"I believe it takes heartbreak to shake us awake. We need it to help us see we are worth so much more than we settled for to begin with. The girl I once loved, was my heartbreak I needed, to know what I really wanted. She was my stepping stone to finding the right girl. No first love should ever be the last. We need that first love to break us.

I also needed my first love to show me the way to the next girl. I find it kind of strange that she knew before I did. How often she would argue with me because she would see me focused elsewhere — on this girl that wasn't her. I couldn't count the amount of times she caught me, but I could never help it, or explain why I was always so drawn to her. There was just something about her. So mysterious and perplexing. I wanted to know her and not know her at all.

I never wanted to lose the girl I had. I loved her and she loved me, and being with someone for as long as we were, I thought we'd be together forever. We knew each other inside and out. But there was no mystery left. There were no surprises. Being together became routine, and routine becomes less and less exciting as time passes. But because I loved her, I didn't think I'd want anyone else. 

But she knew I did. And in the end, I lost her because of it. Because she knew I wanted a mystery that she was incapable of giving me anymore. Because of my fixation on this girl that I knew nothing about. And although it took me forever to realize that the only way I'd ever get over her, was to allow myself to be near this girl — this girl being the reason my love broke my heart. 

And as much as it pains me to this day to even hear her name, I am happy now for what she did for me. For she made me realize that I just needed her to be the one who broke me, and steer me in the direction of where I always should have been — with this enigma of a girl.

I'm not the only one who thinks she's beautiful. The universe does too — more than anyone. It's obvious, in the way the sunshine plays with her hair and the way the moonlight brightens her eyes with twinkle lights.
Ah, twinkle lights will always be my favorite thing. They will always remind me of her.

The hardest part of everything, is pretending not to give a fuck, when somehow she made her way in and got comfortable without saying or doing anything in particular. She never even had to try and probably didn't even want to be there, and yet she broke down the walls of my heart, and I give too many fucks now.

She's the complete opposite to the girl I used to think I wanted forever. She's exciting and suspenseful and full of surprises. And although I never know what to expect from her from one day to the next, I like that it's always different. She's feisty and sassy and sarcastic. She's fun and willing to try new things. I like that she's argumentative and secretive. But she has a quiet side, which as much as I like that she's capable of yelling at me, her quiet side is my favorite.

She scares the hell out of me. In the way she can not say anything at all and be saying exactly what I need her to. And yet she calms me at the same time, in all the right ways. And maybe that's what love is. A crazy contradiction that balances everything.

Boy_Undiscovered"

I'm being shaken awake, and I can tell it's Harry as he whisper yells my name to get my attention. I slightly open my eyes as I turn my head away from him to see that it's still dark out and I don't want to wake up yet.

Crying with Anne last night took a lot out of me. But in the end, I think I felt better than I ever had before. She was more comforting than anyone ever had been with me. She let me cry until there were no more tears left, and she didn't make me talk about anything. She didn't ask questions. She simply just said that one day everything would be better. That nothing bad ever lasts forever. The pain may never go away, but pain is what makes us strong. And as women, we must be strong — no matter what made us that way.

It's something I think I will never forget. How easy it was to be vulnerable with her. To let my walls down and show her that I'm just a broken girl in need of some care. And maybe I just knew that she was capable of giving me what I needed and clung onto her for dear life, but at this particular time in my life, I am grateful for what she's given me.

"You need to wake up, Jayde," Harry urges. 

"I don't want to wake up," I mumble. "Go away."

The mattress shifts underneath me and suddenly I feel his weight on me, as he straddles my waist, pinning me to the bed. "You're going to wake up right now." He pries open my eyes with his fingers seeing him above me, trying not to laugh at the sight of me.

"Do you have any idea how much I hate you right now?" I ask, my eyes still open wide.

He lets go of my eyes, making me instantly rub them. "You're not going to hate me when I tell you we're going to make pancakes."

I blink a few times as I stare up at him, messy hair and a smile on his face. "Pancakes?"

"I usually do this on Sunday mornings, but I figured since we're having a family day, we'd do it today," he tells me. He shoves himself off of me and climbs off the bed, pulling me to my feet with him. He looks at me seriously not moving from our spot on the floor. "Now, all I ask is that you tiptoe all the way down the stairs so we don't wake them up," he whispers. 

I nod my head at him and follow him out of my room, down the hall and down the stairs quietly, and he slides the kitchen door closed to the hall and turns on the light. I look to the clock to see it says it's only six o'clock as I yawn.

"You got my texts last night, right?" he asks, as I lean against the island.

"Can you at least make me coffee before you start asking questions?" I raise my eyebrows at him, seeing him smile at me. He opens the cupboard next to me. "Mugs are here. Coffee over here. Tassimo machine." I watch as he opens and closes the cupboards and puts the tassimo disk in the machine on the counter. "Anytime you want coffee, you now know where everything is. What do you take in it? Milk? Sugar? Cream?"

