The thing that I love about the blogging world, is the fact that I can stay anonymous and still write my thoughts as if someone actually cares to listen to my rambles. I know in the real world, no one cares to hear a thing I have to say about most things, unless it's good enough to talk with the next person about, and so at least with the little place I like to call my own on the internet, I have a chance to get everything out. Be me. Legitimately me. The only place I will ever speak freely.

I usually don't hold many things back when I write. And so people who actually read it, are the only people in the world who know exactly who I am. The sometimes strange thoughts that have coursed through my brain, times that I have cried and my babbling didn't even make sense, and they know all the things that make me tick. I always make sure to steer clear of using people's names or actual places, so that I can stay as anonymous as possible, because I know a lot of people at school also blog. For some reason though, they are never anonymous, which gives me a chance to know just about everything about the people I go to school with, without actually having to hang out with them. 

Needless to say, I am addicted to blogs. I'm addicted to knowing more than I should, about people I couldn't really care less about, which makes no sense, but that's me in a nutshell, I suppose. And no one has a clue that I read them, which is a win win in my books.

Although my blog has gotten lots of hits, I only have six people in the world who follow me. And I honestly have no idea why they would. But hey, those six people, no matter where they are in the world, can say they know Jayde Cohen. Except they will never know me as Jayde, because to them, I will always just be Girl_Disconnected. And I suppose that's what I like about it.

It's been almost a week since my night with Harry, and I still haven't been able to write a damn thing. I'm not sure if it's because I can't stop thinking about what we did every time I walk into my room and picture his naked body laying under my covers, but it's such a burden, because I like to live in my bedroom and I can't because I'm so distracted. 

Carter has been questioning my sudden need to hang out at his house, because he can't remember the last time I climbed the ladder to his bedroom, which I've done every night this week to avoid the thoughts about Harry and the frustration I feel about not being able to write. But just like always, I keep the truth locked up and tell him what I know he assumes the reason is, as I waste my evenings watching him play old school Nintendo.

Carter is, and has been the boy next door my entire life. If there is anyone close to knowing exactly who I am, it's definitely him, only because we grew up together. He was there before I started to shut myself away from the world, before I kept the truth from coming out of my mouth and he's seen the truth with his very own eyes. We've been through hell and back together, have had years of being inseparable and if it weren't for him, I probably wouldn't have made it through anything. He was my rock. We had that cliché friendship turned romance that everyone hated us for, and I'm more than certain if it weren't for him, I probably never would have been kissed yet and most definitely would still be a virgin.

It isn't easy going from relationship back to friends, but knowing someone for as long as we had, it's hard not to give up on each other. Things are definitely not the same as they used to be between us, but he's still there when I need him, which apparently this week was one of those times, because I had so much trouble climbing down the ladder to cross back to my own backyard, just like old times.

Until last week, he was the only guy I had ever let climb up the ladder to the roof by my window. He's the only guy I'd ever let inside. And I can't help but wonder why I allowed that to change. For someone I had only spoken one word to, no less.

And over the last week, nothing had changed, other than randomly showing up at Carter's window. School went on as usual, I listened to Maddy and Kate jabber on about whatever gossip they had heard that morning every day at lunch in the cafeteria like always, and Harry never once tried to talk to me. Everything was normal, except for the fact that it wasn't. Not really.

I feel completely fucked up, even more so than usual.

Last night was rough, which only lead me to be late for school this morning, due to the lack of sleep I got. It was the same every Friday morning, and it had been every week for the last two years. I know exactly why Thursday nights are always the worst in my house, and it's to the point this routine doesn't phase me anymore. I walk straight to the principal's office to get my detention slip, knowing no matter what, every Friday after school, I will be stuck in a stuffy classroom with Mrs. Platt.

My usual seat in English class at the front of the room, is taken when I walk in. I stop in my tracks at the unusual occurrence and stare at the girl I've never seen before. It's clear she feels uncomfortable with the fact that I'm glaring at her, as she sinks into the seat, tearing her eyes away from me.

"Ah, Jayde," Mister Matthews says, making me look over at him as he turns from the chalkboard. "Must be Friday. Right on time, twenty minutes late. Take a seat so maybe you can actually learn something today."

I want to argue over the fact that this unfamiliar girl is sitting in my seat and express how I feel about him sounding like such a dick to me, but instead I can't be bothered, especially when I see the only available seat left for me to sit in is next to Harry. Turning myself back around, I quickly walk out of the room. I can hear Mister Matthews calling after me, but it's clear I don't give two shits right now. I'm too exhausted to care. I should have stayed in bed for another hour. I have detention already anyways.

I'm surprised and taken aback when I'm whisked around and pulled into the janitor's closet. I have no time to think before lips are on mine, body pushing me back against the door. I don't need to open my eyes to know that it's Harry. He left the smell of his cologne on my pillow, and even after I washed it, the smell still resumes there, making it clear to me the body pressing against me is the one that's been distracting me so much this week.

All the crazy thoughts in my head seem to wither away, surrounding myself in him as his fingers dig deep into my skin around my waist. I feel conflicted with wanting to push him away from me to slap him and wanting to keep him close to me, feeling his tongue play with mine in the most euphoric intoxicating way. I like the way everything in my head disappears. I like that nothing in the world feels like it matters, except for how he feels against me. And I can feel myself not wanting to come back to reality when his lips part from mine, our eyes meeting for the first time, the sound of our heavy breathing, the only sound in the small space.

