I need this escape. I need it more than anything right now. I needed it last night after Mom slapped me in the living room, but I had no way to get it because I couldn't get a hold of Harry without his phone number. I needed it all day today, to get my mind off of yesterday. An escape. It's all I need. And finally, even after giving Harry an ultimatum that could have resulted in no escape at all, I'm getting it.

He chose me out of all the other girls he could have possibly been sleeping with, and whether he is telling me the truth or not, I may never know. But right now, I have to trust him. I have to believe that I will, from now on, be the only one, because more than anything, I need to be. I know that I still don't have a clue as to who he is, and yet for some reason, in this moment, I trust him.

And more importantly, I trust myself with him. I have from the first night I was with him. Why I decided to do such a thing will forever be a mystery to me, because I usually don't trust anyone, and yet I let him in. I allowed myself to be vulnerable with him, and I've already allowed him to become something that I need. Something that will probably, without doubt, hurt me in the end.

I already know this, because I know that nothing good lasts forever. I already know that I need to appreciate what I have when I have it, because one day it will be gone, or change. And despite the fact there's no feelings getting in the way, trusting him should be something I am weary about. But for some reason, it isn't. And this—this is exactly what is going to hurt me.

Because once again, I'm losing myself in him as I straddle his lap and tangle my fingers in his soft hair. As I press my lips to his with force, allowing his tongue to play with mine. He's giving into my need for an escape and I'm giving into his desires; his need to have me.

He pulls his hoodie up over my head, smashing our lips back together as he throws it in the passenger seat and cups my breasts over top of my bra. He moans into my mouth with the contact, making me kiss him faster and harder and my hips slightly move, pressing our bodies closer together. I'm happy I decided to wear a skirt today, able to feel the connection with him, effortlessly feeling the pressure where I need to already, against the hardness inside of his jeans.

He raises his arms for me to lift his shirt up over his head before moving his hands to my back to unclasp my bra. His lips instantly leave mine, straight to my nipple and sucking. My head falls back as I press my hands to the roof of his car, my breasts full on display for him.

"Fuck, you're so sexy." His voice is low and husky. It turns me on even more to hear him talk to me this way with his voice so deep. His hands move from my chest, down my body, as I sit up higher on my knees as his hand makes its way under my skirt, rubbing gently against my center over my thong. There's no hesitation, as he slides the cloth to one side and inserts his finger into me, using his thumb to play with my clit. "My sweet girl giving me easy access." His eyes are filled with lust as he locks them with mine. "I love it."

My need to feel him inside of me, grows. The way he keeps eye contact with me as he bites down on his bottom lip, the way he curls his fingers in exactly the right place and his thumb plays with my clit with exactly the right pressure, using his other hand to roam my body, causing goosebumps to rise on my skin. He knows exactly how to touch me to make me want all of him instantly.

Never in my life have I ever been so turned on by someone. The thunder has started to rumble around us, the pouring rain hammering against the windows somehow adds to the excitement of this moment, making me quickly undo the button on his jeans. His hand loses contact between my legs, but he quickly pulls his pants down passed his knees, my hand grasping around his hard cock instantly.

He crashes his lips to mine, moaning as I pump my hand up and down around him slowly. "I want you," he groans into my mouth. "I want you to fuck me."

As he opens the console next to us, I lean down to press my lips to his jaw, moving up to just below his ear, still stroking him. "Oh, I'm going to fuck you, don't you worry," I whisper in his ear.

He stops what he's doing and looks at me, a slight smile on his face laced with surprise, before pressing his lips to mine and breathing in heavily. "How did I get so lucky to have you?" he asks. "Oh my God, I just—" He kisses me again and then looks at me with a goofy grin on his face. "That was hot as hell!"

"Just put the fucking condom on, Harry!" I laugh, rolling my eyes.

"Right, right, sorry," he says, fumbling the condom wrapper in his hands before ripping it open. "I'm sorry, no one's ever talked to me like that. Fuck, I just—I'm sorry." I can't help but laugh at how unexpectedly cute he looks in this moment. Like a grown man resembling a child so pleased with the candy he's about to receive, except he's about to have the ride of his life, not just the candy.

He rolls the condom on and looks up at me, moving his hands to rest on my thighs. His eyes flick back and forth between mine as I lean down to kiss him, my hands cupping his face. He kisses me slowly, only making my heart speed up its pace. "Okay?" I ask, sitting up higher on my knees again.

