9. Guess Who's Back for an (Undeserved) Third Chance? This Winchester.

"So, you mean to tell me that my brothers unleashed the Darkness, God's sister?" I rub my face out of exhaustion.

After our encounter with Metatron, Cas and I have returned back to the bunker. On the way back, Cas let Dean and Sam know what was going on—minus the stuff about me, of course. I'm changing into baggy clothing, something to make me feel comfortable after a rather exhausting day. Cas is deciding to stand in my room with me.

"It wasn't intentional."

"I'm sure it wasn't. How the hell did you manage that?"

"I'm not quite sure, they never discussed details. You know how our lives go: we cure one problem and create another," Cas continues.

"But the freaking Darkness? Come on, Cas!" I pull my shirt over my head. Cas looks away out of curtesy. "How do you tackle that problem?"

"We're not sure. We're looking into it."

I pull down an extra big long-sleeved shirt. "I can help. I may not be field-worthy, but I can stay here and do research. You know, out of sight of my brothers of course."

"Josette—"

"Look, I don't know how well they'll take to seeing me. I'm different, slightly." I tug on the edge of one sleeve. "The last they saw of me, I sported black eyes. Dean nearly killed me and vowed to do so the next time we cross paths. He'll gun for me the second he sees me."

"I don't know about that..."

"He will."

"But the Mark of Cain is gone from him."

This is news to me. "How long were you keeping that gem of news from me, Cas?"

"You never asked."

"You could've mentioned it!"

"There was never a proper time to." He shrugs.

I shake my head. "The Mark could've just enhanced his hatred towards me. And I'm sure Sam wants nothing to do with me after I ran out on him, again. For the third time." I rub my face. "I think I can hide in here, not have them see me. This place is big enough to play hide-and-seek in."

"Josette."

"What?"

"You can't run and hide from this."

"Oh, yeah? Watch me."

"Cas?" That's not me who says the angel's name; it's my older brother, Dean Winchester. "You here?"

"You're being summoned," I say hollowly.

"They deserve to see you," Cas insists.

"I deserve a lot of things, Cas. Their love isn't one of those things."

He reaches down and takes one of my hands. "I won't force you to join us, because I know you're stubborn." A tiny smile crosses his face. "You know where we'll be if you want to show yourself." He presses a tender forehead kiss to me before he leaves me to ponder my thoughts in my room.

You don't deserve their love, Franco's voice hisses in my head. I wince, covering my ears. You abandoned them. You'll be killed on sight. Castiel somehow still cares for you. It's been some time since I've heard his voice.

I think about the way Cas looked at me, how sure he sounded that my brothers wouldn't hate my guts if I showed my face again. He sometimes puts faith in the wrong things, and the wrong people. Do I feel worthy of his faith? Most of the time, no.

If you go out there, Cas will protect you. He's your guardian. He's helped you heal. He won't let anything happen to you. You're safe with him. How calming those words sound. How unsure I am of them also. I'm not sure I can trust them. There's only one way to know for sure.

Bracing myself for the worst, I step out from my room in the bunker and pad silently through the halls. I find my way to the library and war room just by hearing the voices travel down to me.

"Look, guys, I'm as glad as anyone that Stella got her groove back, okay?" says Dean's voice. "But you let Metatron go?"

"Dean, how many times are you gonna repeat that question?" Cas asks in annoyance.

"I'm gonna say it again. You let Metatron go!"

"He's not going anywhere. If he makes a move, if he draws the slightest attention, the full force of angelkind will snuff him out. Look, you—neither of you saw him. He is a human, and a pitiable one at that. He's not a threat to us. I-I mean, I put him in traction."

"Guys, bigger fish to fry here," says Sam. "Amara is in the wind."

"Yeah, God's freaking sister," Dean mutters.

I'm against the wall now. I'm just a few steps away. I could show myself to my brothers. I could also die too.

"You said you were close," says Cas. "Dean, how'd she get away?"

"I'm sorry, what part of 'God's freaking sister' did you not understand? She overpowered me—end of story. What's our plan here, fellas? You said you got everything you could out of Metatron, right? So, where on earth are we gonna find an answer on how to stop her? I don't suppose God's decided to share any wisdom on the matter."

"I'll look into the lore," says Sam.

Now or never, Jo. You've got feet, you've got legs. Go out there. They've got to know sometime, right? Better now than later. I close my eyes and consider praying before I take the small steps.

I feel like this is either going to end well or end badly.

I step out warily from cover, about to either be hated by my brothers or welcomed back. I know we won't slip back into old times and pretend that everything is okay, because that's definitely not right and how I expect it to go. Truthfully, I don't know what to expect. I know what I deserve and what I don't deserve.

I mean, they don't know that Cas pulled a solo mission to track me down, bring me back here, and cure me.

I feel like a kicked puppy, I probably give that impression too as I step out in the baggy clothes I wear. I step into the bunker library, and Sam is the first one to notice me. Whatever was on his mind is now gone, replaced by the utter shock of my presence. Cas and Dean, in the war room, take note of my presence as well.

