FORTY TWO

TRIGGER WARNING: MENTIONS OF ATTEMPTED SUICIDE

"Larissa, talk to me."

"No."

"Larissa, baby, please talk to me."

"I don't want to talk to you! I want to talk to my dad!"

Nine year old Larissa Cohen screamed at her mother, Sara, as she sat staring at a photo of her father, Luiz.

In the photo, the man was sitting on top of his Ferrari whilst his little girl was sat in the drivers seat with her hands on the steering wheel, and it pained the child to see the smile on her father's face.

One that she was never going to see again.

She had her birthday only a couple of days before, as well as her father's death anniversary and it was her very first one without her dad being there, but it certainly was not going to be the last.

Because he wasn't coming back.

"Baby, you have to apologise to Pete, all he wanted to do was to give you a good birthday." Sara Cohen spoke to her nine year old daughter, seeing the girl trying to back the tears that were in her cold dark brown eyes.

"No I don't. I told you that I didn't want a birthday. I want my dad." Larissa stared longingly at the photo of her father.

All she wanted was one last hug from her papa.

Just one.

"You didn't need to do that, though! Pete was trying to make you happy."

"I don't want to be happy! I want MY DAD!" Larissa screamed at her mother, tipping the table in the middle of the room over in her anger.

"Pete deserved that punch! He's not my dad!"

"Your dad is dead, Larissa! You need to get that in to your stupid head that he's gone!"

Sara Cohen regretted the words that had left her lips as soon as she had said them, since she had instantly realised that she was speaking to her daughter.

Who was still only nine years old.

She should not had been forced to grow up as quickly as she was being forced to, but she didn't have a choice.

"Yeah, he is." Larissa glared at her mother in betrayal.

"But I wish it was you instead of him! I hate you!"

Larissa stormed towards her bedroom until a hand grabbed her wrist, pulling the child back to face her mother.

"Where do you think you are going?"

"I'm going to Uncle Micky! At least he knows how to treat me right! I hate you!"

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"Larissa?"

Larissa Cohen drunkenly lifted her head at the sound of a familiar voice, before she brought her hand up to her face, which held a large glass bottle which was filled with alcohol.

Her eyes were almost rolling in to the back of her head from the amount of alcohol that she had been drinking.

She was leaning against the outside wall of a house, since she had somehow forced herself to walk to a place where she knew that she would be safe.

The problem was, she had no idea how she had managed to get there.

She must have walked all the way, and considering how drunk she was, and the fact that she had been drinking in Milan which was in Italy and was now somehow in Switzerland, she must have been walking for a very long time.

"Little One, what happened to you?"

Fernando Alonso forced himself to crouch as he squatted in front of his niece, seeing how she was barely conscious, either from exhaustion or from the alcohol.

"Lewis hates me."

The Brazilian slurred, her head violently rocking back and forth as she struggled to keep her head still due to her drunken state.

Fernando enlisted the help of the wall that his niece was leaning against, to pull her up and to her feet, as he wrapped one of his arms around her waist to allow her to put all of her weight on him.

"Let's get you inside."

He had to basically drag the young drunk woman in to his house, before he pulled her up the stairs and in to a spare bedroom in his house, of which was reserved solely for her.

He gently pulled back the covers to the bed, and placed her on top of it, before carefully removing her shoes so that he could place the sheets over her body.

He pulled the bottle of alcohol from her hand, and brought his hand up to her face to smooth out the parts of her hair that had been sprawled all over her head.

"Lewis hates me, Uncle Nando." Larissa's broken voice pierced his ears, almost causing his heart to break at the vulnerability that he could hear.

"Lewis doesn't hate you, little one."

"He's not answering my calls anymore." Larisaa sobbed in to the chest of her Uncle Nando, her voice slurring as she wept.

"I've made him hate me, haven't I? My own brother hates me."

"He could never hate you. You're his little sister, his family. That man loves you more than he loves anything else in the world, Larissa."

Larissa's drunken body began to shake her head from side to side as she refused to believe the words that her uncle was telling her.

Lewis hated her.

He had to.

Because she hated herself.

____________________________________________________

Jenson Button screamed.

His hands shot out in front of his body in order to grab the small body of Larissa Cohen as she stepped out in front of a car.

His hands pulled her body back on to the pavement and in to his chest as the car soared past her, narrowly avoiding hitting her and causing her harm.

Larissa stared in to space, having zoned out and didn't notice the look of concern and fear that was blatantly obvious on the face of the Button man.

"Little firecracker, do I have to carry you every single time that you cross the road?" Jenson frowned as he took a hold of her hand to pull her away from the side of the road.

He noticed how she seemed to stare in to space, causing him to lightly shake the woman's shoulders in order to shake her out of her thoughts.

He knew that she was struggling, but he was there for her, as was plenty of her other friends.

He had always seen the young girl as if she was his niece, since she had always been around the paddock when he was in Formula One.

She was one of the first people to congratulate him when he won his world championship title with Brawn in 2009.

He remembered the confusion on his face as the then ten year old had ran up to him, before he could even get to his team, and congratulated him with a bright smile.

He had almost fainted when he found out that the girl who he had thought was the daughter of one of his team, was actually the daughter of the late Luiz Cohen.

"Go for it, see if I care." Larissa muttered underneath her breath as the man pulled her in to his side and began to walk with her.

"You should, because I care about you not being classed as roadkill."

"My dad was classed as roadkill."

Jenson's eyes widened at the words leaving her lips as if they were nothing and felt a feeling of nausea building up inside of him.

"Your dad was classed as one of the best ever Formula One drivers."

"My mother classed him as a waste of space."

"Your mother is classed as a whore."

