❝His heart yearned for comfort, but there was none being offered amidst the sea of grief.❞

The week ended with Dallon's death anniversary, and the weight of that knowledge hung over Lester like a dark cloud.

Charlyn and her friends had left him alone since the other day at Rockfer's. He had seen Joel once across the grocery aisle, but they'd both left without exchanging a word despite knowing the other was there. Without Charlyn around every now and then, he was left to his own devices.

This week his heart hurt for more than one reason.

He'd never really thought about what he would do if he had time to himself – a lot of it. There was something to be said about being alone. For the first time, Lester found himself lonely. Normally, he would walk into the next wing and bother someone in his family or talk to his friends. Nyore offered no such familiar comfort. Within a span of a week and a half, he'd grown from feeling free to lost. Never before had Lester questioned his purpose in life or been offered space to be introspective. If he were back at the palace, he would have been too busy. That comfort was perhaps one he had taken for granted.

Lester ran his fingers through his hair and let out a sigh, disrupting the silence as he stared at the date on his cellphone. The last time he'd seen his brother, they had been finalizing details for a new trade export project that had been set to launch that spring. The last words they'd exchanged had been "see you later," with joking smiles and a nod.

It felt meaningless. As he reflected on his last moments with his brother, Lester couldn't help but wish that they'd spent more time together outside of work. Despite being one of the closest people to Dallon, he should've known him better given the time they spent together. Lester blinked quickly. Most of the time, he tried not to think of his brother. Dallon's death had been much more painful than a stab through the heart to him.

Lester glanced over in the direction of Ayden's house, tensing when his eyes landed on his house through the trees. Ayden had been just as close to Dallon, if not closer as his best friend and right-hand man as leader of the Guard. There had been a time when he was younger that he had envied Dallon's relationship with Ayden, but that envy had long since gone. In the aftermath of his brother's death, they had remained pretty close friends and confidants.

Lester stood up with the shake of his head, grabbing his keys. Ayden's favorite thing to eat was garlic bread with soup, something very unconventional among those at the palace. The meal was directly related to his heritage, his upbringing in a different largely influential region of the Territories. It was the one thing that could help raise his spirits a bit.

Lester left his house and came back within half an hour, garlic knots and two containers full of Rockfer's specialty soup in a bag. Parking his car, he checked his watch. Just about time for a late lunch – perfect. Chances were that Ayden hadn't bothered eating yet. They were the same in that way. Food didn't come easy on tougher days.

Lester didn't bother knocking, instead pulling the key from under his friend's rug and going inside, locking the door behind him. Quietly, he got out two bowls and set the dining room table. When finished, he made his way upstairs.

If there was ever any doubt that Ayden Briney was alive, it was the egregiously soft workout music coming from his studio. Lester pulled open the door to have his eardrums nearly ruptured by rapping that edged on screaming.

He had never jumped so fast to turn music off.

Ayden looked up from his weights with surprise, sweat dripping down his chest. He'd been so zoned-in to his workout that he hadn't registered the interruption until the noise had stopped. "Lester?"

"You trying to go deaf by thirty-five?" Lester asked sarcastically, throwing him a clean sweat towel from a nearby rack.

"Nah, just tryna make it through the day," Ayden hit back honestly. They both knew what that meant. He took the towel gratefully, mopping up the shine on his body. "What brings you here?"

"I doubt that you've eaten yet. I brought lunch."

Ayden's eyebrows raised slightly as he stood up. "I'll meet you down in five, then."

Ayden was nothing if not punctual. Some soldier through and through. Five minutes later and they were both looking at Lester's serving job with respect.

"Dang, so much for being the little brother of the household," Ayden dug out, sitting down. "This spread is amazing. Looks like you've grown up a bit."

For the past few weeks, Lester had been too caught up with everything going on to maintain some of his relationships. One of those was his brother's best friend. With Dahlia and the crown, the two hadn't gotten to talk for a while. The distance between them felt odd.

"Someone's gotta make sure we eat," Lester joked. "I know I'm responsible, but this is a bit too much sometimes. Next time, you're on."

"Deal," Ayden replied, but his eyes were already fixated on the food as he raised a spoonful of soup to his lips. He ripped a piece of his garlic knot off shortly thereafter. The food was good judging from his reaction. They both ate in silence, each in their own thoughts.

After they both finished Lester cleared their dishes to the sink, looking at Ayden who watched him patiently. "So, how've you been holding up? Today and in general."

"In general, not too bad. Today, not great," he replied. As Lester sat back down, Ayden glanced at him. He pressed his fingers together, clenching his hands. He spoke slowly, as though processing every word extremely carefully. "You might be the only person who understands this, but it still feels so strange that he's gone. It's like, I don't know, he's somewhere out there and he's just missing. Not gone."

That struck a chord.

Lester's voice came out smaller than he'd anticipated. "Like he'll walk in the next second and make some stupid joke about how we never get a break."

"Exactly. Do you remember how he used to mention how responsible we had to be and our duty, like, all the time? It was so annoying, but I'd give anything to hear that again," Ayden said, letting out a forced laugh. He blinked, glancing elsewhere. If Lester had been anyone else, he would have missed how the older man's eyelids hovered slightly before falling and the jerking motion of his leg beneath the table.

"I miss him," Lester confessed, tears coming to his eyes. "I know it's been a long time, but I still feel like I can't do anything without him. I'm just Dallon's little brother. That was never supposed to change."

Dallon Raure had been the ultimate big brother to him. A role model, the one holding the weight of the world on his shoulders. The one who was always there no matter what. Until he hadn't been. It was like the sky had fallen in his world.

"Your brother was a lot of things, but so are you. You can't think like that," Ayden said firmly, and the first tear fell down Lester's cheek. "You've done a lot. I don't think I could've been in your position and make it out alive. I'm still processing that he's gone, never mind ruling a nation."

Hearing that from Dallon's best friend, someone he'd always respected, made Lester's heart lodge in his throat as he shook his head.

"You think I've been coping? That's laughable," he said with a bitter smile. "My only real solution to my problems is throwing myself into work, and now I don't know what to do."

Ayden was silent for a moment. "You should try, you know. We both should while we have the time. I get the impression that we've both been running ourselves into the ground instead of taking the break we've needed, probably for a long time now."

"Yeah." Lester got to his feet, deciding that he was done discussing Dallon for a bit. Their small conversation had left him feeling drained. "A, let's go hit weights together. My treat. I could use a workout, and I need to get back into shape."

"Les," Ayden called as he made his way out, standing to follow. He was very matter of fact. Maybe it was the way the light hit him, but his eyes shone. "It won't hurt forever, even if it hurts now. Dealing with a lot of loss, you get to understand that."

Lester paused at the advice, turning to glance at his brother's best friend with tired eyes. He mustered up a nod. "Yeah, I know."

Still, some things were hard to believe. 

⋄

my heart goes out to anyone currently dealing with a loss. it's tough. it really is. know that i wish i could reach out and hug you through the screen. congrats on making it through, whatever stage you happen to be at.

how've you all been doing? i've been struggling to keep up with some academic stuff lately, so i've been trying to focus on that for the most part.

[click the external link to read ahead on patreon & support me extra as an author.]