The deja vu kicks in as Harry stares at me, reminding me of the time he accidentally let those same words slip from his lips. Except of course, this time I'm the one who's saying them and I actually mean it. I have no intentions of taking them back the way he did. We're in almost the same position as we were that day, in the same bed and the look on Harry's face is somewhat similar, making me want to panic.

Maybe I should have kept my feelings to myself. But I realize that other than this morning's off-putting responses, things between us have been relatively going smoothly for a little while. And I haven't forgotten what Julia told me. She said it's always been me. And there is something so romantic about that.

I never thought about how I wanted this moment to go—the moment I told him I love him. I hadn't even wanted to say the words out loud to him. And here I am, looking into the green eyes I have been lost in numerous times after just saying the words I never thought I'd say to him, waiting for him to say something in return.

As the shock is written in Harry's features, I realize I feel the way he looks. Knowing it was never the plan to actually say it out loud, I wonder where it actually came from. I didn't give it any thought before it flew out of my mouth and yet here it is, hanging between us making the air thin out. 

I liked that he admitted to not wanting to be a secret anymore, as if there was hope for more for us somehow, no matter how scary and unsure I've been about it. I had decided just the other day that if I heard those words, I might just stay. I might change my mind if there was hope for more. And saying he didn't want us to be a secret anymore, gave way for that chance. 

"You love me?"

I simply nod my head in reply to his astonished whisper. My heart is pounding vigorously but I know I need to seem confident about this so there's no chance that history will repeat itself. I wish I had thought more about this, because I now realize that this is sort of a make it or break it deal and if he doesn't feel the same, well—I don't want to think about what might happen. Still, confidence is key because there's no turning back now.

"I just—I didn't—" he stutters, blinking a few times. "What?"

I feel a small smile grace my lips as I take in his bewilderment. "I know this was never meant to be more than sex and we weren't supposed to have feelings for each other, but it happened," I explain, making sure to keep eye contact with him. "This has been so much more than sex for me even when I didn't want to believe it was, and I feel so much with you that I've never felt before, even with—"

"Really?" He sits up, making me move off of him to kneel next to him. I can't decipher the look on his face. It's full of surprise and pensive at the same time, completely confusing me.

"It scares the shit out of me," I go on. "I have fought with myself over this, not wanting to feel it and wanting more than anything for you to love me too. And I just—"

"I do," Harry interrupts, making my entire being freeze. My heart feels like it skips a beat and my breath gets caught in my throat as I gaze at him with wide eyes. "I do love you, Jayde."

"You do?" The smile on my face instantly appears and there's no stopping the butterflies as they erupt inside of me. He loves me, too. I feel as though I shouldn't be surprised, because of everything he's done and the story Julia told me. But surprised is an understatement and it all seems unbelievable that this boy sitting in front of me, staring at me with those dark green gorgeous eyes and smile so lovely, indenting dimples into his cheeks, could possibly love me, of all people.

But he does.

"So much."

There's no space in time, no weight upon my shoulders, in a moment I feel complete and utter bliss in a way I've never felt, all because of this one boy, and leaning into each other, we press our lips together. His lips feel softer, his fingers digging into the skin of my hips, more passionate, making the stars and the moon and the entire galaxy mold together all the broken pieces within me.

For the first time in as long as I can remember, I feel whole again. Complete, in the arms of the boy who holds my heart, trusting that for as long as he holds it in his palm, he won't crush it.

"Say it again," I whisper, as our lips part.

"I love you," he smiles.

As if the world is against us, Harry's phone dings in unison with the sound of Anne's voice from down the stairs. "Jayde, I'd like for you to come help me with dinner," she calls.

We both let out a long sigh at our interruption coming at the worst possible time. I want to ignore it all and jump back into our bubble, where he tells me he loves me over and over again and kisses me the way he just did.

But evading the reality we seem to be surrounded in, is suddenly a much harder task, listening to Harry's phone ding one too many times with incoming texts. I press my lips to his once more before looking over at his phone resting next to his pillow. "Well, I guess I'll go help your mom, and you can answer whoever the hell won't stop texting you."

I climb off the bed and straighten myself out. "We'll pick up where we left off later," Harry tells me with a smile.

"Perfect."

"I'll be down in a few."

