and I know that I should have pushed myself up then, but I'm too tired to. "All of her stuff is in the guest room, just take her up please." It's another moment before a hand is resting on my head. Instinctively, I nuzzle into his touch when Josh strokes my head softly.

        "I told you you're just tired." Josh mumbles quietly as he wraps his arms around me, pulling me off of the stool. I toss my arms around his neck, burying my face into his shoulder as he scoops me up and off of my feet. "You should listen to me more."

        "It's... more fun..." I lose track of what I'm saying halfway through the sentence, instead allowing myself to melt further into his grasp as he carries me out of the kitchen. It feels like an eternity before Josh is setting me down onto a bed. I roll over onto my side, sighing tiredly.

        "What am I gonna do with you?" He asks me quietly. I smile sleepily. I can feel him working the blanket out from underneath my legs, pulling it over my body and encasing me in the warmth of a freshly washed comforter. 

        "I dunno, Josh." I say, nuzzling my face further into the pillow. "Whatever you want, whatever's... right.." 

        I fall asleep quicker than Josh can press a kiss to my forehead. I fall asleep quicker than I can hear his response.