I didn't make it far. In fact, I only drove two hours to Seattle and I have been here for the last two weeks. Ever since the day my mom walked out, I knew that whenever the time came for me to leave town, I would end up here. She never reached out to me, but it just meant that, as always, I'd have to be the bigger person and face her.

It terrified me. The idea of seeing her again after everything that happened. But after hearing that Harry was forgiving his father for what he had done to him and his family, I knew I at least had to do the same with my mother. I felt like it showed growth. Strength. And as upset as Harry has made me, I admired him for this accomplishment. No, I didn't understand it during that moment, but I get it now. You can't move forward if you're always battling the same demons and letting them win, and I needed to make it right with my mom in order to get where I needed to go, at least within myself. After all, this is what this journey is meant to be.

Forgiveness. For myself and for others who have hurt me. It's one hard feat. And no, the day I walked into the facility my mother is residing in, did I forgive her right away. It took me a few days to even step foot through the doors when I got to the city, my mind in a funk I didn't want anyone to witness, especially my mother. 

It wasn't until after I had walked the Seattle streets and got a good taste of this city life I always wondered about. I needed some time alone. To delve into the city I had loved so much from afar from my place on the hill. To think, to understand my thoughts, to know exactly what was going on in my head. I needed this before I faced my mother. I went to a few underage clubs and listened to some live music and drank a ton of coffee and have been sleeping in the back of my car in an underground parking lot, only getting a hotel every few days to shower.

I've seen my Mom every day since that first day I went to see her. She gets an hour of visitation a day because of how well she's doing with her rehabilitation, and it has been nice to have time with her. We've had a lot of talking to do. A lot of apologizing and a lot of listening. And surprisingly, my coming here has been exactly what I needed. What she needed.

She had not heard about my father's arrest and what he did to me, because the rules of her rehab stated she wasn't allowed outside news during that time. I can understand that something like that could set her back and the thought of her not reaching out to me makes sense now. 

I decided to stay here for a while. To rebuild a relationship with my mother with our one hour a day visits. Her therapist said it would be best for me to come as long as possible since I told her the news, just to prove to her that I'm alright. She needed that proof to keep her going in the right direction since she blamed herself for all things bad in my life. No, I may not be alright, but she deserves to think I am. She deserves to get better and one day live the better life she always should have had. One without my father.

Our visits have gotten better over the days. It was a struggle at first, but I can feel the friendship forming through the heartache. I know that oftentimes forgiveness takes more than words, but words of truth and sincerity make it all that much easier. When words are all you have to go on, it's the only thing you have to trust, and I decided to come here with an open mind, because in order to move on, you have to be strong.

Right now I have a different outlook when it comes to Harry. But I've read every single one of his text messages to me. I just have decided not to reply. He knows that I've left and keeps asking where I've gone. Truth be told, I feel bad for making him worry about me, but I'm not ready to face him just yet. I'm not ready to forgive him. I'm still angry and upset. Beyond upset.

The last few days he's been quiet. He's clearly gotten the message that I won't reply and has stopped his questioning. He was never annoying about it, never sent me an abundance of texts to the point I wanted to throw my phone out the window. They started coming two days after I left at random times throughout the day, dwindling down to just the mornings as if he knew when I was waking up and late at night when the world should have been sleeping. The morning ones stopped and it became only middle of the night texts and I'm assuming those nights he was laying in bed thinking of me and missing me. And now...it's quiet.

The silence can be a bit overbearing, especially when my thoughts are so loud. I've spent so much time over the last few months depending on him to keep me going, his words keeping me afloat on one end and his touch and his comfort on the other. But every time I remember those words written on the screen were always his, the remembrance of who he was to me, shatters all over again.

I'm just getting out of the shower, drying my hair in the towel, standing next to the bed in my hotel room, when I look at my phone on the nightstand. It sounds a notification. The kind I haven't heard in a while. The sound of a new blog post written by Boy_Undiscovered.

Without hesitation, I smile and press my finger to the notification on my screen before I realize what I'm doing. It hits me like a truck, forcing me to sit down on the bed, light headed, wishing it wasn't an automatic reaction for me to be excited to read his words. But it's too late, I've already started reading the first sentence, and I don't want to close the app, no matter how much I want to throw my phone across the room. Being as addicted to his words as I was, clearly it's something I can't quit cold turkey.

"It feels like just yesterday she looked me in the eyes for the very first time and yet it feels like lifetimes ago at the same time. How much can happen in such a short amount of time. How easy it was to fall in love with her. How hard it was to watch her walk away from me. I know I made a couple handfuls of bad choices when it came to her, and there's no way to take it all back and start over again. There was no excuse, no one way to reason.

I'd do everything differently if I could. I'd never lie. I'd never tell her that I didn't want to know a damn thing about her, because I knew all along I wanted everything that she was. I wanted to know her secrets, what made her tick, the reasons she cried at night and all the things that made her smile. Because damn, that smile does things to me.

I would have told her I loved her all along. I would have told her how afraid that made me, because sometimes you think you know what love is and then, bam! One day the right girl comes along and it smacks you awake, and only then do you feel it. The real kind of love.

I know there's no way in hell, even if I wanted to, I'd never find a girl that makes me feel more than she ever has. She always had a way of making me think. She was challenging and I always had so many questions and I will never forget the mystery that she was to me. And I loved that about her. I loved that she never wanted me to know everything. That she was different than any other girl I had ever come in contact with. That she would share herself with me in small bits that just made me want to know more.

Being alone has given me a lot of time to think. And I have come to the realization that I was never good boyfriend material. No, I wasn't officially with her, but the connection we had said otherwise. She was my everything and my addiction with needing to feel wanted when I thought she didn't need me anymore took over. Realizing I wasn't enough for her, broke me, and I needed to feel wanted by someone. I understand now, how my drunken mind was thinking that awful night.

