The final call came as Gayatri and Maitri barged in joyously announcing the arrival of the baraat (groom's marriage procession) inside the haveli (our home). I felt like the prisoner going to the guillotine. I wanted to drag my feet but then counting to ten I crossed the threshold of maasa's room, with my friends holding on to me acting like jail wardens, even if they didn't know it.

The Bride

As we carefully descended the stairs, my whole concentration was on not missing a step as I was being weighed down by the weight of the dress. It was like a female armour being worn by a bride as she proceeded to enter a different kind of war zone called the married life. I was being a cynic but then I had full right to feel so.

I could hear the soothing music of the shehnai being played in the background but even that failed to calm me down. In fact, the shehnai generally associated with marriage was just a reminder of what lay ahead.

I almost missed the last step as I saw Roopmati decked up like a bride in red standing right in front. I could see her analyzing me though she couldn't actually see my face properly through the veil.

The girls supported me from both sides to stabilize me and I was literally dragged to the mandap, as they kept their hold on me. The feeling was of being forcefully floated out of the crowded metro by the determined crowd even if it wasn't your stop. I couldn't just put my foot down and stop, but had to follow their momentum which brought me right under the mandap.

Rudra was already there and he didn't even turn towards me. He seemed fascinated by all the puja items lying in front of him.

'Coward' I seethed at him in my mind along with a cuss word. Anger was a good thing right then as it was the only thing stopping me from wailing or do something equally stupid.

The punditji asked him to stand up for the jaimaala (garland exchange).

Rudra

My heartbeat accelerated as soon as he stood up facing me. He looked so handsome in his sherwani and the turban placed on his head just like the prince of my 'dreams'. Not my dream and especially not my prince, I recollected as Vasundhara passed a garland made of flowers in my hand.

Even though he couldn't quite see me properly I pleaded with my eyes for him, to not go any further with this farce, but he just stood there with another garland in his hand.

Jaimala

My hands shook as I was directed to put the garland around his neck first. Would he move back or would he just scream stop, I waited for him to take some kind of action.

He did neither but right in front of my disbelieving eyes, he lowered his head down so that I could easily put the garland around his neck. With the girls encouraging me to hurry up I finished the deed still unsure of what was happening.

Next, he placed the garland around my confused head. There went up a cheer of happiness all around as people showered flower petals on us as blessings.

Seeing a dazzling red movement through my peripheral vision I turned my head slightly towards it. There stood Roopmati right in front with a slight frown on her face. I quickly turned my head to read Rudra's reaction but he stood there stoically unmoved.

We are asked to take our place on the chowki placed side by side in the mandap. My eyes were still tensely trained on Roopmati. She seemed to be controlling her emotions. I felt like that second lead who is made to suffer every humiliation possible so that the lead actors could shine in proportion and build up trp's for their drama.

Anger is good for you I reminded myself.

Kanyadaan

As we sat down on the chowkis, the punditji after reciting few mantras asked maasa and bapusa to come forward. Maasa and baapusa having to take the place of my parents had to do my kanyadaan(giving away the bride). Even though I would be still staying with them for a few years it made me emotional as this was once in a lifetime event for all parents having daughters. I missed my parents. A tear rolled down my cheek.

Baapusa under the instructions of the punditji applied turmeric paste to my palms and placed my hands over Rudra's. It signified that he had blessed this union and was now passing on his daughter's responsibility to the groom. My heart cried as I didn't want to be given away to a person who didn't want me.

My hands shook as they were placed over Rudra's. I wondered if it was my imagination or  was it for real but I felt Rudra steading my shaky hand by holding them lightly from below. I turned to look at him through my veil but he kept looking forward.

I wondered what he was scared of. Was he making up his mind on ways to reject me? I had to be prompted many times by Vasundhara and Gayatri sitting beside me to follow what the punditji was instructing me to do. I could make out from the whispers behind me that people were blaming my absent-mindedness to my emotional condition.

I was then instructed to place my right hand over Rudra's where he had to promise to protect and care for me. As punditji again started to chant the mantras, I wondered why he was going through with this.

It was like every break the punditji took from chanting the mantras, I waited with bated breathe for Rudra to stop the marriage.

Gathjoda

I heard the punditji instruct Gayatri as she was the groom's sister to tie the knot between my odhni (veil) and the cloth draped around Rudra's waist. It was called gathjoda or in other words joining the bride and groom for life.

