As soon as I open my eyes, I close them again with a wince. Pain. It's consuming me. If I could think of anything else at the moment, I'm sure it would be that I have never felt worse in my entire life. My head throbs, pulsing along with what I can only assume is the sound of my heartbeat, which is far too loud. Thump thump. Thump thump. Thump thump.

I groan, lifting my arm slowly to press my fingers against my temple to ease the pain, but my movements only seem to make everything hurt more and instead my hand grips my stomach as I groan again.

"Jayde?" I hear from beside me.

"Too loud," I say as I try to open my eyes. The light coming in from the window makes me close them again. "Too bright." I hear the shuffling of feet and the closing of curtains before the shuffle moves again back toward me. "Thank you."

"Can we get you anything?" Another voice speaks up, quietly.

I know the voices are those of Carter and Kate and I swallow hard with the realization that Kate is in the room with us. "I'm fine," I say, allowing for my eyes to finally open. My vision adjusts slowly, finally seeing that it looks to be a hospital room I'm in and I try to sit up, wondering how the hell I got here. Tears spring to my eyes with the pain, making me lay back down.

"You don't look fine," Kate sighs. "You don't need to lie right now."

"I'm going to get the nurse," Carter says, making his way across the room, and before I know it, he has disappeared through the door.

"How did I get here?" I finally ask, my eyes shifting along the ceiling tiles, seeing visions of last night behind my eyes. The last thing I remember is texting Carter. I have no recollection of anything after that, my mind a complete blank. Maybe it's better that way.

"The nurse will explain, I'm sure," Kate answers. "I really wish you would have told me about your Dad. I don't want you to think you're alone—"

Kate is interrupted by a Nurse coming into the room, followed by Carter. She's already asking questions, to which I can't comprehend. She looks down at whatever papers are on her clipboard at the end of my bed, flipping through a couple, before coming to my side and pressing a few buttons on the machine. I look down, finally seeing that I am hooked up to the thing that beeps, through my arm.

"How did I get here?" I ask, seemingly to interrupt whatever it is that she was saying. She stops and stares at me through her obvious fake lashes and I wish I had more energy to scream at her with every moment that passes that she doesn't say anything. But I am weak. I can feel it within every part of me.

"How are you feeling?" she asks. "Medication is—"

"How does it look like I'm feeling?" I quip. "How did I get here?"

I watch the nurse roll her eyes and I wish more than anything I could smack her. "Someone will be in later to explain everything to you. Meds are being pumped through this into you for the pain, as we speak, so for now, you should get some rest. If you need anything, press the big red button." She points at the wall above my head, before walking out.

Worst nurse ever.

I ask Carter to put the bed up for me to sit, and we listen to the loud noise that makes my head hurt worse, as I slowly come to a sitting position. He props my pillow up for me to be comfortable, except I'm not, I just wish I was. The silence in the room is deafening as I look between the two of them sitting in the chairs next to my bed and a wave of embarrassment washes over me just imagining what they could possibly be thinking as they stare back at me, expressionless.

"I'm guessing you got my SOS?" I finally ask, looking at Carter, knowing no one will explain anything unless I ask.

"Yeah," Carter grumbles. 

"And?"

"And what?" he asks. "I called the police. They came."

His coldness surprises me, despite that just yesterday it was clear I was mad at him. Shouldn't a time like this make moments like that just disappear? They are so insignificant right now, I don't understand. "Why are you being like that?" I ask, pressing my hand to my forehead. There's a bandage wrapped around my head making me come to complete shock not realizing it was there before now.

"I'll be back," Kate says, her face weary as she looks between the two of us. She must know something is up, because she can't get out of here fast enough.

"Do you have any idea how hard it is for me to see you like this?" he asks, when the door shuts. "I thought you were dead, Jayde. Seeing you lying on the floor, unconscious last night when the police barged in."

"Oh."

"I told you so many times to get the fuck out of there," he continues, a tear falling from his eye. "I wanted you to leave because I knew something like this would happen. And then I let you stay there. I let this happen to you, when I should have known better."

"This isn't your fault, Carter." I feel a lump grow in my throat and swallow it down hard to help keep the tears from welling up in my eyes. "He wasn't even supposed to be there. You never could have known this would happen. Don't blame yourself. Plus, I'm fine," I breathe out a long breath.

