I'm rendered speechless, Harry's words repeating over in my head like a broken record. The name Boy Undiscovered had just fallen from his lips so easily, without any effort whatsoever. He made it seem like it was something I should have already known. Something that shouldn't be this surprising to me.

 Except it is. Because this can't be true. There is no...fucking...way. Not a chance. But the longer my eyes linger on his, it's as if he's allowing me to see him fully for the first time. He's letting the windows to his soul open up as wide as possible for me to see the truth that he's been hiding and it's unbelievable I didn't see it before now.

"No," I barely breathe out, staring at him with wide eyes.

Never in a million years would I have ever thought that Harry could be Boy_Undiscovered. They didn't seem too similar to me in the slightest. Boy_Undiscovered coming across more thoughtful, more sweet than Harry ever had. So many of his words he had written in his blog couldn't have ever come from Harry. I had fallen in love with those words and with the boy behind them so quickly because his mind was so beautiful to me. Don't get me wrong, Harry did have his moments, but Boy_Undiscovered was always that guy and only once did he piss me off, unlike the many times Harry did.

Boy_Undiscovered understood me better, because—wait? Harry just admitted to me the story about his father. It was the same story I was told through written words, what seems like ages ago now. Did he know it was me, then? Did he know my situation then? Even before I told him anything? This—this, I don't know what to think.

"Did you know the whole time?" finally flies out of my mouth as I furrow my brows at him. I need answers. I don't care what I need to say or do to get them. He has a lot of explaining to do. "How long have you known it was me? I can't believe this, Harry! What the hell?"

"I didn't know the whole time," he answers softly, almost whispering, now seeing that I'm not particularly happy about this new information.

"You're seriously Boy Undiscovered?" I yell in frustration, the realization coming at me full swing. "You fucking played me? This is even worse than sleeping with Maddy, Harry! This is so messed up! What were you trying to do this whole time? Was this your plan? To fuck me over and laugh at me for knowing all my secrets? Well, fuck—"

"I didn't know, Jayde!" Harry interrupts, yelling to match my overbearing tone. "I didn't know it was you at first, I swear."

"Bullshit!"

"Will you just let me explain without yelling?"

I cross my arms and purse my lips with my eyebrows now halfway up my forehead. "Please do." I roll my eyes. "Enlighten me."

He lets out a long breath and stares at me, eyes flicking back and forth between mine, as if pondering where he should begin. "I was bored one day, so I was reading Chelsea's blog to see what the stupid fuss was about," he starts, clearly from the beginning. "I still don't understand why it's so popular," he shakes his head at the thought. "When I got bored with hers, I went clicking to see other people's blogs, reading a few here and there, until I came across a blog called Legitimately Me written by a girl that went by Girl Disconnected."

Hearing him say my blog name makes my heart skip a beat. This was my anonymity, the name I hid behind just to express the truth and my feelings, and here he was, saying it out loud as if he had said it a few hundred times before. I gulp hard, realizing this is actually happening right now.

"I instantly felt connected to the words I was reading," he continued. "I felt as though I was reading something that I had felt at some point in my life and I couldn't stop reading. I read every word that dated back to the very beginning, and by the time I caught up I just wanted more of you. I was addicted to you."

"So you slept with me?"

"I didn't know it was you then," he huffs in frustration. "I was caught up in the girl who wrote those words, that's why I followed the blog."

"So when did you figure out it was me then?" I ask, tilting my head. My heart is beating so hard beneath my rib cage, I'm sure it'll explode and crack each one. I'm sure it'll be less painful than the way I'm suddenly feeling though.

"It was after the day you showed up at my house and we got in that stupid fight," he answers, looking away seeming to reflect. "You wrote something in your blog that made me realize that so many of the other blog posts coincided to a lot of the things I would notice with you and with us."

I raise my eyebrows, my body seeming to go slack. He really is Boy_Undiscovered. I can see it in the way he looks at me.

"I didn't know for sure until I came to your house that night I wasn't supposed to and found out about your parents," he explains. "It all clicked. You even said something that you had written in one of your blog posts. So the next morning when you were sleeping, I messaged you on the blog messenger and saw the notification go through to your phone. That's the moment I knew one hundred percent you were her."

