Mel

My heart was dangerously close to beating out of my chest as we pulled up to the cemetery. Looking out the window at all of the grave markers, I felt immense sadness.

I squeezed Tay's hand so hard that I was surprised I didn't break something. "Tay, I don't know if I can do this," I said through teary eyes as the waterworks began again.

She gently brushed the streams from my cheeks and gave me an encouraging smile. "You can, Mel. I know it's hard, but I'll be right there with you the whole time."

I glanced back out the window, reminding myself what this day was all about, telling myself that it was time. Air filled my lungs as I took a deep breath in and out. Then another. Then another.

When my wave of anxiety subsided, I nodded to myself. I can do this.

I turned to Taylor, who was still patiently waiting beside me. "Okay. I think I'm ready."

We stepped out of the car, and Tay led us toward the plot where Justin was laid to rest. The closer we got, the heavier my feet felt. It was like walking through quicksand as my body felt the weight of what I had to do.

It had been years since I last visited this place. So many that the once empty graves near Justin's were nearly all filled. It's a sad reality- no matter who you are, you can't beat death, at least not forever. Morbid thoughts started entering my mind as we walked on.

I shook them off as I realized where we were- how close we'd come to Justin's grave.

Two more rows. Two more rows of stones, and we'll be at Justin's grave. My legs started moving slower, trying to prolong the inevitable. The longer it took to get there, the more time I had to figure out what I wanted to say- what I needed to say.

One more row. I still had no clue what words I would speak. Would I be able to speak at all? Would this whole thing be a bust? What if all I did was cry the entire time?

A few steps away...

My eyes grew wet.

One more step...

The tears started falling.

We stopped.

Through blurry eyes, I could see the outline of Justin's headstone. I dropped Taylor's hand and furiously wiped away the tears.

I could see a bit more clearly. Tay stayed close by as I stared at the stone in front of me. I studied it, noting every scratch and chip on the surface caused by years of weathering.

Even with the blemishes, his grave marker still looked as shiny as it did in the beginning. A thought fluttered into my mind, making me smile ever-so-slightly. It's as though mother nature knew that Justin shined. She wouldn't weather his stone as she did others because his people needed that reminder.

I needed that reminder.

That's just who he was- a bright light on a gloomy day, a smiling face when everything was going so wrong, an encouraging word when you felt like giving up. He was all of those and more.

He was my everything.

I closed my eyes, knowing what I wanted to do. I sat in the grass in front of his name, brushing the letters as I moved. When I looked at Tay, she had tears in her eyes.

I took a shaky breath in, hoping the words would come. "Can you give me a moment?" My words were little more than a whisper, nearly blending into the silence surrounding us.

She nodded. "I'll just be over by that tree if you need me."

I watched her go, making her way swiftly to the tree several rows away. It was far enough that I knew she wouldn't hear me but close enough that she could still see if I waved her over.

As she took a seat under the willow, I turned my focus to Justin's name on that stone. I traced the letters and numbers etched forever in granite. My fingers trembled as they passed over the date of his death.

Memories from that day flooded my mind, bringing a new wave of tears and sadness. I let them come and go over a few silent minutes, realizing that I needed to acknowledge them in order to allow the pain to fade more easily.

When new memories came, I relished them. Like bursts of light, they came, helping me reminisce on happier times. It played like a movie in my head- our first meeting, the first phone conversation we had, our first date, our first kiss, the first time we said I love you, the first time we made love.

Those and so much more filtered through my mind, showing me how much love we shared in our limited time together. As the memories slowed, I saw our lasts- our last kiss, last conversation, the last time I told him I loved him.

One of our last memories together stuck out. I let myself drift off as the details engrossed my mind.

*Flashback:

It was late one night. Justin had just returned from a long string of away games. The moment he got home, we wasted no time showing one another how much we missed being together.

We had been wrapped up in each other for hours, making love as if we'd never get the chance again. We were both thoroughly spent as we lay bare in his bed- my chest to his, his to mine.

As tired as we were, neither of us gave in to exhaustion. Instead, we stayed there, watching, smiling, memorizing, waiting for the other to fall asleep first.

I stared into his hazel eyes as his fingertips brushed my skin, leaving goosebumps in their wake. "I love you so much, Mel," he whispered.

My smile grew as I nestled closer to him, resting my head against his chest, breathing in his delicious scent. "I love you, Justin. More than anything in the world."

He kissed the top of my head as his magical fingers trailed my spine, making me arch further into him. "You have no idea how happy that makes me."

An airy giggle escaped my lips. "I think I have an idea."

I felt as his smile curled wider against me. He held me tight as he spoke his following words. "Promise me something. Promise me you'll always keep your smile, that you'll always do what makes you happy."

My neck craned as I moved to look up at him. "I'll always be happy if I have you."

Justin's smile never faltered as he leaned close, placing a sweet kiss on my lips. Before I could deepen the kiss, claiming what I desperately wanted more of, he stopped.

With our lips still touching, he breathed against me. "Promise me, Mel."

My eyes closed as my words fell. "I promise."