As I reach the stairs, I look back at him to see he hasn't moved from his spot. He's running his hand through his hair with a thoughtful look on his face I, once again, can't decipher.

"Harry?" I say to get his attention. His eyebrows raise as he looks over at me. "I love you."

A smile appears on his face with my words, so beautiful. The smile I want to keep on his face, always.

**

"Your idea of helping you is grating the cheese?" I ask, picking the block of cheese up off the counter.

"Well, it's not like you were getting much studying done," she says, rolling her eyes at me. "Did you two even get anything done today? Or was he too hungover?"

"He was pretty hungover," I answer. "But he did study for a while."

She picks up her glass of wine and takes a sip as she watches me grate the cheese for the top of the lasagna. "The police showed up here not long ago," she says slowly after a long silence. "They found your mom."

I stop what I'm doing to look at her with wide eyes. "And?"

"She's exactly where you said she'd be," she nods her head with a smile. "In a rehab in Seattle."

"Are they going to tell my dad?" I ask. "What happens now? He'll know where she is."

"He'll most likely be informed since he was the one who reported her missing," she explains. "I don't think you need to worry though, love."

"Why do you think that?" I ask. "He's crazy. He could do anything."

"She's safe in there, Jayde." She walks over to me, placing her hand on my shoulder. "Trust me, he won't be getting to her." She looks at me with honesty in her eyes and I can't help but trust her words. To this day, she's never let me down and I know that if she thought my mom was in any kind of danger, she'd do what she could to change that. "Now, let's just be happy that she's where she needs to be. She's where she said she'd be, getting the help she deserves. And she's safe."

I simply nod my head and go back to grating the cheese. This day has been one long exhausting day, everything changing from one moment to the next. It's hard to believe that just this morning Harry was snapping on me trying to help with his jeans and this afternoon he tells me he loves me. Anne is right though. I need to focus on the fact mom didn't lie to me. She's where she said she'd be and everything is okay.

"Have you been doing alright?" she asks, sitting at the island in front of me. "I've been trying to give you some space and trying not to bombard you with too many questions."

I give her a small smile knowing how true this statement is. It was obvious how often there was something on the tip of her tongue wanting to be spoken and I always noticed how she'd stop herself. "I'm doing okay," I answer. "I've just been trying to focus on school work and studying and —"

"And Harry?"

"—And forget the things I don't want to think about," I laugh at her interruption. "I'm glad my mom is actually in rehab though. That's a weight off my shoulders to be honest." 

I know that although she does want to know how I'm doing, there is part of her that wants me to talk to her about her son. And it's strange to think that it would be okay to, considering she's his mom, but I think Harry and I need to have a conversation before I discuss anything with anyone about us.

"And I'm really grateful that you're letting me stay here," I continue, as I grate more cheese. "You have no idea what it means to me. I promise I won't—" I pause, unsure if I'd really mean that I won't stay long. Harry said the words I wanted to hear, and as I stand here suddenly frozen, I wonder if that means my traveling dreams are over. Would I actually choose a boy over something I always imagined myself doing? "—stay long," I finish slowly.

"Don't be silly, love," she smiles. "You know that I love having you here. You're welcome as long as you like. As long as you're out of that house, I'm happy."

She gets up from the stool and takes the lasagna out of the oven and I help her sprinkle the extra cheese I grated over top of it before she puts it back in the oven. I don't think I could ever get used to how wonderful she is to me; how easy it is for me to be comfortable here. She has made me feel like a part of this family from the moment I walked into this house the very first time. She didn't even know me then, yet with her it's always been effortless.

I never understood why she welcomed me without complication or question. She took me in as if it were her duty and loves me as if I was her own blood. And as I watch her pour milk into the cups placed on the table, I wonder if this has all been fate. Maybe all of this was meant to happen the way it did. With Harry. With my family. Maybe life brought me here for a reason.

Maybe I am meant to be with Harry?

It's only when Anne takes the lasagna out of the oven, Harry appears in the kitchen. He was up in his room much longer than I thought he would be. His eyes look tired, unlike they did when I was up there confessing my love to him.

"Who was crazy texting you?" I ask, sitting down at the table.

"Oh—just Niall," he answers, sitting next to me. "UCLA is apparently pretty great."