"Okay," he says.

I grab a hold of him, moving it to underneath me as he moves my thong to the side for me. His mouth shoots open as I lower myself onto him gradually, feeling him inch by inch slide into me. His eyes slowly close when he's all the way in before opening them again to look me in the eyes as he lets out a long breath. He cups my face with both hands as my hips start to move, my fingers tangling in the back of his hair.

Losing myself in him is easy. And I'm realizing as he allows me to take control, moving up and down at a teasingly slow pace that I could lose myself in him every day. He crashes his lips to mine, thumb and forefinger tweaking my nipples, making me moan. 

"Fuck, you're perfect," he breathes out, as I speed up the pace. His hands move to my bum and squeezes, his eyes on mine so seductively, moans escaping his pink lips every time I move back down around him. "My sexy, sweet girl—Ah, fuck."

My hands hit the roof, when he moves his hand to my front to play with my clit as I ride him faster. His other hand on my chest, squeezing as he presses his lips between my breasts. The thunder rolling outside blends nicely with the moans escaping our lips. His fingers circling my clit adds the perfect pressure with my movements, making my head fall back with the unbelievable pleasure. I can already feel myself wanting to let go as I clench around him, feeling it in the pit of my stomach.

I can sense the need to start to slow down, the pleasure picking up. "Let go, baby," he groans through breaths. "Come for me."

"I want to come with you," I breathe out quickly. I'm so close I can feel it, but I know that he's not and I try with everything I have to hold on a little longer. He stops his assault on my clit, moving his hands to my bum, holding me in place as he starts moving his hips up to meet mine with force.

"Touch yourself," he says.

"What?" I ask.

"Do it, trust me."

I pull my skirt up quickly, to do as he says, allowing him to fuck me from beneath me, our breathing intensifying as he thrusts himself into me hard and quick. My legs start to shake, the pressure intensifying as I tighten around him. My eyes lock with his. He looks so good in this moment, his gaze so intense, droplets of sweat on his forehead.

"Fuck," he moans, squeezing his eyes shut. "Come with me." We press our lips together, his tongue sloppily playing with mine as we let go. He pushes my body down on him as I clench around him, his movements slower yet more forceful until he's done completely. 

I wrap my arms around his neck, letting my body collapse on him, both of us breathing heavy as he leans his head back against the head rest. "Oh my God," I say between breaths. We don't move for a few moments, as we come down from our highs, the pace of my heart still rapidly beating in my chest.

He squeezes my bum under my skirt, making me move to look at him. He has his eyes closed, looking completely content and at ease. "That was amazing," he whispers, opening his eyes to look at me, a smile forming on his face. "You're amazing."

I lean down to press my lips to his, kissing him gently, not wanting for my escape to end. I don't want to go back to reality. I want to keep myself lost in him and stay here, in this moment and never allow it to end.

Except it does end. It ends with the sound of my phone in my purse, indicating new texts have come through. I try to ignore them by continuing to kiss him, but when Harry leans back, pulling his lips away from mine, I know it's over and reality immediately surrounds me.

"You should probably check that," he says, making me sigh. 

I climb off of him and into the passenger seat, putting on my bra and pulling his hoodie back over my head, before reaching down to the floor to take my phone from my purse.

From: Carter
>>I'm on my way home. 

From: Carter
>>Gonna stop and get the pizza on the way. 

From: Carter
>>See you in 20?

I stare at the texts, cursing him for interrupting my escape. As incredible as it was, it seems to have ended too quickly. I can already feel myself needing it again. I can already feel the weight of the world crushing me as the thunder rolls in the distance. But then I realize I get some much needed hang out time with my best friend. And although it's not an escape that Harry gives me, it's better than being stuck at home by myself.

To: Carter
>>Sounds good!

"Is it Carter?" Harry asks, making me look over at him. He is now fully dressed, staring back at me questionably, with his eyebrows raised.

"Yeah."

"Ya know, the rules apply to you too," he says.

"Rules?"

"If you're the only girl I can sleep with," he says. "You're not allowed to have sex with anyone else either."

"Oh, yeah—" I say, looking to the foggy window next to me. I swipe my hand across it to see that the rain has let up. "Yeah, of course. I wouldn't tell you I wanted it to be that way if I wasn't going to do the same."

"Promise?" he mocks me from before.

