I wasn't proud that I had admitted to not wanting to go home. I wasn't proud that I knew if I admitted it, that Anne would take me home and take care of me, and I wasn't proud when I walked into the home filled with love and felt more at ease than I had ever felt before.

Despite the fact that this meant I'd be seeing Harry before my black eyes faded, I knew I had to allow for someone to take care of me. I needed a break from trying to be strong while trying to take care of myself and this family is exactly what I need right now, no matter how badly I ended things with Harry. I'm willing to live through tension and awkwardness with him if need be, just to have a safe place to sleep.

Harry wasn't home when we got here. Anne had said he was out with Niall for the day and I was happy that he wasn't here just yet. I knew that I needed some time to think about things and figure everything out in my head before I was forced to face him.

Anne left me, in what she now calls my room, and said she had to go back out to do a few things but would be home in a few hours. I had taken my laptop out of my backpack, thinking I could write a blog post, but instead I must have fallen asleep, because I'm woken up by the sound of the door clicking open and the ruffling of bags.

Anne is standing at the end of my bed as I sit up, rubbing my eyes. She's smiling at me as I try to focus my attention on the things she's placed at my feet. "I went and did a little shopping," she tells me, cheerfully. "I bought you some things I think you might like, so you don't have to go home for your things."

"You really didn't need to do that," I say, furrowing my brows at her. "I could have easily went home and got some stuff."

"It's nothing, love," she smiles again. "To be honest, it was fun shopping for a girl. There are so many cute things! Shopping for Harry is boring. Anyways, I'll leave you to it. Let me know if there's anything you don't like and we'll take it back and get something you do like."

I watch as she starts to back out of the room. "Thank you," I tell her before she has a chance to leave. I can't believe how incredibly sweet she is to me. No one has ever shown me kindness like this before and I'm having a hard time processing it all.

As soon as the door clicks closed, I don't hesitate to rummage through the bags in front of me, curious as to what she's bought for me. It's very clear how opposed she is to me going back home, with the amount of clothes she's bought. A few pairs of jeans, cute shirts. Even a couple bras and underwear. Along with pajamas and a hair brush, toothbrush, shampoo, the essentials. The last bag is filled with make-up. Cover up and such to hide away my black eyes.

As excited as I was for all this new stuff before me, I feel bad that she's spent all this money on me. I decide at this moment that one day I will repay her for her generosity. Before I leave this town, she will get back every cent she spent on me. All I can do now, is show her how appreciative I am. Because as much as I know she knows I lied, there's no way she could understand how much I have needed everything she has given me. This place to escape, being at the top of the list. For I know that her first attempt at saving me didn't pan out the way she had wanted, taking me away from it all is her only hope at giving me life.

Before going downstairs, I spent a great deal of time, using my new make up to cover the darkness upon my face, creating a new canvas for the world to see. After much thought about seeing Harry, I realized I'm not ready to see him, and I'm for sure not ready for him to see the truth. Luckily for me, this new make up does wonders, and I will be able to present myself proper without being looked at like the broken soul I am. For it's happily hidden behind my new mask.

Descending the stairs, I can hear that Harry is home. His voice carrying through the lower half of the house as he chats with Anne and Robin. My heart starts to pound knowing I'm about to face him, not knowing what to expect. Does he already know that I'm here? Did Anne tell him what happened at the book store? I can only hope that he's been left in the dark about it all, because if I've been able to hide the truth behind cover up, there's no need for him to know anything that's happened to me.

I perch myself in the doorway of the kitchen, leaning against the frame. I feel more exposed than ever with all eyes upon me. When my eyes meet Harry's, his eyebrows are furrowed above his eyes, slightly glaring at me with question and curiosity. He remains on the stool he's sat on as he looks between his mom and myself, and it's only as the silence continues, that I realize this is not the welcome I had foreseen.

"Come in and sit," Anne finally says, breaking the silence. I watch as she tilts her head at Harry, questioning him inside her head. Or scolding him with her eyes. I'm not quite sure which one. "Dinner's almost ready, love." She looks back at me and smiles, motioning for me to sit next to Harry at the Island.

"So, you're staying here now?" Harry asks as I sit next to him. 

"Is that alright with you?" I ask, looking over at him.

I wait for him to respond, but he doesn't. I can feel the desperation inside of me fill up, apparently needing to know how he feels about this. His silence is a deafening answer of his disapproval and I swallow hard with this realization.