I want him to continue talking, so I stay silent waiting for him to go on. I feel so confused and lost, unsure as to how I really feel about all of this, I need him to explain more. Because as much as I can tell he's not lying, I'm still finding this all hard to believe.

"I was happy it was you," he continues. "I was so in love with this mysterious girl that I knew so much about, and in front of me, you really were a mystery to me. I wanted you both in these completely opposite ways for different reasons and I was getting exactly what I needed." He lets out another long breath, taking a step closer to me. I can't seem to move, except for my eyes that move with his. "I wanted it to be you so bad, Jayde. And before I knew for sure, your blog posts somehow made me feel even closer to you, as if subconsciously I knew. Deep down, I think I always knew it was you, and I loved you so much for it. I loved you for those words you wrote."

My heart seems to stop altogether with the word love, as it slides from his lips and instantly I feel the rush of anger boiling through every single one of my veins making my fingertips tingle with rage. "Love?" I say through gritted teeth. "I refuse to actually believe you when you say that after what you did. You never loved me," I scoff.

His shoulders slump down, but his sad eyes remain on me, pleading for—something. "You know I love you, Jayde," he sighs. "I have loved you for so much longer than you think I have. Every time I told you I thought you were pretty. That was my way of saying I love you. Every single time, Jayde. And the time I accidentally let it slip, I'm sorry I took it back like a fucking coward, I just didn't want to lose you. I fucked up so many times, I should have just been honest with you. I was just so afraid of losing you. Losing what we had."

"Apparently you have no idea what honesty is, Harry." My arms fly up in frustration at what he's just told me. "And you think I'd actually believe that whole pretty thing meant you loved me? You're delusional, seriously." I let out a long breath of frustration, turning around and covering my face with my hands. I hate that we are back to fighting again. I hate that the boy behind the words isn't someone else, someone who wouldn't lie to me. Someone who actually might be good for me. Instead, he's the boy who's hurt me, broken my heart and lied to me more than I already thought he did.

"You're really not going to believe that I love you, are you?" he sighs, breaking a long silence. "Just because I made that one big drunken mistake that I don't even remember making?"

"You mean Maddy." I turn myself around to face him, glaring. "And you're right. If you ever loved me, you never would have slept with her, drunk or not."

"Remember that argument you got in with me—with Boy Undiscovered?" he asks, changing the subject. It takes me a moment to think about what he's going on about, because as much as I remember being mad at him, why I was in the first place, doesn't seem to register in my mind, especially because he referred to Boy_Undiscovered as him and I still can't think straight.

"What about it?"

"The word you used," he uses his hands to air quote the word, "fun."

My eyes widen as it all seems to piece together quickly. I had talked to Boy_Undiscovered the night of that party Harry went to without me. It was the night I told him we should meet because I thought we would have fun together. He took the word fun the wrong way, which I didn't know about until later. I stay silent, sorting through my thoughts. My eyes finally meet his again. He's shaking his head at God knows what and I wait for him to speak again.

"Do you understand now why I was so upset that night?" he asks. "I know you watched that video. You saw that I was upset and I wanted to forget about something. I was smashed, Jayde. I got completely wasted because I couldn't handle the idea of you wanting to be with someone else. I took your word fun the wrong way and it hurt so much that even after everything, you'd consider wanting to be with someone else."

"But that's not even what I meant."

"I know that now," he sighs. "And I know it will never make what I did to you, okay. I just—I knew you didn't know it was me, and you still wanted to meet this person. You felt something for someone else. It wasn't just the word fun that I took wrong, it was the realization that I wasn't everything you wanted. You still wanted to find something better than what we had and you saw that in some guy's words. It broke me. I wasn't enough for you like you said I was. I was a mess and I needed to forget, so I drank as much as I could. It hurt too much."

I want to ask why he didn't tell me this before, but I get why he didn't. In his messed up mind, he didn't want me to know it was him just yet, which just makes me unbelievably mad. How could he keep this from me? But despite I can see just how honest he is being with me, it's not sitting well. "Do not make this my fault," I seethe. "Don't make me feel bad for this. I'm not the one who slept with someone else and I didn't make you do that."

"I know you didn't."

