My heart is pounding in my chest like never before as I stare at Kate's texts. I can't imagine that I'd want to read anything Chelsea or Maddy have written, especially since Kate mentioned bad news, which is the last thing I want to deal with right now. Things with Harry just shifted to something great, and I finally feel like things are looking up. Why ruin it all by reading some bitches blogs?

Other than the night Kate read me their blogs at her house, I hadn't been reading them. I didn't need to live vicariously through anyone anymore since I had my own life with Harry, which gave me much more than their words ever had. I didn't feel the need to know about their lives, because I actually have a decent one of my own.

If she had just told me to read Maddy's, I might just forget about it altogether and go back to sleep, but realizing that Chelsea's blog is popular among the kids at school, everyone else is going to know about it too, so I better read it if it's bad news.

I let out a long breath as I open the blog app on my phone and type in Chelsea's username. I lean up on my elbow and face away from Harry, hoping my body will hide any light coming from my phone to keep him from waking.

The title of Chelsea's blog post alone, makes my heart skip a beat, reading The Cat's Out of the Bag. I know right away that it's about me and Harry. I wish I had been more prepared to see there's a video uploaded underneath it of Harry and I kissing in The Pizza Shack.

It's clear the video is recorded from beside a wall, Chelsea trying to hide the fact that her cell phone was recording us, the side of the wall coming into view every few seconds. And while I can't hear half the things we say to each other, what Harry said to the cashier is evident, and who we've been together behind closed doors is uploaded for the whole world to see.

I'm not sure how I feel about it.

"Harry Styles and Jayde Cohen end High School with a bang!

As socially suicidal as this is, they are kind of cute together. I still don't think it's right though and Harry can do better.

Just sayin'..."

Okay, whatever, bitch.

Well, that wasn't so bad, I guess. Like she said, the cat's out of the bag. Our secret is out. It's not really the way I wanted it to go, but I never should have believed it would be any other way. I assume Maddy's blog is just Maddy expressing her thoughts on the subject of what Chelsea got on video, and decide since I'm awake, I might as well read it. I'm sure Kate thinks it's bad news because she didn't know we were planning to not be a secret anymore. She must be confused as to why we'd do such a thing in a public place.

"It's been one of those weekends. By one of those weekends, I mean it was one that I would never repeat unless I knew what was going to happen before it all did, just to make sure it didn't happen, and to be honest, with all of this, I wish I did know, because everything sucks now and I'm so incredibly mad!!!

For starters, I broke up with Niall yesterday morning. Call me a coward, but I did it over the phone. Not only because he was in California this weekend, but because it was the only way I could do it. I had to tell him the truth, and I didn't want to see his face when I broke the news to him.

That news being something that I have wanted for a while now, even though I shouldn't have wanted it because I had a perfectly nice boyfriend. And at the time, I was happy. I was getting something for my birthday that I have only dreamed of having and never thought I would. And it came true. And it was perfect.

He was perfect.

He was everything I thought he would be and more.

But I feel so stupid now! Because as many times as Jayde has told me that Harry is just a fuck boy and he doesn't like anyone, I never believed her, and now I know I should have. Because Harry Styles is the biggest fuck boy. He doesn't give two shits about the girls he has sex with, and he proved that to me yesterday afternoon.

The douchenugget!"

I take my eyes off the screen and look into the darkness of Harry's room. Did I just read that right? Is she implying that she had sex with Harry on...Friday?

I want to freak out. I want to lose my shit on the boy sleeping next to me right now, feeling my heart crack right down the middle like glass. Instead, I let out a shaky breath, not wanting to believe my negative thoughts have corrupted me once again. Because there's no way in hell he would've had sex with Maddy. I won't believe it for a second. He loves me. He wouldn't do that to me.

"I was drunk. He was drunk. Probably more drunk than we should have been while I wasn't with my boyfriend. My crush on Harry took over my intoxicated mind and I had to have him if it was the last thing I was going to do for my birthday.

I got what I wanted. I got him. Except my naive self thought that maybe it meant he liked me too. But of course, I was wrong. So very very wrong.

Why am I so stupid? I knew all along that he didn't like me. I just wanted him to. Especially after getting the chance to have sex with him. Because fuck he's perfect. His green eyes...the way he looked at me made me feel beautiful. Like I was the only girl in the world. And his lips are so soft...and his body, oh God, his body...and his tattoos.

I hate that I could go on forever about how amazing I think he is, even though I'm pissed off at him. It's stupid.