This was a predecessor to the 'saat pheras'(seven rounds) we had to take around the sacred fire, which if completed would mean the marriage was 'almost' complete. These saat pheras signified the seven promises the bride and groom gave each other, with the Agni Dev (the lord of the fire) as their witness. Once this ritual was done nothing could be undone.
My heart started beating fast and I again tried to catch Rudra's eye and decipher his reaction but his stoic face gave nothing away.

In the movies I had seen before, it was always during these pheras someone interrupted the marriage with some kind of declaration and the marriage was cancelled.

Saat pheras around the sacred fire

When we were asked to stand up for the pheras, I wondered as he too stood up if he would ask the punditji to stop but then Rudra simply took my hand in his as instructed by the punditji and started going around the havana kund (where the fire burnt) while the mantras were being chanted.

In the four pheras the groom leads so I kept waiting for him to stop anywhere in between but he held my hand tight as he almost dragged me covertly while making the rounds.

The audience had too much fun as the punditji explained the meaning of the promises being made by us as we repeated the words he said in Sanskrit. The married couples out there made jokes about how they suffered or enjoyed the promises they had made during their marriage. I, on the other hand, felt each promise to be a lie being uttered to me and waited for the promises to come crashing down when Rudra discarded me in front of this same audience.

We had to change places after the for pheras and this time I had to lead the three pheras as the bride. I just didn't want to go ahead with this farce any longer so I dug my feet in and didn't move despite the punditji asking me to start.

Rudra seemed to have sensed my reluctance so he turned around and whispered something in Gayatri's ear and suddenly I was being almost pulled by her to move forward as she pretended to help me with my skirts from below. I couldn't stop without creating a scene and dishonouring my parents' name.

I got to take a good look at Roopmati's face as I passed her by. She looked constipated with a frown marring her face. She was standing almost inside the mandap and we had to pass her as we did our pheras. I wondered if she was trying to catch Rudra's eye too.

Then it was over and I couldn't believe it, that our pheras were over without any interruption. The last and most important ritual which I considered as the final strike was the sindoor daan.

I still had hopes that Rudra would not go through with that, as it was then like reaching the land of no return. It was the final stamp on this marriage. If he filled my maang (hair parting) with sindoor ( vermilion) then I would be considered officially married to him and nobody would be able to do anything.

I again waited with awaited breathe for Rudra to get up and refuse to marry me. He could just say that after the pheras he realized that he didn't love me or something to that extent. He could pull Roopmati towards him and fill her 'maang with sindoor' I had seen even this happen in a movie. In other terms now I was feeling desperate and my heart was in a turmoil. I wanted to get up and run. It wasn't about my heartbreak now but about forcing a person who loved another to marry me.

Groom putting Sindoor 

I heard the punditji give some kind of instructions again but it was Gayatri lifting up my veil to expose my forehead which alerted me. I turned towards Rudra to plead with him to not go any further with this. Something salty and wet touched the corner of my lips and I realized that I had been crying.

I slowly shook my head towards Rudra asking him to stop. For a second as he looked in my eyes I saw his face softening but then he did the unthinkable. He filled my maang with sindoor. I closed my eyes at the betrayal. I felt confused and my mind stopped working.

Tears streamed down my cheeks as a small sob escaped my lips. People around me started consoling me saying that I won't be leaving my maayka (parents' home) anytime soon, so there was no need to cry so much. Some pitied me saying that perhaps I was remembering my real parents at such a crucial moment of my life.

Nobody knew the real reason why I cried and that broke my heart even more. Maasa came to console and hug me as she said words of encouragement. I slowly got hold of myself as I didn't want to create a scene any more.

I just couldn't believe that I was now married to Rudra. I was still in a daze as we jointly touched the feet of all the elders from Rudra's side of the family to take their blessings. Rudra guided me with a light touch of his hand at my elbow.

The girls soon took me back to my room to get ready for the post-wedding rituals which would take place after we rested a bit and took a bath. It was almost going to be dawn.

I had seen Rudra trying to catch my eye as he looked on with concern but I was hell-bent on ignoring him. I wanted to scream at him. What I really needed was to sort out my feelings and analyze the situation before I could face him.

One thing was sure that I wasn't going back with Anil and Vaishali as I considered marriage sacred but forgiving Rudra was another thing. Nobody could compel me to do it.

Only few chapters left... yes this is not the end :P

Writing as fast as I can. :D

And again would love to hear from you. I read all of your comments and it encourages me to write. <3