If you haven't read Chapter 28, that I posted last night, make sure to read that before this!! I don't want you to miss anything! ☺

I was lost inside my head all day at school. I didn't want to think about what Harry had told me last night, because it made me see that everything I had ever thought of him was wrong. He had never given me any reason prior to his outburst to think otherwise that he was just a fuckboy. But he clearly isn't, even more so than I was starting to realize he wasn't.

Because I know now for sure, that he's not.

He's the commitment-type. The type of boy I usually would go for. The kind of guy that I would most definitely have my eye on. I never would give him the time of day beforehand or give him a second glance because I didn't think that's who he was. And now that I know, I feel like I have to take a step back from it all.

Which just makes me question myself on every level, making me realize I have no idea who I am anymore. Do I not like commitments? Or maybe I'm just too scared to think of commitment right now, considering everyone is leaving me for college in the fall and I'm about to be more alone than I ever was.

And I'm not sure anymore if a relationship is really what I want out of life. From my experience they just end badly and you just about lose everything you ever knew in one moment. Or you get stuck in them being unhappy and hurt and beat up. And I don't, in any way, want to get myself into something like my mother, hating my life and becoming an alcoholic. I'll take being alone forever over all that any day.

And I hate to admit it to myself, but the way he flared up at his Mom and what he said about me, stung a little. How defensive he got over her thinking that Harry and I were more than just friends. And maybe that was part of the reason as to why I lashed out on him last night the way I did? 

Because he hurt my feelings?

This can't happen.

And it won't.

Once again, I'm confused. Lost, being an understatement. And I know that before school ends today, I have to make up my mind about how I'm going to take this whole weekend, with the facts I have now. I know that I don't want to fight with Harry the whole time, especially if we are going to be spending the whole day tomorrow with his parents. And he was so nice to even suggest that I stay at his house, to get away from my pathetic life for a few days.

If only it was easier to just go back home. I wish I didn't want to stay. I wish Anne wasn't so sweet to me. I wish there wasn't food placed in front of me, not just at breakfast, but at dinner too. And I wish I didn't feel happy and safe and comfortable there. Because at the moment, I know that I should go home. With everything that I know about Harry now and being so unsure of myself, going home should be what I should do. But I don't want to.

I still haven't told him about my date with Niall, which is supposed to happen tomorrow night. The thought of telling him makes my heart pound and my palms sweaty, but if I'm staying at his house, this is something that I won't be able to hide from him.

But first, I know that if we're going to have a decent weekend together, I need to apologize to him. And I will deal with everything else when I need to.

As I round the corner in the hallway in the direction of my locker, Maddy and Kate spot me from their huddle of people and start screaming my name excitedly, jumping up and down.

"My Mom text me last period and told me her and my Dad have to go out of town for the weekend for some important business that just came up," Maddy screeches when I finally reach them. "Party at my house!"

"Isn't this great?" Kate gasps. "We can go swimming and get drunk and play pool and stay for the whole weekend! It's going to be epic!"

"Are you going to go?" Niall asks, as I open my locker.

I turn back around to face them. I find it ridiculous they all get so excited over getting drunk and partying every weekend. It's clear that everyone is going to be there, as they seem to all have taken up the space around our lockers to talk over their plans. 

"I can't," I finally answer, looking through the group of people to see Harry looking back at me from his locker, before he walks across the hall.

"Why not?" Maddy asks. I sometimes wonder if my friends even know me at all. She's looking at me as if she can't believe I wouldn't go to a party, when in the last six months I have only been to two out of however many weekends there has been since then.

"I have plans," I answer.

"Doing what?" Maddy asks. "What could possibly be more important than coming to the first party I've ever thrown? I already know you're not hanging out with Carter. I asked him in class to come and he said he'd be there with Layla."

"Yeah, it's not with Carter." I shove my books in the top of my locker, and grab the ones I need for homework this weekend, trying to think of an excuse as to why I can't go to this party, now that Carter isn't an option.

"Well, then what the hell is it?" Maddy asks again. "Seriously, I've never had a party before. Nothing else is more important than this. You have to come!"

"I'm hanging out with my Mom, okay?" I answer.

"Really?" Kate asks. "You never hang out with your Mom — "

"Exactly!"

"You're giving up my party for your mom?" Maddy asks in disbelief. 

"Just chill, Mads," Kate says. "I think it's good that Jayde's going to hang out with her mom."

"Harry, you're going to come, right?" Maddy asks, not listening to Kate.