"Just milk."

"Well, I'm assuming you know where that is," he says, as the machine starts brewing my cup of coffee. "Now, did you read my texts?"

"Yes."

"And?"

"And what?"

"Do you accept my apologies?"

"Would I be in the kitchen with you before the sun is up on a Saturday if I didn't?"

"Good point."

Making breakfast with Harry, I've learned is an experience in itself. As he got his ingredients out, he liked to explain what we were going to do with them, as if I had never made pancakes before. And sure, he had every right to think I didn't know how to make them, with the kind of parents I have, but he didn't know I had a recipe of my own. One that my Grandma and I would use on Sunday mornings together.

And I liked that he was willing to learn how to make mine. Apparently never having pancakes with chocolate chips and bananas before. It made me excited for him and his family to try them. Giving me just one more thing to give them to show them my gratitude for letting me stay with them.

He had flipping down to an art, but it wasn't the only thing that surprised me. He took me by surprise when he dipped his finger in the batter and swiped it across my face. It made me laugh as he pushed me up against the counter, pressing his lips to my skin to rid my cheek of batter, making his way to my lips.

"I never got my morning kiss," he says, dimples indenting his cheeks as he smiles. He looks beside me, flipping some pancakes, before bringing his attention back to me.

"I never said you could have a morning kiss," I tell him. "I'm not sure you deserve one after last night."

"You said you forgave me?"

"Doesn't mean you get a kiss," I joke. I reach in behind me, dipping my fingers in the bowl of batter, leaning my face in close to his. He looks down at my lips, seeing me bite down on my bottom one. He likes a little tease, I know he does.

I can feel his breath fan my face, and just as he brushes his lips to mine, I lean back and press my finger to the tip of his nose. He stares at me with wide eyes and his mouth slightly open before he swipes it off himself and smiles as he puts his finger in my mouth to suck off the batter.

I can't help the smile as I press my lips to his, wrapping my arms around his neck. I'm happy that he isn't acting strange today. That things seem to be back to normal and feeling even better than they were before, somehow. Maybe deciding not to talk about what happened yesterday, may not be the best idea, but it seems to work for us. 

And I'm okay with knowing that he doesn't love me, now that I've cried with Anne. Letting out some tears brought me back to where I needed to be in the way of thinking. Love was never meant to happen with us anyway, so it should have never been something I was upset about to begin with. If I was really looking for someone to love me, I never would have went along with what we're doing in the first place. I would have tried to find someone who would want more than just sex. Someone who wanted to have something that would end with feelings. 

Like Niall. I could have chosen Niall. But I didn't.

I chose this. Meaningless sex with someone who still looks me in the eyes when he fucks me and tells me I'm pretty. Someone who allows me to feel freedom and gives me escapes when I desperately need it. Someone who I can argue with and make up with and in the end, when all things are said and done, it won't end in heartbreak. It will just be a loss of a fuck buddy. And even though I know that over time we've become more than just fuck buddies, we became friends. It still won't end in heartbreak, and to me, that's the most important thing right now.

And nothing could have prepared me for the morning we had with his parents. Harry and I carried trays up to their room, pancakes and orange juice and coffee made to their liking, with Canadian maple syrup, which apparently made pancakes all that much better. 

His parents woke with smiles on their faces and we enjoyed a grand breakfast in bed with them. I got to tell them about my Grandma's pancakes and in turn they asked about her. Wanting to know about my favorite person in the world, and for the first time, I was happy to talk about her. 

There was such delight in this morning, eating breakfast in a bed, all of us still in our pajamas with messy hair. I had never done such a thing with my family, even during good times. And as I looked around, listening to this family laugh and smile and enjoy this time together, I felt happy to be a part of it. Never realizing that families like this exist, there was something about it all that made me feel lucky. Because not for one second, did I feel like I didn't belong here.

During our breakfast clean up, the sky cast over with dark clouds, making Anne groan. She had planned what was supposed to be a spectacular family day at the lake, filled with frisbee and a picnic and feeding the birds. I was kind of disappointed we weren't going to be able to do this as it sounded quite nice, relaxing and something that I needed. But it was clear we weren't going to be doing this, when the thunder started rumbling through the skies and the rain started falling.

The news on the television told us the rain and thunderstorms would last the entire day, but this family apparently doesn't let the rain ruin anything. Because not long after our clean up was finished and I was successfully brewing my own cup of coffee, Robin suggested we play board games, and before my cup was even finished brewing, Harry had gone and come back with a pile of games in his arms and an excited grin on his face.

Playing board games was not something we did in my house. But Carter and I had played enough board games together growing up, that I knew how to play every single one Harry had brought out. It surprised me that out of all of them, Harry's favorite was scrabble and he was really good at it, winning every single game we played — in fact, he won every game we had played. Monopoly. Sorry. Free Parking. 

