Over the last fourteen hours, I have gone through all the emotions. Reading Harry's blog posts was a roller coaster ride. I felt his pain in each one of his posts. It was always something I loved about the way he wrote, and why I felt so connected to him from the first time I read his words. I could always feel exactly what I was reading. And this time wasn't any different. In fact, I think I felt it more than ever before.

While driving here, I tried to call him multiple times. I talked to myself, screamed with the windows up and cried about all that's happening. And by the end of my trip here, a very long eleven hours of driving, I'm crashed in a hotel room in Manhattan, looking over the city.

I'm exhausted from the drive. All the crying and the screaming I've done. And I can't even enjoy the view from the window I'm sitting at, because all I want, is to find him. Except I'm too tired to actually do so right now. And it's eleven thirty on a Thursday night, so it seems pretty pointless anyways.

After a long shower, I climb into bed and decide that I'm going to call Anne in the morning to see if she can help me. If there's anyone who could, even from across the country, it would be her. At least I hope she can. I just hope Harry hasn't said anything to her that would make her think differently of me. Ya know, the way he apparently does.

Morning comes far too soon. My eyes don't want to open when my alarm goes off and I press snooze a few times before I realize where I am. Despite the fact I had a shower last night, I hop in again to wake up faster, calling Anne as I brush the tangles out of my hair.

Unfortunately for me, she doesn't answer. I guess I'm going to have to figure this one out on my own if she doesn't get back to me. I look out the window and wonder how I'm going to do that in a city this big, but all I can hope is that Columbia's campus isn't too hard to navigate.

I take a little more effort than usual to get ready, in case I do run into Harry. I don't want to look like a mess the first time he sees me. I want him to see the girl I am now. The happier, stronger, positive person I've become. Not who I used to be, even though that's the girl he fell in love with.

It doesn't take long to get to campus. Through my exhaustion last night, I made the effort to find a hotel as close as possible, no matter what the price. It's close enough for me to walk, of course finding a Starbucks on the way to grab a quick croissant and caffeine to start my day.

The campus is beautiful. The almost autumn breeze makes everything about being here exactly what I thought it would be like. Realizing, as I'm walking through it all, that if things had turned out differently, I might have already been here with Harry. I decide to take it all in, as if I'm not just here to look for Harry, but to experience it, as if I'm scoping it out to be the place I'll come to study one day.

I've spent a good couple of hours, visiting the Main Hall and one of the many libraries. I've found myself a map of the campus to easily find my way around and I've been slowly making my way in the direction of where I think Harry might have classes, having to ask a few people where music is studied around here, because this map just doesn't tell me anything I can understand.

I decide it's time to get another coffee when right up ahead I see tables with blue and white umbrellas and people with paper cups sitting in front of them. It's not Starbucks, but at this point, any coffee will do. 

I stop in my tracks, seemingly unable to move from my place on the sidewalk. Because there he is, not too far away from me, after all this time. And all I can do is stare at him.

He has his hair tied back in a...man bun? When did his hair get so long? Wow, he looks incredible. His shirt is open slightly in the front, the top buttons undone and everything about him looks different to me. He looks like a well put together man. Not the teenage boy who gave me escapes.

He's stapling blue papers onto light posts and handing them to people sitting outside the cafe or walking by, and every time he takes a step in any direction, I move closer to a tree to hide behind it.

I know I could easily say hi to him now. But my nerves are shot and I realized I haven't planned what I'm going to say to him. I internally hope that he doesn't see me as I poke my head around the tree to keep my eye on him.

My stomach drops when a blond girl walks out of the cafe, two coffees in tow and hands him one. I watch as he smiles at her and thanks her for the drink before they head off down the street together, stopping at each light post to staple a blue paper to each of them.

I don't allow myself to assume the worst. It's so easy for my negative mind to go places it usually would. But I take a deep breath and remind myself that there was no indication that should make me think he's with that girl, no matter how pretty she might be.

As soon as Harry is out of sight, I move out from behind the tree to take a look at this blue paper he's putting up everywhere. Ripping it off the light post, I take it with me inside the cafe to stand in line for coffee. My heart is pounding  already from seeing him, I doubt I even need caffeine now.

Open Mic Night
All Acoustic Music
Friday and Saturday Night
$5.00 at the door
7pm-Midnight
Postcrypt Coffeehouse

It's a strange feeling, seeing him again. In the grand scheme of things, it hasn't really been that long. But after all that's happened and how much I've changed, it feels like an eternity has passed since the last time we looked into each other's eyes. It's obvious just looking at him for those few moments, that he has changed just as I have. He's grown into a man over these few short months and in a small sense, as much as I knew it was him, it's as if I didn't even recognize him.

I had pictured him to be the same person when I saw him again. But I should have realized with how different even I look, now that I have seen the difference in myself just through those pictures on my phone, that he would have too. And despite the fact I had just read all of his blog posts and know that the same person is still inside of him, maybe just a little angry at me, seeing him, the way he is now, makes me believe he isn't the same person at all.

As I'm stepping back into my hotel room, my phone rings from inside my purse and I rummage through it to find it, seeing Anne's name on the screen.

"Sorry it took me all day to get back to you," she tells me after we greet each other.