I broke up with Niall thinking I had a chance with Harry. But when I text him yesterday afternoon, he crushed those thoughts, saying that no one could know about what we did, and it can't happen again. He said there's no chance of us being together because he likes someone else.

And then the asshat goes out with Jayde tonight!! I knew something was going on with them. And maybe that made me want him even more, because I want her to be jealous of me. I don't even know why. Maybe it was because I thought there was a chance he liked her and I hated the way he looked at her at prom, like she was his entire fucking world. I wanted to know what that was like.

I got him for one night and in the end lost more than I had to begin with.

But I promised I would keep this secret, other than Niall. I had to be honest with him. He had to know. But no one else does. It will save me a lot of embarrassment, I think. After all I've thought was wrong, I don't want people to know I had sex with him, especially after seeing the way he kissed Jayde in that video on Chelsea's blog. 

I wish I knew before. I'd still be with Niall and none of this would have happened. It doesn't change the fact I had a great time with Harry though, because like I said, it was perfect.

And no matter how big of a mistake he thinks it was, I still want to remember it forever."

The heart inside of me that cracked in two just moments ago is now torn from my chest. The emptiness is felt through my entire being, there's nothing left but a hole of darkness, where the organ that was made to make me feel is replaced with desolation.

I feel myself sink with the truth. The pain of loss and dishonesty and loneliness all rolled into one big mess, makes it hard to breathe. He slept with someone else and the thought of it, I can't even bear it. I don't want to believe it. I don't want to think that the person I love so much, the boy I trusted with my heart, could do this to me.

A video sits at the end of Maddy's post and more than anything, I'm afraid to watch. Written words can all be lies, but a video shows the truth. It shows what I didn't see with my own eyes and I'm not sure I can handle what is shown on the other side of the lens.

I stand from the bed not wanting to be next to him. I want to run, yet I'm frozen on the spot, unable to feel a damn a thing as I stare at the curls upon his head and his bare back as he sleeps.

After finding my feet, I move across the room to sit on the couch by the window, placing my phone on the cushion, not ready to see what truth the video holds. For I am already broken enough with Maddy's words, I need to make sure I am ready.

Staring out into the world, the stars still shining in the black sky, I know this is a deal breaker. I may not his girlfriend, but this was a rule from the very beginning. The number one rule that started all rules. If he sleeps with someone else, I'm done. 

I never thought it would come to this. If anything, I thought if he was going to do this at all, it would have happened long ago. Not after everything that's happened with us. Not after I fell in love with him. Not after I let him in as far as I did. 

And he had the nerve to tell me he loves me after he did this?

My phone dings, signalling a text coming through, making me pick up my phone quickly and turn it on silent. Harry cannot wake up right now.

From Kate:
>> Did you read the blogs?

To Kate:
>> Yes.

From Kate:
>> Are you alright? I'm so sorry Jayde. I can't believe this at all. Do you want me to come over there and beat his ass? I'll get my Dad's baseball bat. That'll teach him.

To Kate:
>> Thank you for telling me, but I don't want to talk about it.

From Kate:
>> Well, I'm just a phone call away. Please don't forget that. Want to kick Maddy's ass with me at school tomorrow?

To Kate:
>> I know you are. I doubt I'll be at school tomorrow. But don't say anything to her about this. She doesn't know we know about it. It's meant to be a secret. So, please don't. Just let it go.

From Kate:
>> Okay, fine. But I'm going to text you tomorrow to make sure you're alright.

Closing the conversation on my phone, I'm reminded of the video when Maddy's blog pops back up on the screen. I suck in a long breath before tapping it with my finger allowing for it to play. Might as well get it over with.

Maddy is holding the camera above her head as it stares down at her laying in bed. Her long blond hair sprawled out across the pillow and her pale skinned shoulders and upper body make it obvious that underneath the blankets covering her chest, that she isn't wearing anything. I want to turn it off as she moves the view to her side to show that Harry is laying next to her, but I can't seem to tear my eyes away from it already, no matter how much it hurts.

My heart pounds in my chest, seeing that Harry is shirtless, his tattooed arm wrapped around Maddy's waist with his lips pressed to the side of her shoulder. Her eyes are bloodshot in intoxication, and his aren't open all the way. She giggles at the camera, a toothy grin on her face.

"Are you recording us?" Harry asks her, looking up at the phone. His eyes widen a smidgen as she giggles again and nods her head. "You should really turn that off."

"Oh, just look at us Harry," she squeaks. "We look so cute together though."

