I'm running. Running so fast, my chest is tight and it burns every time I take a breath. The tears won't stop falling down my face and my vision is blurry. Flashbacks appear behind my eyes. My Dad's bloodshot eyes staring down at me. He had just knocked me to the ground and I'm looking up at him. I'm scared and he's angry. His arm moves up and I can tell that he is about to backhand me and everything seems to move in slow motion, except I don't move like I know I should. And just like before, I feel the pain. I feel it in every inch of my body. And I cry.

I wonder what I did wrong this time. I wonder what I did to make him so enraged. My thoughts are jumbled as I run and I don't know how my feet are carrying me so quickly. The woods are familiar. I have been through them a thousand times, but for some reason, I have no clue as to where I'm headed. It's only when I reach the edge of the woods and see a house that's so filled with love, do I know why I've come here.

I need saving.

Arms suddenly engulf me. Comforting arms that hold me tight like they'll never let me go. "He hurt me again," I cry. "I don't know why."

"You're okay, you're safe with me."

Hearing Harry's voice seems to make me cry harder, as if I had been waiting for this moment forever. "I missed you so much. Don't ever leave me. He's going to kill me, Harry. I can see it in his eyes. He wants his revenge."

"Jayde!"

I'm being shaken from my sleep in the dim light of the dorm room. I can feel myself sweating and my heart is pounding and it takes a few moments for the panic to subside once I realize I'm looking into the eyes of a very concerned looking Paisley.

"It was just a dream," she tells me. "You're alright."

I run my hands over my face and sit up to look at her. "I'm sorry if I woke you." Shit, this is embarrassing.

She smiles at me. "Don't apologize. I used to have nightmares all the time."

The thing is, I usually don't have nightmares. At least not as vivid as this one was. I sometimes can tell by the black bags under my eyes that some nights I am restless because of memories, and flashbacks deter me from resting easy, but nightmares are few and far between.

I don't know when she got up and came back, but she's moving to sit down in front of me, handing me a glass of water. "Do you want to talk about it?" she asks.

"It was just a bad dream," I tell her. "I'm fine."

She stares at me for an uncomfortable amount of time, her eyes flicking back and forth between mine. I can tell that her mind is going, wondering how she's going to go about what she wants to say next. I wait until she speaks, not interrupting her thought process. Because if anything, I don't want to course her into asking me anything. Although at this very moment, I wonder why Astrid told me I should talk to her, and what exactly she had been through for her to tell me I should.

"Can I tell you a story?" she finally asks, peaking my interest. I simply nod, waiting for her to go on. "I can tell by the far away look in your eyes that life has given you a shitty hand. I don't know exactly what you had to go through, or what hand you were dealt, but I know there's something that's hiding deep inside of you."

I take a sip of water, not giving her any indication to whether she's right or wrong.

"Life dealt me a shitty hand, too," she goes on. "And I know it's hard to talk about it, trust me. I'm good at keeping all my secrets to myself, too. But once you realize you can trust the people you have in your life, and talk...and I mean let it all out, no matter how scared you are or ashamed, everything will get easier. You will be able to deal with it. Hiding it won't do you any good."

The concern in her eyes helps me to understand how emotional she is. It's strange to see her this way after only ever seeing her so happy and positive all the time. You can't tell by looking at her that anything bad ever happened to her in her lifetime. And I wonder if I will ever be that way.

"When I was younger, something bad happened to me," she says. "I was forced to be involved with the wrong crowd and was stuck in a life I couldn't get away from, for years. I was abused in every way you could possibly imagine. The same guy destroying a piece of me each and every time." She stops for a second and takes a deep shaky breath. "And I was damaged goods for a very long time. I didn't think there was getting away from it and I thought he would be the one to end me."

I have so many questions, but I don't want to make her say any more than she is willing to tell me. I get that she's been through a lot. Possibly even more than I have. And yet, she's so strong now. And here she is telling me this story of her life, not even knowing what mine is.
"Why are you telling me this?"

"Because I see me in you," she answers. "That far away look in your eyes, the sadness on your face, screaming for someone to help you. That used to be me. And although I don't know your story, I don't know what you've been through, I know there's something just beyond the surface wanting to come out of you. And that nightmare... You were talking in your sleep, saying someone wanted to kill you, and it really hit home with me. It hurt me to hear that come out of someone else's mouth, just knowing that it wasn't just a dream."

All I can do is lean forward and wrap my arms around this girl. She knew all along that she could help me and it doesn't matter that she could see how broken I was from miles away. All that matters is that right now, in this very moment, I know I needed her to find me.

"I just really want you to know that you're not alone," she tells me. "The worst things happen to the best people. But ya wanna know what?" She unlocks our embrace to look me in the eyes. "Us girls, we're strong. All the shit we've been put through, it's made us stronger. And we, can get through anything. You just need to trust yourself and see that everything in life happens for a reason, whether it's good or bad. It's all part of the journey we're on. Everything leads us to our purpose in life."