"Sorry I'm late," we hear Robin enter the kitchen behind us. "Dinner smells wonderful."

We turn to look over at them, seeing Anne give him a small welcoming kiss. I feel my whole being slump at the interruption, wanting to ask Harry more about his conversation with Niall, wondering about his sudden fatigued and distressed state. "Is everything alright?" I ask quietly, turning to him.

"Yeah," he answers. "Why wouldn't it be?"

I shrug. "You just look stressed out or something."

"Oh," he mumbles. "Niall just made California sound awesome. Made me wish I wasn't going to New York, I guess."

Anne sets the lasagna in the center of the table, as Robin sits across from Harry. The conversation changes to Robin's day and I find myself not listening to what anyone's saying throughout the entire meal, my mind set elsewhere.

It must be hard for someone who is so friend oriented to realize that in just a couple of months everything is going to change. So many of the people we know seem to be headed to California for school, where as Harry is the only one who will be off to Columbia. It's no wonder he wanted me to go with him. At least he'd have a familiar face among the crowd.

I'm sure Niall made it easy to think California was great. It seemed great just thinking about it. The weather was always nice, not as much rain and much more to do than in our little town. And I can just imagine what Niall had to say about the girls there, because I'm sure they are better looking there than they are here.

"What's going on with you two?" Anne asks, making me look up at her from my plate. "You're so quiet tonight. And Harry, you have barely touched your dinner."

"I'm not really that hungry," he answers. "I'm still kind of hungover."

She shakes her head at him, putting her fork down. "You know the rules, Harry," she sighs. "I'm okay with you having a few drinks at those parties you go to, but I don't agree with you getting too drunk."

"I know."

"I'm serious, Harry," she raises her voice. "The last thing I want is for something to happen to you like it did your father. Please keep that in mind."

"You know that I will never turn out like him!" Harry's sudden change of mood startles me, as I look up at him now standing. He's pushed the chair back so hard, it's fallen to the floor. "You can't possibly think for one second that I ever would. And don't you dare bring him up right now."

"I'm not saying you'd turn out like him, Harry," she says, running her hands over her face. "I just don't want there to be that possibility. Just watch how much you drink next time. That's all I ask. Now sit back down and finish your dinner."

He picks the chair back up off the floor and sits back down in a huff. It's strange to think that I have never heard anything about his Dad before now, but I'm guessing by this small argument, that he drank a lot, which somehow puts a few pieces together for me. At least in the sense of how great Anne treats me. If her ex husband was an alcoholic, she knows what it's like to live with someone who chooses the bottle over you.

Which means Harry does too. And that makes me feel sad for him.

I know as I look next to me, seeing how Harry reacted and the sudden look of despair in his eyes, that the topic of his real father is out of the question. There's no way I will chance another fight with him to get details that I know he doesn't want me to know. This is something that I know he will have to tell me on his own accord, and I really can't see that happening any time soon.

I'm really okay with that. I know how hard it is to have a parent like that. I know what it's like to not want to share that, because I've seen that in people's minds, it defines you as a person. The truth about where you come from isn't always where you want it to be, and you just want to forget it yourself. And he knows more than anything, that I understand this.

I just hope that he knows, that if he does want to tell me, I will listen. 

"If you don't mind, I'd like to be excused," Harry says, after a long silence of the sound of forks clinking against plates. "I really need to get back to studying."

Anne nods at Harry, allowing for him to be dismissed. 

"Are you coming?" Harry asks, looking over at me.

"I'm going to clean up."

"Don't worry about it, dear," Anne says. "Robin can do it tonight. You just go study. If you need a break, we'll have some ice cream later."

"We won't need a break," Harry says, grabbing onto my hand and stands up. He smirks at me, making my eyebrows rise on my forehead, and I'm hoping more than anything Anne and Robin don't have a clue as to what he means.

 A/N: I'm extremely sorry for how long it took me to write this chapter. I've been slammed with work 6 days a week, on top of being a single mom, to which I havn't gotten much of a break from. The time I had saved for writing, I ended up in the hospital with my mom (She's fine, btw!) and writing has been on the bottom of my priorities, because unfortunately other things sometimes have to come first. So, if this chapter doesn't make sense or if it's all over the place, it's because my mind has been, and I'm really sorry for that.

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