"That's okay," I say. "I ended up not needing your help after all."

"My help?"

"If I tell you something, promise not to tell Harry?"

"You're in New York and you're going to see him!" she asks, enthusiastically. 

I laugh at her outburst and it doesn't phase me that she's already figured that out and wants for this to happen. "Promise me you won't call him and tell him I'm here."

"Cross my heart and hope to die," she says. I can hear the smile on her face as she says it. "When did you get there?"

"Last night," I answer. "I saw him a few hours ago, but I didn't talk to him."

"He's quite upset with you," she sighs.

"He told you?" I ask, dumbfounded. I wasn't sure if he would tell her, and this shouldn't surprise me, knowing how close they are, but because of how happy she sounds that I'm here, it does come to me as a shock. It doesn't make sense, if he told her I was with Tyler. "Wait. What did he tell you, exactly?"

"About some guy named Tyler," she explains. "I think I managed to calm him down a little bit last night when he called to tell me. He seemed to think this Tyler guy is your boyfriend, and I assured him you wouldn't do that to him." She pauses for a moment. "You didn't, right? This boy is just your friend? I shouldn't have made an assumption not really knowing the truth. You know, since you never told me about him. I guess I just can't see you being with anyone else, other than Harry. Or maybe I'm just bias because I love you and want you two to be together." She's rambling now and I can't help but giggle as she goes on.

"Tyler was just my friend," I assure her, and I listen to her let out a breath of relief on the other end of the line. "We weren't friends yet the last time I talked to you. That's why I never mentioned him to you. Do you think he's still mad at me? His last blog post made it seem like he's done with me."

"Blog post?"

Oh no. "Um, yeah, we write in blogs," I say slowly. "It's sort of how he's been keeping in touch with me...kind of...sort of?" I don't know how to explain this to her.  "Anyways, it doesn't matter. He sounded like he's done with me and I'm afraid he really is this time."

"I think he just needs to see you," she says. "Seeing you again will change everything."

"Why do you sound so sure?"

"Because I know my son, Jayde," she explains. "And even if I didn't as well as I do, there would always be one thing I know for sure, and that's how much he loves you. Why didn't you talk to him earlier when you saw him?"

I let out a breath. "Because I wasn't ready," I answer. "And because he was with a girl."

"Ah," she says, knowingly. "Elizabeth."

*

I'm looking at my phone, trying to navigate the map in front of me, to help me find this coffeehouse. My heart is pounding knowing I'm close, and I'm actually going to see Harry soon. I know I'm going to talk to him at some point over the next few hours. I just wish I knew how it was going to go.

Hearing Anne say that girl's name, knowing he had told her about her, made this whole situation unknown. She said she was just a good friend of his, that they attend classes together, and I want to believe that's all it is. But then again, I've been gone, out of his life, long enough for him to find someone else, and I've been led to believe he doesn't tell his mom about girls, unless they're important ones.

Regardless of who this girl is, it's not going to stop me from walking in there to see him. It's not going to change my mind, because I owe it to myself, and to Harry, to show him that I'm here and I want to be here. I want to start all over with him and figure us out and fix everything that broke between us.

Walking in, I pay the five dollar cover charge. I decided to come a little late to make sure I wasn't seen before I even got inside, so there's just a few stragglers walking in at the same time as I am. It's dark, walking down the hall and into the large space, the only light, a spotlight on the small stage, and dim lights behind the counter, where to my surprise, they're only serving coffee, espresso machines and coffee makers behind the servers. It's strange to see all these people here, college students, at a place where only non-alcoholic beverages are served on a Friday night. Seeing this, college life, isn't really what I was expecting.

Looking around at all the tables spaced out in front of the stage, I realize there's no place left for me to sit, so I make my way over to the side, leaning myself against the wall. There's already someone on stage singing with his guitar, but I'm not focusing on him, or even really listening to the music he's playing. I'm searching this dark room for the only person I came here to see. The only reason I'm here to begin with.

You know the moment you see someone you haven't seen in so long, and you feel like you've lost the ability to breathe? That's exactly how I feel right now as I spot him, the glow from the spotlight on stage illuminating up the side of his face. Harry is sitting in the front across the table from...Elizabeth? I can't tell if it's her. Her back is to me. But it's definitely him, and he's looking at her. But unlike this afternoon, he isn't smiling while he does so. The frown upon his face is evident and there's a sadness in his eyes. 

The expression on his face changes, when I notice her lean across the table to say something to him. A smile. That smile I love so much appears as he slides his hand through his curls, listening to whatever she's saying to him. 

There's nothing I want more than to be the one sitting across from him right now. To be the one who makes him smile. I can only hope that when he sees I'm here, that somehow it'll be that way. But when I watch him lift her hand to his lips and mouth the words 'thank you' to her, all that hope dissipates into thin air.

A/N: Their reunion is coming up next. How do you think it's going to go?

Thank you so much for 52K Reads! And for 6.2K Votes! Love you all so much! ♥ I realized today I've been writing the LM series since 2016. Hard to believe it's been that long. 2 years of my life have been dedicated to writing Jayde and Harry's story, and I'm so thankful to have you guys by my side for it all!

Much Love,
amberlove
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