I'm rendered speechless and I can't help the tears that have fallen from my eyes as I listen to her words. Astrid was right. She could help me. Her words alone somehow make me not so afraid. Not so ashamed of who I am or where I come from. This is all just a part of my journey, just like she said.

"I know you're well on your way through your journey," she continues. "You're stronger than you think you are already, and I know that you're going to get through this and be the person you always wanted to be. I promise. Your story is going to have a happy ending."

"You promise?"

"Trust me," she smiles. "And if you want to talk about it, I'm here."

"I'm good," I assure her. "My Dad's locked away for a while."

It's strange how she looks at me and I can sense how much she understands me even with the smallest amount of words I've said. It's comforting to have someone like that so close. It feels like ages since anyone has understood me like this. That's why I always felt so close to Boy_Undiscovered. The reminder that he is actually Harry comes back to me. Ugh, Harry. It always comes back to him.

"What about Harry?" Paisley asks.

"What about him?"

"Do you want to talk about him?"

"Why would I?"

"Well, after everything that happened last night, I thought maybe you'd want to."

Last night? Oh, last night.

I'm surprised I don't feel like I've been run over by a truck now that I remember what happened. I recall how drunk I was. I recall saying, or rather yelling my piece of mind about a certain someone. I'm guessing that's why he was in my dream. And then it hits me.

"Oh no." My eyes go wide and I suddenly feel it in the pit of my stomach. I know it's not just the alcohol, it's more the fact that I called him that makes me sick. I actually picked up the phone and talked to him. Screamed hateful words at him. I scramble to my feet to the bathroom not too far away, not fully making it there on time before the contents of last night's blunder heaves from my insides.

I wish I could say I'm more disappointed in myself for drinking, but I'm not. Hugging the toilet is a true testament of the mistake I made. Calling Harry was the worst thing I could have done, regardless of the fact that drinking was what caused it to happen in the first place. I should have been smarter.

"Here, have some water," Paisley says, handing me a glass as she rubs my back.

I sit back against the wall, slowly sipping on the glass of water when I don't feel like I'm going to be sick again.

"Ya know, boys aren't the be all end all," she says, leaning against the counter opposite me. "There's no doubt in my mind that there's someone out there better for you than he was."

The truth is, thinking about any other guy seems impossible. I hadn't even thought that maybe one day I'd find someone other than Harry. I don't think I've been trying to get over him. I've just been trying to get over what he did to me.

"I don't want any other guy," I say. "And it's not that I want to be with Harry either. I just want to get over being hurt."

"And you will, because you're strong, remember?"

"I think what I realized is that I left town to find myself," I explain. "But I was more myself with him than I ever was without him. I did things I never thought I'd do when I was with him. I was happiest with him. I was comfortable and I felt safe. I was stronger."

"You just think you were..."

"No, I know it's the truth," I retort. "Tell me, your boyfriend didn't help you through your troubles and make you stronger?"

"Yes, he did."

"Because Harry made me a stronger person. He helped me with everything in more ways than one," I tell her. "Even if he did it by lying about who he was. He did that to help me because he knew I wouldn't let him in person the way he did it online."

"Huh?"

It's only now that I feel like I've been run over by a truck. But this time I wish it was the alcohol from last night, not the realization of the truth. Why have I been so stupid? I was so horrible to him about keeping Boy_Undiscovered from me. And I only now understand why he did it. It wasn't because he was in any way trying to be an asshole or to know my secrets to use them against me in any way. He was just trying to help me in ways I wouldn't let him do it person. And with that, he had to keep his identity a secret from me for as long as he could.

"You were right," I say, shaking my head. "Holding it all in won't help me at all. I'm glad we had this talk."

"Glad to be of service," she smiles. "Except I'm more confused than ever now. You're just as good as I was, keeping secrets."

"Small details." I stand up to leave the bathroom. "The less people know, the better. It's easier to let them go when they don't know much."

"Are you saying you're letting me go?" She follows me back out into the room. "Are you leaving?"

"I was never going to stay here," I remind her, turning around to face her. "You know that."

"I know," she says. "I just didn't think you'd leave so soon. Just promise me something."

I furrow my brows at her in confusion, pondering what she could possibly want me to promise her.

"Wait until tomorrow to leave," she smiles. "School starts in two days and we need to have one last hurrah before it starts. Please say you'll stay for tonight. We can celebrate together one more time before you go off on the rest of your journey."

I smile back at her. "One last hurrah."

A/N: You can read all about Paisley's life in my other book, Karma. So, be sure to read that if you haven't already! I promise you, you won't be disappointed! ;) (Anyone who has read Karma, please express your thoughts on it for others who have not!)

Two updates in a few days! I'm on a roll! Woo!
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Much Love,
amberlove
xo