"You are so frustrating!" I groan loudly. "You were just blaming me. How dare you put that on me, Harry! How dare you make me the bad guy in this. It isn't my fault you took my words the wrong way and made up some shit in your mind that made you think you weren't enough for me."

"You had some kind of feelings for him though, didn't you." It's not really a question that comes out of his mouth, it's more of a fact as if he knows for certain that it was much more than I am letting on. "You trusted him more than you ever did me. You let him know all of your secrets and I had to fight to know anything about you."

"You didn't want to know shit about me!" I scream.

He groans, running his had through his hair in frustration at how easy it is to get off topic and still manage to be angry at everything else. "Just be honest. You had feelings for him."

"Of course I did!" I yell in more frustration. "But that doesn't mean you weren't enough for me, Harry. I didn't want to meet him because I wanted to be with him. I had you and you were all I wanted. I wanted to hang out with someone who understood me, and at the time, he was the only one who did. I loved how much he cared about me without even knowing who I was. He was the only person I could one hundred percent be myself with and not be afraid of judgement. Clearly, you understand that. You never told me the truth until tonight about your dad, but you told her long before you knew it was me."

He turns himself to look over the hill and silence surrounds us. Except unlike the many times before, this silence isn't comfortable. The tension between us is at an all-time high and if we were in a closed up room, we would surely suffocate from it. The sun has almost completely set now, the sky in the distance still a bright orange lighting up the city, whereas one bright star has appeared above us and I look up to it, close my eyes and make a wish that I get through this evening in more pieces than I started with, because I know for a fact that if I break any more, there will be nothing left to give.

"After we fought," he finally says. "After I fucked up, you wanted to meet him even more than you did—"

"Because I didn't have you anymore," I explain. "I didn't want you anymore. I was upset. You broke me and I felt like he could put me back together. I needed someone to put me back together."

"We slept together and you still came to meet him tonight," he objects. The hurt in his voice is very apparent, the look in his eyes an overwhelming pain. "We could have figured it out, Jayde. We could have—"

"We could have," I interrupt. "I was close to forgiving you. But what did you think? Did you think that after I found out it was you this whole time, that I'd run into your arms and be happy about this?"

He shrugs. "Well—"

"You thought wrong," I state.

His eyes meet mine, wide full of shock with sadness etched into every single one of his features, seeming to freeze up as he stares at me. It's clear that he wasn't expecting this. He really did think that I would be happy it was him, especially after I had sex with him again even after everything.

If only it were that easy.

"Not only did you sleep with Maddy, you lied to me," I attest. "You pretended to be someone else just so I would talk to you. You—"

"That person was all me," he interrupts. "That guy you talked to, I wasn't pretending to be someone else. It was all me, honest and open and real, just for you. The entire time, I wasn't pretending to be anyone else. If you want to know the real me, that guy you had feelings for, the guy who wrote that blog, is me to a tee! All those thoughts, everything I wrote, every time I talked to you, one hundred percent me. I never once pretended to be anyone different."

"But you kept that from me," I huff, shaking my head. "I had the right to know it was you the second you realized it was me. You hid behind that blog name as a way to talk to me when we were fighting, you made it seem like I had a friend to talk to when I really just had you behind another screen probably laughing at me for thinking that someone actually cared about me. I feel sick to my stomach at the thought of you doing this to me, Harry."

Tears start to well up in my eyes as all the realizations filter through my brain. I start to shake my head at him as my feet slowly move backwards unable to breathe. Apparently stars don't grant wishes the way I always knew they didn't. But knowing that this one star has let me down at a time I needed it even more than I ever could have imagined, sends defeat through me, feeling myself crack not just a little more, but an abundance.

"Jayde, please listen to me," he pleads, taking a few steps toward me, seeing my feet move.

"This was the last straw, Harry," I sigh. "I can't do this anymore. There will be no coming back from this. We're done. For real this time."

A/N: My Loves, I am so so sorry for keeping you waiting. It has been a very long month, but I am so happy to finally update for you. Hope it was worth the wait!

Please press the star and leave a comment! I have missed wattpad and all of you! Hope everyone is having a great summer!

Thanks so much for 23.1K Reads!

Much Love,
amberlove
xo