"You're far from fine, Jayde!" he retorts, standing from his chair. "You're in a fucking hospital bed."

"Please keep your voice down," I mumble, closing my eyes.

"I'm sorry."

There's a long silence hanging between us, until Kate comes back into the room. "I got you some water," she smiles, handing me the cup. But this smile is more than forced. Her eyes are sad, filled with worry, and this is exactly why I never wanted her to know the truth about my life.

I take a sip of the water and the coldness feels refreshing as it goes down slowly. It doesn't make me feel better, but it seems to awaken my insides and I don't feel so much like death is closing in on me. However, it does make me realize I have a cut on my lip, the sting making me wince again.

"What happened to my Dad?" I ask, as Kate sits back down in her chair. "You said the police came. Did they take him away?"

"Last I saw, he was in the back of a cruiser," Carter explains. "But I followed the ambulance here when they brought you here, so I don't know what happened after that."

I simply nod, trying to take in the information. More than likely he is still in custody. I don't know much about the law, but I can't see them letting him go after seeing what he did to me. They wouldn't, right?

The thoughts just make my head pound harder. This is all too messed up for me to fathom right now. I'm in too much pain, and maybe the nurse was right. I should just rest and hopefully I'll feel better when I wake up.

"I'm really tired," I mumble, looking between them again. "I should probably try and sleep."

"We need to go and get ready for Graduation anyways," Kate says. "I'll come by tomorrow, okay?" She stands and grabs my hand, squeezing gently as she looks me in the eyes, sadly. "I'm really glad you're okay, Jayde."

"Can you guys not mention anything at Grad about this?" I ask. "Nobody can know. Not one person."

"No one will know, Jayde," Carter says. "Trust me. The last thing I'd want, is anyone knowing about this."

I'm not sure how to take his comment, uncertain if he means he's just willing to keep another one of my secrets or if it's because this is an embarrassing situation he doesn't want to let out. I don't really like his tone either way.

"Just get lots of rest and hopefully you'll feel better by tomorrow," Kate says, as they move across the room to the door. Carter opens it for Kate to walk through and he looks back to take one last look at me.

"Carter," I say, as our eyes lock. "Thank you for saving me."

He gives me a small smile before his eyes look to the ground. He walks out without a word and I'm left in the dimness of the lamp beside by bed.

The silence is overbearing, the room suddenly closing in on me. Last night's events playing in my mind, my head being smashed against the wall, my dad's voice in my ear, an angry tone, sounding as if it's coming through a loud speaker, saying everything is my fault.

Everything is my fault. Everything is my fault.

He wanted me to believe I deserved this to happen to me. That every time something bad were to happen to either myself or my mother, it was, to him, my fault. And maybe to a point, some of it was. My existence alone was to blame. But I don't deserve this. I don't deserve to be in this bed right now, hooked up to a machine, with a bandage wrapped around my head and probably more bruises than I can fathom right now.

I can't imagine what my skin looks like under this ugly worn out blue gown I'm in. Simply because everything hurts. I know it could be worse. I could have broken bones or have not woken up at all. I should be thankful I'm still here right now.

I get a wave of missing mom. I wish I knew where my phone was so that I could find where she is and call her. I want to make sure that she is okay. I want her to hug me and tell me that everything is going to be fine. Because I don't want to be in this alone. I wish she had let me go with her.

As tears start to well up in my eyes, I close them, not wanting to cry. Crying will just make the pounding in my head worse and that's the last thing I want right now.

*

I hear the voice of Harry in my head, and I know that I am dreaming. I can't see him, but I can feel his hand in mine as he speaks. His voice echoing through the darkness. It sounds like he is crying, his sentences a little spotty with breaths in between his raspy words and I squeeze his hand to let him know that I am here. I'm listening.

It's funny how when one sense is turned off, the other ones fixate more on the subject. Because I can't see him, his voice is more clear, louder. I can smell his cologne more intensely, as if his scent is blowing right up my nose. And his hand in mine, his touch is so soft, so endearing and how it makes me feel, makes my heart pound so hard, it might explode. And in this dream, I don't ever want to let him go. I don't want to be alone. I don't want to wake up and have the silence of the room surround me in loneliness.

I don't want to wake up to reality, where everything is broken. My life at an all-time low, where I simply have nothing left. I want to stay right here, listening to Harry talk to me, in this bubble where I feel content and safe.