"I promise," I laugh, looking back at him. "Do I look like someone who sleeps around?"

"Do I?" He looks at me seriously as he crosses his arms across his chest, making my smile fade. I'm unsure as to how I'm supposed to answer this question. He didn't answer mine, although I'm certain he would say I don't look like someone who usually has random hook ups, but the truth is, his reputation has always been questionable to me. Maddy and Kate might think they have him all figured out, but I'm realizing I sure as hell don't. "Don't want to keep Carter waiting," he says before I can say anything, as he starts the car.

"Oh, I can walk," I tell him, grabbing my shirt and sweater from the back seat. "It isn't raining anymore." Before he can argue with me, I open the car door, and look back at him. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"Twenty minutes late," he smiles. "As usual."

It dawns on me halfway through the woods that I need to go home before going to Carter's house, because I'm wearing Harry's hoodie and carrying my own clothes. The last thing I need is for Carter to question me about the clothes I'm wearing, which he would, because this way too big of a hoodie, is clearly not mine. It's only as I climb my ladder, that I realize I forgot my backpack in Harry's car and I mumble incoherent curse words to myself all the way up.

The second I open the window to climb into my bedroom, I can already hear my parents fighting downstairs. I look at the clock to see it reads just after five o'clock, and roll my eyes at how early it has all started today. It never fails. It's always the same. And I am more than thankful for Carter right now, as I quickly throw Harry's hoodie on my bed and the rest of my clothes in the basket in my closet and change into more comfortable clothes, before climbing back down my ladder and running over to Carter's house.

Before I knock on Carter's window, I look in to see that he's changing out of his basketball uniform and pulling on his plaid pants. I smile at the fact we both decided to wear our matching pairs. Yeah, we were that couple. But it's been a long time since I've looked at him this way. Shirtless and toned. He's extremely white, in desperate need of a tan, and I can't help but compare his un-inked body to Harry's, but I can still see why I was into him before. He's still beautiful to me. With his short blonde hair and bright blue eyes. Lips to die for. His smile has always been contagious to me. And with him wearing a pair of pants that somehow added to who we used to be together, it's easy to see him in the light I used to see him in. Except things are different now, and we aren't who we used to be. Not even close.

We sit together at the head of his bed, pizza box in front of us, as he presses play on his remote. "So, how's things going?" he asks. "I saw your Dad's home."

"Oh, ya know," I say, taking a bite of my slice. "Same old."

"Things will never change, will they?" he asks, looking at me concerned, making me shrug my shoulders as I chew. "I still think—"

"I know what you think, Carter," I raise my voice, not wanting to have this conversation. "She made her bed. Now she has to lie in it. It doesn't concern me."

"It does though," he retorts. "Is it fun living in your bedroom without being able to even go downstairs for dinner? Is it fun listening to them fight when he's home? I've watched you live the same way for too long, and you've been looking tired lately—and miserable. Don't think I don't notice. I think it's time you finish this."

"I'm not miserable! And I didn't come over here to be yelled at," I say, standing up from the bed. "Is that why you invited me over tonight? To tell me what you think I should do, all over again?"

"It isn't fair to your mom," he says, standing up on the other side of the bed. "Or you! I don't understand why you still think it's okay, because it isn't."

Truth is, Carter and I have had this fight before. It has been a long time since we have had it. In fact, this was the last straw for us; what broke us completely in the end. I can understand where he's coming from. He wants my life to be normal and happy, but what he doesn't realize, is that even if I did call the cops like he has wanted me to, my life still wouldn't be normal, definitely not happy, and more than likely a whole lot harder. At least with the way it is now, I have a roof over my head and a familiar bed to sleep in.

"Come on Jayde," he pleads. "You're eighteen now. You wouldn't be taken away like you would have before. It would all work out, I know it would. And you have your Grandma's money—She gave you that for this exact reason. Use it for what she wanted you to use it for, before something bad happens to you."

I look at him and sigh. "You know what I'm saving that money for," I say, quietly. "So, can we please just watch the movie and eat this pizza? Everything is going to be fine. S.O.S. Remember?"

We both sit back down on the bed without another word, and cross our legs in front of the pizza box as he shuts off the lamp next to him, leaving us in darkness, except the light from the television. S.O.S has always been our deal. He promised me a long time ago that he wouldn't ever be the one to give my Dad up to anyone with authority, unless I happened to text him our S.O.S signal indicating something really horrible was happening inside of my house I was unable to get out of. So far, it has stuck, and thankfully I've never had to use it.

