17. Pop-In

I don't sleep well in the days following our visit to Hell.

I don't sleep well now, a noise makes me alert. I'm already exhausted just lying in bed. I can feel the bags under my eyes, pulling down on my face. Grunting, I rub my eyes and shuffle out of bed. Yawning, I rub the back of my head, the long sleeves of the flannel brushing against my hair. I know I should be walking towards the noise, armed. My brothers are on a case, so I should be the sole occupant of this bunker. Unless they've come back early.

But I know they haven't, I don't smell fresh, greasy food. That had been our agreement before they left: on their way back, they had to bring back something good and greasy.

Sighing, I go back into my bedroom, removing the angel blade out from under my mattress. I keep it at my side as I pad through the halls. I hear the noise again. If it's Amara, I don't know if this can stop her. For my sake, I hope it's not her. I already encountered the Devil, I don't want to meet the Darkness right now.

I nearly walk past the door, where I hear a clatter. I freeze, taking a few careful steps back. I see it open just a crack. Licking my lips, I put my hand against the door, closing my eyes, bracing myself.

On reflex, I swing the door open, hearing it knock against the wall. I almost go in charging, but once the figure turns, I stop and sigh.

"Damn it, Cas," I groan, swinging my angel blade irritably at my side. He doesn't have the trench coat on, so I hadn't recognized him right away. "The hell are you doing in here? Last you talked to me, you said you had some things to do."

"Still working on them," he tells me neutrally. "I figured I could find some answers in here."

"Answers, huh?" I feel awkward, with the blade still in my hand. I walk deeper into the room, setting it down on a nearby table. "Couldn't just let a girl know you were stopping by?"

"You were asleep, I didn't want to wake you."

"You woke me regardless."

"I should've let you know I was here, I'm sorry." He looks abashed.

I look at him suspiciously. "What are you snooping in here for?"

"Something to draw Amara out."

I swallow. Right. The Darkness who I have yet to meet. "Any luck?"

Cas rubs his eyes. "So far, no."

"You weren't gone very long."

He shrugs. "Figured I'd pop by." He smiles. "I thought you were out with Sam and Dean."

"I just...I haven't felt up to hunting for a few days." I rub my arms.

"I see. So, you're not okay."

My eyes widen a bit. "No...I am...I don't know." I rub my face tiredly. "Physically, I'm in top shape. But mentally, I don't know."

Cas abandons his research, taking me in his arms. "Is there anything I can do to help?"

"No, you've done more than enough for me, Cas." I look down. "I can't ask you to try and help more."

"I want to, though." He tilts my face up. "We're together, Josette. Connected. Bound. However you want to put it. If you're hurting, I want to help you." His eyes search mine. "What's on your mind?"

I rub my forehead. "Just...the whole thing in that cage. It could've gotten so much worse if you and Dean hadn't stepped in."

"But that's not the root of the problem."

I lick my lips. "It's something that Lucifer told me."

"What was it?"

I wave it off. "It was just a mind game. Hell does that to people, plays trick on them."

"Well, you're never going to have to go back there. I promise."

"I hope not."

"You won't. I'll make sure of it."

I lean into him, and I feel his mouth kiss the top of my head. I accidentally bump my nose against his chin when pulling my head up. He takes that with a light smile, and we find ourselves kissing.

"If you're gonna be a while, we can put the search on hold," I say huskily, clearing my throat. "My room isn't far from here."

"As much as I would love to, you're way too tired."

I pout. "You're no fun."

"You're not the first person to tell me that."

"Hey!" barks a voice.

Cas and I turn, and Dean looks a bit annoyed, lowering his gun. I'll bet he fell into the same trap that I had. But he's back so early. Why? And where's Sam? And the food?

"Hello, Dean," says Cas.

"We don't hear from you for days, you show up, you start wrecking the joint."

Cas sighs. "I'm sorry."

"W-what are you doing, besides...I don't want to finish that sentence."

"Well, I'm...looking for a spell, something to draw Amara out, but there's...there's nothing. I had her in my sights. She was hurt. I should have ended it."

"Wait," I say slowly. "What? How?"

"Well, I don't know. But there has to be something. And how many more chances are we gonna get?"