Pictionary was my favorite. I haven't laughed as hard as I did when we played that game. Harry's drawings were awful and the words that flew out of my mouth with guesses, were never even close. Needless to say, Harry and I lost against Anne and Robin, but I didn't care. How much we all laughed was much better than a win.

It's well into the afternoon, the rain is still coming down, our coffees keep getting filled up and Anne keeps bringing out snacks from the kitchen. It's clear that the board game excitement has started to dwindle and all I can think of is what's coming next. What else does this family do together? I don't ever want this day to end.

Silence fills the room, and everyone stares at each other. Harry and Anne have the same looks on their faces, with their eyebrows raised, and they're both nodding their heads at each other. I'm looking at them confused, wondering what they're thinking, but before I can ask, Harry grabs my hand, pulling me through the living room to their sliding doors, and into the backyard.

It's in this moment, as we chase each other around the backyard, unable to stop laughing, the realization of not caring about anything is liberating. And seeing Anne and Robin doing exactly the same, the smiles on their faces more real than any smile I have ever seen, there's so much love. So much happiness within this small family. Nothing in the world could tear this family apart. They're best friends — they're family. The perfect kind.

The backyard is filled with laughter and small screams from Anne and I, as Harry and Robin almost get us as we run around in bare feet. The grass is slippery and our pajamas are sticking to us. The rain is cold, but it won't stop me from ever wanting this moment to end. I have never felt happiness like this. Never felt like there was any other moment in time where I didn't care what I looked like. I don't care that my hair is sticking to my face or my t-shirt is stuck to my skin. I only feel, that this is a just another moment of freedom. And everything about it is incredibly satisfying. 

I love the way Harry's hand feels in mine every time he allows for me to catch him when he turns it into a chase to catch him. Listening to him laugh seeing the dimples pressed into his cheeks and every time he screams like a little girl as he gets away from me, makes it feel like we're children all over again, and that feeling is something that I've learned by being with him, is important to me.

When he grabs onto my hand, he pulls back towards him, making me slip on the wet grass and fall on my back. I take him down with me and suddenly I feel like the world is in slow motion, everything goes quiet, as if the only thing I can hear is my heart beat and our breathing. Feeling his weight on me and his face sheltering me from the rain, his eyes flick back and forth between mine.

I want for him to kiss me. I want for him to press his wet lips to mine and feel the electricity bolt through me that's ready to burst any second. His wet hair is dangling over his face, his curls slightly flattened and his eyes look greener than ever. He looks incredible and I want to kiss him, but I know that I can't. His parents are out here with us, probably looking at the moment we're in, lost in each other's eyes and they're assuming things that are all wrong about us.

"I think we should go inside," he says. "Lock ourselves in my room for a while, away from my parents."

I smile in agreement as he stands up and pulls me to my feet. Anne and Robin are waiting at the sliding door with towels for us to dry off and warm up the second we step back into the house.

"Oh my, that was so fun," Anne breathes out heavily. "Harry and I used to do that all the time together. We haven't done that since —"

"Mom —" Harry interrupts and glares at her.

"Well, it's been a long time," she says, looking between Harry and I as she runs a towel through her hair. "How about we go dry off, get in some clean clothes and think about what we'll do for dinner."

"Actually, I —" I start, as I wrap the towel around my wet body.

Everyone stares at me. This family who has been incredibly kind to me has all eyes on me, and I'm only just realizing I had forgotten about Niall until this very moment and I have to tell them I already have dinner plans with someone else and have to end this most amazing family day together.

I suddenly feel like reality is settling in. This is so like me to ruin something great. But I didn't know I was going to be staying here when I accepted this date with Niall, and I don't like to break plans, despite how much I know I shouldn't be going out with him, just friends or not.

"You what, Jayde?" Harry asks.

"I actually — have plans — for dinner already," I stumble on my words as he stares at me.

"With who?" he asks, quickly. The smile on his face falters as he furrows his eyebrows at me. I'm not sure if he just looks curious or if he looks mad. Either way, I don't want to answer him.

I sigh as I look down to the floor, knowing that the next words out of my mouth are going to flip this great day to something much different. And although I know I'm not ready for this amazing day to end, wanting to continue to feel this happiness forever, my eyes slowly make their way back up to his and I take a deep breath. 

"With Niall."

A/N: Hey Lovies! Thanks for 29.3K Reads! And it's so close to 5K Votes, I can't even believe it! You guys are honestly so good to me! ☺☺

Because I haven't written a Boy_Undiscovered blog in a while, I made this one a little longer than normal! Hope you like it! ♥

A few of my friends and I have started a project on Twitter called #InfinityforChristmas 
If you are on Twitter, be sure to go and follow our account 

infinityforxmas

We know there is an Infinity music video out there, and we are hoping that with this project, we will get the Infinity music video for Christmas. I assure you, you will want to take part in what we're doing. It'll be fun and we're hoping you will all get involved! ♥

So go follow that account and more details will be coming shortly!

Much Love,
amberlove
xo