Despite our argument, I like how comfortable I feel at the moment, leaning against Carter as we watch this horrible scary movie. He has always been my comfortable place. My person to lean on, and even though things aren't how they used to be, I'm happy to have him at least sometimes.

My phone dings from the nightstand, making me move off of Carter to retrieve it. When I see it's a text from Harry, I shift my body in the opposite direction so Carter can't see who's texting me. Because just like the hoodie, he would for sure have something to say about the fact Harry is texting me, and it probably wouldn't be good by any means.

From: Harry
>>You forgot your bookbag in my car.

To: Harry
>>I know. I'll get it from you tomorrow.

From: Harry
>>I'll bring it over tonight when you're done with Carter.

I feel myself start to panic inside as I quickly text back.

To: Harry
>>No! You can't come to my house tonight.

From: Harry
>>Why not?

To: Harry
>>Thursday nights are off limits. You can't ever come to my house on Thursdays.

From: Harry
>>Why not?

To: Harry
>>Because I said so. So just don't.

To: Harry
>>Please?

Oh my God. He better fucking listen to me!

From: Harry
>>Okay.... But I'm looking at your notes. You didn't do the english homework that's due tomorrow.

To: Harry
>>It's fine. I'll take the detention Monday for not doing it. No big deal.

To: Harry
>> And get out of my stuff!

From: Harry
>>Make me!

To: Harry
>>Fuck, you're immature!

From: Harry
>>And yet you still want me!

"Seriously, Jayde!" Carter says, making me jump. "Are you not hanging out with me right now? You know I hate people who do that when they're hanging out with someone!"

"Yeah yeah," I shake my head. "Sorry."

To: Harry
>>I'm getting yelled at for texting. I'll see you tomorrow.

From: Harry
>>Goodnight

"Who was that?" Carter asks, when I put my phone back on the nightstand.

"No one important," I tell him, leaning back into him.

When the movie ends, I sink closer into Carter not wanting to go home. But this is real life, and just like far too often, I have to face the music. As I lay against Carter's chest, I wonder why I don't listen to him. He made a really valid point about the money Grandma gave me. I wouldn't be screwed now that I'm eighteen. I wouldn't be placed in any type of foster care like I would have before my birthday and I wouldn't have to deal with any of this anymore.

It's not until I start walking across the backyard to my ladder, that I realize that maybe I'm just more like Mom than I thought. That somehow I can't do anything that would change things, no matter how bad it is, because they're my family. Despite not having any kind of relationship with either of them anymore, they're still the only family I have left, and I know, somewhere deep down below all the hatred I feel for them, there's still an unconditional love that somehow overshadows everything else. And I will do anything to make sure I'm still close to them—at least for the time being.

It's utterly quiet in my house when I crawl through my window. And even though it's early, since I can't do any homework, I decide to get ready for bed. Maybe there's a chance I won't be late for school tomorrow if I go to bed now. 

Just as I'm settling in under the covers, my phone dings a blog notification and instantly, because he is the only one I follow, I know Boy_Undiscovered has posted something new.

"Song lyrics...♫♫

More or Less

You see, my old man,
he had a problem.
He chose the bottle
and watched his dreams fall apart.
He didn't care about anything;
More or less.
And my mama tried,
without success.
She promised him forever
not a day less.
But some things,
sometimes,
there's a time to give up.
The bottle wins every time
More or less.
More or less.
My old man,
he had a problem.
And that became his life.
And when his hand touched my skin,
my mama knew it was the end.
More or less.
More or less.
We're better off now,
More or less.

Half a song....♫♫

Truly spoken,
She's so surreal.
I feel her pain.
So strong, how she deals.
I know her now (I know)
Inside and out (Inside, Inside)
How beautiful she is to me.

She's beautiful,
She's so surreal
How can she be real?

And not to tell her,
that would be a shame.
In my heart,
she ignites a flame.
She's so surreal.
So surreal to me now.

Boy_Undiscovered"

A/N: A nice long one for ya! Hope you're still enjoying it! Press the star if you are! ★★ ☺

Thoughts?

And Harry's hair!!!! OMG! Love love love it!! I miss his curls, but he still looks sexy as hell! ♥♥♥

Much Love,
amberlove
xo