"This is all my fault," I hear him say with a sniffle. "If I hadn't done what I did, you wouldn't be here right now. We would be together, graduating in the sun, and the smile on your face would be effervescent. We'd be happy. Together. God, I'm so sorry. This is karma getting me back for what I did, isn't it?" He sighs a long breath and his hand squeezes mine again. "I hate seeing you like this. I miss your smile, Jayde. My sweet girl, I love you so much. I would do anything for you to know that."

"I know you do, Harry," comes out of my mouth, a soft, mumbled sound. "I love you, too."

My eyes open slightly, the world a blur before me. I feel sad that I've allowed for myself to wake up from my dream after such a confession and I close my eyes again, wanting to continue where we left off. Except his hand slips from my fingertips just when I want to reach out and touch him. I've lost him, just like I had in reality, and I am alone in the darkness.

But when I feel his fingers lace with mine again, I know I'm not dreaming. I can, in fact, feel him next to me, and my eyes shoot open to see him exactly where I thought he'd be. Leaning over the bed, his hand in mine, furrowed brows and a sad expression upon his face. We stare at each other for what feels like minutes passing, before he moves his face and looks away. 

It's only then that I see his eyes are bloodshot as if he's been crying, like I heard in what I thought was a dream. And just under his eye, a darkened circle painted into his skin.

"What happened to your eye?" I ask, breaking the silence.

"Please don't ask me that," he pleads. "This isn't about me. I'm here for you. And I—"

"Just answer the question, Harry."

"I got in a fight with Carter," he sighs, looking down at our hands.

"You what?" I groan as I try to sit up in shock. Harry stands up, leaning over me to make sure I'm okay, but I push his hand away from me. "Why would you do that?"

"I'm sorry," he says, looking at me with his wide eyes. "You just hurt yourself, I was trying to help."

"Not right now, you idiot," I roll my eyes. "Why did you get in a fight with Carter?"

"Oh." He sits back down in his chair and leans back. "He wouldn't tell me where you were. I saw police cars in front of your house this afternoon. I had to know what happened."

"And you thought fighting was the answer?" I ask.

"He threw the first punch," he says, pointing to his eye. 

I can't help but look away from him and lay back on my pillow. I see the clock reads three o'clock and Graduation would have just finished. It saddens me to think I didn't get to go to it, for it was something I was actually looking forward to, despite my dislike for most who'd be there.

"How was grad?" I ask.

"I wasn't able to attend," he tells me, making me shoot him a confused look. "Me and Carter both got kicked out because of our fight."

"Dumb asses," I say, shaking my head. "Your mom is probably pissed."

"She isn't," he explains. "She's more concerned about you. She was upset I wouldn't let her come to see you."

"I'm glad you didn't," I mumble.

There's a long silence that makes me realize how fucked up this whole situation is. Harry is here, in this hospital room with me after I've just gotten the shit kicked out of me, and we're both trying to avoid the obvious subject because I know it's painful for him to even look at me this way. And I haven't, until this very moment, even wondered if him being here is weird for me. It almost felt normal that he was sitting next to me when I woke up, that he was meant to be there.

Except I know he shouldn't be. I shouldn't want him here. Yet, I know that if he leaves, I'm alone all over again, and right now, that's the last thing that I want.

He lets out a long breath, leaning over the bed again with his hands in his hair.

"Harry," I say gently, making him peer out through the hair in his face. "Thank you for being here." I reach out to hold his hand, making him slightly smile at me. "I can't do this alone."

The door swings open and suddenly the lights turn on as someone in blue walks in with the same nurse from earlier, carrying a tray. "Oh, Good, you're awake. You missed lunch, so we thought we'd bring you some. How are you feeling now?"

She gives me a weary look as if waiting for me to snap at her like I had earlier. "Better than before, thank you," I answer.

"Good," she smiles, looking over the machine. "You should eat. I was told someone will be coming from the police department a little later. You're going to need some energy."

I wish I could have just stayed asleep. Because I'm realizing this is just the beginning of one very long night.

A/N: Thank you so much for being patient with me! I hope you are still enjoying the book, no matter how long it takes me to update. All this Harry stuff has been so distracting! We are SO blessed right now! ♥♥

Thoughts?

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amberlove
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