He turns his head to look more clearly at the image, making me feel like he's looking right at me through the lens. He looks sad, the curve of his lips turned down, there's no life in his drunken eyes. "I think we looked better before we fucked," he mumbles.

"What is wrong with you?" Maddy asks, turning her head to the side to look at him. "You're so grumpy now. Did we not just have like the best time ever together?"

"Yeah, it was fun," he replies. He closes his eyes as she stares at him and his whole upper body moves up with a large intake of breath, and for a few moments there's silence. 

"Are you okay?" she asks, turning her body to his.

His eyes open to look at her. "I just want to forget—I want to forget." His words are a sloppy jumbled mess, but they're easily heard. "You made me forget, and it's all I wanted tonight. I needed to forget."

"Forget what?"

"Everything," he slurs, shutting his eyes tightly. "Everything, because it all means nothing now. It never meant anything."

"What didn't?" she asks. "Talk to me."

"I don't want to talk," Harry says, looking at her again. I watch as he places his hand on the back of her neck, his thumb caressing her pink cheek. "I want you to make me forget again."

I turn the video off the moment his lips touch hers. I can't watch anymore, the anger inside of me boiling to the brim. The hurt, a pain I've never felt before tears through me as I throw the phone to the other side of the couch. I stand up from the place I was sitting, unable to stop myself from pacing back and forth, my hands running furiously through my hair. I want to scream, to cry, to let something out. The built up frustration sitting at the pit of my stomach with nowhere to go, and it hurts. 

It hurts so bad to know that this boy I love with everything that I am, so easily had sex with someone else. Not only once, but twice. A mistake is something that you only make once. Doing it a second time is a decision. Whether or not he knew what he was doing the first time around doesn't matter, because he chose to do it again. I saw that with my own two eyes and even more, felt it rip through me.

Sitting back down on the couch, I bring my knees up to my chin, hugging my legs to give me some kind of comfort. I have to remind myself that in the world I live in, love is just a myth and I will forever be an untold story. He made me think otherwise. He made me believe that I was worthy of someone's love and for what? Just to crush me?

These last few months had changed me. I felt like a better person somehow. Harry had shown me that there was a light inside of me that burned an intense flame, and gave me courage I was unable to have before him. But that light, within seconds, blew out and I know with everything I am, that nothing can rekindle it.

The hours pass at an alarmingly quick pace, the stars in the sky outside the window, the only justification of time passing. I have thought many times about leaving, almost getting up from this spot on the couch and walking away, but leaving without discussing this with him isn't the answer. I have thought about waking him and yelling at him and throwing his belongings around the room, but the last thing I want is to wake his parents, and fighting and throwing things won't do a thing to change any of this.

And I don't want to cry. I haven't cried the entirety of the night. It's not that I don't want him to see that he's broken me, because he has, in a way I know only he could break me. But because I just simply can't. The tears never came. They never fell down my cheeks, or even welled up in my eyes. Every minute that passed of sitting in the dark in the corner of the couch, I just became numb. Numb to the pain. Numb to knowing that when he wakes, it's all over. Numb to the fact that this life with him was more of just a dream inside my nightmare life, and I have to wake up and go back even if I'm not ready to.

And God only knows I'm not ready. But when dreams mix with nightmares, there's only one place left to go, and that's home. Where the silence is my own and the pain is inflicted everywhere but the heart, and it hurts less. Oh God, it hurts much less than this.

Across the room, I hear Harry shift in the sheets, making me look at the clock to see it read four thirty a.m. My heart starts to pound when he says my name when he realizes I'm not laying next to him. I decide not to answer him, not knowing if I'm ready to talk to him just yet. I know the time has to come at some point, I just don't want it to be now, my courage on a downward spiral.

"What are you doing all the way over there?" he asks. "Come back to bed with me."

His voice alone makes me shut my eyes tight, hiding my face between my chest and knees, listening to my breathing accelerate.

"Jayde?"

Hearing his voice makes me look up to see he's turned on the lamp on the nightstand. He's sitting on the edge of his bed with sleepy eyes as he looks across the room at me. Mixed emotions filter through me as I stare back at him, his eyes meeting mine sends pain through me like lightening.

There's no going back. There's no way of getting out of this now. He will know that I know the truth and all I can hope is that by the end of this, he will hurt just as much as I do, if not more.

A/N: I feel so terribly cliche to have him just "cheat" on her....but that was the plan all along, sadly. Please don't hate me for not being able to come up with something better than this...lol

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