"I'm busy this weekend actually," he says. "Got some family things going on that I can't get out of."

"What?"

"Sorry," he shrugs. "Family always comes first to me. Maybe next time."

"There will never be a next time!" Nothing has been more obvious than how mad Maddy is at this very moment. Her face has gone red and her eyes are wide as she looks at me. "Can you come tomorrow night at least?"

Oh God. Don't ask me about tomorrow night.

"Um, we'll have to see," I say, looking between her and Niall. Kate has a dumb smile on her face as she bounces on her toes a few times. I want to roll my eyes at her, but I can't. The fact that no one still knows, other than Kate, about my date with Niall is baffling. Maybe I can actually trust her? "I have to get going though, so if I don't see you this weekend, have fun at your party! I'm sure it'll be awesome!"

I'm only halfway down the hall, when Niall starts walking next to me. "Hey," he says, smiling at me. "Are we still good for tomorrow night?"

"Think so," I tell him. "But can I say something?"

We both stop walking as we look at each other. He has a worried look on his face and all I can hope for is that I don't come out sounding like a bitch. I look back at the crowd at our lockers, seeing Harry back at his locker, staring at us, and I let out a long breath as I look back at Niall.

"You know that I don't want anything more than friends, right?" I ask. "I know I agreed to go on a date with you, but I just want to be clear — "

"It's cool, Jayde," he says. "I get it. It's just gonna be two people out having a good time. No pressure, I promise."

I nod my head at him, happy that he understands and has taken it well, unsure of what to say next. 

"I'll text you tomorrow and we'll figure it all out, okay?" he smiles.

I watch as he walks back to the crowd throwing his arms in the air, yelling, "Party!" as he does, making the crowd get excited and scream with him.

I get all the way back to Harry's house without him texting me asking me where I am. We hadn't talked all day, or texted each other to figure out an after school plan, and so I just walked here, even though I wasn't sure I should. I decide to lay myself down on the hammock at the side of their house hidden in the trees, not ready to ring the doorbell and go inside without Harry.

Despite the anxiety of having to apologize, laying in this comfortable hammock, looking up to the leaves above me as they slightly sway with the light breeze, the sun shining through, makes me feel at ease. I'm not good with apologies whatsoever and I'm nervous, but I'm happy for this little calming place, especially when I hear Harry's car drive into the driveway, and I know we have to have this small conversation.

It isn't long before Harry is standing above me, staring down at me. "Comfortable?" he asks.

"Lay with me and find out?" I ask.

He smiles as I try to shift my body over so that he can fit with me. And not surprisingly, it takes effort to maneuver two people onto this thing, both of us saying ouch a few times in the process of getting comfortable.

But when we do find a perfect position, it's not hard to realize how cozy it is, with my head resting on his arm around me and our bodies squished together.

"Are you good like this?" he asks.

"Perfect," I say quietly. 

"Perfect."

We lay like this for a while looking up at the trees, listening to the breeze blow the leaves, not saying anything. And I feel like I'm back in that comfortable place with him, where we can just be.

And I'm about to ruin this small moment of silence because words have to be said. "Harry?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm really sorry," I breathe out. "I don't mean to be such a bitch. Words seem to spew out of my mouth before I think and — I'm just sorry."

"It's okay," he replies.

"No, it isn't okay," I say, trying remain calm. "I don't like fighting with you, and I'm the one who causes it all. I'm frustrating and annoying and you've been so nice to me, letting me stay here."

"No more secrets," he says. "I understand, Jayde. You were right. It was better when we didn't know anything about each other. Knowing things changes everything. Makes us see each other differently, and that can't happen, right?"

I'm taken aback by his words. I feel as though he knew exactly what I was thinking without having to say anything out loud, and I'm at a loss as to what to say, except to agree with him. "Right."

"So, I should apologize too, then," he says. He takes my hand in his, intertwining our fingers resting on my stomach. I look at him to see he's looking down at our hands, and his chest moves up with a long intake of breath. "I never should have broken the rules by going to your house on a Thursday," he says, quietly. "And — I know how mad you are that I know because it was something you didn't want anyone to know about you. And I understand that it makes you vulnerable for me to know that part of you. And I'm sorry that I've made you feel that way because I didn't listen to you."

"Apology accepted," I tell him.

"I'm not done," he continues. "I'm also sorry I left last night. It was stupid and I shouldn't have left you there, knowing there was a chance you'd just stay at your house. You pissed me off, I guess. I was angry and I made a move I shouldn't have. I'm happy you came back though, despite everything."