This understanding of myself, hit me hard. Because that addiction has been the thing that has made me see the harsh truth about myself. When I was with Julia, I never cheated on her, but I flirted with girls, I let them hang off of me and listened to their words of wanting me and took in how they looked at me, and I appreciated it, because I needed it so bad. It was always better that no one knew I was with her, so that I could get what I needed from them when she couldn't be there, which was more often than not.

And she never deserved that. She deserved better. Just like Jayde did.

Jayde deserves better than I ever gave her. She deserves to be loved one hundred percent of the time by someone she can fully trust to never hurt her. She's been through a world of pain and she deserves a man who can give that to her.

I told her that I would do anything to prove to her how sorry I am for not being what she needed. To prove to her how much I love her more than anything. And I will prove that to her. Somehow, someway, I will make her see that I can be what she needs and what she's always wanted, and I pray to God that one day she'll trust me again.

Until then, I'll look to the night sky, and hope that wherever she is in this world, that she's looking at the same stars I am and she knows I'm with her there. Because my Sweet Girl, it's always been just me, you and the stars, and there's no way that I'll ever let that change in my heart.

Forever Yours,
Harry"

I can barely see through the tears in my eyes. I hadn't allowed myself to cry over him since I walked away from him that night in The Clearing. I didn't think he was deserving of those tears and I'm still not sure he is. But here I am, eyes welled up with tears, my cheeks wet with all the ones that previously fell as I read his words through blurred vision.

I set the phone back down on the nightstand and wipe my eyes. I'm not crying because I miss him. I'm not crying because I believe a word he said. I'm crying for the girl he hurt. For seeing that in a way, he's just as damaged as I am, just a little differently. It's funny how when someone tells you a story and their truth is so open but you don't take it in as deep as you should. He told me about his need to feel wanted. And the only thing I got from that conversation was the fact my wanting him wasn't enough. And yet, back then it didn't matter. Not as much as understanding it now, does.

I don't know how he's planning on proving this all to me. And at the moment, I'm not sure I want him to. I'm just angry at myself for forgetting in that moment that he isn't just a stranger called Boy_Undiscovered and I had no reason to get excited for his words, because he was always just the boy standing in front of me. The one who broke my heart.

I'm just a girl who's a mess, who's not far enough away and I know that I need to leave this city. I need to breathe. Harry is realizing who he is and I haven't even scraped the surface. 

I make a promise to myself not to read any more of his blogs as I finish getting ready and throwing my belongings back into my backpack, making sure not to leave anything behind before the door shuts behind me. 

The last thing I want to do is feel right now. I need to be strong in order to say goodbye to my mom, because I can't let her know that any part of me is hurting. I want her to believe that there's a reason she's so proud of me, like she says she is. I can't let her know that right now, I'm neck deep and feel like I can't swim.

Walking into my mother's residence, I take a deep breath and put on a happy face. The strongest stance I can muster at the moment. I know that over the last ten days, we haven't been able to rekindle our relationship the way she has hoped, but I have to move forward. I can't stay here any longer. I need to remember what this journey was meant for, and staying in one place too long will deter my plans.

She wraps her arms around me after she walked over to me from across the commons room. The smile on her face bigger than ever. Or maybe it seems that way because she's wearing red lipstick, her hair is done nicely and a light layer of makeup resides on her face for the first time since I've been coming here. It's not like the mask she used to wear when we lived at home. It makes her look more alive, more bright and happy. And I suddenly feel it in the pit of my stomach, the gut wrenching pain that I'm about to crush this woman's obvious good spirits.

"You look tired," she tells me, placing her hands on either of my shoulders. "You should really stop sleeping in your car."

"I'm fine, mom," I lie. "I actually came here to tell you something."

The smile on her face already disappears, making me sigh as I follow her to a couch against the wall. I look around the room at some of the other residence playing cards and watching television as I try to piece together the words I want to say to her.

"What it is, Jayde?" she finally asks, placing her hand on my knee as she stares at me. "You're worrying me. Is everything okay?"

I close my eyes, because for the second time today, I feel the tears wanting to come out. I am so proud of the woman sitting next to me. How strong she is for dealing with my father, for finally walking out on him and for coming here to get the help she's needed. She's come so far from where she used to be and I could see it in her eyes since the day I got here, that she is so motivated to stay clean and be a better person. There's no doubt in my mind that even after I leave, she will be fine, but it doesn't make this moment any easier.

Ten days at one hour intervals isn't enough. But it has to be.

"I came to say goodbye," I finally say, looking over at her. I can sense that she knew this day was coming. She blinks a few times and nods her head at me. "There's so much I have to do. So much I need to see. And I have to leave before I find myself in a rut I can't get out of."

She cocks her head to the side in curiosity. "Meaning?"

"I left town on a journey to find myself," I sigh. "I need to explore the world and see it first hand—like Grandma. I need to search for my purpose and understand the reason behind everything. I've loved being able to come here every day and I'm so proud of you for all of this. You have no idea. I couldn't be happier seeing you this way, and part of me doesn't want to leave so that we can keep this going. We have so much more we need to fix. But I have to leave. For me, I need to keep going. I have to find the answers I'm looking for, and I can't do that here. I need to move forward and chase the stars."

"You always loved the stars," she smiles, letting out a breath. "I swear, those stars were your Godsend. When you were little, you said they were the only ones who ever listened to you. Except Carter, of course. You two would talk to the sky for hours, making wishes upon wishes." She snakes her arms around my neck and pulls me in close. "I promise you, if you believe, all those wishes you made will come true."

A/N: Hope you are still enjoying this book! Don't forget to press the star and leave a thought or two! I love to read every single one of your comments!

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