"Yeah, I know," Dean says blankly. "Saying you're gonna kill is one thing, but...actually doing it's something totally different."

"What do you mean? I've had two shots at Amara. I struck out both times. What are you talking about?"

"I don't even know where to start."

"Dean," I say softly. "If it's something important, say it."

Dean grabs a wooden box, setting it near a gold blade, and my angel blade. "I tried to kill her."

"Well, the two of you are connected somehow by the Mark," Cas notes. Well, this is news to me.

"Yeah, no, it's, uh...It's more than that."

"Attraction? Oh, Dean."

"I know. I know. Okay? Whatever it is," Dean unwraps a gold blade from a cloth, "a...attraction, connection...I got to tell you, it scares me. I don't know that I can stop it. I don't know that I can resist it."

Cas puts a hand on Dean's shoulder. "Hey, it scares me, too. But we will find out what this is, I promise. In the end, it may help draw her out. This could be a good thing."

"I don't see how that's a good thing, Cas," I say worriedly as Dean leaves the room to answer a call.

"Think about it. If there's a connection, we can use it to bring her to the surface."

"Not sure I like the idea of using my brother as bait."

"If it's the only way in the end, I don't think you'll oppose it as much."

"Tell that to me later, and Sam too." I yawn.

"You should probably get back to bed, Josette."

"Not a good idea. I see things when my eyes close." I shudder. "Unless you can spare some time...?"

He smiles. "You're trying all means to sneak me into bed with you, aren't you?"

"Hey, you never complained before." I snort, holding my head up high.

"Cas, Jo, I got to get back to Sam," says Dean, coming back into the room. "Listen, about what we talked about, let's just keep that between you and me...'Til we know more, okay?"

"Dean, that's not—" I try.

"Jo, just...trust me."

I give him an irritated look, but he counters with sad puppy eyes. Damn it, Dean. Sam must've taught you a thing or two. "I hate keeping this from Sam."

"You've kept things before, Jo. Why would this be any different?"

"Ouch, Dean."

"Cas?"

Cas looks reluctant. "All right. But the next time you face Amara, you won't be alone."

"Thanks, Cas."

"You better remember our deal!" I shout at Dean as he leaves.

"Yeah, yeah, the greasiest food I can find!"

"Damn right." I look back at Cas, who looks at me strangely. "What? I'm craving grease. It's a human thing."

"Are you sure it's just that?"

I squint at Cas. I try not to read into his words. "Yes, I'm sure. Believe me, nothing's going on with me. I'm fine...ish. I'm functioning, is my point."

"All right. Whatever you say."

I grab my angel blade from the table. "You coming with or are you burying your nose in searching?"

"I feel like you'll threaten me with that if I say no."

I roll my eyes. "It's just a simple question that requires a simple answer."

"I guess the search can be put on hold for a bit."

Cas follows me back into the bedroom, and as soon as I put the angel blade away, he picks me up off the floor. I find myself putting my arms around his neck.

"Well, aren't you just full of surprises?" I tease, rubbing my nose against his. He puts us both onto the bed, me sitting on him. "Why can't we be like this all the time?"

"Our lives don't allow it."

"An unfortunate truth." I run my hand through his hair. "I spend more time with my brothers than I do with you. Kind of wish that could change."

"They need the extra help, I necessarily don't." He nuzzles my neck. "Think Dean's left by now?"

"I'd hope so." I sigh. "But I think our 'fun time' is going to have to go on a raincheck, Cas."

He looks slightly crestfallen, but he doesn't complain. He simply nods. I tuck myself into his side, and one of his hands rubs circles around my stomach. Of all times, Lucifer's word creep back into my head. You'd make a great mother, Jo-Jo.

I shove his voice away. It was just a trick, something to screw with my head. Hell did enough of that, I don't need the Devil to screw with my head.

"You won't go anywhere, will you, Cas?" I ask sleepily.

"Unless something pressing comes along between now and when you wake, no."

I lazily peck his cheek. "Good."

**That moment when you read this and remember what's really going on but the characters don't know it and you wanna scream through the laptop and shake them to wake them up to the real reality but you can't.

If you're caught up on the show, you'll know this feeling with this book. Big time.**