Chapter 31: Morning
" I kind of feel like a bad friend"
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Jude is laying naked on his front in the bed, a sheet draped over his midriff when he eventually opens his eyes that morning, to a very quiet room. He rolls onto his back, expecting to see Milo's body laying next to him, but the space is empty. Jude quickly sits up, rubbing his tired eyes, trying desperately to wake himself up and process his surroundings.
"Milo?" He calls out anxiously, as he scans the room, even momentarily thinking that like Hester, Milo was an actual figment of his imagination. Jude is relived to see some evidence of his existence, that being Milo's lighter resting on the nightstand.
But that still didn't answer the current question..."Where is Milo now?" Had he gone for a walk, had he just...gone? Did he regret what they did? Jude certainly didn't, but things can always seem so different in the light of day.
Jude gets out of bed, hurriedly retrieving his black underpants from the carpet and heads to his clothes, finding his phone from his trouser pocket. It begins to vibrate in his hand as soon as he picks it up. Jude clambers back into bed and unlocks his phone. No messages from Milo, but a handful from Tashen.
Jude reads them one by one...
Tash 18:32
Hey, just checking you're ok. Char tells me you're on a road trip of sorts.
Tash 20:58
Hey. Just be careful okay, Remember his state of mind.
Tash 23:46
Okay...now you're worrying me. Don't do anything stupid, like sleep with him.
Tash 07:37
Call me...or I'm sending Char to your phone's location.
This last message prompts Jude to call Tashen on the spot. The last thing he needed was Charlie rocking up.
A few short rings and Tashen answers
"Where have you been?"
"Woah Tash, isn't it like early hours there? Why are you so loud?"
"Do you think I can sleep, not knowing what's going on with my best friend!
Jude hangs his head a little with guilt. "I'm fine Tash, relax. Everything is fine."
Jude can hear the sigh of relief down the phone.
"Is Milo there, I want to speak with him."
Jude now shuffles nervously on the bed "Hey I thought it was me you were worried about."
"Course I am baby, but I need to speak to him to make sure."
"He's....he's not here right now.."
"So...where is he....Jude?"
Jude can feel the panic in his friend's voice. He couldn't lie to his best friend.
"Tash I don't know where he is and I think I messed up. I slept with him and now he's gone!"
"You did what?...Don't you read my messages!"
"Yes...just a bit too late."
Just then, the motel room door opens. "Hey I got us some breakfast." Milo now enters the room with a plastic carrier bag.
"Tash, I gotta go."
"Jude Park..."
"Milo!" Jude says, a little overexcited and relieved... "I thought you had..."
"You thought I had gone?" Milo says, now sitting on the end of the bed.
"Yes." Jude replies, a sad kind of smile painting his lips.
"You thought I would have regretted last night, felt guilty, and left." Milo says matter of factly.
"Yes." Jude again replies, now looking down at his phone, rubbing the screen.
"Well...you were part right." He says, now pulling two breakfast bagels from the bag and two orange juices, laying them on the bed, before looking back at a panicked Jude. He then casually opens up a juice and hands it to Jude, who's speechless mouth automatically takes a swig.
Jude finally finds his voice, looking at Milo, who looks like he is waiting to be asked. "Well, you didn't run away." He says, his mouth slightly curling up at the edges. "So...do you regret last night?"
Jude can feel his heartbeat quicken at the question. Milo places a hand on Jude's cheeks, rubbing the pad of his thumb, over Jude's soft skin. "No, I don't regret last night." He says smiling widely, making Jude almost melt into Milo's palm.
"So, that's leaves one thing." Jude says, his body once again stiffening. "You feel guilty because of Hester."
Milo removes his hand, letting it rest in his own lap and sighs. "Yes I do, but probably not in the way you think."
"What do you mean?" Jude asks.
Milo takes the other juice bottle and unscrews it, taking a few gulps, before clearing his throat. "You probably think I feel guilty because we are supposed to be looking for Hester. That I have this past with him that clearly needs some kind of resolve. Instead, I was making love to you, thinking of only you... Jude I feel guilty because I'm okay with it. Last night was the first time in a long time that he hadn't invaded my mind, or had bothered me with some issue and I feel guilty for being relieved of that."
Milo takes another mouthful of his juice before continuing. "I kind of feel like a bad friend. I mean, you and Tashen don't seem to be like that."
Jude chuckles "You know there are good times and bad in any relationship. "Tash and I disagree and make up just like anyone else."
Milo nods as he looks down. "I know there are things unsaid between us, Hessy and I. Things for whatever reason I can't remember. I know I have to face his mother. She will be able to fill in the blanks. The things he won't tell me. I might even be able to ask him myself."
Jude doesn't speak. He just edges closer to Milo, pulling his head in and resting it on his shoulder. "You will get answers, I'm sure of it." He promises.
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