To all the happy people in the world

This poem is for you

And believe me

I'm aware that not everyone is happy

Not even close

But to the individuals who are truly content with their lives

Truly devoted to getting out of bed in the morning and pursuing their loving goals

Truly ready to live life to the fullest

I envy you

As bad as it sounds

I want to be you

I know this is a me problem

But I want to swap shoes for the day

I'll admit it

Straight up

Even if it sounds like self-pity

It does get under my skin

Seeing your smiles...

Seeing you young couples holding hands...

Seeing you guys throwing the football around in the summer sun...

All while I rot away in frustration and loneliness

Wondering as to how you're able to socialize so easily 

Without crippling anxiety

Call me salty

Call me bitter

Call me immature

But I'm not happy for you

There are over seven billion people on this bloody planet

Yet I just can't seem to connect with others as you can

The way you go out for movies

The way you laugh and talk

The way you smile like every day is your last

And believe me

Again...

I'm aware deep down this is a me problem

Aware that I'm the one who can't adjust to society

And how I'm crying a raging river right now

But that doesn't change the way I feel about you

This feeling of hopelessness and despair

Seething through every vein in my body

For as long as I can possibly remember

Every day that goes by

I think about all the time I've wasted

All the years that have gone by like a blur

The same years I'll never get back

Wishing that I didn't let my anxiety control me like a puppet on a string

So I hope that one day

After everything I've let get to me

I can be just like you