"Jayde is going to stay with us for a little while," Anne chirps. "And did you know, Harry? She works at the book store!"

His head swings in my direction, eyes wide with shock as he looks at me. I wish he would say something. I wish the look on his face didn't look so devastating. I wish that I could make this less uncomfortable somehow. But with all this uncertain tension between us, unsure if he's hurt by how I ended things, or if he's just confused by my presence at the moment, makes trying to say anything, harder than it should be.

"I told you she would take care of you no matter what was going on with us," he finally says. "I'm not surprised you were willing to take up her offer to be here though, since all you do is use people for your own benefits."

"Harry Styles," Anne scolds.

"It's fine," I say. "I deserved that."

"You most certainly did not," she tells me. "Don't think for one second people can talk to you that way—especially Harry, and most definitely not in this house."

"I'm sorry," Harry says quietly. "When did you start working at the Bookstore?"

He doesn't look up from his hands clasped together on the counter, and I'm more than certain he didn't mean his apology. He won't even look at me, and his tone is more condescending than I'd like it to sound, making me believe his question could go unanswered and he wouldn't even care.

"It's the job that Niall got me," I answer.

"Figures," Harry says more to himself than any of us in the room, shaking his head. 

Dinner was the most awkward experience of my life. With Harry's silence, his attention only set on his plate, he was making it obvious that I wasn't welcome in his home. I could understand his animosity towards me. The way I let out what I did on the phone to him made him think that I was using him. That I was here, taking advantage of his family.

His silence confused me. The way he wouldn't even look at me, as if trying to pretend I wasn't even sitting across from him at the dining room table. It made me want to run off and go back home to where I belonged. But as much as I knew that I should, I didn't want to leave. I didn't want to be alone and I didn't, for one second, want to be home knowing my father was there. And so I decided that, for now, I would stick through the silence, allow myself to see the pain on Harry's face, because as awful as it is to see it, I know that it's better than giving my father another opportunity to do something even worse to me.

But I have come to realize just how much I have messed up. I told Harry what I did, because I didn't want him to see the black eyes on my face. I didn't want to face the truth of what my life truly is and allow for him to be by my side for it. Yes, he messed it all up with feelings, but the last thing I ever wanted to do, was hurt him. I never wanted to push him away for such a pathetic reason, and yet that's exactly what I did. I hurt him for nothing. Because I'm now sitting in his house, a place where all my true colors can show, unable to hide away from everything the way I thought I would be able to.

And I don't have him now.

All because I didn't think before I spoke. I didn't think of the future, near or far, and now all I'm left with, is negative thoughts.

**

"You guys just need to have sex, because the tension in this store is too heavy for my liking," Tenley says, rolling her eyes.

We've been at work for what feels like days. Harry had driven us both to work right after lunch, and the tension had begun before we even stepped foot into his car. The silence from the night before still loomed between us, leaving me to continue questioning just about everything. And as the hours passed, it just seemed to get worse inside of my head.

I could feel the constant gaze of Harry's eyes upon me more often than not from behind book shelves, and every time I peered over at him, he would look away. The sadness remained on his face, only disappearing when he would talk to a customer or to Tenley, the smile very short lived, yet beautiful as always.

I felt the need to have him near me every time I saw the dimples indent his cheeks. How smart he sounded every time he explained something or talked to a customer, expressing his love for certain books. It was something I had never known about him. His love for books. Making me realize there was still so much that I didn't know about him. It was how things were meant to be, but I found myself liking this little new fact about him.

"Seriously, just fuck and get it over with," Tenley goes on. The pink she had in her hair yesterday is now purple, making her blue eyes pop even more with matching purple eye shadow. She raises her eyebrows as she looks between Harry and I, making me look at Harry, to see that he's already looking at me.

"Been there, done that," Harry suddenly says, turning to look at her, shrugging his shoulders. "That's old news."

"I knew it!" Tenley screams excitedly. "I fucking knew it! God, I'm good!"

"Are you serious?" I ask, scrunching my face up looking at Harry. A secret we have kept from everyone we knew was suddenly out in the open, as if our secret was never meant to be one. "That stays between us, Tenley," I say, pointing my finger at her. "Do not tell a soul."

She nods her head slowly. "Ah, afraid I'm going to tell Julia, am I right?"

"You can tell Julia whatever you want," Harry says, nonchalantly. 

"You know I won't. Your secrets are always safe with me, you know that," Tenley assures him, grabbing her leather jacket from the chair behind the counter. "Anyways, cash is counted. Make sure to put the deposit in the safe. You're good to teach Jayde how to do that, right?"