I never realized how green his eyes are until now. Although I had looked so deeply into his eyes prior to this moment, not even a week ago in my bedroom, the need to take in his every feature right now, astounds me.

"Sweet girl," he smiles.

With words spoken, I come down from the high I seemed to have been in, pushing him away from me. I lean down to gather my books that I seemed to have dropped in the midst of being pulled in here. "You can't do that!" I tell him in a huff. 

"Do what?" I hear him ask, standing above me.

"Just because I had sex with you one time, doesn't mean you can drag me into random broom closets and make out with me without warning," I say, standing back up, organizing the books in my hands.

"You liked it," he smirks. "Actions speak louder than words. Which in this case is good, considering just how little you actually talk."

"You don't even know me," I say, not realizing that after only one night, it was obvious he would know this little detail about me.

"Isn't it better that way?" he asks.

My eyes meet his, taking in his words. The one thing I strive for, is for people to not know me. People around me usually dislike the quietness about me, but this boy standing in front of me seems to enjoy this little quality of mine, making it known to me he would never complain about the fact I like to keep things to myself and won't annoy me like my friends have, to try to get anything out of me.

Although it's out of character for me to do such a thing, I drop my books back to the ground, his lips meet mine faster than I have time to think about what's happening. I don't care how unusual this is for me, I just feel the need to have some way of not thinking. Some way of forgetting about the world around me, apparently with someone who doesn't care to ask questions or to know a single thing about me.

As soon as my back is pressed up against the door, the high I experienced just moments ago, resumes, allowing me to fixate all my senses and attention on him. As his tongue swirls along my neck, an electrifying shock shoots through my body, down to my core, making me pull him in closer to me.

This is the strangest most satisfying situation I've ever been in. Embracing how good it feels to be close to someone I know nothing about. How we got here, I will never understand. But I don't care, as long as his pink lips are on me. As long as I feel his fingers dig into my skin, and I can hear the sounds of his heavy breathing and light moans escaping his mouth, nothing else matters.

Just as his hands find their way into my hair, the door swings open, making us fall out into the hallway. Surprised by this unexpected motion, I let out a small scream and hold around Harry's neck tighter, hoping he'll keep me up. Instead we fall to the ground, landing with a hard thud with Harry on top of me.

"Up, up, up!"

Harry gets to his feet quickly, doing as the custodian says, as he puts his hand out for me to help me up off the floor. He's trying not to laugh, as we take in the angry look of the custodian. 

"You stupid kids, using my broom closets to do naughty things," he says, shaking his head. "You're lucky no one clogged the toilets this morning and I'm in a good mood. I'll leave you with a warning. Don't let this happen again."

I'm completely appalled by the situation, fixing my hair and pulling my shirt down to make sure I'm in order, as Harry grabs my books from the floor inside the closet.

"Won't happen again, sir," Harry tells him. He hands me my books, before walking backwards away from me with a clear smirk on his face. "I'll see you later, sweet girl." Before turning back around, he gives me a wink, and I'm left standing there, embarrassed with heated cheeks, wondering what the hell I seemed to have gotten myself into.

**

"Why'd you leave class this morning?" Kate asks, taking a bite of her apple.

"Felt like it," I shrug, not taking my eyes off the screen of my cell phone in front of me, as I lean back against the wall.

"You missed Mister Matthews give Harry detention for being gone almost the whole class," Maddy laughs. "Harry just walked out right after you left without a word and didn't come back till the bell almost rang. The steam was literally coming out of Mister Matthews ears, it was hilarious!"

Hearing his name takes my attention away from the blog I'm reading, making me look at over at him sitting a few tables down where his group of friends always sat. He's staring at his phone, not indulging himself in the conversation going on around him. I try to keep my composure when I look back at them, but I'm suddenly feeling nervous and I'm hoping the expression on my face doesn't make anything obvious. I'm usually pretty good with hiding the way I feel about anything, except for apparently this, because I can feel myself shift skittishly in my seat. Kate and Maddy aren't exactly the brightest, but they are just as observant as I am, only because they're worse than me when it comes to wanting to know all the gossip around school.

In a town as small as ours is, gossip gets around quickly. I guess that's why I learned to keep my mouth shut and hide away from the world as much as possible. I was always very fortunate to live where I do. On a dead end street with only Carter next to me and the woods behind my house. There were no wandering curious eyes upon us, no one to listen in, and our lives were kept safe from the chatty world around us.

"Did you see where he went?" Maddy asks, as I take a drink from my bottle of water. "His hair was a mess and his cheeks were red when he came back to class. Everyone thinks he went to have sex."

I spit my water out, soaking the two sitting across from me. Their eyes wide with shock as they stare at me.

Good one Jayde. Way to make it not obvious you were with him.

"Yeah, maybe. Who knows?" I question, leaning over the table dabbing Maddy's face with a napkin. I start to laugh at the sight of them, wet because of me, and I'm grateful they don't question my outburst and start laughing with me instead.

My phone dings indicating I have a notification. And when I look at the screen, I see that my blog has a new follower. I instantly smile seeing the name Boy_Undiscovered in my Followers list. Lucky number seven.

A/N: Thoughts? Please press the star! So excited to get this book going!!

Much Love,
amberlove
xo