Jenson noticed the smirk that filled the girls face as she released a snort, which was quickly followed by a loud laugh.

He knew about the whole cheating scandal, but also more.

He also knew how the Cohen girls mother had also attempted to seduce both himself and none other than Sebastian Vettel.

Both men had instantly refused.

Sebastian had ended up nearly choking on his own vomit at the thought of the woman attempting to sleep with him.

He would never.

He would rather die.

"That's the best thing that you've ever said, Jensie." Larissa glanced up at the British man, seeing his bright smile beaming down at her.

"Actually, I think the best thing that I've ever said is that you could out fight Jackie Chan. I've seen you fight and I never want to see it again, it was terrifying."

"I pray for my grandfather when I get my hands on him."

____________________________________________________

"So, you don't have feelings for me?"

Carlos Sainz questioned the Cohen woman as he sat opposite her in a café, having been invited by her to talk things through.

"I did, back when I had my crash in Shanghai, but things changed. I'm sorry." Larissa admitted as she took a sip of her double espresso, trying to force her hands to stop shaking.

Carlos nodded his head up and down as he thought. "So when I kissed you, you did not feel anything, am I right?"

"I did feel something."

Carlos lifted his head up to face her as he rose his eyebrows, surprise evident on his features.

"Just not for you."

The Spanish man released a small chuckle, trying to hide the pain in his chest at her words. He had expected it anyway from when she had frozen in her spot, but it had still hurt for her to say it to his face and as blunt as she did.

"Okay, ouch." Carlos forced himself to laugh, seeing the Brazilian giving him a sympathetic look.

"I am sorry, Carlos. I care about you, but only as a friend, and if that means that it changes things between us and makes us unable to be friends then I understand." Larissa began to rise to her feet, offering the man a small smile.

He noticed how she pulled out a wad of cash, and placed it down on the table that he was sat at.

"It's on me, it's the least that I can do."

Carlos watched with sad eyes and a heavy heart as the girl that he had fallen in love with walked away from him, deciding to give him time to decide what he wanted to do.

And he honestly didn't know.

____________________________________________________

Larissa Cohen hated herself.

She always had hated herself, ever since her father had died.

Her mother had practically abandoned her when she was a child, her grandfather had never been around and had murdered her father and was now on the run and her neighbor Pete had been having an affair with her mother.

Her Uncle Michael had suffered a skiing accident and had never been the same since, her brother Lewis hated her after she had punched him and she had broken the heart of Carlos Sainz.

Pierre and Zahra had not been answering her messages, Sebastian had not been answering her calls and Kimi had gone off the grid in his home country of Finland.

Daniel was busy babysitting his nephew and was then unable to answer his messages, George was visiting his family, and Alex had taken Lando to Thailand.

Lucy was staying with her husband and children and had taken them to Disney land in Florida, Fernando was in a mood and not responding to anybody and Mick had gone to the United States to watch Gina at an equestrian event.

Jenson was spending time with his partner and children, Mark was busy managing young drivers like Oscar and Yuki was in Japan for a family members birthday.

Nico Rosberg was not speaking to her at the moment due to an argument that she had with him, Anthoine was with his family and Nico Hulkenberg was in Germany.

She was not even speaking to Max, and she couldn't speak to Charles or Arthur since they were busy looking after their mother since she had become ill.

Esteban was on holiday and didn't have any phone signal, Kevin was recovering from a three day drinking party, and Nyck was busy with training since he was wanting to get a seat in Formula One.

Larissa was alone.

Her father's anniversary was a matter of days away, as was her birthday and Larissa did not know what to do.

Part of her wanted to contact her mother and sob in her arms, but the rest of her knew that it was definitely not an option.

All of the people that she was closest to were busy with their own lives whereas she was alone in the apartment that she shared with Charles.

She was curled up on the floor in front of the door as she sobbed silently, with tears flowing down her cheeks like a waterfall which was never going to stop flowing.

Her eyes were red and puffy since she had been crying for hours on end, as her skin was almost grey having lost all of its color.

Her under eyes were dark and purple since she had been unable to sleep and she looked like a zombie, since she had not slept in over a week.

Her limbs were tired and aching as she had attempted to over work her body in order to try and forget what was going on inside of her head.

But she couldn't.

She just wanted everything to stop.

She didn't want to turn twenty.

She didn't want to have to race at Monza.

She didn't want to have to count another year without her father.

She just didn't want it.

She just wanted it all to stop.

The nightmares, the insomnia, the fear, the flashbacks, the memories, the grief, the guilt, the longing, the pain.

She just wanted it all to go away.

Larissa pulled herself up from the cold wooded floor that she had been laying on and entered the bathroom that was the en suite to her bedroom.

She stared at herself in the mirror and noticed the smudged and running mascara that had ran down her cheeks due to her tears from crying and turned on the water from the tap in the bath.

She watched as the water began to fill up before she turned back to face herself in the mirror, hoping to see her father standing behind her.

But there was nothing.

No one.

No one but the broken and damaged Larissa Cohen.

She slowly started to remove her items of clothing that she was wearing, one by one before she was completely bare, with only her bare skin left.

As soon as the bath was full to the brim with water, she turned the tap off, stopping the water from overflowing and flooding the apartment of the Monégasque formula one driver Charles Leclerc.

Her body slowly stepped in to the water before she took her time in sitting down, feeling the coldness of the water on her skin since she had not added any warm water to it at all.

Larissa Kimi Cohen closed her eyes for the final time before she took a deep breath and pushed herself under neath the surface of the water.

With zero intention of coming back out alive.

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A/N

I am so sorry

P.s check out the new cover. Thoughts?

Also, check out all 22 of my new books ;)

-RUBY