I know I shouldn't feel so intimidated or look so small, but I can't help it. I'm not entirely myself right now. All that I've done, all that I've gone through, it's warped me. It's warped the lives of people around me. I've shattered any last bits of trust I had with Sam and Dean, any last attempts of a bond. This time has been much more damaging than the time I left home.

"Hey, guys," I say out of nerves. I sound nothing like me. I don't like it. My fingers pick at the sleeves of the shirt.

Now the hard part comes: waiting for my brothers' reactions. I can't believe that I fucked up so badly with them.

"Cas," Dean finally speaks, noticing me warily.

"While you and Sam were out hunting, I...I did a hunt of my own," Cas explains, keeping his eyes on me. "It wasn't easy, but, I found her."

"But you were...you were ill, man. You were here recovering."

"Yes, I was, but the drive to find her helped fight it off." Cas nods towards me, a sign that it's okay to step further into the library. I stay right where I am, afraid that if I make a move I'll do something wrong.

"Is she...?"

"Cured? Yes, she is. It wasn't easy; a lot of words were exchanged, but we got through it."

I feel the anxiety growing in my chest, and the guilt. Cas has done so much for me, and what have I done for him? Absolutely nothing. He pulled me back from the ledge, he pulled me out of the darkness that I had almost thought for sure wasn't going to let me go. He risked his life, while he was sick as a dog, to bring me back here and cure me.

I turn my head at the slightest movement from Sam. I feel the worst for him. I've left my baby brother three times, twice out of no choice, once willingly. I don't deserve the pitiful puppy eyes that he's giving me right now. I deserve outrage, I deserve to be yelled at. Anything bad, throw it at me. I don't deserve any love from my brothers if they still have any left for me.

"I get it if you don't want me here," I say in a small voice. "I've fucked up a lot recently. I've done nothing to deserve a third chance."

Nobody says anything, and I have a fleeing thought of running away as Sam tentatively makes his way to me. I feel like a baby deer, like any sudden movements will have me running for the hills. I tear up as he grabs my arms and pulls me to his chest. I don't deserve this. I've screwed you over, Sammy, so much. I don't deserve this. I want the words to sting when they come out of his mouth. Give me your worst, Sam, Dean. That's what I deserve.

"We...we weren't sure what happened to you," Sam whispers against the top of my head.

"Did, uh, Dean explain what happened?"

"Eventually, yeah."

"I-I'm glad you didn't assume I was dead."

"Nah, my big sister, dead? My big sister who can kick ass? Not a chance." His tone makes me feel even guiltier. There's no harsh tone, he's so gentle. "If Amara hadn't become such a big problem..."

"Don't lie, Sammy. I know I'm not top priority."

"You should've been. We should've been looking for you to bring you back home. We dropped the ball on that, Cas picked it up when we couldn't."

"I'm sorry, for everything."

"It's okay. Past is the past. You're better now."

"You and I both wish. I'm, uh, on the mend." I pull away slightly. "I swear I'll be better. I'm not going anywhere this time."

"As long as you're human, I don't care."

A loud clearing of the throat tears our reunion apart. In Sam and I's little conversation, I didn't hear Dean slowly shuffle his way towards us. Sam is still holding me, almost like he's refusing to let me go, that if he does I'll disappear again.

This is the big test right here. Sam I've just left a few times, but Dean and I fought in the bunker, in the library. He gave me mercy and allowed me to live. We butted heads so much to where we hashed it out.

"Dean," I greet him quietly.

"Jo."

It's almost a relief to hear him say my nickname. I slowly slide out of Sam's arms. "So, you told Sam everything?"

"After some time, yeah." Dean rubs the back of his head. "I-I know no matter what I say, it can't reverse the damage that's been done to you, sis. We never...I never intended on letting this happen to you. We failed you."

I shake my head. "I failed you guys. You should have just ganged up on me and cured me. You shouldn't have let me go so far like I did. We're all at fault, Dean. I shouldn't have convinced you that I could handle it when really it took over me. That was my mistake."

"I pushed you. I caused the rift, Jo."

I lick my lips. "What you said...before I left...was that the Mark talking? I won't be mad if it wasn't. I got pretty lost in the darkness."

"Most of it was the Mark." Dean dries the tears off my cheeks. "I'm telling you, we're gonna do a better job. Sam and I've been so used to looking out for each other that we let you fall through the cracks. We only helped you worsen, not get better. We're not gonna let that happen again. We're supposed to look out for each other."

I sniff. "Right. No matter what."

"Hey now. No more tears, Jo-Jo."

"Well, when you say that nickname, you're only making me sob harder, asshat." I playfully hit his chest. "I can't even begin to find the words..."

"You don't have to," says Sam. "Just know that, through it all, no matter what, we love you, Jo."

Those three words bring a comfort to me. That even though I fucked up, at the end of the day, my brothers still love me. Demon or human, it would never matter.

I'm a Winchester through and through, and I'll always be one.

**The emotionsssssssssssss (And no I'm not sorry that I chose the gif and song for this chapter.)**