"I'm a good teacher," Harry says with a devious smile, making me roll my eyes. "Trust me."

Tenley laughs at Harry's comment, catching onto his sexual preference. "Oh, I don't doubt that, Harry. Just make sure to teach her the actual job and not just how to steady herself between the books with your face between her legs."

My mouth falls open as the two of them laugh together. I don't know how to feel about someone knowing about us, despite the fact that there's a possibility it's over now. I don't find her comment all that funny. Just painfully embarrassing, as if I've been outed to the world and suddenly I'm an open book.

"I got it, don't worry," Harry says, looking between Tenley and I.

We watch as Tenley walks through the door into the world of a bright orange sunset, and I wait for Harry to lock the door behind her to say anything.

"What the hell, Harry?" I ask angrily. "Good way to keep a fucking secret. Let's just tell the world."

"First of all, Tenley isn't the world," he says, turning to me. "Second, she won't tell anyone. If you can trust anyone, it's her." He grabs the bag of cash from the counter and starts walking towards me.

"I don't care," I fret. "That was our secret. It was meant to stay between me and you, and you made it seem like nothing ever mattered to you."

"It doesn't," he shrugs.

He continues walking passed me to get to his mom's office, and I can't help but be frozen on the spot as I stare at him. For someone who told me his feelings not long ago, I'm baffled by his attitude about this. He doesn't seem to care one bit.

"Are you coming?" he asks, turning back to me from inside the door.

"I thought you—"

"Liked you?" he interrupts, making me nod. "Yeah, no. That was clearly a mistake. I don't like girls who act like you do. Obviously the sex was making me think I felt a certain way, but I know better now. You won't have to worry about feelings again."

"Right." I follow him into the office and watch as he bends down, putting a key into the bottom drawer of the filing cabinet in the corner of the room. I bend down next to him and listen carefully as he opens it, tells me the code to the safe inside the drawer and places the bag of money into it before closing it again.

"Seems easy enough, right?" he asks, looking at me.

The closeness between us, resonates something in me as I look into his eyes. I swallow hard, feeling my heart start to pound, unable to move. "Yeah," I say quietly. "Easy enough."

His eyes flick back and forth between mine a few times, I can tell his breathing is unsteady as his chest moves up and down in a slow deep manner. I can feel it with everything in me that he is ready to pounce, as he licks his lips and looks down at mine before looking back into my eyes.

Unsure of just about everything at the moment, I stand to my feet and run my hands through my hair, before walking towards the door. As soon as I'm about to walk through it, Harry's hand grabs my waist and pulls me around, pinning me to the wall.

His face so close to mine, he looks down at me, breathing heavy, pressing his body against mine. "I want you," he whispers. "I know you want me too, Sweet Girl. I can see it in your eyes, you can't deny it."

"Harry, I—"

His hands grip under my shirt, digging his fingers into the skin of my sides. His touch makes me realize how much I had been longing for it. How much I missed him. I want to disagree with him, but I can't. Nothing now could stop me, even if I tried. 

"No feelings," he interrupts me, one hand moving up my skin to cup my breast over my bra, his eyes not leaving mine. The look on his face is so seductive. So sexy. I'm not sure I'd survive another moment. "Just sex."

His lips crash into mine, making me let out a small moan of relief. He doesn't hesitate to dive his tongue into my mouth to play with mine. His kiss is forceful and quick and I can feel the eagerness in the moment. How everything suddenly feels different. His touch is not tender, but more rough and greedy. His impatience kneading into me with intensity like never before.

With everything that has happened, I have needed an escape. I have been needing to see the stars more so than ever and knowing there are no more feelings, just the desire right in front of me, kissing me with a pressure so strong I feel weak in the knees, I know that this escape is going to happen and it might just be the best damn escape I've ever gotten. 

"Tell me you want me," he says, unlocking his lips from mine and pressing them to my jaw.

"I want you," I breathe out. "No feelings. Just sex."

A/N: I want to thank you for being patient with me, while I took a small break from this book. I promised I would come back to it, so here you go! I feel much better now that I took a break, and started writing Dreamscape and gave myself some time to think about everything in this story.

I hope it was worth the wait! Thoughts?

Thanks for 50K Reads! I am stunned to see that number and all the love I'm still receiving for this book! You guys are amazing!

Much Love,
amberlove
xo