I HAVEN'T UPDATED IN SO LONG GOODBYE 💀

Lots of trigger warnings: depression, suicide, animals eating you. (Ik, it's brief tho) Smoking, and it's not been edited or reread so please shoot me if there's mistakes.

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She smoked often. She had a tired look in her eyes. She wasn't depressed, no she wouldn't say that, but she hated living. And less than that, she hated the people who made her hate living. It wasn't their fault she couldn't control her feelings, it wasn't their fault they felt the need to lie around her. Eventually, you realize, it is your fault and you blame yourself. You'll get used to it. She did.

She had just come back to her mom's house, so she smoked with the window open on the top floor looking down. If she fell she wouldn't get up, but who would sweep away her bones? The foxes would. She'd get taken and fed to their babies.

She puffed out smoke, she liked her mom's house because that was where he visited her. He always showed in the form of a teenage boy, just her age. He'd tell her stories and take her away and they'd run through town causing chaos. If she chose he'd be the god the Chaos. Alas he wasn't, he was the sun god. He was as beautiful as the sun, she wouldn't deny it, he truly was.

But he'd only visit at her mother's. Maybe it was too cold at her dad's, or it was out of his way. It would be inconvenient to visit her, she wasn't sure why he'd do it anyway. She wished he'd crawl through her window right then and convince her to go on a late-night swim in the lake with him.

He didn't though. Like she said, it'd be inconvenient, even if he was a god who could split himself into different beings. Why do that? She thought that when he wasn't around. He said he was always there, just watching, even at her dad's house. He cried over her when she was away at her dad's and every moment in between because she was wasting her life away.

He would take her cigarettes and smoke them for her. "If you can smoke I can smoke." She'd argued. "I'm a god. It's different." he'd counter.
She would cross her arms and they would sit in silence on the roof.

She wouldn't cry in front of him but she knew he could feel her pain. He wouldn't say anything, try to cheer her up, or even compare it to his own life. They would sit in quietly.

Or when she would be so angry she'd pick at the skin on her arms to the point she bled, but he would just take her hands and lead her through the woods.

The one time she did cry they fell asleep under a tree after star gazing, though she didn't see many stars through her tears. All the while he listens to her incoherent wails and waves of words.

He held her tight and told her he couldn't do anything for her once she was in the underworld, so she had to stay so he could see her again. She lived another day after that.

She lived many more days, whenever she thought it was her last day he'd show up and convince her it was just another new day, the same as yesterday and tomorrow. She'd live another day.

Today was her last day, again. And from across the street, she could see Apollo- Lester as she liked to call him- walking towards her house.
A soft smile came to her face. She loved him, she wouldn't say it though.

"(Y/n)." He breathed out softly when he was close enough for her to hear. He grinned wide, he was beautiful but had a wicked smile like he'd burn your house down. He quickly scaled her wall, godly powers or something, till he sat on her roof before her.

"Lester." She took another drag from her cigarette.

"You're back, I've missed you."

"You can visit me at my dad's, you know." She retorts.

"I cannot bear to see you out of place there." He frowns. His brows furrow and his forehead creases. She would have one less problem if she looked like him.

"I'm out of place here."

"No, because this is where you belong to me."

"Belong to you?"

"Your heart stays here. I keep it safe for you until you're home," his voice is softer than before, just barely over the whistle of the wind. "With me."

She furrows her brow to match his. "Who says I have a heart?"

"You do, I have it."

"There is not much in it."

"There will be when I give it back," He chuckles. "Lots of kindness and love and... a big pretty bow on top."

Apollo knew she liked bows, so the thought made her smile slightly.
"Come with me?" He pulls the cigarette from her fingers and puts it in his mouth before sliding off the roof and landing on his feet. She sighed, not everyone had god-strengthened bones so she lept to a nearby tree and climbed down its branches.

Apollo had already started running, expecting her to follow. She did just like always. But one day she'd be caught.

She followed him into the woods. She dodged branches and ducked under spider webs. Her fingers traced her and Lester's name in a tree, and she followed him to a ledge where he sat.

"You're fast."

"I am a god."

She sat beside him and like always when she was sad they sat in silence. Apollos finished her cigarette and put the rest out on the rock.

"That was my last one."

"Good."

It wasn't good for her, she'd have to sneak out again and buy more.

"(Y/n)?"

"Yes?"

"You of all people know that words mean nothing. Especially when everyone has lied to you your whole life."

She gives him the side eye. They never talked about this kind of stuff.

"Hold on," he gestures for her to be patient. "I won't say the words until you're ready, you can say them first or we can say them never. But if you would... please give me the chance to prove how much I care for you until you believe me."

He shifted so he was looking at her straight on. She wouldn't look at him though, and she wouldn't force him to.

"You don't have to feel the same way back just let me show you. I only care for you. And that feeling is for you alone, I won't ever regift it to another."

"Why?" She asked softly

"Why?" He echoed "I cannot say why till I've proven myself."

"You have." There was a long silence. "Give me another day, Apollo." Her voice was weak.

"I cannot. You stay on your own terms."

"Give me another reason to stay then."

"The sun wouldn't shine anymore and the rocks would cry at your absence."

"That wouldn't matter if I was already gone."

"I would cry at your absence."

Another long silence filters between them. That's okay though because she liked the silence. She picked up a baby toad. "I suppose I couldn't leave you by yourself."

He smiles again. She'd stay another day, Hades would wait another day, and Apollo had her for another day.