Once the promise was spoken, we sealed it with a kiss. This one deeper and more demanding than the last. We collided, losing control, all sense of fatigue long forgotten as we made love once more.

*

I always felt that time was different. It was as if that moment was meant to be deeper- more than just a promise between us, but a promise for forever.

It's almost like he knew he'd be gone before I was. That promise was as much for him as for me. He needed to know that if he left me in this place, I would continue on. I'd still let myself be happy.

My tears continued falling as I realized how poorly I'd kept that promise. On one of our final nights together, he made me make that promise. And after his accident, I'd rarely kept it.

I let that realization sink in as I studied the stone before me, wishing that it was Justin's face looking back at me and not just his name. I could still remember the way he watched me, the way I felt under his gaze.

That gaze could stop my heart and melt my mind in seconds. I pictured his hazel eyes staring back at me as I closed my own. The longer I pictured them, the greener they became until finally, there was no trace of brown left in them.

There was only green staring back at me.

Liam.

My eyes opened, and for the first time, I felt I could speak. "I still remember the way you looked at me. It was like no one else in the world mattered. You only had eyes for me, and no one had ever made me feel like that before. No one could disarm me so quickly with just one look, but you did. You always did."

I swallowed hard, trying to dislodge the knot in my throat. When I found my voice again, it was weak and croaky. "He looks at me like that, you know. Liam. He looks at me exactly like you used to. One look, and I'm barely breathing."

I stop to take a shuddering breath, willing my voice to keep steady. "It scared me at first. I didn't know it was possible to feel like that again. I wasn't sure I wanted to."

My eyes closed briefly as I sniffed, hoping to keep my nose from running as my emotions took over. "I haven't done a good job keeping my promise, have I?"

A soft breeze cut through the stale air, caressing my cheek as if to answer my question. I smiled at the thought of Justin somehow communicating from beyond. "I'm sorry," I said quietly.

"From now on, I'll do better. I'll make good on that promise. I'll let myself be happy."

The breeze edged by me again, showing its approval of my new pledge. "He's a lot like you. That's probably why you two were best friends. You're so much alike in so many ways. It's no wonder I'm so drawn to him."

A bird chirped in the distance- the first sound other than Tay's voice or my own that I'd heard since entering the cemetery. It was encouraging.

"Before I got caught up in my head, he made me feel again. He helped awaken a part of me that I never thought I'd get to experience since I lost you."

I looked down at the hand resting at the base of Justin's stone. My fingers started idly drawing hearts. "I think he could help me keep our promise. He could make me happy again."

"I still miss you. And I'll never stop missing you or loving you, but I think I can miss and love you and still be happy too."

"I think that's possible with Liam. He knows how much you meant to me... How much you still mean. He would never try to take that away."

My throat clenched as my tears started up again. "I have to try. I have to let go. I owe it to you to let myself be happy- like I promised I would."

The tears fell faster as my breathing hitched. "I'll never stop loving you, Justin. But I can love him too, in time."

With that, I collapsed into a weeping mess. I let everything out- all the tears, all the anxiety, all the sorrow. I cried until I had no more tears left. I cried until the salty trails left marks on my reddened face. I cried until I felt the weight of the past few years get swept away with a gentle breeze.

In that moment, I felt Justin. I felt his approval. I felt his warmth. It was like his spirit traveled on the wind and chased away the heaviness of my heart.

The thought made me smile.

I looked over to the willow, where Taylor was still waiting patiently. With a raised arm, I waved her over.

I wiped my face and ran my fingers through my hair, trying to tame the mess it had become. I stopped when I felt the flower I'd put there this morning- the purple lily. I had put one from the bouquet in my hair before we left, wanting to take it to each place we visited today before leaving it here for Justin. 

I pulled the lily from my hair, smiling as I placed it at the base of the headstone. When Tay approached, I was telling Justin about all the places we went to today- all his favorite places. Tay smiled sadly as she heard what I was saying.

As my tale came to an end, I felt a new kind of sadness. It's the kind you feel when you know something good is about to end, like the last chapter in an amazing book coming to a close.

It's not as heavy or bitter as what I felt before, what I carried with me through the years. Instead, it felt freeing- like I could finally heal after all this time.

I leaned forward, placing my lips against the stone before whispering, "I miss you. And I'll always love you."

When I stood up, I saw Tay wipe a few tears from her eyes. I held out my hand to her, finally feeling the tension easing from my heart. "Let's go home."

She nodded as she placed her free hand on the gravestone. She took only a few seconds, sending her message through her hand. I saw another tear fall from her eyes as we turned and walked away.

I sniffed as I took one last look at Justin's resting place. Then, Taylor and I made our way back to a waiting car. Neither of us said another word until we were out of the cemetery.

She was the first to break the silence. Quietly, she leaned close and told me, "I'm so proud of you."

I gave her a half-smile as I thought to myself, so am I. 

A/N:

I hope you enjoyed this chapter. I was nearly a weeping mess by the time I finished writing it. Hopefully now Mel and Liam will get the chance they deserve. 

Stay tuned... 

Just want to take a second to thank everyone who has read book 1 in the series. Center Chase just rolled over 500k reads!! Thank you all so much!!! 

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