"It's okay," I say.

"I want you to know that no matter what," he goes on again. "You have a place here. My Mom will always take care of you, whatever situation me and you are in. So, just remember that you always have a place to run to, when you need it. The door will always be open to you."

His words make me think that his Mom knows my home situation. That Harry has told her something. And maybe that's why she's allowing for me to stay here. Maybe that's why she's being so nice to me. She feels sorry for me in some way. I want to ask him if he told her, but I fear the answer and so I keep quiet. I don't want to know if she knows. I want to believe that she's just a sweet woman and everything she's done for me so far is just because that's who she is.

"Promise you'll remember that?" he asks, after a long silence.

"I promise."

"But no more secrets," he adds.

"No more secrets."

I'm happy with the way our conversation turned out. We both said our apologies and now we can go back to the way things were. No more fighting or yelling and screaming at each other. No more trying to open up or talking more than we need to. 

I'm going to take this weekend for what it's worth, breathe in everything that it's meant to be, feel the love that this home is surrounded in and enjoy this much needed break. 

And have sex.

Although I'm getting a break, it doesn't mean I don't need an escape as well. It feels like forever since I saw the stars. Maybe in all those heated arguments we went through, we should have just had sex. Used our bodies to get out the anger we felt towards each other instead of words. It sure would have been a whole lot easier and no one would have had to say sorry for anything.

"Ready to go in for a snack?" Harry asks.

I laugh at how cute it is that he knows an after school snack will be waiting for him in the kitchen, along with his mother who will greet him at the door with a kiss. "Sounds good."

We run into his mom who is stepping out the front door as we walk up the front steps of his porch. "I have to go to work for a while," she tells us as she rummages through her big black purse, pulling out her car keys. "There's a veggie tray in the fridge for you to snack on, and I'll be back in about two hours. Promise me you'll be nice to each other! No more fighting!"

"No more fighting," Harry says with a smile. "Did you hear her Jayde? You have to be nice to me."

"Harry! Honestly!" Anne says, lightly smacking his shoulder. 

"I'm joking, Mom," he laughs. "I'll be nice to her, I promise."

"Okay, I'll see you later," she says, running down the steps. "Oh, and dinner is in the crock pot. Can you set the table so we can eat dinner when I get home?"

We watch as she pulls out of the driveway after he's agreed to set the table for her, and we walk into the quiet house. He automatically walks to the kitchen, pulling the veggie tray out of the fridge.

"You really want to eat that right now?" I ask, raising my eyebrows at him. I can think of much better ways to make use of this time alone and eating veggies is not on the list. I'm actually surprised he even came to the kitchen without thinking the same thing as me.

He throws the veggie tray back into the fridge and smiles. "You're right, I'd much rather eat you," he says.

We meet in the middle of the kitchen, our lips pressing together frantically as our arms wrap around each other tightly. I know it was just yesterday that he kissed me last, but it feels like much longer and we know for sure we aren't about to get interrupted by anyone, making everything about it that much more electrifying.

"Where do you want to do it?" he breathes out. "Right here, on the kitchen floor? The living room?" He presses his lips to my neck, making me let out a small moan. "The hallway?"

"My room?" I question. "Your room?"

"I don't even care right now," he groans. "I just want you."

We start moving across the kitchen, our lips not parting. His hands are roaming my body, squeezing my breasts over my bra as my hands make their way to his hair.

He walks backwards up the stairs, as I unclasp his belt, listening to it clink in the process, as I look up at him. "God, you're fucking breathtaking," he breathes out, leaning down to kiss me.

I press my lips to his abdomen, lifting his shirt slightly when he moves higher up the stairs, as I undo the button on his jeans. "Do you want me?" I ask.

He pulls me up to the top of the stairs, pressing his lips forcefully to mine. "You have no idea how much I want you."

The way to his room feels much longer than I would have ever anticipated, unable to keep our hands off each other, or our lips. We have been in heated moments before, but everything about this moment is different. I can feel his want for me in every flick of his tongue against my skin, how rapidly he's breathing and the groans that erupt from behind his perfectly pouty lips.

And I know that as we open his bedroom door, and I close it behind me, that I'm about to get an escape. Except this time, I don't want to see the stars, I just want to see him.

Just him.

A/N: Two updates in less than 24 hours! Woo! You're welcome!  ☺

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